Author: jcladyluv

https://jccarpenter.substack.com/

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The Words You Speak Matter

March 4, 2024 jcladyluv

So, the thing about being back in a situation that you know is toxic out of necessity is that it often times makes you feel powerless and like there’s nothing within your control. Even if things seem slightly decent in the beginning (I mean aside from being constantly miserable because the situation sucks) you know that inevitably the same toxic nature that you worked so hard to escape for years and years on end and to emotionally work past will render its ugly head.

So since being back under the same roof with my mother, I have been uncomfortable, not happy, and made to feel small all over again on a regular basis. Having said that I’ve been trying to make the best out of terrible circumstances because there’s just no other choice right now while I’m working to get back on my feet. I smile hoping that will make me feel better because I know that things could be worse. I also smile to keep myself from crying because that won’t do me any good either. However, in moments when my mother says things that seem purposely designed to be hurtful, the emotions from trauma resurface and there’s just no controlling how insignificant I feel.

The other day, when I chose to buy myself a pair of pajamas on clearance to celebrate me writing over 11,000 words last week, she took the time to remind me that the words I’m writing aren’t currently making me any money, thus being pointless. When I responded with the fact that well if I don’t write then I can’t put any books out to buy, her counterpoint was to say that no one is buying my books anyway so is there a point. Fact of the matter is that while I’m not rolling in the dough from my books (clearly, or I wouldn’t be in my current situation) and I’m not making money hand over fist, there are in fact people that have bought my books. I just watched a panel discussion this past weekend on AuthorTube where someone did in fact buy and read my novel and it seemed as if they actually liked it.

I didn’t bother highlighting this to my mother because honestly it wouldn’t have made any difference to her because clearly my art, my creativity, is worthless in her eyes. I simply said to her “you say the nicest things” with every ounce of sarcasm that I could muster. Then I proceeded to go in the room with my daughter, sit down, and out of nowhere came the tears. My daughter then came and hugged me because she, hearing this whole exchange and being a creative herself, understood the hurt. One could say I should be well past the point where her words can hurt me, but I guess I am not. Words hurt. It’s why words matter so much and what you say to people matter. They can be what motivates a person to keep pushing forward or they can be what causes a person to quit.

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind that go out of their way to think of the positive thing to say that will help someone see their potential and the light they hold within them. Or the kind of person (like my mother), who goes out of their way to say things they know will hurt someone simply because they don’t care about the feelings of others. They don’t see people’s potential or their light, only their mistakes and their weaknesses. I strive to see the light in others and in myself and I hope that I always remain that kind of person. There’s just no reason to say hurtful things to people just because you can. It serves no purpose.

When I told one of my closest friends about this exchange his words to me were to “use the sludge of that disrespect as fuel to push forward on the next night that I think I’m out of steam.” My favorite thing that he said to me (which may just now be my new motto) is to stay driven on rage and f*ck yous. To let that “dismissive bullshit” be the catalyst that makes me push harder. One thing is for damn sure. I have to hurry up and get the hell out of here or else her need to crush my dreams and my spirit is going to eat away at my soul. So, I am going to stay driven on that rage and those f*ck yous that I would say if she was anyone else but who she is. That’s all I have to share for now. Thank you for letting me vent here and remember that the words you say to the people in your lives matters, so make sure you are careful about what those words are.

Until next time… #BeEmpowered #BeBold #BeMotivated

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

https://jccarpenter.substack.com/

Joy In the Little Things

January 5, 2024 jcladyluv

When it comes to welcoming in a New Year, I am normally very excited with anticipation for whatever is going to come. This year, while I am happy that we are no longer in 2023 (also known as the worst year of my life) I am hesitant to let myself get excited. Not because I don’t wish for good things but just because last year left me feeling a little banged up and bruised and I’m questioning if good things are actually coming. Now that I’ve gotten those feelings out there and can let that go, I will say that I am still holding out lots of optimism for things to turn around and get better this year. I have plans and goals as always, but I did opt to do my goals quarterly this year instead of for the entire year.

My word for the year is Joy and that is what I would like to welcome more of this year. More moments in which I experience the Joys of life and appreciate the happiness that I get from the little things. I want to achieve successes and get some big wins this year but I don’t want to miss out on the smaller, more joyous moments that will undoubtedly come along in pursuit of those things.

