Your Attitude is Everything

I’ve been in a bit of a funk since last week. I realized that I am nearing the stage of burn out and that I will most likely be taking a break from this blog and my YouTube channel in the month of December. I do have prerecorded videos that will be posted throughout December on YouTube channel so I will still technically be a presence over there. This will likely be my last blog post for this year (unless I get a great spark of inspiration for something to tell you lol) because I need to refill the creative well. It is important, as a creative, to not let yourself burn out entirely before realizing that you need to take a step back.

But my moment that I was having last week was also about something else. I was feeling like all of my efforts that I put into my writing career were pointless. I felt like all of the efforts were not bearing any fruit, or not enough fruit anyway if we’re talking in terms of finances. Even up until this morning I was just feeling so down about things. Then I was listening to something where the person being interviewed said that your attitude affects how you see things. It’s not like I didn’t already know this. I just needed a bit of a reminder and that reminder came right on time this morning.

I know that whatever happens, good or bad, I am blessed just to be given another chance each day God wakes me up in the morning. It is not over until it is REALLY over, meaning when there is no breathe left in my body. So just because I am not seeing things going in the direction I want them to go in right now doesn’t mean that it’s going to stay that way. But things surely can’t change course if I were to just have an attitude of giving up.

We accomplish nothing when we throw in the towel and give away. The only thing that would ensure is that all of the progress that we have made up to that point would truly be wasted and bear no fruit at all. It gets hard sometimes when you dream big but if it were easy then it would be a vision given to everyone and not just you. Our dreams and our visions are worth fighting to make them happen, no matter what it takes.

So keep that attitude of determination and drive. Hold on to that as you push through the dark moments where that little voice in your head is telling you that it’s pointless. Your attitude will be what carries you through and you will get there. Just don’t quit!

Until next time… #BeAmbitious #BeBold #BeGrateful

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

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https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

Is Fear Something We Ever Get Over Or Just Something We Learn To Manage?

There are a lot of things that I most likely could have accomplished by now if it weren’t for the fear that rises up whenever I am getting ready to take that metaphorical leap of faith. Sometimes I manage to nudge myself off of that ledge and just go for it anyway. More often than those times where I take the risk, are the ones in which I am frozen, paralyzed with fear. I wish there was a way to explain the anxiety I feel any time I try to go after something that I’ve been dreaming of. Or the anxiety I feel when I actually go for it.                                                          

Logically, I know that the best chance I have at succeeding in achieving my dreams is to actually go after them. But crippling fear is not logical. There are opportunities that I have had, that I have turned down, because I was just too afraid to deal with the anxiety I would experience had I taken those opportunities. I will say with absolute certainty that I have had many moments where I have tried things and stepped out on faith and have failed but those aren’t the moments that I regret the most. I regret the moments that I just didn’t step out there and try period.

Last year I was supposed to have a Year of Yes after reading Shonda Rhimes book of that same title in which she detailed how much her life turned around an d changed for the better just by saying yes. She promised herself that she would say yes to absolutely everything for an entire year. Some things she ended up wishing she hadn’t but for the most part she was forever changed for the better just by saying YES. I wanted to be that person. That did not happen. It also didn’t happen the year after that. I had modified the statement and said that I was just going to say yes more, which I did but I think that defeated the purpose behind the whole premise. I will admit I have gotten a lot better at ignoring my fear in the last few years with doing things I am terrified of but I also know I need to do better.

I haven’t gotten rid of my fear. I’m not really sure that I ever will. There was a time when I thought that I could. Now I just try the best I can to manage that fear. To not let it keep me from everything I desire to do. We all have things that make us take a beat before doing them. We have those moments where we wonder, are we doing the right thing, is this really going to work. We question whether or not we should really be going after the dream that everyone else thinks is ridiculous. We wonder if the fear is really just that gut instinct telling us that we shouldn’t do something, or us talking ourselves out of what we know we need to do. I guess fear can be tricky that way.

Until next time… #BeBold #BeCouragous #BeMotivated

 Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

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https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself

It is the beginning of week 2 of NaNoWriMo and I just wanted to take some time to remind all of those participating to make sure that you are taking some time for self care. I was reminded from a fellow writer that self-care should not be something that we put on a reward system but rather something that is built in to our normal regular routine. You could take an hour or so every day to just do something for you that doesn’t involve exerting your creative energy. Or you could do something more like what I do and take an entire day each week (Sunday) to just relax, watch TV, read, whatever does not expel more creative energy, but instead refills that well. 

Writing is something can take a lot of mental energy out of you (contrary to what some non-writers think) and it is not something that is easy or for the faint of heart.  No matter what you have decided to do as your project for NaNoWriMo, whether a full length novel, a few short stories, or some scripts for a screenplay or a stage play, make sure that you don’t take for granted your physical health as well as your mental health.

Also, lean on your writer friends and your writing community. Whether you have a writer’s group you go to in person (if you’re back to that now) or over on YouTube in the AuthorTube community where there are hundreds, possibly even thousands of other writers going through the same things that you are with your project, there are people in your corner. I hope that you have a good week 2 of NaNo and take some time for you!

Until next time… #BeMotivated #BeDiligent #BeMindful

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

NaNoWriMo Is Right Around the Corner…And I am Not Quite Ready!

It is just about that time of year again! No, not the holiday season (in which the Christmas displays get put up before Halloween can even pass) but rather the NaNoWriMo month long challenge to write a book in 30 days (well 50,000 words of it anyway). This particular NaNoWriMo is going to be even more challenging for me because I am tackling the Middle Grade genre for the first time ever.

I have wanted to write this middle grade book, or series rather, for many, many years now (since my daughter was in middle school and she is now a high school graduate) but I kept letting the words of others influence me. Those who said that you’re not supposed to write in multiple genres using the same name for every genre you write in. Or the whispers of those who say that I don’t know anything about writing middle grade. Well duh, of course I don’t, but how else am I supposed to gain experience in writing in that genre without, you know, actually writing in it.

It is intimidating to write in a genre you’re only read for pleasure and have never written and writing for kids period is just incredibly scary because kids are harsh critics. However, I would be doing myself, and more importantly God, a disservice if I didn’t go after everything that I want to do and that I feel He has put a purpose in my heart to do. I don’t know how good (or bad) I’ll be at writing it until I actually sit down and write it.

So that’s my project for NaNoWriMo this year, the first book in a middle grade series (for more information about my project my video on it will be released on my YouTube channel on Thursday) and I’m pretty excited about. The only thing that has me a bit more anxious this NaNo (well more anxious than I am on a regular basis) is that I am not nearly as prepared as I usually am when I get ready to start a new book.

I’m sure that I will be by the end of this week, I’ll make sure of it, but I’m a bit nervous that I haven’t yet figured out my outline and everything at this point. I am having fun going back and watch shows I watched as a middle school kid, or just shows that I liked that are for middle grade children to try and get in the mindset of writing for a 12 year old. Nevertheless, I will start with what I have because in life that’s what you have to do right. Start where you are!

Until next time… #BeMotivated #Be Productive #BeConsistent

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

There Is Value In the Work Already Completed

In one of my last YouTube videos I was talking about productivity and how I felt like I was being more and more productive but still never felt like I was productive enough.  It seems like the more I get done, the more there is that I want to be doing.  I suppose that one could say that at least there’s some comfort in knowing that I’m definitely not lazy and that effort is most certainly not my problem. 

Then I saw the above quote and realized that I wasn’t truly taking stock of the things that I was able to get done. I wasn’t taking notice of the fact that while I still have a lot I want to do and want my business to be doing for others that there was value in the work that had already been completed.  I know I have probably said this here in various ways before but we have to acknowledge the work we’ve done before getting lost down the rabbit hole of constantly doing and trying to do.

I’m not saying that we don’t always need to be putting in a tremendous amount of effort on each and every endeavor we tackle. I’m saying that every once in a while we need to take a step back to look at what we’ve already managed to achieve and be proud of it and celebrate it. I think that in essence helps with productivity because it allows us to see that our efforts are not wasted.

Until next time… #BeEncouraged #BeProductive #BeConsistent

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

Sometimes The Battles We Survive Are Lessons For Others

I was listening to a motivational message yesterday that said that sometimes the things that we go through in life is not to somehow punish us but rather so that we can be a lesson for someone else later on. God uses the battles that we fight through as a tool to expose our strengths. He uses our difficulties and defeats more than he uses our successes. I often wonder how God is using the struggles that I’ve been through because sometimes it’s hard to see how any of my experiences can be of any help to someone else.

However, if we really think about it, when we listen to the stories of successful people and jot down all of the lessons that we got from their journey, we are in fact learning from their defeats. I mean no one succeeds at anything the first time out the gate. Those people who we admire and are motivated by most likely failed far more times than they will ever actually admit. Their struggles and overall experiences are what we are learning from.

I grew up in a primarily fatherless, abusive household, physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive. Affection was not something that was normal, and the words ‘I love you’ were rarely said and being bullied on top of abused by your own mother is a special level of abuse that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. As a teenager, after trying to commit suicide with pills multiple times, at 16 I finally ran away to live with a complete and total stranger because I knew if I didn’t that one day I would most certainly succeed in one of those suicide attempts.

In recent years I have become very hyperaware of the fact that I survived a lot of what I’ve gone through for a significant reason and that is to help get others through some of those same struggles, and even some of those same failures. I find myself telling my daughter now about lessons I learned through doing things the wrong way so that she hopefully will not repeat those mistakes. And yes, I know that is what we as parents are supposed to be doing but that reality is lost on some parents these days.               

I say all of this to say that I know that I can somehow help someone else who may possibly be being abused at home, or being bullied relentlessly, or someone who just feels that they shouldn’t be here on this earth anymore. I have come across young teenagers who have been struggling with the types of things that I already lived through and who were feeling helpless and as if they had no purpose and I’d like to think that something I said to them helped them get through at least that one moment (at least that’s what they told me later) and I don’t know if I would have been able to be of any comfort to them had I not already gone through those same types of feelings and experiences.

Sometimes we feel that life is unfair and that things happen to us just out of the blue and for no actual good reason. I know that feeling. I used to wonder what I could have possibly done wrong to have such crappy things happen to me. But I get it now. I get that we have to take those crappy experiences and turn them around to be of good use to someone else. 

We can’t change the experiences we’ve already had (unless you know of a time machine lol) but we can make sure that we allow them to serve a greater purpose.  Don’t try to hide your struggles and defeats. The battles you have faced are for someone else’s benefit. Use those experiences to make sure someone else comes through on the other side of their struggles.  You may have the answers that someone else is looking for.

Until next time… #BeEncouraged #BePurposeful #BeofService  

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

Take the Limits Off Your Dreams

“Don’t base your hopes on your perceived limitations” ~ Steve Harvey

I’ve been thinking a lot about the opportunities that we pass up on in life, for one reason or another. I don’t know whether it’s a lack of belief in our own abilities, or because you start to believe the doubts others have of your abilities, or just out of the sheer fear of failing out loud. I think that we tend to short change ourselves when we talk ourselves out of opportunities because of our own limits.   

I have a lot of ambition and a lot of things that I want to do with my writing and my brand. I also have a lot of things that I wished I would have went for and just didn’t, not for lack of hope, but because of my own limitations. I have an idea of things that I can do or can’t do and sometimes I don’t give myself enough credit.

I have certain writing positions that I have seen that I want to submit for but I haven’t because I simply am anxious about whether my writing would be good enough, because of my perceived limitations in my abilities. I at one point wanted to try my hand at acting but I could not get past my own hang-ups and my own doubts in what I would or wouldn’t be able to do. I’ve wanted to reach out to try to interview authors and entrepreneurs but because I feel that doubt creeping in I haven’t. I’ve seemingly convinced myself that there’s no way that they would do an interview for my magazine because they are who they are, without even attempting to get the interview.

I am fully aware that I place limitations on myself mainly out fear and self doubt which is a difficult beast to tame. Sometimes, even when you think that you’ve moved past the fear and then it just hits you out of nowhere. Limitations are fine for many things, one being when you are setting boundaries in terms of the people you allow in your life. The point when limitations become damaging is when you allow them to hold you back from everything that you are capable of achieving.

What is it that you are telling yourself that you won’t accomplish? What have you convinced yourself that you’re not good enough at so you shouldn’t even give it a shot? What dreams have you short changed yourself from because you allowed yourself to think that they are too unattainable? It’s not too late to change that way of thinking around and to take the limits off of yourself. Start today! Go out for that one goal that you thought you couldn’t reach. I assure you that you will get closer to that goal if you don’t limit yourself. Let’s work on that together!

Until next time… #BeAmbitious #BeBold #BeFearless

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

Some Moves Need to Be Made in Silence

I read in a book before, I believe it was a Steve Harvey book, that you shouldn’t share all of your dreams with the people around you. Not because your dreams are silly or anything like that, or even because you’re afraid someone is going to steal your idea, but because of the people who will try to dim your light and dampen your drive and enthusiasm.  So while I share a lot with you guys about the things that I want or plan to do, I don’t share some of the plans that are the most important to me because I just don’t want anyone to throw cold water on my dreams and trying to tell me what they think I won’t be able to do.

This morning I heard something new that caught my attention. I always speak to everyone I come in contact with (I try to anyway) by saying good morning or good afternoon and then asking them how they are doing. There’s a cashier that I regularly go to at the store and every time I ask how she’s doing she says “oh I can’t complain” which in and of itself is an excellent stance to take on life. That while I could complain (there are some things I could definitely complain about) what would be the point. She put an extra twist on that this morning. She said “she never wants to let the devil know her business”, meaning that once you release that complaint, the devil gets to working and he gets busy. If you don’t complain then you don’t give the devil anything to work with. I love that.

I had never thought of it like that and it was an amazing outlook. I suppose essentially the idea is that you move forward on your journey in silence (obviously not complete and total silence—I mean I have a close circle of people that I share things with because those are my people), not sharing intimate details of your plans with a ton of people and not sharing any details of the obstacles and pitfalls that you hit along your path.  I think sometimes we tend to share so many of our thoughts with others, either in person or via social media, and we forget to follow through with those plans. I’m not suggesting that people are styling and profiling (wow showing my age with that phrase lol) for the masses but sometimes we do a lot more talking and neglect to put in the action that’s needed to make things happen.

I know that for myself I have been working on the not complaining part because I don’t want to put that energy out into the universe (I mean isn’t there already enough negative energy in this world right now) and complaining doesn’t really help make anything better. I think that keeping a positive mindset and not focusing on or dwelling in the things that happen to us, the things that we can’t necessarily change, just takes time away from the good things that you can be doing with our time and our energy.  There is far too much work to be done on our individual journey’s to waste any amount of time on things that don’t help to move us forward. I hope that you have a good group of people around you that you can confide in, but make sure you don’t confide in just anyone because those random people could be the one’s secretly wishing for you to fail. Just know that you can’t tell everyone the moves you’re planning to make, you just simply have to move.

Until next time… #BeBold #BeCourageous #BeConfident  

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

You Have to Protect Your Space

I am extremely careful about who I let into my space these days. I have gone from being a person with a wide circle of friends and associates to a person who just has a few select friends that I interact with, and they are people who understand that my space is precious to me and that the energy in my space can’t be negative. But then there are family members that can’t exactly be ignored or discarded because, well, they’re family.

It’s not easy to ignore negative criticism or when people talk down to you about your dreams or the things that you are working towards. It’s particularly hard when it comes from unexpected places like your family. This past weekend a family member made sure that they sent me a text message first thing in the morning to convey how sad they were that it didn’t seem like people were buying my book and that it didn’t look like I was getting any support from even my fellow authors on my Ko-fi page. They proceeded to tell me ways that I could bring more attention to my book and my site in general.

Mind you this person is not experienced in marketing (for the record nether am I), they have no idea what I have sold or haven’t sold book wise, and this person also refused to promote my book at all in the lead up to its release. Now I am okay with their lack of support even though they are family and to be fair they have contributed to my Ko-fi page (which is how they know I’m not getting enough support—at least in their eyes) but that doesn’t give them the right to try to poison my day. This person is the kind of person that somehow sees negative comments and unsolicited negative advice as them being helpful. They see negativity as a tool to toughen someone up and light the proverbial fire under them.

Now I have come a long way in learning how to ignore the negative self-talk that I have in my own mind and to put a positive spin on nearly everything because honestly it doesn’t help me to see the negative points about what I’m working towards. I know that there are some people that it works for but I am not one of those people. As a person who has suffered with many bouts of deep depression and still struggles not to let myself get to that place again, I don’t need someone pointing out every negative thing they can think of. Trust me, I have probably already said it to myself anyway.

