“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.”
You ever have those days where you sit and think about all of the things that are just not going the way that you expected them to. Where you are not where you thought you would be and you’re tired of trying so damn hard because it all seems like it just might be for nothing.
Today wasn’t a bad day for me necessarily but I had a conversation with someone who was talking about how much they doubted themselves at what they’re purpose was at one point in time and how they finally decided to move out of their own way and get hustling even if no one else believed in them.
It’s the way I used to be and the way I would love to be again but I just had that slight feeling of ‘what’s the point’ after having that conversation. I believe in me but to this very minute I still feel like I’m the only one that seems to believe that I am good enough at what I do to ever make a decent living at it. Ordinarily there is nothing wrong with being the only one who believes that you’re good at what you do, for a while that is.
The only thing is that with being a writer, there has to be someone else that believes you’re good enough eventually if you ever want to make a living at it. I don’t just mean the one person here and the one person there that comes around so sporadically that you can’t really call that a decent living, I mean the steady stream of people that are willing to take a chance on the belief that you have in yourself.
Well when I have one of those days, where I just want to throw in the towel on it all and simply give up I try to listen to music that motivates me and gets me back in the right frame of mind again. One of the best songs for me to listen to when I feel like giving up is Kirk Franklin’s ‘Smile’ because the lyrics of the course are just what I need to hear.
I Smile. Even though I hurt see I smile
I know God is working so I smile
Even though I’ve been here for a while, I smile.
Smile. It’s so hard to look up when you’ve been down.
Sure would hate to see you give up now.
You look so much better when you smile, so smile.
How can you not smile after hearing such lyrics? How can you want to give up after hearing those lyrics? How could you not feel motivated to do what God put in motion for you to be doing? After hearing that song everything seems to be put back in focus again. My purpose seems to be back front and center, where it should have always been.
The fact is that I would not just be letting myself down if I was to toss my dreams aside, but more importantly I would be letting God down as well. I just have to remember that just because I am down right now, just because I am not where I want to be right now, doesn’t mean that God isn’t still working on me and my life. I guess I keep forgetting that I am not the only one who believes in me and my gifts, because God believed in me first.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”