Oftentimes we miss the delight that should be felt from little things like walking outside and feeling the sun on your face, or just being able to catch up with an old friend that you hadn’t spoken to in a while. These are precious moments and I hope not to take those for granted anymore because I think I didn’t treasure them enough before. This year I want to hold on to those smaller moments on my way to those bigger ones. After all, aren’t the big moments in our lives just made up of a bunch of smaller ones that happened along the way to make the big dreams possible?

I suppose that is how I also want to look at accomplishing my goals for the year as well. I have some big things that I would like to get accomplished. Let’s face it, I have always been a big goal type of person. What I am usually not as great at is breaking those goals down into the smaller tasks that make it possible for those bigger goals to come to fruition. I am going to try and be better this year about concentrating on the smaller tasks that will ultimately get me to those larger goals. Breaking down my goals into those smaller tasks will not only allow me to better achieve my overall goals but also allow me to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment along the way of the larger journey to the end goal (if that makes sense).

I guess all of that was to say, or to remind everyone as well as myself, not to forget to take pleasure and joy in the little moments in life. Don’t take the smaller victories and milestones for granted in pursuit of the bigger, more elaborate, goals. Every single moment we get on this earth is precious and just because they may not be big and grandiose does not mean that they shouldn’t be treasured and that we shouldn’t take stock in the Joy that they give us. Happy New Year everyone and may 2024 bring all of you small moments of immense Joy and Happiness.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BeOptimistic #BeHappy

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Here’s to the Month of Planning and the Next Chapter

December 1, 2023 jcladyluv

I can’t believe it’s December already! November was a very hard month, and with the year I’ve had, that’s saying something. Along with the current situation I’ve been in now since the end of May and the fact that it doesn’t seem like it will be getting better before the year is out, I have had to recover from an emergency surgery I certainly didn’t expect to need. I suppose what the circumstances around my surgery taught me was that whatever is meant to happen will happen regardless and sometimes it could be for the better in the end.

Now I don’t mean that having to have emergency surgery is ever a good thing. Of course not. But I was going to just ignore the abdominal pain that I was in. I was going to tough it out and keep pushing forward to try and deal with the life that was crumbling in around me the best I can despite that pain that had decided to pop up out of nowhere. If it weren’t for my daughter insisting that I go to the hospital I would have kept pushing and who knows what would have happened. The doctor certainly seemed to be convinced that had I waited even one more day there could have been dire consequences, and apparently, I had had a hernia for quite some time and just never knew it. The problem was there, just lying dormant, and only just then came to the surface.

I’ve never been very good at taking things easy and sitting down and just resting. I mean even on days that I designate as self-care days I still find myself planning things out that are writing (thus work) related and just doing things to keep busy despite the resting I’m supposed to be doing. The surgery (and perhaps in some way, the Universe) made me have to rest and have to simply be still. It drove me crazy to not be able to do the things that I was used to doing. To not be able to do things for myself and have to rely on other people (mainly my daughter) for help with basic things was frustrating to say the least. The first few weeks I couldn’t even drive which, if you know anything about me, is my peace and my escape when things feel crazy.

I can honestly look back now and say it was probably what I needed. To just have to sit, to rest, to think through things without multi-tasking, to not always be busy with something. To really, truly, just be STILL. I’ve heard that sometimes when you’re not listening to your body and what it’s telling you that the universe will find a way to make you listen. I can confirm, this is true. And guess what. While I was being still, well things didn’t necessarily get any better, situation wise, but they didn’t get any worse either.

Having said all of that, December is typically a planning month for me. It’s where I usually get excited about planning the coming year. It’s when I let my optimism take over and get really hopeful for the good things I think are to come. While my situation this past year has put a slight damper on that optimism, I am still who I am. Meaning I’m still going to make plans and I’m still going to strive for a better year to come.

I can’t say I’m filled with as much hope as I normally would be during this time of year, but I do have a lot of Faith that fills in where hope leaves off and I’m going to run with that Faith. I have Faith that since God hasn’t left my side yet, He’s definitely not going to leave me now. I have Faith that all that I lost this past year will be replaced and replenished with better and more abundant things than I could have even imagined for myself.

