March 2024 – Write 2 Be

“There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen

I saw this trailer for a television show that mentioned this Japanese phrase “Kintsugi” which translates to the belief that something broken is stronger and more beautiful because of its imperfections, the history attached to it, and its altered state. It was mentioned initially in the context of talking about the Japanese art form of using liquid gold to join broken pieces of pottery together. It was also used in talking about people and how they see imperfections, both in others and in themselves.

It got me to thinking about all the things we think of as our breaking points. Things that we see as the worst moments in our lives. That leave us feeling shattered into a million tiny pieces. We spend a lot of time trying to fix the things that are broken. To put back together the pieces of all the things that keep falling apart around us. Trying to make them as close to ‘perfect’ as they once were. We never seem to take stock in the beauty that presents itself after the breaking has been done.

What makes us, as human beings, truly beautiful is our uniqueness and the imperfect parts of ourselves. We as a society tend to think we want the perfect life, the perfect friend, the perfect partner, or even the perfect career, but is that what we really want? Would we work as hard at our relationships and friendships and the careers that we are so passionate about if it all remained so perfectly in tact and unbroken?

There’s no uniqueness in that. No excitement. There’s nothing extraordinary about things that are perfect. There’s a reason why we oftentimes seek out the unique and odd things. Why we’re so enticed by things that are rare. Why the imperfect moments in our lives stand out so much. Yeah, a part of it is because of how much those moments may break us down. But the other part of that is in the strength that we gather within ourselves to build things back up. Not just build to make us whole again but also to make us better.

Sometimes the things that were meant to break us turn into blessings that we never realized we needed. It never quite feels that way at the time but after reflection you start to realize that oftentimes the changes that we needed to make in our lives, both for ourselves and the people around us, wouldn’t have happened had our hand not been forced. There are even times that, had our walls not crumbled around us, we may not have even realized just how much we needed to change to begin with. In some instances, it is those walls that needed to come down to begin with in order to give us the best possible chance at true growth and development.

Broken does not mean worthless. Broken does not mean there is no longer any purpose. Broken does not mean things are not repairable. Broken just means a little bruised or a little damaged and aren’t we all in some way a little bit damaged? Things that have been broken still hold value. We, who have been broken, still hold value. So, the next time you break something, and you think that it’s just no longer any good, the next time you yourself feel like you’ve been broken beyond repair and are of no use, take a step back. Look at the pieces and how they fit now and treasure the new pattern that those pieces now make. Cherish the beauty that now presents itself, not the same as before, but now more unique than it ever was.

Until next time… #BeImperfect #BeUnique #BeResilient

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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So, the thing about being back in a situation that you know is toxic out of necessity is that it often times makes you feel powerless and like there’s nothing within your control. Even if things seem slightly decent in the beginning (I mean aside from being constantly miserable because the situation sucks) you know that inevitably the same toxic nature that you worked so hard to escape for years and years on end and to emotionally work past will render its ugly head.

So since being back under the same roof with my mother, I have been uncomfortable, not happy, and made to feel small all over again on a regular basis. Having said that I’ve been trying to make the best out of terrible circumstances because there’s just no other choice right now while I’m working to get back on my feet. I smile hoping that will make me feel better because I know that things could be worse. I also smile to keep myself from crying because that won’t do me any good either. However, in moments when my mother says things that seem purposely designed to be hurtful, the emotions from trauma resurface and there’s just no controlling how insignificant I feel.

The other day, when I chose to buy myself a pair of pajamas on clearance to celebrate me writing over 11,000 words last week, she took the time to remind me that the words I’m writing aren’t currently making me any money, thus being pointless. When I responded with the fact that well if I don’t write then I can’t put any books out to buy, her counterpoint was to say that no one is buying my books anyway so is there a point. Fact of the matter is that while I’m not rolling in the dough from my books (clearly, or I wouldn’t be in my current situation) and I’m not making money hand over fist, there are in fact people that have bought my books. I just watched a panel discussion this past weekend on AuthorTube where someone did in fact buy and read my novel and it seemed as if they actually liked it.

I didn’t bother highlighting this to my mother because honestly it wouldn’t have made any difference to her because clearly my art, my creativity, is worthless in her eyes. I simply said to her “you say the nicest things” with every ounce of sarcasm that I could muster. Then I proceeded to go in the room with my daughter, sit down, and out of nowhere came the tears. My daughter then came and hugged me because she, hearing this whole exchange and being a creative herself, understood the hurt. One could say I should be well past the point where her words can hurt me, but I guess I am not. Words hurt. It’s why words matter so much and what you say to people matter. They can be what motivates a person to keep pushing forward or they can be what causes a person to quit.

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind that go out of their way to think of the positive thing to say that will help someone see their potential and the light they hold within them. Or the kind of person (like my mother), who goes out of their way to say things they know will hurt someone simply because they don’t care about the feelings of others. They don’t see people’s potential or their light, only their mistakes and their weaknesses. I strive to see the light in others and in myself and I hope that I always remain that kind of person. There’s just no reason to say hurtful things to people just because you can. It serves no purpose.

When I told one of my closest friends about this exchange his words to me were to “use the sludge of that disrespect as fuel to push forward on the next night that I think I’m out of steam.” My favorite thing that he said to me (which may just now be my new motto) is to stay driven on rage and f*ck yous. To let that “dismissive bullshit” be the catalyst that makes me push harder. One thing is for damn sure. I have to hurry up and get the hell out of here or else her need to crush my dreams and my spirit is going to eat away at my soul. So, I am going to stay driven on that rage and those f*ck yous that I would say if she was anyone else but who she is. That’s all I have to share for now. Thank you for letting me vent here and remember that the words you say to the people in your lives matters, so make sure you are careful about what those words are.

Until next time… #BeEmpowered #BeBold #BeMotivated