Taking Stock and Putting Things Into Perspective

As this year winds down and comes to a close I find myself in the land of wishing. I wish this year had gone the way I wanted it to. I wish that I had published more. I wish that I had found a new home and not had to stay in what feels like a nightmare that I can’t wake up from (lots of stirred up childhood trauma here). I wish that I could have done more, been better, accomplished everything. I know, some of that seems unrealistic but have you met me. I tend to strive for the damn near impossible and I’m okay with that because in the end, if you shoot for the moon, even if you don’t make it there you will still land somewhere amongst the stars. Or something like that.

Anyway, I was feeling in a woe is me kind of mood tonight (I’m writing this on Christmas Eve, well technically it just turned midnight so it’s Christmas now) and to be honest I’m still there but I got to do one of my favorite Christmas Eve traditions that I didn’t get to do last year and that is watch It’s a Wonderful Life. It’s my favorite Christmas movie and I love more than anything, the overall message in the movie. Turns out my daughter has never seen the movie; she would usually always be in her room watching her own favorite Christmas things.

She had me explain what the movie was about tonight (because you know today’s generation knows next to nothing about good old black and white classic movies lol) and in explaining the message in the movie to her I found myself taking stock of what is good right now. In my explanation (by the way I did not do the best job of explaining this movie which is why I don’t write movie reviews lol) I summed it up by saying overall the movie teaches a lesson that no matter how bad you think you have it, no matter how much you think you don’t matter and there’s no one’s life you make more significant by being here, your life is so much better than you think. It’s all about perspective and how you choose to see things.

I heard myself when I explained that part to her and I thought, so why am I choosing to see this year as such a crappy year then (okay it was a crappy year but still). I need to shift my perspective. Sometimes all we need is to be shown things in a different light. We need to have a mirror held up to us, not necessarily just to show us our flaws and imperfections and show us the lessons that we need to learn. Often times that mirror can also reflect just how much you still have to be grateful for. Sort of the glass half full type of mindset.

Yes, I may still technically be homeless, but I do have a roof over my head. Yes, I am having to live in a nightmare and literally staring my trauma in the face on a day-to-day basis, but I realize that I am stronger now than I was when I was younger. Yes, I am in the midst of a depression (which does terrify me) but I feel that I have tools now that I didn’t have at sixteen or even in my early twenties (when darker thoughts almost won) that I believe can help me make it though, and I am making a plan of action to actually get myself into therapy next year. Yes, I have had all of these obstacles tossed at me on the journey to my dreams, but I can choose to see it as a weakness, or I can see it for what it is. Strength.

There is strength in surviving the experiences that you think will break you. The one’s that you think that you’re not really strong enough to handle. There is strength in knowing that you can’t do everything alone and that sometimes you are going to have to reach out to the people around you for help. There is strength in knowing that there are toxic people that are just never going to be in your corner and coming to terms with that and cutting them out of your life.

So, as this year comes to a close, I am taking stock in a lot of things. I can choose to see it one of two ways. I can zero in on everything that’s not going my way and all the things that have gone wrong in the past year and a half (or over the course of my life in general lol). Or I can look at it from the perspective that after everything I’ve been through, all that I’ve endured, or the mental and physical battles I have struggled through, I’m still here. I’m still powering through. I haven’t given up and that says something. That means something.

I hope that you will find that no matter what you think is wrong with your life, you being here to still make things better, you surviving another day, you being someone else’s inspiration, it all matters. It is a Wonderful Life, if that’s how you choose to see it.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BeEmpowered #BeMotivated

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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