Seek to understand whatever you’re afraid of. That was one of the messages in a video message that I got in my email as being a part of the Tyler Perry Mailing list. He had a huge fear of flying so he sought out to learn everything that he could about airplanes and eventually became a pilot and started flying his own planes. Not only did he conquer and overcome his fear, but he took fear and rose above that fear (or should I say flew above it).
So I was sitting here trying to figure out what I was most afraid of. You know, not the little things like being afraid of bugs, or heights (which is not really a little thing because I am greatly afraid of heights), but the things that will halt me in my tracks of wherever it is I’m trying to go. I can’t really do much at this present moment in my life about my fear of being on a stage and doing any type of public speaking (which I truly believed kept me from ever pursuing a singing or acting career). But there is a fear that I do still have time to do something about.
I don’t know if you would characterize it as a fear of failure or a fear of actually succeeding, but either way that you phrase it, it is a huge problem. On the one hand there’s the part of me that would be devastated at giving it my absolute best, a hundred percent, and falling flat on my face, and on the other hand there is the part of me that is afraid that if I do give it my absolute best and I do succeed, then what happens if I can’t keep it up. I know what you’re all thinking. Nothing is ever going to go completely smooth all the time so that even if I do succeed then there is bound to be some down moments but it is the down moments that have me stuck, or rather the fear of them.
I’ve started to take a look at a lot of the business people, and writers, and moguls that I admire and aspire to learn from and as any of you might have guessed, Tyler Perry is definitely at the top of that list for me. He has proven that you can come from not so humble beginnings, and suffer horrendous things in your life and that even when no one else believes in you that you believing in you can really be enough. I’m never disappointed when I get an email from Tyler Perry’s Mailing list because his message is always just what I needed to hear. I guess there’s no way I can really succeed if I’m too busy being afraid to. So it’s either I let the fear win out over the success, or I succeed in spite of the fear. I really can’t have it both ways.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”