The other day I met up with a writing friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a while and of course we talked about our perspective projects and how our impending writing careers were coming along. Neither one of us have gotten to where we want to be in our writing careers but both of us were full of excitement over our ideas of how we can possibly get there. I didn’t have my optimism cap on that day so while I was excited about my ideas, I wasn’t able to express as much hope of them coming to fruition as she had for them.
She actually said that listening to all of my ideas and knowing how talented I am as a writer, she could see dollar signs when she looked at me. She said that I have so many great ideas and such a wealth of knowledge to impart on others and she didn’t see why I didn’t see all of the potential income that was there for me. All I could hear inside my head was that little nagging voice that keeps telling me that none of it will ever work.
Despite the fact that I have seen others with ideas similar to mine and some not even as great as mine that were maximizing their ideas into a steady and stable income for themselves all I could think to myself was that it would never work for me. I don’t know what it is that creeps in and keeps feeding me the notion that I am not good enough and not as good as other writers out there but every so often there it is. It just keeps whispering all of the negative thoughts about myself that I have thought for most of my life and have been working tirelessly to get away from thinking.
Some days it’s harder than others to think the best things and to see in myself what others seem to see in me. When I finished meeting with my friend I did feel more energized and like I had more ideas than I did when I first sat down. The problem with me has never been coming up with good ideas, but rather bringing those ideas to life and displaying them for all to see. It would be nice to get to a point where I am just always confident in my abilities as a writer, as a business person, and to stop doubting and questioning myself.
I know that if I could get there, to that point of confidence, then things would flow easier and with less fear. It’s funny because people will say, “well if you know that that’s all you need to do is have more confidence then why don’t you just have more confidence so you can do what needs to be done” but it is a lot easier said then done. I think it is interesting just how many writers there are that actually question how good they are at what they do. It’s nice to know that it’s not just me. How is your writer confidence level?
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
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