Approval Ratings

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” 

~Judy Garland 

Today I got this feeling around me like I was being talked about.  I almost felt like I was back in high school again, when people would talk about me and my insecurity level would rise.  But then I realized something strange, well at least strange in comparison to how it was in high school.  I just didn’t care.  

I mean of course it feels horrible to have anyone talking about you in a negative way, especially when you did nothing to warrant that type of behavior.  But oddly enough, my insecurity level didn’t creep in, and I didn’t feel defensive and I didn’t feel the need to say something to somehow defend myself.  I just simply didn’t care.  I almost felt honored to be on someone else’s mind so much, in any capacity, that they felt the need to converse about me.  

For as long as I could remember, I have always been that person that has sought the approval of others.  Mostly I wanted my mother’s approval (which I realize I am never going to get), but because I couldn’t have her approval, I desperately needed others to approve of me.  It was when I was listening to a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes that I realized that I must have somehow, within my journey in this life, gotten to the point where I didn’t need the approval of anyone else.  I don’t know how I missed it because that’s a pretty important moment.     

He said that “the losing of those who don’t stand by you is the discovery of you” and that “people who don’t know who they are, are always needing validation to feel secure, but when you know who you are, you are safer within yourself, you don’t need everybody in your space to make you feel good about who you are.” 

In many ways it feels very freeing when you just stop caring so much about what others think of you and what they have to say about you.  My best friend Ms. L. once told me that if people are talking about you then that means you must be doing something right because it’s nothing but the devil trying to put more walls up to keep you from moving forward.  I sure wish she was around when I was in high school because I sure could’ve used that bit of knowledge then.  

I suppose the devil has been putting walls up in my path for a very long time then, and I have just been foolishly letting him.  Now that I am in a place where I don’t need anyone else’s praise or approval I feel more secure within myself and with who I am.  I am in no way perfect and I am probably going to make many more mistakes but I am happy with who I am.  Even if no one else agrees with my path, it is the path that I have chosen and I am quite happy with it. 

 Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

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The Life You Breathe Into the Words That You Speak

“As it is written, “I have made you the father of many nations”—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist.”

~Romans 4:17

Words have a lot of power.  Not just the words that we write down, but also the words that we speak.  Not just to other people but the words that we tell ourselves.  I was watching an interview between Dr. Wayne Dyer and Oprah Winfrey on her Super Soul Sunday show the other morning and he was speaking about the Art of manifestation and placing into our imagination who it is that we are and not stressing who it is that we are not. 

That really hit me when he said that.  No really, I was actually still asleep when the interview was on and I could hear the T.V. in my state of being still half sleep and half awake, but when I heard him say that it woke me up.  I quickly sat up in my bed as I heard him talk about how people who constantly say I am depressed, I am sick, I am sad, I am broke, I am not good enough, are inadvertently breathing life into those words and those feelings.  I thought to myself, I am one of those people. 

Not because I ever wanted to be.  Just because I think I spend way too much time professing the circumstances that I am stuck in instead of approaching it in the manner of claiming the end result.  Something so simple as taking the phrase ‘I am broke’ out of your vocabulary, and claiming the prosperity that lies ahead of you and that is within your reach could change the journey for any one of us.  Instead of reminding ourselves of what it is that we don’t have, or the not so positive feelings that we might be feeling, we have to lay claim to what it is that we want to be true. 

It’s not that you should pretend that you are not depressed, rather that you can choose another thought to have.  You can make the choice not to put into your imagination something that you don’t want to materialize.  If I am feeling like I am just (as I felt all last week) not very much in the writing mood, and I breathe those words into life, then of course no writing is going to get done. 

I am going to work very hard to start practicing those words of wisdom from Mr. Wayne Dyer in regards to manifesting what I want in my life by speaking it and making it so.  I have to keep in mind that when God said that all things are possible through him, he didn’t mean some things and not others.  He meant exactly what he said, ALL.  I want to breathe life into much more positive ways of seeing things. 

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

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The Trouble with (My) Time Management

I have missed my blog in the last week that I have been absent from it and it was not my intention to not post anything for that length of time but I know that my problem is my many issues with managing my time.  As I told you guys before I recently started my Masters program in Psychology so I have been trying to adjust my time to fit my school work in which makes it harder to find the time to write the way I want.  

However, that is not a good enough reason for the lack of writing on my part lately because this is my dream and my passion and I know that if I want it bad enough (and I do) then I need to put in the work and the time to get it done without all of the excuses.  