A childhood friend of mine told me that when I come out on the other side of this, I’m going to have one hell of a testimony and perhaps that is the reason for all of this happening. I have Faith that my story is only going to get better from here. That it will somehow be an inspiration for others to know that no matter what storms you go through in life, there will be a rainbow on the other side of that storm. This is just another chapter and I’m going to look forward to seeing what the next chapter holds for me. Here’s to next year, and the next chapter, being amazing for us all!

Until next time… #BeOptimistic #BeHopeful #BeMindful

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Hello November! Time to Play Catch Up

November 1, 2023 jcladyluv

I know I don’t usually write a blog post on a Wednesday, but I haven’t written to you guys in a while, and I figured that today was as good a time as any to catch you up on things in my little corner of the world. I’m still without a home and as much as I would like to be optimistic and say things are looking up, I don’t feel that in this moment of my writing this. I haven’t given up hope or anything, it’s just that the situation is wearing me down in a way I would care not to admit. But here is where I admit the scary things that I don’t like to say out loud to my closest friends (and yes, I understand the irony of me not saying things out loud to people I know yet screaming it into the void that is the Internet lol).

I’m always seen as the positive one and while most days that is me and I do like to keep a positive tone, that just can’t be me every day. I also forget to mention that a little over two weeks ago I had emergency surgery. Yep, as if I didn’t have enough to deal with, I now have to deal with recovering from surgery. I suppose it’s the Universe’s way of sitting me down and giving me a way to rest my body, my spirit, and my soul but it sure picked a very odd time to sit me down in a time in which I need to be on the go to figure out next steps.

I don’t know, perhaps it was its way of really making me be still and letting God do His work in whatever way that shaped up to be. I have caught up on an enormous amount of rest, so I suppose there’s that. I feel more rested now than I have in years. The brain fog from the surgery doesn’t really help with my creativity but I am starting to feel that slowly come back as well (hence me being able to write up this post). I guess I can say that I am hanging in there but it’s by a very thin thread and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on. I’m doing my best and that’s all I can do right now.Anywho, it’s November now and that means it is NaNoWriMo season in which millions of writers are just disillusioned enough to think they can write an entire novel in a month (just kidding about the disillusionment, it’s totally doable lol) so they sign up for 30 days of writing nearly 2,000 words a day until the task is done.

Normally I would be (officially) participating in this event but as you might guess, this year has kicked my behind and I just don’t have it in me to do it this year. Well at least not officially. That’s to say I can’t help myself and am deciding to be a rebel of sorts and unofficially do NaNo and will work on finally finishing up the revisions on my novel that was technically supposed to be published by now (more on that in another post).

So that’s what my November is going to look like. An unofficial NaNo revision project and finishing up my recovery from surgery. I know I normally set far more monthly goals for myself, but I think those two are good enough this month. I hope you all are well and if you are participating in NaNo let me know. I hope to write again a lot sooner.

Until next time… #BeAuthentic #BeEmpowered #BeFearless

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Let the Leaves Fall Away While the Roots Sustain You

September 4, 2023 jcladyluv

Losing a relationship with someone, especially a close friendship can be hard. If you’re anything like me, someone who believes in working hard at the close connections you have and that those bonds take work, then it’s extremely hard. However, sometimes instead of trying so hard to hold onto those particular relationships, we have to see them for what they are. Some people were meant to be in your life for a moment in time. Some are meant to be there for a season, sometimes many seasons of your life. Then there are those that are like the roots, and they are there for a lifetime.

You don’t get many of those root people and what you may not see is that the time you spend trying to hold onto the person that was meant to only be seasonal, you could be damaging the relationship you have with the roots. I have been blessed to have a lot of really amazing people enter my life and the thing about me is that I am a person who has a hard time truly letting people in so when I do, I tend to hold on pretty tightly. I don’t call too many people friend, not lightly, so when I use that word, it means I feel a deep connection with you. Which is why it is hard when that friend that I now see was just a seasonal friend, essentially decides that I’m no longer good enough to be their friend.

Now hear me when I say I know that I am a good enough person to be anyone’s friend and that just because I am going through a very hard time right now does not make me less than worthy. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when someone tries to make you feel exactly that way because suddenly your life got too hard for them. Their loss, not mine. It just made me see even more in depth who my real friends are and who they are not. Real friends help you see the light that you are.

