The One’s You Choose to Surround Yourself With

surround yourself with right people

I’ll be the first one to admit that I tend to let other people’s opinions of me, and of what I am trying to achieve with my writing, affect me more than I should.  Particularly people who are family and supposed to be supportive of you no matter what.  It’s hard to tell when people are just saying that they are for you or if they are genuinely for you and their actions resemble that.

People can support you and give you so-called help when asked but somehow still not be supportive because they throw it up in your face that you needed to ask for their help to begin with.  When people help you with strings attached then their support is on paper only.  When I say strings attached I mean they do sometihng for the shere ability to be able to ask you for something in return later. Or so that they can have it to hold over your head and rub it in to you that without their assistance you might not have been able to accomplish whatever it was they halped you with. Those kinds of people who support you, are only really waiting for you to fail, or for the moment when they can remind you that you once needed their help.

It hurts the most when those very same people are in your family or inner circle because those are the one’s who you look to be supportive of you and there for you without any conditions.  Sadly, it doesn’t always turn out that way.  Know the people around you.  Everyone who is presumably for you is not for you.  Your kin is not always your kind.

The people that surround you are very important in achieving your goals and dreams.  The wrong people will only bring you down and continue to pull you down as you climb your way up.  But the right people, they are going to be the one’s who help to push you forward and to give you a hand and pull you up if you start to fall.  Don’t let anyone drag you down simply because they are your family.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Published in: on January 31, 2014 at 4:56 PM  Leave a Comment  
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You Have What You Need For the Season You Are In

The season you are in 2

I have a lot of expectations for myself, a lot of big dreams that take putting in a lot of work.  Unfortunately, a lot of the reason that I end up giving up on some of them is because I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to do it perfectly and of course if it’s not done right then it just shouldn’t be done at all.  The problem with that logic is that nothing ends up ever getting done because perfection just doesn’t exist.  Sadly, knowing something logically does not stop you from continuing the same bad habit.

Sometimes you feel like you just don’t have everything you need to accomplish what it is that you want to get accomplished, in order for it to be done just right.  Truth is that God gives us everything that we need for the moment that we are in and if we don’t have it, it’s because we don’t need it yet.  He would never give us the purpose that he gives us, the passion that he gives us, if he were not going to give us the proper tools and skillset to make those things a reality.

I talked with a friend yesterday and she asked me when I was going to start using the YouTube channel that I have and putting it out there that I can sing as well as write.  Someone else asked me about recording my poetry and putting it on there as well.  I came up with quite a few excuses, I’m scared of the camera, I’m afraid that people won’t like it, I don’t think anyone would even look at it, and so on, and so on.

The pressure to be accepted, or to even want to be accepted, is oftentimes overwhelming but then I had to look at it from the other side of things.  What if someone did like it, what if people did look at it, what if me being less afraid could help someone else out there see that they don’t have to be afraid to do it and should just go for it.  What if something I am not doing could help someone else with the same fears?

So this year I am going to put my YouTube channel to good use and promote my other talents, and I’m also going to publish that ebook for Writer’s who Self-Sabotage themselves (When Fear is Knocking) along with self-publishing my next Novel (When Love Calls) and finishing my next two novels (Through the Looking Glass, and The Weight of HER).  I am not going to focus on what I don’t have, but rather focus on what God gave me for the season that I am in right now.

2014 is the year to stop striving for perfection and just strive for completion.  So are you going to take whatever leap of faith you are afraid of taking this year and just get it done?  It doesn’t have to be perfect, but no one will ever be able to see it if it is not at least complete!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Published in: on January 28, 2014 at 4:56 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Picking the Battles That Matter

Choose your battles wisely

Ever had that question in the back of your mind of why when all you are doing is trying to follow through with your purpose, make your dreams a reality, is that it seems every curveball you can possibly think of is thrown at you.  It almost seems like right when you are about to reach the peak of your journey up the mountain that an avalanche of obstacles falls right in your path.

It’s almost enough to make you want to stop and rethink the journey and whether or not it is the one that you are truly supposed to be on.  You second guess yourself a lot when the challenges seem to be so daunting and never-ending.  However, when you look at some of the most successful people in life and go examine the journey that they took to get where they are, it would appear that the one’s with the most difficult challenges on the road to their destiny were the ones who achieved the biggest rewards for their efforts.

I admit that I get thrown off course a lot of the times by the enormity of my struggles and also by people that surround me that don’t always seem to be for me.  Oddly enough these aren’t even people in my inner circle, they are people who just always seem to have something to say against what it is I’m trying to do and I let it get to me.  Sometimes it makes the struggles feel even more insurmountable because no one seems to understand my vision or what I’m really all about.

