“Many of life’s failures are people who had not realized how close they were to success when they gave up.”
So I was reading Ms. L’s blog post yesterday, “Bucket List”, and started thinking about all of the things that I might include on my own personal bucket list and if I was so courageous enough to make a list, just how many of those things would I actually be able to cross off.
For the past few weeks I have been trying to not to be depressed over the state of my current circumstances, and I must say I have been losing that battle because it just seems like things keep getting worse. I’ve been waking up day after day wondering how I got here at the age of 30 (almost 31) and still so far behind in my list of goals and accomplishments. It’s like every time something goes right there are three more things that go wrong to completely demolish the one right thing that happened.
I guess you could say that for a little while I lost my motivation for even trying to make things go my way. I figured that if it was meant to happen for me it would’ve happened by now, right? Well I have come back to my senses now and I am ready to get right back in the ring of life and fight for where I want my life to be. I have had my share of what some might call luck and I have definitely had some miracles along the way and that has to count for something.
So maybe I wouldn’t be able to check off even half of my list yet. Maybe I am not quite there yet in succeeding in all of the aspects of life that I want to but I am not at square one either. Even being in the middle of my journey means that I have accomplished something worth being proud of. I may have quite a ways to go but stopping now is not an option that I am willing to explore.
When I stop to think about how I got here, I have to think about where here actually is. I am relatively healthy, I have a beautiful and healthy vibrant and incredibly smart daughter, I have the talent and ability to write which is what I’ve wanted to do since I was six years old, and I have the drive and determination to make it happen no matter what or how long it takes. I guess when I sit back and think about it, being “here” isn’t really so bad.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”