The Struggle Has Never Been More Real

Excuse me while I get a little real for a moment. It’s been a rough month to say the least. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t struggling, not just financially, or physically, but mentally. As I feel the depression setting in I try to deny it’s presence but it’s pretty hard to hide what everyone else can see so clearly. Last week I said in one of my videos that I felt like I was in a tunnel and I just couldn’t see the light at the end of it right now. That was the moment I stopped denying that I was, in fact, depressed.

Logically I know that with everything I have gone through in the last month I have every right to be depressed but the irrational part of me is just like, no depression this is not the time for you to appear. I have too much to fix and to straighten out to get depressed right now. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in this position before and I never thought I would be. I feel like such a failure and like I’ve let anyone who has ever seen potential in me down, at the top of that list is myself and my daughter.

I wanted to post something happy and optimistic today and I know there’s still some positivity deep down inside me but right now I just need to get this out and essentially scream into the void, so to speak, how I’m really feeling. The positive me will return by my next post, I’m sure, but real life is full of ups and downs and I always promised to be my most authentic self in the spaces that I hold so this is me, telling you all, how I’m really doing right now. I am not okay.

Until next time… #BeVulnerable #BeBrave #BeMindful

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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