I was watching something yesterday and it reminded me that not everyone is going to like me, not everyone is going to understand me or what it is I’m trying to do, but that is because it is not for everyone to understand.  I keep getting lured off track trying to somehow prove that I am worthy, that I am important, that what I’m trying to do is important and that it matters.  It is said that the enemy (those that are against you) always fights us the hardest when we are the closest to our victories.

As it pertains to my struggles, Joel Osteen once said in his messages that you cannot expect ordinary problems if you are an extraordinary person, a history maker, so to speak.  I definitely know that I am not an ordinary person and that I intend to be a history maker so I suppose that means I better get ready for some even more challenging battles ahead.

In life, when you are trying to accomplish so much, there just simply isn’t any time to waste energy on things or people that just don’t matter.  That’s not to say that we should be unfeeling or cold towards people in general.  It’s just that when you know what you’re purpose is you have to know which battles to choose before wasting energy on the battles that don’t matter.

If the people you are surrounding yourself with aren’t for you and aren’t going to help you along your journey then that’s a battle that you need to let go of.  So start letting go of unnecessary baggage today because you’re journey.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Published in: on January 27, 2014 at 4:30 PM  Leave a Comment  
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What We Don’t Get

progress not perfection

Why is it that we tend to always focus on what we didn’t do?  Think about it.  When we make a to-do list for the day or the week, once the day or week is over, all we focus on are the tasks that didn’t get checked off.  I’m guilty of this myself.  I sit and stress and beat myself up over the two or three things on a list of ten that didn’t get done instead of celebrating, or at the very least, acknowledging what I actually got done.

I suppose when you step back and look at a list of ten things and see that you got at least seven of them done you are supposed to give yourself a pat on the back but all I ever see is that I didn’t get EVERYTHING done.  We hold ourselves to such high expectations for our own accomplishments sometimes that we forget to take some pride in the things that did get done, for the good job that we have done thus far.

God didn’t build the universe in one day so why is it that we think that we can get everything done all at once.  All of the things worth having, the dreams that we are creating, the legacy that we are building, they can’t all be completed at a moment’s notice.  They take time.  Don’t rush what will eventually get done in the time that it’s supposed to be accomplished.

If we want the best we have to have patience because rushed work doesn’t always turn out to be the best work.  Take your time and give yourself credit for what has already been completed.  Don’t let what you don’t have diminish what you already do have!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Published in: on January 24, 2014 at 1:46 PM  Comments (3)  
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The Required Struggle We Have to Fall For

Struggles are required

When I saw this post on Facebook I had just been thinking about how much I am getting tired of falling down (metaphorically speaking) on this journey of mine.  It gets frustrating when what you want is right there, you can almost reach it, it’s so close but the closer you move towards it, it only seems to move further away.

If you’re like most people, you begin to question the end goal, wondering if it’s what you’re really meant to have, if it’s even what you really want.  Then you start to doubt if it was every what you really wanted to begin with (okay well I’ve never doubted wanted to be a writer, just whether I had the ability) or have you just been trying to convince yourself of that.

But the reality is that if you were handed everything that you wanted, on a silver platter, so to speak, and never had to work hard to get there, would you really be able to appreciate finally achieving it.  There is something to be said for hard work and struggling to get ahead.  Once you know what it’s like to fail, to fall down often (in my case continually), to have to keep pushing through all the pain and all of the people who are going to tell you no, you don’t take it for granted when you finally get that yes and when you finally get to that level that you are trying to get to.

I sometimes think that people who were born with all the options afforded to them and who don’t have to necessarily struggle to get what they want so much don’t really appreciate what it’s like not to have it.  It’s hard when you keep getting knocked down.  Honestly, sometimes you just want to lie there and not get back up because you just get tired.  But of course staying down is never an option, at least it’s not the one that’s actually going to get you where you want to go.

So if you are like me, feeling like you might just want to lie there.  That’s okay for a moment, but don’t stay down.  Stand up and keep going because the struggle, yes even the part where you fall down, is worth it to get to what God has planned for you.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Published in: on January 23, 2014 at 3:25 PM  Comments (1)  
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Giving It My All, Even if the Progress is Slow

3 choices in life

Facebook tends to provide a lot of inspirational sayings to me these days but I suppose it also helps to have inspirational people as your Facebook friends.  Read a saying that said we have three choices in life, you either give up, you give in, or you give it all you’ve got.