On those dark days they help you get to the other side of that dark tunnel and allow you to see there are people who care about you and not what you have (or in my case what I don’t have). Real friends are there to lift you up emotionally when you need it and know when to take a step back when you need that too. Real, true friends help you see things outside of your comfort zone and they see what sometimes others are too busy or just too selfish to see. They see the potential in you that oftentimes your own family doesn’t even see.

I have been fortunate enough to have some real friends by my side through this dark time and I am so happy that they have been there for me. That they haven’t abandoned me. That they, on the days when it’s really hard to, they help me see the good in myself, and even point out the good that’s happened around me in spite of all of the bad. They have helped keep me focused on the things I can accomplish instead of dwelling on what I can’t get done. They have reminded me that I am not my situation. I am much more than that. I’m very thankful for them. I hope everyone has real friends like them. Having a tribe supporting you can sometimes make a world of difference in how you choose to respond to the things that are happening around you.

Let the leaves (false friends) fall away from you and accept that their time in your life is now up. Take stock of those roots that decided to plant themselves around you and gave you the nourishment that you needed to grow and flourish. We can’t do everything alone in this life and in the worst times that you will face, it will be those roots that will keep you grounded and push you forward when you feel you can’t move on your own.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BeResilient #BeEncouraged

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

When Expectation is Hit With Reality

August 28, 2023 jcladyluv

“Stop waiting for life to meet your expectations and start adjusting your expectations to meet life.”

~unknown

I’ve had two not so subtle reminders in the past few days that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself about not accomplishing the things that I had initially planned to get done this year. First, I had a very interesting conversation with one of my closest friends last week (you know who you are lol) about why my expectations don’t match up with my reality. A part of the reason I’ve been so frustrated with myself lately, well aside from everything I’m stressed about in my current situation, is because I’m not meeting my own expectations. Now these are expectations that I have placed on myself mind you, not expectations from others. This wonderful friend ever so slightly (okay not slightly, very bluntly) pointed out that my whole life was upended three months ago, and I wasn’t in the greatest position even before that (clearly) so why would I expect so many of the things on my great giant to-do list of life to have been possible. They impressed upon me that I need to live in the present and the reality of what is and not be so hung up on what “should” be when there is no one saying it should be this way or that way but me.

Then yesterday I watched a video by Sarra Cannon (Heart Breathings on YouTube) about how we can’t get hung up on where we aren’t in our lives because then we miss the moment that we are in. Basically, that living in the expectation of who we should be, of where we should be, doesn’t do anything but leave us stuck and spinning our wheels. It makes us long for a version of ourselves that simply doesn’t exist and, in all honesty, may have never existed anywhere but in our own imaginations. What both her and my friend were saying was to stop playing that comparison game, with others and with the version of myself that I wished I was, because it only leads to a feeling of inadequacy and a feeling that I’m not doing enough. That I’m just not enough.

It is true that I have extremely high expectations of myself. I’m not sure if that’s mostly just because I have a lot I want to do before my time is up on this earth, or if it has more to do with always being made to feel like no one expected very much out of me at all. Whatever the reason, I have always had massively long lists of things to get accomplished and milestones that I wanted to hit by certain points in my life. I have always had a certain legacy that I wanted to be remembered for and that legacy required, at least in my mind anyway, having accomplished a lot. I wanted to make sure that I put out enough good in this world to make a difference.

As I was doing my devotional this morning it also reminded me that God’s ultimate plan for my life, for our lives, goes beyond the vision that he has given us. That He positions us within this world as a singular point of light, a beacon if you will. We are all here to be a light in this world and to be that beacon for others, perhaps other people who are also going through dark times. It makes sense that in order to be someone else’s light source in the dark, that we must first find our own way through that same darkness. In essence, it doesn’t matter just how much or how little we do. What matters most are the lives we are able to touch. It’s something that I will definitely remember in those moments when I think that I’m not doing enough, or that I’m not putting enough good out into the world. I have to learn that in my journey, what I expect and what is realistic are not always one in the same, and that’s okay. I hope that my journey through this dark time can be that beacon for someone else.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BePresent #BeGrateful

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

When Your Pride Gets Too Heavy to Carry

August 14, 2023 jcladyluv

Pride is a funny thing. They tell you to take pride in yourself for so many things but then when you do have pride people tell you the opposite. They say don’t be so prideful that you end up worse off than if you had just swallowed your pride to begin with. If there is anything that this situation I have been going through since the end of May has taught me is that pride really does have to go out the window sometimes because, what’s that other saying I love so much? Oh yeah, closed mouths don’t get fed.

