Month: January 2015

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This Dream Is Everything To Me and I Cannot Fail

January 27, 2015 jcladyluv

I realized when I woke up this morning that I am still not having the rate of production that I want so far this year. There’s something else I realized too. I cannot handle the thought of failing at this. Not failing in general with various tasks that may fall through or fall short of what I expected. Not failing simply in terms of getting thrown off course and sent in a different and unexpected direction. Not failing as in not completely fulfilling all of the larger than life goals that I have for myself.

I can handle all of that because I have learned (and read from many successful people) that failure is a part of succeeding, quite possibly a more vital part than people realize. What I absolutely cannot handle failing at is the overall goal of fulfilling the dream I have had since I was six years old of being a writer, and not that person who has a full time job and writes as my side gig (not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that AT ALL). I don’t want to have to go back to having to balance both the fulltime job and my writing dream because when I had to do it before it didn’t work for me at all, on any level.

My dream was to make a living as a writer and that I was going to influence this world, even if it’s only to a small sum of people, in a major way. I have too many people who doubt me, including my own mother, and most of my entire family, and I refuse to prove them right in any way. Now me succeeding and making my dreams come to fruition is definitely not about proving anyone else wrong (not solely) but we all know it’s a bonus when you can do something everyone said that you couldn’t.

I have my plans set and my projects that I am supposed to be completing for the year set and they seemed so achievable when I wrote them down. However, January is almost over and I don’t see where any breakthrough has happened yet. I know I have to be patient but did I ever mention that patience is not really my strong suit. I have been at this so long and the journey has been quite daunting and tiresome and when you have people in your ear questioning you on whether you should just go ahead and give up or admit that it’s just not going to happen quite the way I want it to, it can be really frustrating.

I won’t give up on this vision of mine, largely in part due to this nagging feeling in my gut that keeps telling me that I’m on the right path, even if it doesn’t always feel like it, and to not give in to what other people think is best for me. The other reason I won’t give up is because this is the purpose that God has given me in life and I won’t turn my back on that purpose. I’m strong enough to persevere and as for the patience, well I’m working on that part (lol) but I won’t back down from this dream.

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Am I Winning or Losing?

January 23, 2015 jcladyluv

What separates the winners from the losers? I mean there are those that say that there are no losers in any given scenario but really, you’re either a person that wins or the person who takes the loss. It’s a cruel thing to say to anyone who does not end up with the win that they are in fact a loser but isn’t that what it really is? There is no middle ground between winning and losing in life unless you count the limbo phase where you’re not quite losing but you’re not winning either.

I saw this post on Facebook yesterday that had a side by side list that describes the winners and the losers (in terms of successful people). It says that winners say that while things may be difficult they are still possible while losers have it in their mind that even though it could be possible it’s still too difficult to try. Winners see what there is to gain and the possibilities by trying and losers only see the pain or the problems that could come from trying and possibly failing. Winners make things happen in spite of circumstances while losers just simply let things happen to them.

I can’t deny that as I was reading this list I was mentally checking off which column I fell under (winner of course, sigh of relief). I know that I have the mindset of a winner (most days) but I swear sometimes feel so off in the ratio of my perseverance in pursuit of my dreams to my actual rewards that have come from that pursuit. I sometimes feel like I can’t see the results of my efforts and it frustrates me to no end.

I know that all good things come in time and to those who wait and have faith and I have had that faith, well most days anyway, and I have waited for what feels like forever and I keep wondering if my time has somehow come when I wasn’t looking or paying attention. One thing I know for sure is that I will never give up on my dreams and my vision but I have my days when I wonder am I just wasting my time, have I missed my opportunity, or am I just not deserving enough. Crazy thoughts I know but I think we all have them from time to time.

I have learned that I have to get them out somehow, even if it is just to voice them here, because if I keep those thought in my head and let them stay there it will keep me from being my most productive self. And now that I have shared my random thoughts I have work to get back to. If you’re sometimes feeling like you’re losing in the fight for your dreams and that your time is never going to come then you have to realize that to be worried and in still in pursuit you are in all actuality winning the fight because you haven’t given up and that is certainly something to celebrate.

Jimmetta Carpenter

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It’s Not How You Start, Or Is It?

January 20, 2015 jcladyluv

I can’t believe that January is almost over already. I’m reflecting today on whether or not this has been a productive month so far and I can’t get past how fast the time is already going by. I need the year to slow down just a little bit because while I haven’t been completely lagging in getting things going, I haven’t had the great start that I had hoped with all of the unexpected twists and turns in my schedule.