In a previous post I said that a writer must show up everyday, even when they do not necessarily feel the inspiration to write.  Especially those writers that consider writing their business and career as well as their passion.  I had intended to practice that but you know what they say about good intentions.  

And just as I start to feel so guilty about not writing as consistently as I had planned to and I start using even my lack of writing as an excuse of why I feel too depressed to write, I start to think that I can’t be the only writer who has time management issues when it comes to trying to fit the whole world into the small window of 24 hours.  

Well if any of my fellow writers out there have figured out the secret to managing their time and maintaining a decent level of productivity please clue me in on it because I am seriously losing the battle of managing my time over here.  

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

When Life Gives You Teachable Moments…

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” 

~Author Unknown 

In being a mother there are always those moments where you just sit back and let your child learn their hard lessons on their own, usually the hard way.  However, there are other times when you see your child going through some of the same things that you may have went through when you were around their age, and you want to just stop them and advise them with your experience as their guide.  The lessons don’t always sink in, but you still want to take that moment and make it a teachable one.  

While it may not make sense to them at that moment, much like you did when you got older, they will see the value in that lesson when they least expect it.  Every now and then, you will even teach yourself those same lessons all over again while trying to impart wisdom on them.  

Recently I have been trying to help my daughter deal with the issue of being teased and picked on and bullied at school by her classmates.  It’s been painful to see her go from loving to go to school and learn new things to hating the fact that she has to go because of those very kids in her class.  I try my best to help her try and find ways to deal with the situation but so far, nothing has really stuck.  

I even try to use my experience of having gone through the exact same things when I was in elementary school and having to learn the ways to deal with it the hard way and it seems to help her for about a week (if that) but then she started acting out in class (which is completely unlike her) in response to her classmates bothering her.  When she tries to blame whatever they did to antagonize her for the reason why she chose to act out in class, I make sure to let her know that no one else is responsible for her actions but her.  

I remind her that she is supposed to know what’s right and wrong and that no matter what someone else does to her, she knows the appropriate ways to respond and that acting out is not one of them.  She cries that she doesn’t understand why they are mean to her and because I don’t know why, I just tell her that she can’t control how people feel or what they do, but she can control how she reacts to them.  

I reminded her of how much she loves school, and loves to learn new things and that she shouldn’t allow the children in her class to have that much power over her.  As I was telling her this I began to remind myself of the very same thing with certain negative people in my life.  

I spent a lot of time in my youth worried about what everyone was going to say about me.  I worried whether people were going to like me and I went out of my way doing things (not extremely terrible things) that were out of character for me because I wanted certain people to like me.  It worked a lot of the times but then I never really knew if it was me who they liked or just the person I was pretending to be for them.  

Even though I don’t bother pretending for anyone anymore, there are certain people, one in particular, that I still find myself wanting their approval.  But having to try and teach my daughter to not allow other people to dictate what she does or who she is, I realize that that lesson is not just for her, it’s one that I am still not finished learning.  

A person’s negativity only has power over you if you allow it to and you should never, no matter who that person is, allow someone to have that much control over what you do or how you feel.  No matter if that person is the closest of friends or even a family member you can not allow that person’s actions or words dictate yours.   

We are all responsible for our own actions and choices, and yes, our inaction as well.  If we allow someone’s hurtful words or behavior to keep us down and keep us from doing something that we know in our heart is right then we can not place the blame on them.  No one can have that kind of power over you unless you give them that power.  

What we do or don’t do; the dreams we carry out or don’t carry out; are our own responsibilities and no one else’s.  It may be wrong for someone to purposely try and tear us down but we are the only ones that can allow them to succeed.           

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

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Time Sure Does Fly When Your Goals Aren’t Being Met

The year so far has gone by so fast already.  We are already in the month of May and I find myself feeling like I just want to hit the rewind button and begin this year all over again.  

I had set out to do so many things this year and once again I am in another year of endless letdowns (some of my own making).  I don’t know if it is that I set my goals for this year way too high or if I just didn’t bust my ass hard enough to make them happen by any means necessary (probably the latter).  

I wanted to travel this year (nowhere specific, just anywhere to get out ofMaryland).  I wanted to have my second novel in process of publication already and getting ready to make its debut to the world.  I wanted to go to a vocal coach and get my voice back in shape because I wanted to make use of it before it’s too late.  I wanted my freelance writing career to become a lot more successful then it has been and getting me to the level of income that allowed me to do the things I wanted to do this year.  