I think last year, not sure at what point, I not only gave up but I also gave in.  I threw in the towel and everything because I was just tired of fighting for something that seemed to be avoiding me at every turn.  When this year started I realized that I needed to give it all that I’ve got and get back up and get into this fight again.

The problem I have every now and then is that my emotions tend to get the better of me and when things in my personal life are not going the way that I wish they were my focus is shifted.  I am a great at multi-tasking when it comes to writing and working on different projects at one time but what I am not good at multi-tasking my personal emotions and my focus on my writing project.

I wish I was better at it but all I can say is that these last few days in which I have not been able to concentrate on my project are not going to get the better of me.  I am not going to let it completely debilitate me like it did last year.  I’m already doing one step better because I thought about not writing this post today and sinking deep into the emotion that I was feeling and as you see, that’s not the decision that I rested on.

Progress comes slowly sometimes but I am working on myself and on staying motivated.  I’m not there yet but I am getting there.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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My Past is Preparation for My Future

learn from past not live in it

I saw a post on Facebook that had a quote that said “don’t look back, you’re not going that way”.  It got me to thinking about the past and things I’ve been through, things other people have been through and how the past really does affect our lives.

It’s true that we can’t let our past hurts and tragedies alter our lives in such a way that it stunts the growth that needs to be made throughout.  However, aren’t our past experiences a huge part of who we are, of what makes us stronger and more motivated, and what, all in all, equips us with lessons and oftentimes harsh realities that prepare us for the purpose that we are placed on this earth to fulfill.  What we go through in our childhood, in our teenage years, in our early adulthood, they give us tools that we need to be able to deal with the long and at times tiring journey to our destination.  Particularly if our past experiences are not so ideal.

There’s a saying that you can’t have a testimony without any tests, so maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to completely forget our pasts experiences.  I will be the first to admit that I am an extremely emotional person and that I have allowed certain instances in my past to affect my present way too much, which inevitably affects my future.  While I know that I can’t exactly forget everything that happened, I’m not even sure I can totally forgive (just yet), I do know that I need to let go a little.

I would say that I need to let go completely but those things are what makes me the person that I am and what will give me the strength to continue my journey into being who it is I am truly meant to be.  Without the past I don’t know that I would be fully ready for the future that God has planned for me.  So with that said, I tell you, that while you shouldn’t keep a firm grip on your past experiences, maybe you shouldn’t completely let them go because they are what is building you up to take on whatever is coming your way as you travel to your destination.  Our pasts can only hinder us if we allow it to and if we allow ourselves to only remember the hurt and not the lessons that came from that hurt.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Published in: on January 21, 2014 at 3:32 PM  Comments (1)  
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If I Knew Then What I Know Now

Note to Self

I have been seeing a lot of Facebook posts and news stories about people making notes to their younger selves, asking what they would warn their younger selves about if they could.  It got me to thinking about what I would say to the younger version of me if I could somehow warn her or prepare her for the journey she will have to endure to get where it is she wants to go.  I would definitely clue her in on the difficulty that she would have along the way.

If I could go back and talk to my younger self I think that I would start by telling her that her childhood and how her mother treated her did not have to be a defining factor for how her life would end up.  I would tell her that while she didn’t get the love and support from her mother that she deserved and longed for, that she was still worthy of being loved and deserving of being supported in all her endeavors.  I would tell her that her mother was wrong about her never having anyone that would love her or care deeply about her and that she was wrong about her not having a good future.

I think I would make sure to tell her that if no one else ever told her that she was beautiful that she needed to look in that mirror every day and let herself know that she was because in the end her opinion and God’s were the only two that mattered.  I probably would tell her that she was a unique and special person and unlike any other and that she needed to carry the knowledge of that with her throughout her journey because there will be people who will make her feel like her uniqueness is somehow wrong.

I would tell my younger self to not waste so much time planning everything out and trying to force everything to go by a specific routine because the best things in her life are going to be unplanned.  I would tell her that her plans for her life are nothing compared to the plans that God has for her so don’t get too upset when what she planned didn’t pan out.  I would tell her that her journey is going to be full of hurdles and obstacles along the way that even though these obstacles seem like signs for you to give up, they’re just the opposite.  I would let her know the that the harder the struggle the more rewarding the payoff will be.

I would open her eyes to the reality that the things that she wants out of life are not just going to happen just like that and that life is going to throw more curveballs than she believes she can handle.  Then I would tell her how strong she is to have already survived the childhood that she has been through and that that is only the beginning of her story.  I will get it through to her that she cannot live in her past pain because if she does she will never experience the joy she has yet to come.