We all know that saying that it’s not how you start but rather how you finish that counts. I have always thought that to be true but in retrospect, in thinking on the year of 2014, while I started the year with high hopes, I was in a state of deep depression in the beginning of 2014 and did not start that year very well and sadly I finished with virtually nothing to really show for it.

I’m not saying that I did nothing last year because I started to come out of the funk of depression somewhere towards the middle of the year and even before then I managed to do enough to convince people that things weren’t as bad as they truly were so I did something but nowhere near what I know I am capable of doing. The end of the year, while I spent it making plans for this one, I didn’t have the accomplishment that I feel and know I should have had.

Of course that could be me just beating myself up for not being able to complete my always outrageous “to be done” list but I know me and I know when I’m wasted a huge chunk of time and depressed or not, it was still time wasted that I can never get back. I was just listening to a writing video in which the moderator revised that famous quote a little. She said how you start the year is an indication of how you are going to finish and it made me think.

I have (in my own opinion of course) started this year off a hell of a lot better than I started last year off but I know that I could still be doing better. However I acknowledge that this has been a much better start to this year and if this is a slight indication of how I am going to finish the year then I think maybe there is hope for this year to go as well as I want it to go. Hope your first month of this year is going productively!

Jimmetta Carpenter

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My Balance Is Still Off

January 15, 2015 jcladyluv

This week is almost over and while I have accomplished some things on my to do list for this week (okay maybe only one thing really), I have not done nearly enough towards what needs to be done. When I think about the fact that January is almost over and my novel hasn’t even been touched yet this month I shake my head at myself. True enough I had some things I needed to get out of the way promotion wise before working on my novel but then when I think about it, is that just an excuse.

I said that this was going to be the year that I probably sleep a lot less to achieve my tasks but I’m torn between my drive to succeed in my writing and my drive to get healthier and get my weight loss journey back on track which includes getting more sleep so that my body can be in the best position possible in order to lose the weight that I need to lose and gain more self-confidence and self-acceptance. It’s hard when I put it out there in writing like that because it’s either my dreams and my vision or my health and prolonging my life.

It seems like it would be an easy choice but it’s really not. I do find that when I’m healthier (and that includes getting the proper, or close to proper, amount of sleep) I do produce more in my writing and my creativity is at its best. However, then I see the people that I admire and look to for knowledge and know-how producing massive amount of product and their projects coming one, after another and you see the number one thing they practice is working into the wee hours of the night and getting a very minimal amount of sleep.

That is not me comparing myself to others (not really) because I know that I am not them but that is me acknowledging that to put out more work requires more time and that more time means less of something, typically sleep. I am still working out the balance to get the ball rolling here but I have yet to feel like I’m getting off to a good start. I almost feel like I didn’t start preparing for this year soon enough at the end of the last one. But how much preparation can you do before you should actually begin doing instead of just planning to do.

Balance and focus seem to be a continuing issue and it has to be figured out and quickly if I want this year to go the way that I want it to go. I’m still learning and while I know that there should never really a point in life that you stop learning, I feel like I’m too old to still be trying to figure it out. And yet, I still press on!

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Here’s to Fearlessly Braving the Struggles

January 13, 2015 jcladyluv

Well week 1 of the year 2015 was a rough one. Nothing really went as I planned for it to go and it was extremely frustrating to say the least. However, I think that my mantra for this year is going to be “fearlessly brave the struggle” because someone (can’t think of who at this moment) reminded me that there is no great reward that comes without great struggle. I suppose that anything that is worth having is never really going to come easily. If the struggles that I have endured these last several years are any indication of the rewards that I have to come in the future then my goals in my career are not only going to be met but exceeded.

If I can just maintain my focus and determination then this year alone is going to exceed how things have gone over the last couple of years. The thing about having big plans is that there is an even bigger feeling of disappointment when those things can’t be accomplished. What I have to learn how to do is to take stock in what I do get achieved and not beat myself up over the things that I fall short on. Not saying to just stop trying to complete the tasks that don’t get done, but I have to learn that everything can’t be done all at once and if it’s not then it’s fine. Everything will not immediately crumble if I don’t finish everything all at once.

Another thing I have to learn how to do throughout this year is to take some time and do things for myself. I have to take care of my needs and do what’s good for me without feeling selfish and like I am somehow doing harm to my child by not making every single thing about her. I’m working on that, first by starting back at the gym, in which I started back last week, and also by trying to by myself a little something every now and then.

