I Always Wonder If I Made the Right Choice in Choosing My Dream

“Have the courage to follow your dreams.  It’s the first step towards attaining your destiny.”

~Nikita Koloff 

I was reading a post on a new blog I stumbled on earlier this morning (The Write Life) and it got me thinking about all of the energy and time and money (although not enough of it) and emotions that I have put into my writing and trying to become more successful and get my name out there.  It made me wonder if it has all just been a waste of time and whether or not my time would be better spent working some 9 to 5 job sitting behind some desk typing memos, making copies, and running errands for some boss that I bitch and moan about to my friends as soon as I step foot in my door.  

Perhaps I should have continued to work to build up someone else’s business and continue being frustrated at the lack of time it allowed me to spend with my daughter.  I certainly would have more money to my name than I do now.  I certainly wouldn’t be in a state of perpetual struggle wondering what happens if I don’t have a client, or what happens if I don’t sell my books.  I wouldn’t be in a position where I have to rely on my ability to be fearless (which most days isn’t present) just to be able to put my name out there and get my work seen by the right people (or people who know the right people).  

If I had only chosen some other profession that held a more stable foundation and didn’t provide so much uncertainty, then I might be able to take trips to wherever I want, or throw huge wonderful birthday parties for my daughter, or buy clothes for my daughter as soon as she needs them, or not always be a month behind in paying bills.  I think about the fact that I would be a lot less stressed if I just had a steady stream of income and didn’t choose to go full force at trying to make this thing happen and decide that I wanted to be an at home (or work at home) mother for my daughter.  

A lot of times (more times than I would care to admit) I have those questions run through my head.  Always wondering if I’m a bad mom for choosing my dream over the comfort-ability that lies in always knowing for certain when the next pay check is coming.  But after all of the doubts and fears are swept away, I think about all of the time that I have had with my daughter that I would’ve had to give up and the frustration that I would have continued to feel because I wasn’t able to fully give my writing the attention it needed or deserved when I was working for someone else, and I believe that I have made the right choice, at least the right one for me.  

I know that there are plenty of writers out there who do have a regular9 to 5job in which writing coincides with and I applaud them.  I admire the balance that they are able to have and still maintain their sanity.  I just wasn’t one of those people who could do that.  

Now no one may understand my choice that I made years ago to never go back to working for someone else (at least not in fields and professions that didn’t have anything to do with my passion for writing).  They may see my struggling as proof that it is not the way for them to go about it.  They may (and most likely do) think that I am crazy for not choosing the certainty of knowing when the money is coming in.  They may be right.  

However, when I see the happiness that my daughter feels knowing that I’m going to be the one taking her to school and picking her up and helping her with her homework, I know that I must have done something right.  When I see how proud she is to know her mom is a writer and being able to encourage her to follow her dreams knowing that I followed mine, it makes me feel like its all worth it; all of the uncertainty and the struggle.  There will always be days when I think that I am wasting my time, where I wonder if what I’m doing really makes a difference, but I just have to remember to take a step back and look at what I have already accomplished and know in my heart that I made the best decision, for the both of us.    

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Not many people will follow their dreams if they have to pay the price you have paid. However, these people don’t usually don’t get to experience the satisfaction of working independently and being involved in their childrens’ lives. I admire your courage.

  2. I couldn’t agree with you more. I am a recent SAHM due to my sons illness. We struggle, I stress over the fact that for once in my life I am not the one supporting my family. But in the end, I have seen the changes in my son, and for that, I will continue to do this if it means my son is happier. Plus, I agree with working for other people. Im tired of it, im tired of lazy people that get far in the company and yet they never do a thing. The hard working people are always the ones that never get anywhere…At least from my experience! Good for you for following your dreams!

  3. Good Morning, First thing in the morning, I check your post to see what encouraging tidbit there may be. I am nearing the end of raising my children, 2 boys, a year apart and the oldest graduated high school last year and the youngest will in 8 weeks. I stayed home and wrote, and substitute taught about 1/2 time but now have no money saved for their college. I was there for the homework and the cheap but fun birthday parties and the field trips and wouldn’t trade a moment, but now the lack of money puts me into near panic attacks and the empty nest sounds horrid. I wouldn’t give up a moment I had with them, ut i wish I could send them out the door with more financial backing now. Life is too short to miss their childhood though, or to give up your dreams. I love being a writer and my sons love that i have written two books, just wish I could have it all, and your blog makes me feel less alone in the choices i made.

  4. Hi Jimmetta!
    Thank you for encouraging me through this blog post. I chose missions over a job and recently I’ve added blogging to that and the challenges that you mentioned are very similar. Our written words can have so much power and reach more people than our spoken words, like this blog for example. I think you and you daughter will enjoy my “To Live Your Dream” poem on my Consider the Lilies poetry blog at http://considertheliliespoetry.blogspot.com/2012/04/to-live-your-dream.html
    Christina (Tina) Morley

    • Christina,

      Thank you for your kind words and for letting me know that my blog post was so helpful. It is encouraging to know when my words can help or touch others. I read the poem on your Consider the Lillies poetry blog and it is beautiful. I think I am going to have to look at and read that poem on a regular basis, especially on the days when I need to be reminded that it’s not all for nothing. Thank you again for your words. I hope you continue reading and be blessed.


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