I’m having one of those weeks (yes I know the week isn’t over yet) where it feels like nothing I do will be enough. I’m not a very patient person and it’s something I’m working on. When I don’t see the results I want at a decent pace I get anxious about the whole process. It’s not just in my writing and my finances, but also in the area of romance (or lack thereof). This blog is not about my romantic woes so I won’t branch off too much into that except to say I feel like I could be described as the perfect person for someone and they still (somehow) wouldn’t even see me standing right in front of them.
But this blog isn’t about that though. It sort of spills over into other aspects because that love thing can be the emotion that makes you feel alive and ready to jump for joy, or ready to just go hide under the covers somewhere and wake up when someone notices all of the right things that you are doing. I know that there is always more that I can be doing (talking about writing now) but it seems like no matter how many hours of sleep I don’t get that it will never be enough. Of course that doesn’t mean that I am going to give up or slack off (okay well there’s a slight chance for slacking off here) but just wish I could see some progress. I know it’s being made and the baby steps are nice but some gigantic leaps would be a little nicer. Some major dents in my journey would be gratifying to see.
I couldn’t watch the Oscars the other night but Lupita Nyong’o’s words were posted everywhere throughout social media. “No matter where you are from your dreams are valid”. Those words and my friend Ms. L’s blog post about her acceptance speech that she will give when she gets her Oscar one day (probably sooner than even she thinks) made me think about the awards and achievements that I will one day receive (Oscar included) and what I would say and who I would speak my words to. However, at this particular moment, where I feel a little disheartened, a little discouraged, perhaps even a little less optimistic than usual about my dreams becoming a reality, all I can really think about is when am I going to start to see that light for the tunnel that’s headed that way.
It’s not as if I’m in question as to the possibility of it happening, or the fact that I still want it to happen, it’s just a matter of when. I know that my patience is probably one of the main things that I need to work on when it comes to pursuing my dream but some days, days like today, I just start to wonder if all that I am doing is good enough. Is anything I am ever going to do going to be good enough. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel a lot more definitive and sure about things but for now my lack of knowing what the outcome will be is getting the best of me. Okay ranting over with for the day, time to get back to working at making all of this happen one way or another. Stay blessed and keep hustling!
Jimmetta Carpenter
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