“I’m not in competition with anybody but myself. My goal is to beat my last performance.”
I have never considered myself to be competitive. I was never an athlete in school. I never competed in anything academically; well not unless you count the elementary class spelling bees. I was never one to really fight for what I wanted when I was younger. I guess I just didn’t really have any fight in me then and I would just step aside if I thought someone could do something better than me. To be honest I didn’t have fight in me until the last several years.
So when someone at my gym said to me today that they knew I could do something that another person was doing (which I kept telling him I couldn’t) simply because he knew I would never let someone else outdo me, I was a little taken aback to realize that he was right. It’s funny but I didn’t even realize that somewhere along the way I had become competitive (but not in a bad way). When I see someone doing something (at least when it comes to physical activity in the gym) that I have convinced myself in my mind that I should be able to do I can’t seem to get rid of the urge to prove that I can actually do it. I think that I am mostly competitive with myself because I find myself trying to beat my own records and my own accomplishments, convinced that I can do better then what I did before.
Now if I only took that competitive spirit that I have in the gym and infused it into my writing. I mean it wouldn’t exactly be the same sort of competition because there’s no strenuous physical activity involved. But maybe if I can keep in my mind when I see someone in my inner circle doing something that I know I should be out there doing, that there’s no reason that I can’t do that. In writing perhaps I just need to stay in good competition with myself, trying on a continuous basis to outdo my own efforts.
I know that some people might think that being competitive is a bad thing, and I suppose it can be if you are not correctly directing your competitive nature to the right places in your life. You shouldn’t be in competition with the person next to you because they aren’t the ones standing in your way. You not trying to become better each time you achieve something is what stands in your way. Sometimes you have to compete with your own best efforts because it can make you a better person and better at your craft or talent. Until tomorrow…There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition, as long as you don’t lose sight of what you are competing for.
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”