Tag: goals

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Success Doesn’t Come Early for Everyone…And Sometimes That’s a Good Thing

August 1, 2014 jcladyluv

I know I’m not the only person who, growing up, didn’t look at some of these child TV and music stars and think to themselves “that could or should be me” or “I’m just as good as them if not better”. Most children will say it to themselves and ten minutes later not even give it a second thought. However, if you were an artistic child, a creative type, someone who always aimed to color outside the lines simply because the lines limited the creation that you dreamt up in your mind, then you probably really meant it when you thought it. I know that I did.

I had visions of being a singer by the time I was in my early twenties (and that was at the latest) and a New York Times Best Selling Author at least by the time I turned twenty-five. With each passing year that my dream slipped by me I grew more and more doubtful of the talents that not only I thought I had but that mostly everyone around me had seen. I would look at the lives of these child stars being played out in the media for all the world to see and think I should be traveling from this place to that place and singing on this stage and that one, doing countless television appearances for my latest novel on the NY Times list and having my pick of any place I wanted to live without any worries.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was never jealous. I am always happy when I see someone succeeding (well someone deserving anyway—hey I’m not a saint and yes I do think that some do not deserve the success they have), I just happen to have always thought I should be one of them. And even when I saw child stars blowing it, royally, getting arrested, getting hooked on drugs, having issues with alcoholism, going bankrupt and just throwing away all of their money on such frivolous things, I would think they just don’t know how to appreciate what they have.

But of course you cannot be envious of everyone’s life because you don’t know what it’s like to walk in their shoes and be under the pressure that they are and to literally be under a microscope for everyone to see your mistakes. A lot of them don’t make it, they wash out, and they give up before they even hit thirty and then the public is left to wonder “where are they now”. When I think about it in those terms, I have to wonder if maybe God knew that that life was not meant for me to have at such that young of an age.

Obviously I can’t say with an absolute certainty that I wouldn’t have been humble enough to appreciate that kind of life at that early of an age but looking back, with my childhood, I definitely think that I would have had more access to some coping mechanisms that I would have more than gladly (at that time anyway) taken advantage of. I can’t say that I would have known how to handle the life I say I wanted at that time. I was very starved for things around that young age and into my twenties because at that time I hadn’t learned how to love myself yet and I thought things were going to heal what was wrong on the inside so that is probably where my money would have went. And honestly, as suicidal as I was during that time period I can’t say that I would even still be here anymore if I had gotten the lifestyle that I thought I wanted at that time.

I wasn’t humble enough to appreciate those things at that stage of my life. I think God knew exactly what he was doing and he knew that I had to heal the inside of me first before I could truly appreciate a lifestyle that was on the next level. I think that when you get to live that kind of life at such a young age and that is all that you know, then you don’t know or appreciate what it is to be without it. Success doesn’t last for everyone and when I think of all of those that have succeeded in the ways that I plan to succeed (Russell Simmons, Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, Bill Gates, etc.) then I think about the fact that none of them attained success early on. They all had a humbling life before they achieved all of the success that they have now. That humble life allows them to appreciate the things and abilities that they have even more because they know what it’s like not to have them.

I think those who attained success without any effort, without any failures are actually at a disadvantage because they don’t know how to handle having nothing. They don’t know what failure feels like to appreciate the feeling of succeeding. Oftentimes we tend to want to rush into things because we see what we want to see. The outcome that we perceive may be one that is unrealistic and possibly not even going to be what is in our best interest but our perception can be clouded. I think that we sometimes need the experience of many failures to appreciate the reward that is coming down the line. Our mistakes are what breeds the foundation for our successes and when we learn to not just embrace them but to be proud of them and celebrate them then we will be even more prepared for the successes in life that we say we want.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

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I Sometimes Struggle to Believe in the Potential God Sees in Me

July 28, 2014 jcladyluv

For the most part I am typically an optimistic person. I have plenty of setbacks that make me doubtful sometimes but I try to remain dedicated and stick to this path because I feel deep down that it is the right one that God wants me on to reach my destined purpose. However, that is not to say that I don’t have moments (a lot more of them than I care to admit) where I question whether I am letting God down.