So much time I have wasted worrying and stressing about the everyday necessary single mama type of things that there just wasn’t any energy left over for the things that I just want for me.  I know that you are probably saying that it’s not too late, the year isn’t over just yet and that is true, but it’s hard for me, at this very moment, to see this year turning out the way I had hoped it would.  

I could’ve sworn that this year was going to be my year.  I could feel it deep down in the very pit of my soul.  Were my gut instincts wrong?  Was I thought off in my timing?  Is it next year that I have to look forward to?  

Well the year isn’t over yet and I do still have a lot of things I could still put in the works, at the very least, to begin the next year off with a good start.  I just hope that I can still make the rest of this year that is left count for something.  

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

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I Never Was the Best at Juggling Too Many Balls

“In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking.”
~Sir John Lubbock 

Yesterday was the first day of the first class for my Master’s Program in Psychology.  I have gone through both frustration and excitement about getting back into school for months now as I went through the enrollment process.  It’s something that has always been on my life goal list and that I knew I would not be satisfied had I never completed it.  

My excitement faded a little as I read over the syllabus and realized just how hard this was going to be.  It’s not as if I expected it to be easy, I mean it’s a Master’s program so the expectations are automatically high.  I guess the doubts just hit me as I read over all that had to be tackled in just the first class alone.  

I began to wonder ‘why did I sign up for this’ and ‘what exactly did I get myself into’.  I started to doubt whether I can really do this successfully.  But of course you know the doubts eventually go away and while I am still wondering every other minute if I can handle such an intense program, I am not a quitter and there is no way I am going to turn back now.  

The one thing about going back to school that works somewhat in my favor (sometimes it works against me) is that it forces me to have to be more organized in the managing of my time.  With this being the Master’s program in which I can’t get anything lower than a B (although I’m striving for all A’s), my need for being better at multi-tasking is even greater now than ever before.  

Not only do I have to juggle being a single mother and a struggling writer trying to become more successful with my Freelancing career, but I have to factor in school as well.  This makes me have to come up with a time management plan that absolutely has to work because I can’t afford for it to fail.  

Have I mentioned I was never good at juggling, hence my inability to master the art of time management in the most recent months.  I suppose that I just happen to be one of those people that work better and more effectively when I am under pressure and on some kind of deadline.  Well I am definitely going to deal with many deadlines from now until the time I finish my Master’s Degree (especially since I don’t plan to set aside my writing goals).  I guess I have to learn to get a lot better at my juggling skills. 

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

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Scheduling Quality Writing Time

“You don’t find time to write. You make time. It’s my job.”

~Nora Roberts 

I was sitting at my desk today thinking about my projects that I am supposed to be working on.  I was trying to figure out the best way to be productive in getting them done.   I realized that it is actually going to have to come down to me making an actual schedule for me to work off of because at this point that is the only viable way that I think I am actually going to get any of my projects underway and completed.  

I started remembering back to when I first began really writing.  It started off with poetry when I was in elementary school and for the better part of my high school years.  But towards the end of high school is when I first discovered that I was incredibly long-winded (thus not really good at the art of the short story) and decided that I was going to tackle writing novels.  I didn’t need a schedule then.  

I would just write for hours and hours on end.  The words just wouldn’t stop flowing.  It seemed like at that point of my life I had all the time in the world to write and there was no need to make a schedule just to find the time to pen (or type in some cases) the different stories I wanted to write.  

I suppose I was naïve to think that it would always be like that.  Where my drive and passion to write would just magically create this time to still write for hours at a time without ever noticing how fast the time has flown by.  

I guess I am apprehensive about having to schedule my writing time because I’m afraid that that would somehow mean that I wouldn’t be seen as the natural writer that I feel I am.  But I know that I’ve read many articles where even some of the greatest writers (in which I aspire to reach their level of productivity) have well thought out comprehensive schedules to amass all of that productivity.  

It’s odd that I am a person who loves making lists and schedules for everything but when it comes down to my writing I just want it to be as natural as it can be.  However, the natural go with the flow method doesn’t seem to be working out as well as I would like.  Although if I can become as productive in putting out novel after novel like Joyce Carol Oates, James Patterson, or Sue Grafton, then I suppose having to schedule my writing would have been well worth the change.         

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress