“Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible.”
~George Claude Lorimer
I listened to Ms. L. the other day as she talked about the series of articles that she just had published in her city’s local newspaper and the projects that she has coming up (let me add, paying projects), and how she is really starting to make some pretty good income with her writing just as she wanted to do with her business. Just as we both had hoped to do with our businesses. She is beginning to flourish and I am really proud of her. But honestly I am a tad bit jealous as well (but not in the bad way). It’s not that I don’t want her to succeed but I just wish that I was flourishing just as much as her, alongside her.
When I listen to her and hear her talk about her daily activities and just how productive she has been I see the same fire lit under her and the same drive inside of her that I used to have. She’s always on the go and pulling all-nighters and I can remember when I used to be the same way. My drive was so intense that I barely slept and I would skip meals just so that I could work on my writing. I have no idea when that fire in me started to die down. I didn’t mean for it to.
I know that I haven’t loss my passion for writing or for any of the things that I hope to do with my writing and my media company that I am currently trying to build up. I have a multitude of plans and my brain is constantly turning with more and more ideas by the hour, sometimes by the minute. But yet when it comes to actually executing those ideas and plans, after I’ve done all of the normal things that need to be done during my day, I sit down and the act of execution on those plans falls by the waist-side. I get tired and at times I accidentally fall asleep without ever tackling any of the things on my to-do list.
I don’t mean to be such a full blown procrastinator and I certainly don’t mean to have a head (and notebook) full of plans and ideas and never accomplishing even a tenth of them. I wish I had an explanation (at least a good one) for falling down on the job of making my dreams happen and I wish I understood why my drive and my fire isn’t naturally there the way it used to be, but I don’t. All I know is that this week I plan to get it together because I will only have myself to blame if I fail and no one else can make this happen for me.
I suppose I will just have to do what people do when they go to start their stove and they hear the clicking sound but yet the fire doesn’t immediately come on like it used to. They don’t just stop cooking their food, they go light a match or a lighter and get the fire started again themselves. I know that I still love what I do and I know I still have the passion for it and now I am just going to find a way to reignite the fire so that my dreams don’t burn out too. If any of you out there are feeling like the biggest procrastinator in the world, you are not alone and it does not have to stay that way. The flame can always be reignited, even if it has to be done manually.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”