Approval – Write 2 Be

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

~Judy Garland

Today I got this feeling around me like I was being talked about. I almost felt like I was back in high school again, when people would talk about me and my insecurity level would rise. But then I realized something strange, well at least strange in comparison to how it was in high school. I just didn’t care.

I mean of course it feels horrible to have anyone talking about you in a negative way, especially when you did nothing to warrant that type of behavior. But oddly enough, my insecurity level didn’t creep in, and I didn’t feel defensive and I didn’t feel the need to say something to somehow defend myself. I just simply didn’t care. I almost felt honored to be on someone else’s mind so much, in any capacity, that they felt the need to converse about me.

For as long as I could remember, I have always been that person that has sought the approval of others. Mostly I wanted my mother’s approval (which I realize I am never going to get), but because I couldn’t have her approval, I desperately needed others to approve of me. It was when I was listening to a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes that I realized that I must have somehow, within my journey in this life, gotten to the point where I didn’t need the approval of anyone else. I don’t know how I missed it because that’s a pretty important moment.

He said that “the losing of those who don’t stand by you is the discovery of you” and that “people who don’t know who they are, are always needing validation to feel secure, but when you know who you are, you are safer within yourself, you don’t need everybody in your space to make you feel good about who you are.”

In many ways it feels very freeing when you just stop caring so much about what others think of you and what they have to say about you. My best friend Ms. L. once told me that if people are talking about you then that means you must be doing something right because it’s nothing but the devil trying to put more walls up to keep you from moving forward. I sure wish she was around when I was in high school because I sure could’ve used that bit of knowledge then.

I suppose the devil has been putting walls up in my path for a very long time then, and I have just been foolishly letting him. Now that I am in a place where I don’t need anyone else’s praise or approval I feel more secure within myself and with who I am. I am in no way perfect and I am probably going to make many more mistakes but I am happy with who I am. Even if no one else agrees with my path, it is the path that I have chosen and I am quite happy with it.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

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“The best way to get approval is not to need it! Focus on being the best you and the rest will take care of itself.”

~Chris Gardner

It is natural for people to want to seek approval from others. More often than not it is of the one’s that are immediately around you, like your friends and family. We want them to accept us and to be proud of us and to support us in our endeavors and always encourage our ambitions. When we don’t get that support and that approval, especially from family, we are crushed.

As hard as we may try to hide it and act as if it doesn’t really matter that they don’t get our goals and that they don’t approve of the path we chose, it matters. It begins to feel like if the one’s you love and are supposed to be able to look to for support can’t be there for you then everyone must be against you. However, the problem isn’t them for not approving the goals we put forth; the problem is us for depending on the approval of anyone but ourselves to begin with.

On the journey towards being successful in our dreams and or passions the focus has to be us; what we think, what we approve of, and what we demand of ourselves. At some point we are going to have to realize that seeking the approval of anyone else is only going to be our downfall. People spend so much time trying to do what others expect of them and trying to be perfect in order to fit someone else’s standards. What they should be focused on is meeting their own standards and not so much on being perfect but on being the best that they can be for themselves.

Trying to be what everyone else wants you to be can become exhausting and it wastes entirely too much time and energy that can be better spent. If the people around you are making you feel as if you aren’t meeting their expectations, then you need to reevaluate who it is that you are surrounding yourself with and if they are really what you need to be focused on. I know, easier said then done.

It’s hard to let go of that need to be accepted and I know because I’m still working on the letting go part. But I am starting to realize that all the time that I’ve wasted trying to seek approval and be accepted could’ve been time that went into actually accomplishing the very things that I sought approval for. So today you should stop and ask yourselves, whose approval is that you really need? Theirs, or your own. Until next time…Be the best you that you can possibly be and everyone else will just have to follow suit!