I know that there are things that I should be doing that I don’t always manage to get done, things that would go a long way in the efforts to get to where I’m trying to go. I am guilty of wasting time that I don’t really have to waste. I am guilty of getting frustrated to the point of just wanting to give up and be just plain lazy. I am guilty of feeling so overwhelmed with all of the things that I want to do that I convince myself that it’s just too much and it can’t be done so why even bother trying. I tell myself a lot of things that eventually lead me to talking myself out of trying. I let the fear of not succeeding at what I want cause me to do the very thing that I don’t want to do which is give up.

I’m not in that mindset of giving up right now but I am starting to feel that sense of being overwhelmed with all of the things that it is that I want to do and all of the plans that I have to get accomplished and the fear that I may not achieve it. I have this list, this very long list, of life goals, of things that I want my company to achieve. I have a purpose for my Write 2 Be brand and in my mind I see it so clearly. I can even map out on paper (although not quite as concise as it forms in my brain) exactly the direction I want everything to go. I have even listed everything, all the steps, I need to go through to get it at least going in the direction I want it to go. Then the reality sets in.

The reality that my dreams may be just a little too big and that with all that needs to be done, I may be out of my depth here. The reality that I might have somehow set the bar for myself just a bit too high, and then the fear that I can’t reach my own bar that I set. The reality that with every second that I am sleep there is something that could be getting done. The reality that I cannot physically go on absolutely no sleep which is probably what it would take for me to achieve ALL that it is I am setting out to do. Then I start to feel that overwhelming sense of failure.

I start to feel like I am not only letting God down, but my daughter, and of course myself. I place a lot of stock in my potential but what happens if I don’t live up to that. What happens if I can’t live up to what God’s purpose for my life is? What if I am simply not good enough? These are the kinds of things that run through my mind, daily, and almost every minute of the day, and I am sure (at least I hope) that I am not the only one who has felt this way. I feel like I have to acknowledge those fears within myself or else they will never go away.

While I know that they will never go away completely, I have to believe that the sense or the urge to give up will fade away from the forefront of my mind. I have to believe that I will one of these days just wake up and look in the mirror and say “I get it God, I get what you see in me and I can do this because you said I could”. While I am not quite all the way there yet, I must say, I am miles away from how I used to feel about all of this. It’s a start and we all have to start somewhere. I hope that this week is as productive for you as I plan on it being for me and I hope that you will try to remember, as I will, that God’s purpose for you is nothing to be afraid of!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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You Can’t Plan For Everything

July 24, 2014 jcladyluv

Sometimes I wonder am I missing out on something. I am a planner by nature. I like to know things ahead of time so that I can carefully plan things out around that event. I like to know just how something is going to go, or at the very least how it’s supposed to go, so that I can prepare everything that I possibly can to make sure that it in fact goes that way.

When it comes to events I plan prefer to plan things out weeks in advance so that I can not only prepare for the event but also prepare for all of the obstacles that could pop up along the way. Now there are instances, particularly in business, where being a planner can work to my benefit and help out in the long run in terms of efficiency. However, I’m not sure how much being a planner helps in the benefit of me living my best life.

I wasn’t always so thought out, so analytical, so methodical with the things that I do. I mean I’ve always been the type of person that wants to be able to know what’s around the corner before I actually reach the corner but I used to know how to be spontaneous too. It makes me wonder if the traumatic and disheartening experiences that I had my childhood turned me into someone who doesn’t really know how to live for today. In fact I think it made me more obsessive about my future. It has gotten to the point where I make lists for the lists that I need to make for the plans that haven’t even happened yet.

Now I am not saying that it is a bad thing to plan for your future. But it is another to get obsessive about it. I think that, without even realizing it, I had become obsessed about my past and making my future that much brighter that I forgot that the present is right in front of me, here, today. I am missing out on what is right in front of me trying to prepare for a tomorrow that hasn’t even got here yet.

So if you are a planner like me, please try not to get so caught up in preparing for the future that you don’t take in and enjoy the here and now. It’s one thing to plan for the future but I have to think is it planning the future out too much if you forget to be present in the moment that you’re in? Enjoy today. That doesn’t mean don’t plan, it just means don’t get stuck in the act of planning.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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What All Can Go Right

July 22, 2014 jcladyluv

I live in the land of worst case scenarios where I prepare for whatever there is that can possibly go wrong and for what I would need to do to fix things if they should go wrong. I don’t think that I am alone in doing this. I think that the world has grown so cynical that in planning for our futures in which we want to soar and fly, we brace ourselves for that harsh landing that quite frankly, often times never actually comes.

