I have realized something the last day or so. I keep doing it to myself. Over and over again I will be headed toward something good and then I will overthink it, I will over analyze it, and I will read too much into things and interpret something that isn’t even there. All of it is me sabotaging myself, my own happiness, my accomplishments, my relationships with others. All because I suppose I still don’t get that I deserve those things just as much as anyone else around me.
I think fear plays a part in it as well. I’m afraid that if I do well people will expect me to always do well and what happens when I don’t. I’m afraid that when I have some semblance of happiness that something or someone else will come along and just snatch it all away. I’m afraid that if I let people in too far, if I let them get too close, that they will discover that I’m not perfect, or that I’m not like everyone else, and then they won’t care about me anymore and then they’ll leave anyway, so I just push them away first.
I got to thinking in the last couple of days that if I keep doing this, then I really will have no one, and none of my goals will be reached because I’m too afraid of what will happen once I reach them. I can’t keep getting in my own way and staying in my head all the time. It’s not a good thing and while I always felt that I sabotaged my own self in some way I couldn’t see it clearly before a couple of days ago. It wasn’t so obvious to me before as it is now and now I am on that mission to do something about it. I can’t always change my situations or things that just happen and I can’t necessarily change how other people are and their ways but I can change my ways and I can change how I react to things. I can be a better version of myself than what I am now. What does your better version of you look like?
Jimmetta Carpenter
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I love flylady and her emails, free, helped me learn to set goals in organizing my life and in writing, the following is from one of the emails she sends out. if you haven’t heard of her, check out Flylady (Finally love Yourself Lady)
“Let me tell you a little story. My grandmother hated the fall when the leaves would cover the ground. All these leaves meant to her was work. For me they were fun. I loved to rake them into a pile and jump into
them. I hated burning them. I disliked the smoke and soot because the fire was destroying my playground. I would sit and watch the fire and be so sad. My grandmother would fuss because I was not helping. I would try to come up with excuses to not burn them. All I would hear was that I was just lazy! That was not it at all. I guess I was an environmental scientist at heart because at eight years old I was
trying to figure out what that black stuff was that ruined my leaves. It could not be good for my lungs or the sky. All I can say is I have never burned or raked a leaf as an adult! I love to see a path covered
in leaves. It is the cycle of life; the breaking down and renewing of the old leaves to give nutrients to the soil to perpetuate life.
I am tired of my babies being put down for their imagination. I want your imagination to be set free from its cocoon and FLY; to soar high without fear of being knocked down. It is my desire to teach you how
to take the babysteps to flit from flower to flower making this world a better place. Without our imagination and creativity this world would be a pretty dull place to live. After wiping a few tears I am
now laughing out loud. We are so blessed! We can learn to be organized but a “Born Organized” person cannot learn to be imaginative or creative! Let me tell you a little secret. Our imagination is what makes the world go round! Without us there would not be any ideas. Our limitations are that we get bored with details because we want to go on to the next thing. “
For years, I, too, suffered from depression. It took me a long time to learn that if you find your happiness from within, nobody can take that from you. Criticism is someone else’s problem. Misfortune is just bad luck. The world offers sun and trees and air and water, and they’re there, to enjoy, for free. Have fun with those people who love and admire you and ignore the rest. After many years of living, this is what I’ve learned. Best wishes!
For years, I, too suffered from depression. It took me a long time to learn that if you find your happiness from within, nobody can take that from you. The sun and the trees and the air and water are all there for your enjoyment, and they’re free. Spend time with those who love you for who you are and ignore the rest. All the best!