“Too often we jump to the conclusion that something is impossible simply because we cannot see the solution. No one knows enough to be a pessimist.”
~Wayne W Dyer
I try to be optimistic in life because deep down I know that focusing on the negative is not going to help make any situation better. Recently I’ve been having such a hard time with a lot of different things that I won’t burden any of you with, but nevertheless, I haven’t exactly been feeling positive about things. I had a conversation last night with a friend that I haven’t talked to in a long time and every time that she would ask me about some aspect of my life it would happen to be one of the one’s in which things weren’t going so well and I just didn’t feel like faking optimism yesterday.
She got on me about staying positive and stating that she believed that everything was going to turn out good for me and that there are great things in store. My only response was that I wished that I could believe that right now. She didn’t like to hear the negativity because frankly she was used to me always being the positive one and pumping her up but I had to just simply tell her that most days I believe that it’s going to be okay but today (yesterday really) I just don’t feel like putting on the act.
They say you are supposed to fake it until you make it and most of the times I absolutely believe that statement to be true but what do you do on those days where you just don’t feel like smiling. There are days when you just can’t fake it, and you can’t hide your frustration or your doubt and really you shouldn’t have to. I am going to have those days when I can’t pretend that I believe everything is going to be okay. There are going to be days when I won’t be able to smile as if I don’t feel like the walls are crashing down on me.
On those days, where I feel completely defeated, and I feel like there isn’t any light at the end of the tunnel, I think about my daughter. I think about all of the things that I want for her life and what examples I want to set for her. I think about how much I love her and about how much of a blessing she is to me and that things have to come out okay because I have to make things okay for her. I think about the determination that I know I have within me that I want her to gain and learn from. I think about all of the times that I tell her it’s going to be okay when there’s something she gets discouraged about and how just as I tell her to never give up and always keep trying her best, the example I set for her can’t be anything less then that.
On those days that I don’t feel like smiling, I think about how good God has been to me and how he will never let me down as long as I have faith in him and let him do his work. I forget sometimes that not only do I have to put the work in, and put my faith in him, and hand over all of my burdens to him, but I have to remember to step aside and get out of his way and let God do his work. On those days that I really don’t feel like putting on a smile, I have to remember to stop getting in God’s way and just let him work. I remembered that today, and today I am smiling and there is nothing fake about it!
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”