I mean sure we fall and we have bad breaks where things don’t quite go the way that we wanted them to. But in reality those are not actually the harsh landings that we are bracing ourselves for. I forget sometimes to prepare for the successes, to purposely plan for things to go right. I spend so much time being completely over prepared for the other shoe that’s definitely (in my mind anyway) going to drop, and for the rock bottom that I’m going to hit (and thankfully never truly have) someday soon if things don’t improve, and for everything that I have ever dreamed of achieving to float right by me as I watch someone else reach out and grab ahold of what was supposed to be my success. None of these things have ever happened. That’s not saying of course that they couldn’t still, but they haven’t.

I’ve been waiting all of this time for everything to go wrong instead of preparing and actually believing that everything could go right. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I haven’t had my share of the bad breaks and the things that come crashing down around me but what I neglect to realize oftentimes is that about eight times out of ten everything that seemingly went wrong turned out to work out in a better way than I had imagined and planned for them to. I spent so much time thinking of all the negatives and forgot that even in a negative outcome, something positive can come from that. I need to stop always thinking about the walls that may crumble and start thinking that even if they do, what beautiful new direction can come from the wreckage.

There are beautiful things that can come out of even the most painful and disheartening situations. We just have to be open to them and prepare for what is good instead of bracing ourselves for what is bad. When we brace ourselves we are closing ourselves off and tightening up. We don’t have our arms and hands open and free to receive all the good that is coming our way. So start realizing what it is to truly let go. Open up and surrender to ALL that life has in store for you, the good, the bad, and yes, especially the unplanned. Sometimes the best moments in life cannot be planned out beforehand. Let go and let God!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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With a Sense of Urgency

July 21, 2014 jcladyluv

There is nothing like doing work for someone else’s dream, or someone else’s project that will motivate you to get back to tackling yours. In the most recent couple of weeks I have been working on another project that did not allow for me to consistently work on my own projects for that time period. Now what’s funny was that while my projects are very important to me and the need to get them accomplished is great, the sense of urgency did not present itself until I was unable to work on them.

It is funny what becomes urgent and even more important when the ability to do them is not there. I looked at the stacks of work pertaining to my project and longed to jump to work on them but was mindful that in order to finish the task that I had before me, I could not. I looked at my desk and thought of the hundred or so different ways to reorganize it and clear the present clutter from the top of it in order to be more efficient about getting my work done when the opportunity was restored to me. I had so many ideas of what to do with this character and that character once I was able to return to working on my novel(s).

It’s ironic how when we have the time (some of us anyway) for our own work to get accomplished we waste that time on things that in the end don’t really matter to us, television shows that could be recorded and watched another time, outings that are not in line with our goals, or even people who do not get our dream and just how important it is. When that time, that choice is taken out of our hands suddenly everything that we should’ve been focused on becomes so much more important and then we reflect on that wasted time and beat ourselves up for wasting it.

I have wasted quite a bit of time this year, I’ll admit, on things that were just procrastination tactics and ways to keep myself from enduring the worst case scenarios (which I will talk about in my post tomorrow) when in reality, in avoiding the worst case scenario, an even more negative thing happened. So now that the project has concluded, I am going to stop wasting that time and get back to this blog (which I’ve missed so much) and back to finishing my novel(s) and my ebook. Oh and I guess cleaning off my desk wouldn’t be a terrible thing to do either. Well it’s good to be back and remember to plan your time wisely and don’t waste it on things that don’t matter as much to you as your dream does. No one is going to make your dreams come true for you.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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The Circle Surrounding You

June 17, 2014 jcladyluv

Last week was a very blatant reminder of why I keep my walls up and am not so quick to let just anybody in my little bubble. I get hassled all the time about the need to trust people and allow people to get close to me. However, some things transpired last week with the few people that I have recently let get close to me which quickly knocked me over the head with a reminder that I just can’t trust a whole lot of people.

I hear all the time that maybe people are so spiteful towards me because there’s something that they see in me that they are jealous or envious of and I could never wrap my mind around that concept because I always feel that there are so many things that I lack. I mean yes I have a lot going for me, and while my confidence does waiver from day to day sometimes from the ultimate low to other days being at the ultimate high, I still have a stronghold on what my dreams and my purpose here are and I’m not giving up until I get there. But I never think of those things as something that anyone would have to be envious of.