I mean there is truth to that. No one knows you’re struggling or in need if you don’t say anything. Even in the midst of your struggle, people can be misled to think that things are improving and that you may not need as much help anymore if you stay quiet because you’re too scared or worse, too proud to say you still need the help. I have had to ask people for help that I swore I would never ask, because I didn’t want them to know how bad things were and I didn’t want them to think less of me because I needed the help in the first place.

It may sound silly, but I think that’s the hardest thing about all of this for me. I have to swallow my pride and break down and ask for help and it kills me. It makes me feel inferior and less than. It makes me feel worthless and like I’m useless to everyone around me, especially my daughter. Sure, the logical part of me knows that nothing could be further from the truth, but this is a very emotional time for me right now and logic doesn’t always win out. Needless to say, last week was extremely tough for me and I smiled and tried to act like I was okay because I guess I just wanted to pretend that I actually was okay.

But I am not okay. I miss having a home. I miss having my own space. I miss being able to cook my own meals. I miss my desk, even the crappy bed I had that was falling apart. I miss having a place to call home. I miss the peace that I had within my home. I miss my library of books that I probably will never get back because I am getting ready to lose everything that I was able to salvage and put in storage because I can’t keep the storage unit up AND still keep the room my daughter and I have been staying in. I miss the routine that both my daughter and I had, in our own respective spaces in the home that I had for nearly 23 years. I miss the security that having a place of your own provides. I just miss what was.

I’m trying to stay hopeful that I can not only get it all back somehow but gain back more than what I lost but it’s getting harder to hold onto that hope. This is the place that I come to get everything I’m feeling out because holding onto things is how we can make the problems worse. I hope I can get back to a place where I am okay again but today is not that day. Thank you for letting me express myself.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BePatient #BeinFaith

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Is My Best Really Good Enough?

July 31, 2023 jcladyluv

I did not win Camp NaNo. Now to be honest I wasn’t as confident this time that I could complete the goal that I had set for this month-long writing challenge, but I held out hope. Right up until the last week I was still hoping that I could push myself harder to finish the task. I did the best I could, but it just wasn’t good enough. Why couldn’t I just buckle down and do what I know needed to be done?

Now one of my amazing friends would probably remind me to have grace with myself. They might even point out that given my current situation it was a win just to have tried and the logical side of me would agree with that. Right now, I’m thinking emotionally and I’m a bit upset with myself. I feel like my best simply wasn’t good enough. Although in terms of writing lately nothing feels like I’ve been doing a good enough job. It doesn’t help that the depression monster is visiting me.

I haven’t really written much of anything since, well since becoming essentially homeless and I am very angry with myself about it. I want to force myself to write but every time I sit down to do so all of the things that I’m stressed about flood my brain instead of words to fill the page. Now I know what you’re thinking. But you’ve been writing blog posts, for example this very post, and isn’t that writing. Yes and no. I consider this more me writing about what I’m feeling, updating you on what’s going on and where my head is at. The creative writing isn’t really flowing the way that I want it to. The way that it should be. That has got to change. I miss writing and I miss the continuity of a writing routine where I can say I wrote a certain number of words, or pages, or hours, in a day. I have to get back to that part of me.

Perhaps this next challenge that I am partaking in for the month of August will help with that. I’ll just say it’s writing something that I’ve never actually written before but have been longing to write. To find out what this challenge is stay tuned to my YouTube channel for the announcement tomorrow (August 1^st) because I’m really excited about it. I’m excited to get back to the creative side of writing and not just a little bit on one day and then maybe a little more a week or two later. I’m excited to write something new and I’m excited to write with some consistency and since this is challenge that I’m doing in a collaborative way I feel like that will encourage me all the more to just sit down and do it.

I hope that I can do it. I hope that I can get back to that creative part of writing that I love as much as breathing. If you have been feeling like you haven’t been doing enough in any particular area of your life, you’re not alone. Know that you are doing the best that you can, even when it doesn’t feel that way. Give yourself a bit of grace and then get right back at it and try again. You can do this and so can I. We’ve got this!

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeMindful #BeEmpowered

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine