“Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.”
Ms. L. and I always joke about writing and our laptops being our husbands. It seems like more of a reality as time goes on and as I pour more of myself into it. If I were truly married to my writing, then I think that our marriage might be in trouble and standing on very shaky ground right now. Marriage of any kind needs love constantly poured into it, attention consistently given to it, passion infused all through it, and it needs to be nurtured through all of its years of commitment and union.
As I think about my writing in those terms, I realize that I haven’t been a good wife to it lately. At times I have neglected my writing and have been completely lazy when it comes to my talent. I haven’t spent enough time with my craft and I have let way too many other personal dilemmas stand in the way of me taking my writing career to the next level (or stage of our relationship). I haven’t nurtured my gift for expressing myself through my words as I know that I can and at times I have appeared to have completely given up on the relationship altogether. But I haven’t given up.
My writing may be the only constant relationship I have had since I developed a love for it at the age of ten. It has been by my side and it has never abandoned me (at least not for extremely large amounts of time), nor has it judged me. It has allowed me to use it as my vessel to the rest of the world and lately I have taken advantage that it will always be around for me. I have not showed it just how much I truly treasure it and how passionate I still feel about it and I am sorry for that.
I know that if I don’t stop neglecting my writing and my purpose altogether, then it will soon leave me. It gives me warnings every time I come down with writer’s block but I’m sure that it feels that it hasn’t gotten through to me. I know that there are times when it just weeps at the fact that I appear to have abandoned it for the fear (the invisible third party in our relationship) that I will never do it justice. Well writing, I want you to know that you have gotten through to me. I am ready to recommit myself to you from this day forward.
I am turning my back on the fear that has interfered with us and plagued us for quite some time now. I have finally realized that if I don’t give you the love and time that you need, you can’t give me the fulfillment that I need in return. I know that I have to nurture you and take time to enhance our relationship so that it only gets better and more purposeful as the years go on.
I plan to spend as many seconds and minutes of the day with you that I can on a daily basis no matter how impossible it may seem to make it happen. I thank you for hanging in there and giving me continuous chances to get our relationship back on the right track. From now until forever I will make sure to honor you and be true to you so that we can prosper in this life together.
I love Writing and I’m just thankful that Writing still loves me right back.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”