“There is no advancement to him who stands trembling because he cannot see the end from the beginning.”
I was thinking the other night, yet again, about how bad things are and how I can almost see that light at the end of the tunnel but I’m getting frustrated because I feel as if that light should be much closer by now. I was thinking of how I just wish things, for once, could be going the way that I need for them to go. What I was doing was wallowing, and it wasn’t the first time. I was focusing so much on what isn’t going right that I wasn’t thinking about the things that are going right.
My best friend, Ms. L., hates it when I get so far down in the dumps that I can’t see any possible chance of something positive happening. She doesn’t like to hear me speak of all of the things that I think I can’t do because of this, that, or the other. She tells me that she doesn’t want to hear it and that she’s there for me but she can’t be around the negativity. To tell you the truth she actually has had the nerve to hang up on me once and I was mad. Those times when she would shut me down when I’m just simply trying to express what I’m feeling at the moment I could not understand how she couldn’t just be there for me and listen. But more and more I realize that she was being a friend, a really good friend.
Not only was she not going to let me tear myself down and make light of my goals or my potential, but she also wasn’t going to let me bring her down into my pit of negativity. I can appreciate that now because I have a person that is in my orbit that constantly tries to find one way or another to bring me down to her level of negativity and tries even harder to keep me feeling that way. I find myself constantly having to cut her off in the midst of her trying to make me commiserate in her own misery and negative feelings just so I can maintain my optimism that I find myself having to work at maintaining on a daily basis.
Sometimes I get stuck feeling a certain way, I get in a funk and too many times I allow myself to stay in that funk for far too long but it is having a friend like Ms. L. that can give me a good shaking (not physically of course) to make me see that wallowing is not going to change anything, but rather allow things to continue on being the same. Changing one’s circumstances can only happen once you stop questioning why me, and why did this or that happen, and actually do something about the situation that you don’t want to be in anymore. It’s good to have a friend that will risk hurting your feelings and upsetting you in order to save you from yourself. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Until next time…Stop wallowing in the things you can’t change and get out there and make the changes that you have the power to make!
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”