Now this person also clearly has not researched the statistical data behind the fact the most authors do not sell a ton of books with their first book, maybe not even their second or third (hell Dan Brown said no one even paid attention to him until his fourth book) and I knew that going in and have had that fact in my mind. I don’t write or publish books to try and get rich (not that I would mind it lol). I write and publish because I love it, always have since I was ten years old (really six) and because I have things to say that I feel are important enough that someone else might actually want to read it and might even get something out of it.

This family member seems to always, when I’m at my most peaceful state, want to drop their words of negativity in my lap and just thinks I’m supposed to thank them for it. They don’t respect my space and they don’t seem to understand or care that the negative comments are not just hurtful and destructive, but they’re just unnecessary. I’m not going to deny that I got in my feelings about this message that morning for about an hour or two but then I let it go. I proceeded to ignore any further messages and didn’t respond to the one’s that were sent and I went back to protecting my space.  

We all have different ideas of what our happy place is. That place of peace where even if the world starts to crumble (or feels like it anyway) you still are armed with the knowledge and self-assurance that everything will be okay. It’s that space where I know that God would never give me more than I can handle and if I’m not strong enough he will be there to provide me with the strength that I need. We have to protect our spaces and keep those who wish to destroy it out, and not to be mean or nasty, but to keep ourselves sane and okay.  I hope that you are protecting your space and I wish you well in doing so.

Until next time… #BeProtective #BeMindful #BeMotivated

Jimmetta Carpenter 

Writer/Editor 

http://write-2-be.com/

http://write2bemagazine.com/

https://www.amazon.com/author/jccarpenter

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJCCarpenter

https://www.write2bematters.com

https://twitter.com/jcladyluv 

https://twitter.com/write2bemag 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

Side note:  I have a new Author Newsletter that I would love it if you signed up for http://www.tinyletter.com/Author_JCCarpenter

Another Side Note: If any of you would like to buy me a coffee and donate to my creative endeavors then please feel free to https://ko-fi.com/authorjccarpenter

Do I Really Need to Say Yes More?

I read Shonda Rhimes book, Year of Yes, a couple of years ago and I vowed after reading it to start saying yes to things more often. Essentially I promised myself that I would be more open to change. After all, isn’t saying yes more geared towards the things that are out of your comfort zone and that you normally wouldn’t do? I will admit that there are some things that I have done since reading that books that I ordinarily wouldn’t have done, one of them being starting my YouTube channel. There’s a few more things that I have done that required me to step out of my bubble of comfort but I would assess that there have been far more times that saying no was the better move for me.

I have struggled in the past to find that balance between throwing caution to the wind and saying yes to things and knowing when to draw the line and just say no for myself. It would seem that at the moment when I finally learned how to say no to the things that I don’t want to do for my own sanity and self-care, that I lost some of that ability to say yes. I do believe that the Pandemic of the last year and a half also gave me further permission to be more of a no person than that yes person that I was working on becoming.

Honestly, I’m not sure that I want to be that ‘say yes to everything’ person because I don’t know that I would be a very happy person if I did that. I spent most of my childhood, my twenties, and a sizable chunk of my thirties saying yes to things that I just didn’t want to do at all, but not for the aspect of change, rather to please other people. I don’t know if it’s different when you’re saying yes for change and saying yes to people please but either way I don’t know that I can be that person. Sometimes no really is the right answer.  

Now this is not anything against the people who say yes to every single thing and who love doing so. I think that it’s great to discover what works for you and if you are someone who says no to EVERYTHING then you should definitely read Shonda Rhimes book and incorporate yes more into your vocabulary.  It’s good to explore and step out of the bubble of comfort sometimes. For me, I just cannot say yes to everything because then I get in this place where I start feeling like I’m doing things more for someone else and not for myself. I don’t want to go back to that place where I’m pleasing everyone else by saying yes to what they think I should do to the detriment of my own mental health and my own joy. I will not give up this peace that I have found and if that means I say no more than yes, so be it.

Until next time… #BeTruetoYourself #BeStrong #BeAuthentic

Jimmetta Carpenter 

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