A Bad Case of How Did I Get Here

“Many of life’s failures are people who had not realized how close they were to success when they gave up.”

~Thomas Edison 

So I was reading Ms. L’s blog post yesterday, “Bucket List”, and started thinking about all of the things that I might include on my own personal bucket list and if I was so courageous enough to make a list, just how many of those things would I actually be able to cross off.  

For the past few weeks I have been trying to not to be depressed over the state of my current circumstances, and I must say I have been losing that battle because it just seems like things keep getting worse.  I’ve been waking up day after day wondering how I got here at the age of 30 (almost 31) and still so far behind in my list of goals and accomplishments.  It’s like every time something goes right there are three more things that go wrong to completely demolish the one right thing that happened.  

I guess you could say that for a little while I lost my motivation for even trying to make things go my way.  I figured that if it was meant to happen for me it would’ve happened by now, right?  Well I have come back to my senses now and I am ready to get right back in the ring of life and fight for where I want my life to be.  I have had my share of what some might call luck and I have definitely had some miracles along the way and that has to count for something.  

So maybe I wouldn’t be able to check off even half of my list yet.  Maybe I am not quite there yet in succeeding in all of the aspects of life that I want to but I am not at square one either.  Even being in the middle of my journey means that I have accomplished something worth being proud of.  I may have quite a ways to go but stopping now is not an option that I am willing to explore.  

When I stop to think about how I got here, I have to think about where here actually is.  I am relatively healthy, I have a beautiful and healthy vibrant and incredibly smart daughter, I have the talent and ability to write which is what I’ve wanted to do since I was six years old, and I have the drive and determination to make it happen no matter what or how long it takes.  I guess when I sit back and think about it, being “here” isn’t really so bad. 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://jayceedurant.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://freemynd.wordpress.com/

http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/ 

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

Am I All Out Of Miracles?

Faith isn’t the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.  It’s simply taking God at his word and taking the next step.

~Joni Erickson Tada

There comes a point when you decide to make the decision that you want to be an artists full time, but you don’t entirely have the means and resources to make that work, in which you realize that there are going to be an insurmountable amount of stumbles and falls along the way.  You might have even romanticized the whole starving artists’ concept and thought it might be cool to rise up from the ashes of despair and make it big proving all of the naysayers wrong.  You have probably had more than your fair share of tiny miracles along the way that you didn’t expect but were lifesavers when they presented themselves.  Well lately I’ve been feeling defeated and like I might actually be all out of my share of miracles. 

In the creative world, we rely a lot on the favor of others and more importantly on the miracles that God provides us with.  It’s not like other fields and industries where things are more certain and definitive.  For us creative types it is more of a, go where the wind blows, kind of thing.  I have went for quite some time now, not really knowing how things were going to work themselves out, just knowing that they would.  I have had many moments where I didn’t know what was on the other side but I could see the bright, or sometimes dim, light at the end of a very long tunnel.  So what do you do when you can’t see that light anymore and the length of the tunnel has become indefinite? 

There are moments when I’ve looked at those bills that come in the mail, and the activities my child can’t do, or the clothes that she needs but I sometimes can’t buy, and I’ve wondered, is God going to leave me hanging this time?  Of course I already know that the answer to that question is no but every now and then I feel like maybe I have asked for one too many miracles and one of these days God’s going to get tired of me burdening him.  I feel like I should have all of this stuff figured out by now and I should be able to go a long period of time without begging him for his favor.    

Logically I do know that through God all things are possible and I realize that God’s love and his favor is limitless and that the miracles that he provides us with are endless.  .  If people are going to make anything happen in this life the best thing that they could do is to have faith.  Faith that things are going to be okay and that God is not going to put you through anything more than what you can handle.  Faith in yourself and in the talents and gifts that God has given you and the purpose that he has given your life.  Faith that you are not going to really ever run out of miracles so long as you keep reaching out your hands to receive them.  From one starving artists’ to all the others, treasure all of your miracles and even when you are doubtful of yourself and your talent, step out on faith and let God do all the rest. 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://jayceedurant.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://freemynd.wordpress.com/

http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/ 

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter

 

Still Standing

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.
— Eleanor Roosevelt

When I started writing this blog post the other day I was questioning everything from whether I am really as good of a writer as I think I am, to if I really had enough strength in me to do what I believe I am destined to do.  I was beginning to feel as if the tunnel that I am in is getting longer and darker with no light at the end.  It felt like all of the walls were closing in on me and that I was going to be suffocated underneath the rumble.  I was completely defeated, feeling all out of my share of miracles and the devil had a tight grip on me.  I had almost surrendered.  Almost.

And then I had a conversation with my best friend in which she said something that reminded me that I already knew all of the answers to the questions that I had and that the one thing that I am not is a quitter.  As I was talking to her I got a link in my e-mail to her latest blog post, The Vision Cannot Wait, which was just the icing on the cake of what I needed.  It reminded me that what I believe I am destined to do is a part of a vision that I have had for myself since I was six years old.  In twenty four years I had never let go of that vision and I was not going to let the devil take my vision away now.

The devil is always busy but it seems like he’s been really working on me a lot lately.  He has been throwing every obstacle at me that he knew would stop me dead in my tracks.  Picking away at any part of me he knows to be vulnerable.  Plucking away all of the petals of a purposeful flower, holding it back from its full bloom.  I have been up against so many walls lately, hell it seems like my whole life has been an obstacle course.  But lucky for me, the devil is no match for God.     

God has his way of stepping right in when you feel yourself sinking under.  Just as you throw your hands up to tell him that you can’t take any more, he is already there relieving you of your load.  He may not come to rescue you before the storm passes, but he will never let you drown.  While I know that I shouldn’t, there are times when I forget that.  There are times that I forget the strength that God instilled me with.  I just have to keep reminding myself that those walls that are blocking my view of that light at the end of this tunnel won’t always be there. 

I have faith that if I just keep putting in the work and jumping over all of the hurdles that come along that my vision will become a reality.  There is a reason why I am still standing, still surviving, still dreaming, and still pushing and its called purpose.  That phone call from my best friend reminded me of the strength that I sometimes forget that I have inside.  My determination to see my vision become a reality is stronger than any attempts the devil makes to take it way.  If nothing else I am a survivor and this storm too shall pass and I will still be standing when it does.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://jayceedurant.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://freemynd.wordpress.com/

http://spokenlikeaqueen.blogspot.com/ 

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

www.authorsden.com/jimmettacarpenter