life balance – Write 2 Be

I was having a conversation with my daughter the other day who I constantly feel like I failed. Not because I don’t love her and show and tell her that every single day so that she knows she is loved (which is something my mother never did). Not because I don’t do a good job of making sure she is taken care of first and foremost. But rather because I’ve spent far too much time sheltering her in the vein of wanting her to not grow up before she should have to, letting a child, or teenager, be and act the age that they are.

The problem with that has now come to fruition in the fact that she now clings to the sheltered life that I practically killed myself (metaphorically of course) to provide and she’s terrified of going out into the world and actually being an adult (despite the fact that she’s 19). I made her feel too secure in being taken care of that she doesn’t have confidence that she will be able to take care of herself. What do I do with that? I mean I tried to explain to her that there isn’t a manual on being adult, hell I’m still winging it as I go along.

How do I dispel her fears of adulthood when her fears are valid. Being an adult is definitely not all it’s cracked up to be and I had to be one far before I actually became an adult which is why I wanted her to enjoy the years that she didn’t have to be. But I may have completely hindered her which makes me feel like a complete and total failure as a mother. It’s a tricky balance between being the mom who wants to protect your child no matter what to being the mom that has to let go and let her child spread her wings and fly. It’s even trickier when that child doesn’t want to leave the nest. I’m just writing today to express my frustration with this new phase I’m in of being a parent to an adult child (because we all know you never stop being a parent no matter how old they are) and I’m hoping that there is someone out there that understands so that I’m not alone in this conundrum.

We had a talk yesterday and I told her that there is no manual for being an adult. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can with what they’ve got but the one thing she can’t do is not go out and try. She said she was terrified of messing up and I explained to her that she will absolutely mess up. I told her that she will make plenty of mistakes and she will learn from those mistakes and then make some more. I told her that being an adult is basically trial and error and you don’t know what works for you or if you’ve gotten something right without actually trying. It didn’t seem like it helped her, and I imagine when I was just entering adulthood it might not have helped me either but that was all of the wisdom I had.

I just want her to feel confident in this world and I don’t know how to get her there. I guess it will just have to be a day-to-day thing because what other options are there. I just really want to know, where’s the manual to this adulting thing that we were forced into. Well getting this little rant out helped a little and perhaps it will even help someone else out there. I guess we’ll see!

Until next time… #BePatient #BeMindful #BeCourageous

Jimmetta Carpenter

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“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 4:6

With what’s been going on in the world the last couple of weeks (or months depending on where you’re located) it’s hard to think that there can be any good in this scenario. One of the things that disappointed me the most about the quarantined methods that have been enforced was having to miss church this past Sunday (and next Sunday as well) because I haven’t missed church one single time since I’ve been working on strengthening my relationship with God and I love every aspect of being at church from the message that always seems to be designed just for me (although I know it’s not), down to the fellowship that takes place when I’m there and the bonds that I have begun to form with some of the members there. So this past Sunday as with most of the world we were forced to live stream our service and the message was so timely.

One main point that the pastor made was that while the circumstances that have forced everyone to have to take a step back are not ideal at all, it is still somehow God getting us to slow down and maybe take stock of what we have and for some of us, it’s him answering prayers in as unplanned a way as one can think of. The pastor touched on how there are some people who hadn’t been able to make time to get their life balanced, to get their families on track, or to even spend time with their families because life always has us in such a hurry that we often don’t appreciate the little things that so many other people are not blessed with.

So at this time when schools are closed and some are forced to telecommute, or just not work at all, this would be a moment in which you can spend more time with your spouse and your kids at home, to check in with them and to make sure everything is on track and where you want it to be. You can take some time to call and check on friends or distant family members that you hadn’t had the time to check on or catch up with before because life had you so busy. This is an excellent time to strengthen your relationship with God and talk to him.

There are those of us who were in a struggling situation where you were praying to God for some more time to have to work that problem out and suddenly God has granted you more time so work on fixing the problem. The point is, when time is the one thing we can never get back and we so often complain that there’s not enough of it, during these weeks or however long this event lasts, use that time wisely and cherish it. Until next time… #BeFaithful #BeMindful #BeVigilant