I did not win Camp NaNo. Now to be honest I wasn’t as confident this time that I could complete the goal that I had set for this month-long writing challenge, but I held out hope. Right up until the last week I was still hoping that I could push myself harder to finish the task. I did the best I could, but it just wasn’t good enough. Why couldn’t I just buckle down and do what I know needed to be done?

Now one of my amazing friends would probably remind me to have grace with myself. They might even point out that given my current situation it was a win just to have tried and the logical side of me would agree with that. Right now, I’m thinking emotionally and I’m a bit upset with myself. I feel like my best simply wasn’t good enough. Although in terms of writing lately nothing feels like I’ve been doing a good enough job. It doesn’t help that the depression monster is visiting me.

I haven’t really written much of anything since, well since becoming essentially homeless and I am very angry with myself about it. I want to force myself to write but every time I sit down to do so all of the things that I’m stressed about flood my brain instead of words to fill the page. Now I know what you’re thinking. But you’ve been writing blog posts, for example this very post, and isn’t that writing. Yes and no. I consider this more me writing about what I’m feeling, updating you on what’s going on and where my head is at. The creative writing isn’t really flowing the way that I want it to. The way that it should be. That has got to change. I miss writing and I miss the continuity of a writing routine where I can say I wrote a certain number of words, or pages, or hours, in a day. I have to get back to that part of me.

Perhaps this next challenge that I am partaking in for the month of August will help with that. I’ll just say it’s writing something that I’ve never actually written before but have been longing to write. To find out what this challenge is stay tuned to my YouTube channel for the announcement tomorrow (August 1^st) because I’m really excited about it. I’m excited to get back to the creative side of writing and not just a little bit on one day and then maybe a little more a week or two later. I’m excited to write something new and I’m excited to write with some consistency and since this is challenge that I’m doing in a collaborative way I feel like that will encourage me all the more to just sit down and do it.

I hope that I can do it. I hope that I can get back to that creative part of writing that I love as much as breathing. If you have been feeling like you haven’t been doing enough in any particular area of your life, you’re not alone. Know that you are doing the best that you can, even when it doesn’t feel that way. Give yourself a bit of grace and then get right back at it and try again. You can do this and so can I. We’ve got this!

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeMindful #BeEmpowered

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