When I was younger I was so in fantasy land about how my life was supposed to turn out.  I thought that if I just set a plan in motion that everything would work out EXACTLY the way that I said they would.  I made no room in my plans for error and mistakes.  I made no allowances for curveballs and mountains that would be placed directly in my path.  I gave no thought to the fact that my plans were not as big as God’s plans for me and the fact that God’s plans, whatever they are, were always going to prevail.  So I guess the most important thing I would have to say I would tell my younger self is to enjoy life, enjoy the journey, embrace the struggle, and to just let go and LET GOD!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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I Hear No Differently

hearing no differently

I get so tired of hearing no.  For some people, when they hear No they hear a challenge and it stirs within them motivation. That’s what you should hear when people tell you No.  But that’s not what I hear.

I hear rejection over and over again.  I hear me putting myself out there and putting my heart all in it for nothing.  I hear you’re never going to be as good as them so why bother trying.  I hear you’re never going to be good enough for anyone.  I hear you’re not worthy and you have no value.  It wasn’t always that way.  I used to get fired up by a no and it instilled a desire to prove people wrong.

However, somewhere along the way it weakened me and certain people’s negative words and opinions of me started to seem like they may have had some merit to them.  The negatives began to outweigh the positives and I bought into it.  I keep hearing other people’s success stories and how they heard nothing but no’s until finally that one yes happened that impacted their lives forever.  I read those stories and I think “where the hell is my yes?”

I’ll admit that the better part of last year I literally just gave up (whew, there I said it).  The no’s just bogged me down and sent me into a state of depression and I just didn’t feel like fighting for my dream anymore.  I started to fabricate in my mind that the no’s were a sign telling me that this just wasn’t meant for me and maybe I’m not a talented enough writer to really make it.  I just wasn’t motivated anymore.

The negatives became more believable than the positives because there were just not enough positives to go on.  I kept waiting for something to happen, perhaps a yes would just fall into my lap because I felt like I could no longer just keep putting in my all only to get back nothing.  Luckily for me, my love and passion for writing and for seeing all of my dreams come to fruition never died.  It remained just as strong as it had ever been, it just got pushed down by all of the negative stuff that I was letting cloud my head.

As I stated in my previous post I have recently come to some realizations about myself and in reevaluating a lot of things, truths that weren’t clear and obvious to me before, I see that the yeses weren’t coming because I never truly believed they would.  If I wasn’t going to believe in me how could I expect anyone else to?

Self-evaluation can be really good for you and in my case it kind of woke me up to all of the opportunities that I was missing out on because I didn’t really believe I was good enough to receive them.  I was sabotaging myself with my own self-doubt.  I’m not saying that I won’t still have my days where the doubt creeps in there.  But now that I can see clearer what I was doing to my own dreams I am more aware of what needs to be done to get the yeses that I know I deserve to hear.

Of course there will be more no’s along with way but I have to keep in mind that if I hear a no it’s because God has something better and that it wasn’t for me to begin with.  Are your own doubts and fears getting the better of you too?  Just keep in mind that every door is not meant for you to open.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Published in: on January 15, 2014 at 5:20 PM  Leave a Comment  
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No More Self-Sabotage

Don't stand in my own way

I have realized something the last day or so. I keep doing it to myself. Over and over again I will be headed toward something good and then I will overthink it, I will over analyze it, and I will read too much into things and interpret something that isn’t even there. All of it is me sabotaging myself, my own happiness, my accomplishments, my relationships with others. All because I suppose I still don’t get that I deserve those things just as much as anyone else around me.

I think fear plays a part in it as well. I’m afraid that if I do well people will expect me to always do well and what happens when I don’t. I’m afraid that when I have some semblance of happiness that something or someone else will come along and just snatch it all away. I’m afraid that if I let people in too far, if I let them get too close, that they will discover that I’m not perfect, or that I’m not like everyone else, and then they won’t care about me anymore and then they’ll leave anyway, so I just push them away first.

I got to thinking in the last couple of days that if I keep doing this, then I really will have no one, and none of my goals will be reached because I’m too afraid of what will happen once I reach them. I can’t keep getting in my own way and staying in my head all the time. It’s not a good thing and while I always felt that I sabotaged my own self in some way I couldn’t see it clearly before a couple of days ago. It wasn’t so obvious to me before as it is now and now I am on that mission to do something about it. I can’t always change my situations or things that just happen and I can’t necessarily change how other people are and their ways but I can change my ways and I can change how I react to things. I can be a better version of myself than what I am now. What does your better version of you look like?

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

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Published in: on January 14, 2014 at 4:56 PM  Comments (3)  
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