We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.
— Eleanor Roosevelt
When I started writing this blog post the other day I was questioning everything from whether I am really as good of a writer as I think I am, to if I really had enough strength in me to do what I believe I am destined to do. I was beginning to feel as if the tunnel that I am in is getting longer and darker with no light at the end. It felt like all of the walls were closing in on me and that I was going to be suffocated underneath the rumble. I was completely defeated, feeling all out of my share of miracles and the devil had a tight grip on me. I had almost surrendered. Almost.
And then I had a conversation with my best friend in which she said something that reminded me that I already knew all of the answers to the questions that I had and that the one thing that I am not is a quitter. As I was talking to her I got a link in my e-mail to her latest blog post, The Vision Cannot Wait, which was just the icing on the cake of what I needed. It reminded me that what I believe I am destined to do is a part of a vision that I have had for myself since I was six years old. In twenty four years I had never let go of that vision and I was not going to let the devil take my vision away now.
The devil is always busy but it seems like he’s been really working on me a lot lately. He has been throwing every obstacle at me that he knew would stop me dead in my tracks. Picking away at any part of me he knows to be vulnerable. Plucking away all of the petals of a purposeful flower, holding it back from its full bloom. I have been up against so many walls lately, hell it seems like my whole life has been an obstacle course. But lucky for me, the devil is no match for God.
God has his way of stepping right in when you feel yourself sinking under. Just as you throw your hands up to tell him that you can’t take any more, he is already there relieving you of your load. He may not come to rescue you before the storm passes, but he will never let you drown. While I know that I shouldn’t, there are times when I forget that. There are times that I forget the strength that God instilled me with. I just have to keep reminding myself that those walls that are blocking my view of that light at the end of this tunnel won’t always be there.
I have faith that if I just keep putting in the work and jumping over all of the hurdles that come along that my vision will become a reality. There is a reason why I am still standing, still surviving, still dreaming, and still pushing and its called purpose. That phone call from my best friend reminded me of the strength that I sometimes forget that I have inside. My determination to see my vision become a reality is stronger than any attempts the devil makes to take it way. If nothing else I am a survivor and this storm too shall pass and I will still be standing when it does.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”