The First Time Around

Ever wonder what might have been different if all of the opportunities that you have been given, you had got it right the first time around?  If you had the money to do everything that you need and want to do to become successful would you actually be doing them right now instead of just wishing you could be doing them?  

I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that I need to do to get things going the way that I need them to be going and how the lack of money has held me up from actually following through with a lot of those things.  I’ve also been thinking about all of the opportunities that I have had that could have enabled me to be in a different place right now that I have just somehow squandered away.  What kind of difference would it make if I had got it all right the first time around?  

If I had finished college the first time I went and completed my degrees then, instead having to work extra hard to try and finish them up now, so late in the game, then I might already be working in the media industry now as I have always dreamed of.  I might have already moved to New York like I wanted to all those years ago so that I can be surrounded by exactly the right people I need to be surrounded by.  I could have all the right contacts and connections and I would already have my foot in the door that I am trying hard to kick down now.  

I could have learned from the best how to be the best and already be halfway up the ladder by now instead of still being on the second or third rung.  I probably would already be on some New York Time’s best sellers list and I probably would have already had about three or four novels out by now because I would not have had any other responsibilities to worry about other then myself and my work.  I could have already achieved so much by now if I had only done things right the first time around.  

Money would most likely not be an issue (being a New York Time’s best seller and all and working as an editor for a publishing company while freelancing for some of the most prestigious magazines that are housed in New York) so I would not have any problem trying to get my own media empire started because with only myself as a responsibility and my work of course, I could put away money towards that empire and the things that I need to do for it.  Life could be so different right now.  

But the catch to all of that what if stuff is that if all of that had transpired (so-called) right the first time around, then I wouldn’t have met my daughter’s father and I wouldn’t have my wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent daughter who I would not trade for any amount of money, success, or fame.  She is the reason that I get up in the morning and I really have a hard time trying to ever envision my life without her in it.  She makes me want to fight harder to get things back on track and to make sure that she never gets off track.  But also she is proof to me that sometimes what you think would have turned out better if it had been done right the first time around, might not actually be the case.  

I don’t even know if all of that would have come to be without her coming along in my life, but I do know that the possibility is not lost.  I also know that she has enriched my life in ways that I think make me a better writer and a better person.  We can always wonder what would be different if we had another attempt at doing things all over again but when you really think about it, perhaps what you considered to be right in the first place was all wrong for you.  Perhaps for our second shot at things, rather then wishing we could go back and do things differently we should treat our new opportunities as if they are what’s right for us now.  Let’s try not looking back at a past we can’t change, but instead looking forward to a future that was meant to be.  

Jimmetta Carpenter


The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”


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