I have always known I wanted to be a writer (well obviously not as a baby but from the age of 6 so fairly young) and once I knew that writing was my dream I slowly began guiding myself towards that. Now at 6 I wasn’t crafting novels or anything (although that is not unheard of today) but I began reading all kinds of different stories and discovering what types of stories interested me. By the time I turned 10 I began taking the bad experiences that were going on at home and using those emotions that I felt to begin crafting poetry.
I started to envision all of the roads and paths that writing was going to take me down. I admit I was always a bit of a dreamer and that my dreams of where I was going to go within my writing career were probably a bit exaggerated but I could have sworn that I was going to be somewhere so different by the time I reached my thirties and I always imagined the best of circumstances.
Here I am now, in my early thirties, and I am not even in the vicinity of where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I feel as if life keeps kicking me when I’m already down and while I know that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, I don’t feel like I am getting any stronger with every struggle that comes my way. I sit and wonder at times where did things get off track and wonder if I could only go back to that point where the course changed then maybe I could finally get to the point that I want to be at.
The problem with that is that going back and trying to reroute the course changes a lot of the good things that have happened, one of them being my daughter, and I can’t say that I would trade a lot of the experiences that I have had for anything else. If I dwell on what could’ve been in some dreamed about future from when I was too young to know any better then I will begin to take for granted all of the good things that I do have. Not only that but I will take for granted all of the lessons that my mistakes have taught me.
I suppose there’s a reason for everything that happens. Even when you veer off the path that you were meant to travel on, the detours always provide something that you wouldn’t have experienced otherwise. It’s hard when you feel like you are continually being kicked when you are already down. However, the other side of that coin is that sometimes it takes a good kick to get you headed back in the right direction again. It’s never too late to change the circumstances that are keeping you down as long as you’re willing to keep getting right back up for the next round.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”