“Self-sabotage is like a game of mental tug-of-war. It is the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind where the subconscious mind always eventually wins.”
There is something inside me that keeps allowing me to sabotage myself. You know how you can realize the self-sabotaging behavior that you are committing as you are doing it. You understand that it’s not good for you to criticize everything that it is that you do, or to compare what you do to someone else that you may think is doing things better. You comprehend that there is a better way of doing things, a more effective way of accomplishing what you want but yet you can’t seem to catch yourself before you tear your own efforts apart.
For some people it is really hard to get out of your own head and to think and live with your heart. There’s a lot of risk in doing that, in just going for it and taking a leap of faith in yourself, but it is worth it when you do. It’s so easy to have a leap of faith in what others can do but we can’t seem to put all that faith into ourselves.
I keep feeling convinced that I finally have it, the unlimited faith in myself and my abilities to do whatever it is without question. But then I get that nagging voice in my head that won’t shut up and it tells me all of these negative things that I somehow start to believe, if only for a moment. They hold me up from making progress, and they hold me back from my destination. So I thought I would share with you what I keep struggling with and what still, despite my efforts for them not to, keeps allowing me to sabotage myself.
1) I’m still riddled with fear, both of the possibility that I will fail and also of the pressure of actually succeeding
2) I sometimes still don’t believe that I am good enough
3) I still can’t seem to put myself first without feeling extreme guilt about it
4) I don’t believe the good things that people have to say about me
5) I keep letting what I don’t have get in the way of what it is that I want to achieve
6) I am terrified of change and not knowing what is next
7) I say No way more than I allow myself to say Yes
I realize that being confident in yourself and in your own abilities to make things happen is not a practice that is just inherited and that you are born with. It is something that you have to work hard at. It is a practice that you have to maintain and treat as a routine occurrence in your everyday life. Particularly for those who may not have a positive support system, or may not have ever had very much of one, it is a struggle to believe that you deserve the best.
When you have so many obstacles that stop you along the way that you lose count, you can tend to get jaded in your thought process and in your effectiveness within your work. It’s not something that most people have not experienced and it is probably a problem that isn’t going away any time soon.
I am working on an ebook (details on how you can get a copy coming soon) on how we as writers, artists, or creative types in general can start to get out of our own way and stop sabotaging our own dreams and our own business endeavors with this self-doubt that we create in our own heads. We have to stop being so in our heads and start living from our hearts. We have to stop second guessing everything and changing our own minds or basing our level of success on what someone else’s is. Life is so short and tomorrow is not promised to us so we have to get out of our own way and start making the best of our life now, not some day in the not so distant (or distant depending on who you are) future, but right in the moment that you are in.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
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