Let Me Not Wallow Anymore

“There is no advancement to him who stands trembling because he cannot see the end from the beginning.”

~E.J. Klemme 

I was thinking the other night, yet again, about how bad things are and how I can almost see that light at the end of the tunnel but I’m getting frustrated because I feel as if that light should be much closer by now.  I was thinking of how I just wish things, for once, could be going the way that I need for them to go.  What I was doing was wallowing, and it wasn’t the first time.  I was focusing so much on what isn’t going right that I wasn’t thinking about the things that are going right.

My best friend, Ms. L., hates it when I get so far down in the dumps that I can’t see any possible chance of something positive happening.  She doesn’t like to hear me speak of all of the things that I think I can’t do because of this, that, or the other.  She tells me that she doesn’t want to hear it and that she’s there for me but she can’t be around the negativity.  To tell you the truth she actually has had the nerve to hang up on me once and I was mad.  Those times when she would shut me down when I’m just simply trying to express what I’m feeling at the moment I could not understand how she couldn’t just be there for me and listen.  But more and more I realize that she was being a friend, a really good friend.  

Not only was she not going to let me tear myself down and make light of my goals or my potential, but she also wasn’t going to let me bring her down into my pit of negativity.  I can appreciate that now because I have a person that is in my orbit that constantly tries to find one way or another to bring me down to her level of negativity and tries even harder to keep me feeling that way.  I find myself constantly having to cut her off in the midst of her trying to make me commiserate in her own misery and negative feelings just so I can maintain my optimism that I find myself having to work at maintaining on a daily basis.  

Sometimes I get stuck feeling a certain way, I get in a funk and too many times I allow myself to stay in that funk for far too long but it is having a friend like Ms. L. that can give me a good shaking (not physically of course) to make me see that wallowing is not going to change anything, but rather allow things to continue on being the same.  Changing one’s circumstances can only happen once you stop questioning why me, and why did this or that happen, and actually do something about the situation that you don’t want to be in anymore.  It’s good to have a friend that will risk hurting your feelings and upsetting you in order to save you from yourself.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Until next time…Stop wallowing in the things you can’t change and get out there and make the changes that you have the power to make!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

Am I All Out Of Miracles?

Faith isn’t the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.  It’s simply taking God at his word and taking the next step.

~Joni Erickson Tada

There comes a point when you decide to make the decision that you want to be an artists full time, but you don’t entirely have the means and resources to make that work, in which you realize that there are going to be an insurmountable amount of stumbles and falls along the way.  You might have even romanticized the whole starving artists’ concept and thought it might be cool to rise up from the ashes of despair and make it big proving all of the naysayers wrong.  You have probably had more than your fair share of tiny miracles along the way that you didn’t expect but were lifesavers when they presented themselves.  Well lately I’ve been feeling defeated and like I might actually be all out of my share of miracles. 

In the creative world, we rely a lot on the favor of others and more importantly on the miracles that God provides us with.  It’s not like other fields and industries where things are more certain and definitive.  For us creative types it is more of a, go where the wind blows, kind of thing.  I have went for quite some time now, not really knowing how things were going to work themselves out, just knowing that they would.  I have had many moments where I didn’t know what was on the other side but I could see the bright, or sometimes dim, light at the end of a very long tunnel.  So what do you do when you can’t see that light anymore and the length of the tunnel has become indefinite? 

There are moments when I’ve looked at those bills that come in the mail, and the activities my child can’t do, or the clothes that she needs but I sometimes can’t buy, and I’ve wondered, is God going to leave me hanging this time?  Of course I already know that the answer to that question is no but every now and then I feel like maybe I have asked for one too many miracles and one of these days God’s going to get tired of me burdening him.  I feel like I should have all of this stuff figured out by now and I should be able to go a long period of time without begging him for his favor.    

Logically I do know that through God all things are possible and I realize that God’s love and his favor is limitless and that the miracles that he provides us with are endless.  .  If people are going to make anything happen in this life the best thing that they could do is to have faith.  Faith that things are going to be okay and that God is not going to put you through anything more than what you can handle.  Faith in yourself and in the talents and gifts that God has given you and the purpose that he has given your life.  Faith that you are not going to really ever run out of miracles so long as you keep reaching out your hands to receive them.  From one starving artists’ to all the others, treasure all of your miracles and even when you are doubtful of yourself and your talent, step out on faith and let God do all the rest. 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://jayceedurant.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://freemynd.wordpress.com/

http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/ 

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

 

Still Standing

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.
— Eleanor Roosevelt

When I started writing this blog post the other day I was questioning everything from whether I am really as good of a writer as I think I am, to if I really had enough strength in me to do what I believe I am destined to do.  I was beginning to feel as if the tunnel that I am in is getting longer and darker with no light at the end.  It felt like all of the walls were closing in on me and that I was going to be suffocated underneath the rumble.  I was completely defeated, feeling all out of my share of miracles and the devil had a tight grip on me.  I had almost surrendered.  Almost.

And then I had a conversation with my best friend in which she said something that reminded me that I already knew all of the answers to the questions that I had and that the one thing that I am not is a quitter.  As I was talking to her I got a link in my e-mail to her latest blog post, The Vision Cannot Wait, which was just the icing on the cake of what I needed.  It reminded me that what I believe I am destined to do is a part of a vision that I have had for myself since I was six years old.  In twenty four years I had never let go of that vision and I was not going to let the devil take my vision away now.

The devil is always busy but it seems like he’s been really working on me a lot lately.  He has been throwing every obstacle at me that he knew would stop me dead in my tracks.  Picking away at any part of me he knows to be vulnerable.  Plucking away all of the petals of a purposeful flower, holding it back from its full bloom.  I have been up against so many walls lately, hell it seems like my whole life has been an obstacle course.  But lucky for me, the devil is no match for God.     

God has his way of stepping right in when you feel yourself sinking under.  Just as you throw your hands up to tell him that you can’t take any more, he is already there relieving you of your load.  He may not come to rescue you before the storm passes, but he will never let you drown.  While I know that I shouldn’t, there are times when I forget that.  There are times that I forget the strength that God instilled me with.  I just have to keep reminding myself that those walls that are blocking my view of that light at the end of this tunnel won’t always be there. 

I have faith that if I just keep putting in the work and jumping over all of the hurdles that come along that my vision will become a reality.  There is a reason why I am still standing, still surviving, still dreaming, and still pushing and its called purpose.  That phone call from my best friend reminded me of the strength that I sometimes forget that I have inside.  My determination to see my vision become a reality is stronger than any attempts the devil makes to take it way.  If nothing else I am a survivor and this storm too shall pass and I will still be standing when it does.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://jayceedurant.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://freemynd.wordpress.com/

http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/ 

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter