I have a huge issue with doubt. As in I have a lot of it. I second guess myself all of the time and it is really starting to annoy me. I wish I wasn’t like this. That I could be one of those people who just takes big leaps of faith and trust that everything is going to work out okay. In theory, because I am a person who deeply believes in God and have a faith in Him that is just ingrained in my spirit, one would think that I would never doubt a thing. But just because the logical part of my brain knows that in the end God will always be there for me no matter whether things work out the way that I want them to or not, the other part of my brain, the not so logical side, just doubts whether everything is going to really work out okay. To put this in terms of my writing career and all the business things I’m attempting, I am busting my butt trying to make things work and it just seems the harder I try the more they don’t work.
For instance, I took a really long time to start my online store with the writing related products, with messages and sayings that I am passionate about and stand behind. I believe they are good products and people have told me that they like my online store and the set-up and everything and yet, nothing. Now I’m not saying that nothing has sold, but certainly not enough to generate a decent income and not nearly as much as I think it should be. I know that most of this is because of marketing but I don’t have money to hire a person to do the marketing and clearly, I’m not doing a good enough job on my own. It’s frustrating. I have books that are out and while those are moving, it certainly would be nice if more of them were moving (but all writers wish to be selling out tons of their books, so I don’t think I’m alone in that lol) so again, frustrating.
There are other things I have in the works, but it just makes me doubt moving forward with those things if the things I already have up and running aren’t working. Some days it just leaves me feeling like such a failure and I don’t know what to do with that feeling. It’s like I’m certainly not where I thought I would be in my life by this point but I’m definitely not as bad off as I could be. I could have stayed stuck in a pit of doubt and just never put out a book or never opened my online store and just lived in the land of what if, but I didn’t. I did the things. I put my work and dreams out there. I just would like to see the fruits of my labor.
But am I laboring enough is the question I find myself asking? Am I doing enough with what I have (which isn’t very much)? There are people who literally don’t sleep working to make their dreams a success and while I don’t require a lot of sleep, as someone who is disabled, physically I simply can’t sacrifice all of my sleep. Does that mean that I don’t want it bad enough if I’m not willing to just sacrifice everything? You see what I mean? I question and second guess everything and I just would really like to be sure about whether I’m doing all the right things or not. I would like to not feel like I’m failing at absolutely everything.
I guess I’m just sharing this today in case there is someone else out there who is feeling this way, or similar to how I’m feeling. What makes things worse sometimes is when you think that you are alone in the things that you are feeling so if you are also having some doubts about the direction you are going, you’re not alone in feeling that way. Understand that it is a period that we all go through (maybe some of us more than others lol) and we just have to keep pushing forward. Sometimes we are just going to have to keep pushing through, even with all the questions we have rumbling around in our minds. It’s the only way to make those dreams of ours come true. Even if you are not like the ones who leap first and ask questions later, if you have to be nudged a little off that tree branch, the important thing is that we still take the leap, otherwise we can never soar.
Until next time… #BeBold #BeBrave #BeFearless
Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine
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