“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I am not an optimistic person by nature. I have had quite a bit of bad happen in my life and typically when something good happens I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Being optimistic is something that I have to really work at and some days it is a lot harder then others. I wish that I was one of those glass half full type of people but for the most part I am not. It might have a lot to do with the fact that my mother always drilled it into my head that I was bad luck and that I attracted bad things in my life. I guess I’m just now realizing how much of her words actually seeped into my subconscious.
I know that “that which doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” and while I know from experience that this is true, I’m not going to lie and say that it isn’t difficult to have faith that the good (you can’t see) is just around the corner when you’re in the moment where everything seems to be going so terribly wrong. However, I have an abundance of faith in God and in the fact that there is a reason and a purpose for everything that he does within my life. There are those moments when not knowing what those reasons are gets frustrating but I know that God only has good intentions for me and that there is nothing that he would allow me to go through if he felt I couldn’t handle it (and he seems to think I am a lot stronger than I am).
This has (so far) been one of those weeks where I have to work harder to keep that faith that things will work out. I’ve had to keep reminding myself that God has to have his reasons for putting me through this test and take it as just that, a test. I wish I knew what God had in mind but I suppose that right, it is not for me to know, but just to trust that what is meant to be in my favor will work out.
I feel better just writing this post because while writing it I have gained some perspective. Maybe my pessimism will meet my optimism somewhere in the middle and balance itself out to understand that while things seem really bad at this moment, they could be worse. I know that there are good things in my future. I also know that I am not going to always be able to see everything good that God has mapped out for me. It is something that I have to just have faith in.
I know that it is hard not to worry, believe me I know. But we have to remember that it’s all in God’s hands anyway. It is going to work out whatever way he wants it to work out. Take care and be blessed!
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
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