Reflection In Isolation

I know this quarantine has been hard on a lot of people and now that things are seemingly getting back to business as usual (which I don’t feel that it should be by the way) people are beginning to go back to how they did things before the global pandemic. I find it difficult to believe that anyone can go through all of this, the experiences that it has put us through as a country, the emotions that we have felt watching some many people’s lives senselessly lost, without being changed in the way you do things and the way that you react to situations and just the way you treat people in general but I know that so many people will go back to just being however they were beforehand, unchanged and seemingly un-phased.

For me this quarantine has been a time to reflect and get things in order, or at least in better order than they were when we went into lockdown. I have been on a spiritual growth journey for a while now and I realize I still have so much more to learn and discover on this journey, not just about myself, but also about my love for God and more importantly about God’s love for me, his child. This time of isolated reflection has allowed me to really truly focus on the important things and to do things that I was letting fear stop me from doing before.

I was made more aware during this quarantine of all of the gifts and talents that God gave me that I wasn’t using for the purpose that He wanted me to use them for, or even to the best of my own abilities at the very least. I had been wasting so much time and all because of being afraid of the possibility of not having enough time to begin with. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? The old me, who I was before going on this spiritual journey and experience of discovery, would have been crippled by this global pandemic. I would have been overly paranoid, even more cautious, and honestly, given the financial situation that I was in before we went into quarantine, I would have sunken into yet another bout of deep depression and holed up in the bed barely taking care of myself.

However, the person that I have blossomed into has allowed the knowledge that I have gained spiritually through reading my Bible, my devotionals, and my every day conversations with God, to provide me with the peace that I need to know what I need to do in any given situation. And for the times that I still don’t know what to do, the peace of knowing that God does and that he will guide me and would never let any harm come to me that he didn’t think that I can handle. I know that it sounds crazy given the times that we’re in right now but I really do feel more at peace now than I have ever felt in my life.

It’s not that I don’t worry deeply for those who have suffered loss or for the safety of all of our children and family members because I do. It’s not that I don’t have any deep feelings about the social unrest that is taking place and the state of the black community in the midst of this pandemic because I do. I feel so deeply that I can’t even watch the news anymore on a constant loop the way that I used to because I like feeling at peace and I like not being in a reoccurring state of depression and what’s best more me mentally is to not see it every single day. I know that some people see that as turning a blind eye but I have my ways of doing my part, ways that God has led me to and guided me towards, but I have to maintain my peace and sanity to do it.

I have gotten so much out of this time of isolation and reflection and I want to take the nuggets of wisdom that I have been gathering along with the peace that has been residing within me and I want to encourage anyone who is not okay and who is heavily burdened with worry and fear and struggling to feel some sense of peace to seek that peace in the knowledge that God already knows how everything is going to turn out. In essence whatever is going to happen was always going to happen and as troubling as that may seem there is nothing that you can do to stop what was already predestined. What you can do is figure out what part you are going to play in the solution and in the aftermath. We all have our roles to play but we shouldn’t waste time on anything that doesn’t aide our purpose and that role. Until next time #BeInFaith #BeatPeace #BeEmpowered

 

Jimmetta Carpenter 

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