I find that when I take better care of myself and doing some things that are just for me then my creativity flows a lot better. I’m more focused on my goals because I’ve satisfied something that I’ve wanted. So the lesson for you all is to make sure you don’t throw in the towel when things don’t go as planned and make sure that you do something that is just for you because it will enhance everything else that you do in your life.

Jimmetta Carpenter

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The Downside of Being a Constant Planner

January 6, 2015 jcladyluv

So it’s not a secret to anyone who knows me or who reads my blog regularly that I am a notorious planner. I am seriously one of those people who does not like to deviate from the set schedule and due to that I usually miss out on some spontaneous things that could provide me with unplanned on blessings and opportunities. Now last year I had my plans but I tried to be a little more relaxed about sticking to them and perhaps be a tad bit more spontaneous with my time. Well it didn’t really work out so well for me last year because I think I just got too relaxed.

So this year my plan was to not only make my plans for my goals and projects but I read constantly about how important it is to create a schedule for how your day unfolds which of course includes (mainly) my writing time. So I even did that. So here’s the thing with creating a schedule where you follow point by point of what to do at certain times, it doesn’t always quite work out how you plan it. The downside to being someone like me who is a person who has to have things planned out and very routine is that life is very seldom routine nor can it be maticulously planned out.

I will tell you that every time something didn’t go as planned last year it threw me even further off course and got me so off track but it did teach me something. That there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone who wants to plan out everything, or at least everything that is important and on your goal list, but you just have to know how to not be completely thrown off track and devastated when something goes diffrently than how you planned it. I learned that I can’t be so opposed to change or something that’s not routine, that it leaves me completely dumbfounded when life throws change right in my face and says to hell with my routine.

This first full week of the New Year was planned it out. I had it laid out when I was supposed to work on what and how much time would be dedicated to each task and sad to say that the first days of this week have all gone differently then how I planned it out. Between the weather or just simple circumstance, all of my plans got turned into new unexpected ones that wouldn’t have been my choice. But I have not let it derail me or throw me off course and I readjusted, and pretty well if I don’t say so myself.

I do think that it is funny or odd how us creative types who love to be free with our emotions and words and our art are sometimes so in need of the structure of strategic planning and scheduling. I suppose because our art is in many ways a little chaotic, we have to find ways to, in our minds, structure that creative chaos. I suppose even in us trying to structure our creativity we can’t forget that little bit of chaotic freedom that is still necessary.

Jimmetta Carpenter

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New Year, New Drive, No More Fear

January 5, 2015January 5, 2015 jcladyluv

Well it’s a New Year and I can’t say that I am not glad (ecstatic) to see 2014 go away. Last year was not my year and it was a pretty bad one, especially financially, and I think I was pretty much depressed for most of it. I had even let my health goals get totally off track and let the fear of the unknown take control. I can’t sit here and say that it’s someone else’s fault or that because someone else didn’t hold true to their word to me that this was the reason why things went wrong and just continued to spiral down a bad path.

Life is a bumpy road in which every test is going to be thrown at you that you could possibly imagine and your success is determined on how well, or how poorly, you respond to those setbacks. Last year I let all the setbacks get the better of me and I let them win. That’s not normally what I would do but it’s what I did. That is my fault and mine alone. I can’t say that I am any more prepared for this year than I was for the last one but I can say that I am prepared to not just lie down and get run over by every setback that comes my way.

I can say that no matter how many curveballs that I get thrown this year that I am going to throw them right back because I am not a quitter and I am certainly too close to all of my dreams to start being one now. I have set my goals for this year, put together a list of the projects that I plan (or hope) to finish and/or start this year, and even a list of the books I plan on reading this year. I also got me two planners, one as my editorial calendar for my blog, my magazine, and my Confessions blog about my weight loss journey, and the other calendar is for the projects that I will be working on. I hope this will help me get even more organized but better yet, to get more focused which will allow me to be more productive.

I am determined to make this year a much better one, not perfect, but better. I am still a believer that everything happens for a reason, if for no other reason than to teach you something, and last year taught me that I can be put through hell and then some and I still won’t break. Even in the first week of this new, and supposedly brighter, year the devil has already tested me with (you guessed it) some financial issues, and I was down about it but I am not going to let the devil win this year. I am not just going to lie down and let him win.

I am feeling more driven and more determined and I am going to do my best to make the best of any and all situations and I am not going to let them defeat me. I hope that your year is getting off to a great and productive start and that you all have a plan to put into action this year.

Jimmetta Carpenter

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