I can think of about a dozen people who I admire. People whose success I would love to have. People whose life seems so ideal and who I wish I could be like in one way or another. I think that we all have those days where there is someone who we wouldn’t mind trading places with, even for a day. However, we can only ever be ourselves and we have to learn to be the best person that we can be.
People always declare how you should be an original version of yourself and not a bad imitation of someone else. You’re supposed to achieve the level of success you want by remaining true to who you are and not copying anyone else. I definitely believe that a person should always be who they are but being original can be tricky.
There is always the risk that someone won’t be accepting of you or what you do and as a writer, while it is not important for everyone to like you or your writing you have to be accepted on some level to be successful. The thing is, I am me, I am who I am, love me or hate, take it or leave it, and I won’t apologize for it. However, sometimes there are days when I feel like being myself is either not good enough for people or that people just can’t handle who I really am.
I know you’re not supposed to care about who accepts you and who doesn’t but what if I do care? What if I want people to care about my words and my feelings and what I’m going through? What if I want people to listen to what I have to say and what my ideas are and not dismiss them as if they don’t matter? What if I want people to accept me, flaws and all, and stop wishing that I was something that I am not?
Writers are typically thought of as different, and weird, and isolated but that doesn’t mean we want to be. I am definitely not like a lot of other people and I have spent a large part of my adolescent years trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, never really being who I was. Sometimes it seems like in finally being who I am and not trying to be some version of somebody else I end up standing alone a lot of the time. I wonder whether or not I should have just kept being the copy everyone seemed to like better. Have you ever felt like being yourself just wasn’t good enough?
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”
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