Smiling Through the Not Knowing of It All

“Nobody trips over mountains.  It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.  Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.” 

~Author Unknown 

You ever have those days where you sit and think about all of the things that are just not going the way that you expected them to.  Where you are not where you thought you would be and you’re tired of trying so damn hard because it all seems like it just might be for nothing.  

Today wasn’t a bad day for me necessarily but I had a conversation with someone who was talking about how much they doubted themselves at what they’re purpose was at one point in time and how they finally decided to move out of their own way and get hustling even if no one else believed in them.  

It’s the way I used to be and the way I would love to be again but I just had that slight feeling of ‘what’s the point’ after having that conversation.  I believe in me but to this very minute I still feel like I’m the only one that seems to believe that I am good enough at what I do to ever make a decent living at it.  Ordinarily there is nothing wrong with being the only one who believes that you’re good at what you do, for a while that is.  

The only thing is that with being a writer, there has to be someone else that believes you’re good enough eventually if you ever want to make a living at it.  I don’t just mean the one person here and the one person there that comes around so sporadically that you can’t really call that a decent living, I mean the steady stream of people that are willing to take a chance on the belief that you have in yourself.  

Well when I have one of those days, where I just want to throw in the towel on it all and simply give up I try to listen to music that motivates me and gets me back in the right frame of mind again.  One of the best songs for me to listen to when I feel like giving up is Kirk Franklin’s ‘Smile’ because the lyrics of the course are just what I need to hear.  

I Smile. Even though I hurt see I smile

I know God is working so I smile

Even though I’ve been here for a while, I smile.

Smile.  It’s so hard to look up when you’ve been down.

Sure would hate to see you give up now.

You look so much better when you smile, so smile. 

How can you not smile after hearing such lyrics?  How can you want to give up after hearing those lyrics?  How could you not feel motivated to do what God put in motion for you to be doing?  After hearing that song everything seems to be put back in focus again.  My purpose seems to be back front and center, where it should have always been.  

The fact is that I would not just be letting myself down if I was to toss my dreams aside, but more importantly I would be letting God down as well.  I just have to remember that just because I am down right now, just because I am not where I want to be right now, doesn’t mean that God isn’t still working on me and my life.  I guess I keep forgetting that I am not the only one who believes in me and my gifts, because God believed in me first.


Jimmetta Carpenter


The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”


On the Days I don’t feel like Smiling

“Too often we jump to the conclusion that something is impossible simply because we cannot see the solution. No one knows enough to be a pessimist.”
~Wayne W Dyer 

I try to be optimistic in life because deep down I know that focusing on the negative is not going to help make any situation better.  Recently I’ve been having such a hard time with a lot of different things that I won’t burden any of you with, but nevertheless, I haven’t exactly been feeling positive about things.  I had a conversation last night with a friend that I haven’t talked to in a long time and every time that she would ask me about some aspect of my life it would happen to be one of the one’s in which things weren’t going so well and I just didn’t feel like faking optimism yesterday. 

She got on me about staying positive and stating that she believed that everything was going to turn out good for me and that there are great things in store.  My only response was that I wished that I could believe that right now.  She didn’t like to hear the negativity because frankly she was used to me always being the positive one and pumping her up but I had to just simply tell her that most days I believe that it’s going to be okay but today (yesterday really) I just don’t feel like putting on the act.  

They say you are supposed to fake it until you make it and most of the times I absolutely believe that statement to be true but what do you do on those days where you just don’t feel like smiling.  There are days when you just can’t fake it, and you can’t hide your frustration or your doubt and really you shouldn’t have to.  I am going to have those days when I can’t pretend that I believe everything is going to be okay.  There are going to be days when I won’t be able to smile as if I don’t feel like the walls are crashing down on me.      

On those days, where I feel completely defeated, and I feel like there isn’t any light at the end of the tunnel, I think about my daughter.  I think about all of the things that I want for her life and what examples I want to set for her.  I think about how much I love her and about how much of a blessing she is to me and that things have to come out okay because I have to make things okay for her.  I think about the determination that I know I have within me that I want her to gain and learn from.  I think about all of the times that I tell her it’s going to be okay when there’s something she gets discouraged about and how just as I tell her to never give up and always keep trying her best, the example I set for her can’t be anything less then that.  

On those days that I don’t feel like smiling, I think about how good God has been to me and how he will never let me down as long as I have faith in him and let him do his work.  I forget sometimes that not only do I have to put the work in, and put my faith in him, and hand over all of my burdens to him, but I have to remember to step aside and get out of his way and let God do his work.  On those days that I really don’t feel like putting on a smile, I have to remember to stop getting in God’s way and just let him work.  I remembered that today, and today I am smiling and there is nothing fake about it!

Jimmetta Carpenter


The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”