I am envious of the people that have it already together and are where they always wanted to be. However, I have to remind myself that people’s perception of things, my perception of things, are not always evenly linked. What I see as them having it together might be them trying not to let people see that they are falling apart and what I see in myself as falling apart might be, in their eyes, me getting it together slowly but with a solid foundation. A solid foundation is everything and can often times be the difference between you having everything you wanted for only a moment’s time and you having everything you wanted for a lifetime.

People say that you should only really depend on yourself and I never really wanted to let myself get so cynical where I truly felt that way but I am starting to understand what is meant by that. It’s not saying that you don’t need someone around you, someone in your life to lean on from time to time, but rather that you have to be able to lean on yourself, to believe in yourself, and to build your own confidence up for yourself and that you can’t expect validation from others and for them to believe in you for you. Essentially, your circle can’t be filled with people who aren’t for you and who don’t push you to be for yourself. Also with that, you can’t rely on the circle that surrounds you for something that you have to find within yourself.

When you can’t find it in yourself first then you start to let people in your circle who are not really for you and who don’t want to see you move forward and they will cause you to second guess yourself and to rethink what your purpose really is. Don’t get so caught up in having a circle of people around you that you can’t see who in that circle is truly for you and who is against you. Don’t try and make your circle fill the void of what you are looking for within yourself because then you end up trying to please them instead of fulfilling your purpose.

Watch closely the people who are around you. Are they like-minded people? Are they rooting for you? Are they challenging you to move forward? Or are they making you question everything that you already know in your heart is meant for you? Think about who you are allowing yourself to trust and decide have they earned it or are they just trying to distract you from your purpose?

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

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Don’t Forget to Celebrate Who and Where You Are

June 5, 2014 jcladyluv

There are a lot of things that I had set out to do in my lifetime and while I know that I still have time left (hopefully) on this earth to accomplish them sometimes I can’t help but feel like I have failed myself. I saw this image that stated “Stop hating yourself for everything that you aren’t and start loving yourself for everything that you are.” When I saw that I realized that I can take an endless inventory of the things that I haven’t managed to accomplish yet but yet I haven’t even taken the time to take stock of all that I have achieved.

I haven’t really celebrated the good things that have happened over the course of my life because I have been way too focused on the things that I haven’t been able to check off of my list. Sure I haven’t been able to travel the world yet, and I never managed to get over my stage fright long enough to make a go at a singing career, and I am not on the New York Times Best Seller’s list (yet). However, I have managed to get two degrees (one in communications and a Master’s in Psychology), and I have experienced places that some people may not have been able to experience yet, I have a beautiful daughter that I am extremely proud of, and I do have 2 published books to add to my credit. I may not be where it is that I saw myself being at this point in my life but I am far better off then I was and a great deal better off than some others.

One’s story in life cannot be measured by the achievements that they sought out to conquer but rather the accomplishments that have already taken place. Of course every moment may not be the total victory that you were looking for but in life if you are never defeated then can you truly enjoy the victories that you reach. Sure we have a plan for our lives and we have every intention of going after and obtaining those plans. But at some point, when things take on different directions and the course changes, we have to learn to let go of the plans that we had and accept the plan that is waiting for us on that new course that we’re being redirected to.

Life is about how quickly we can get back on track when the course has been suddenly changed without warning. So stop dwelling on what hasn’t happened in your life or the plans that haven’t come together just the way you planned them out. Start focusing on the moment that you are in, take stock of what you have managed to achieve, especially things achieved in the most trying times, and celebrate those challenges, and the strength that you showed to accomplish all that you have even in the midst of them.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

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Is Practicality Really Just a Sugarcoated Way of Disguising Our Fears?

June 4, 2014 jcladyluv

I listened to a commencement speech that actor Jim Carey gave at Maharishi University of Management that was very inspiring. He said something that really resonated with me. He said that “So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality—what we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never dare to ask the universe for it.” When I heard that I thought of how true that statement was.

I think that there are a lot of people out there who stay in a position where they don’t really want to be, with claims of simultaneously working on going for their dreams, when all they are truly displaying is their fear of moving forward. I know that I sometimes wonder if I should have continued doing a regular 9 to 5 type of job and focus on my writing career at night until I got a stable footing to do the writing full time. I have various people, friends and associates, some who understand first-hand about the vision that I have because their vision is not far off from mine for their own lives, tell me that I need to go back to the regular 9 to 5 thing to get myself on even better footing. I won’t say that I didn’t think about it (heavily) but I truly feel that I would be doing myself, my art, and my daughter a great disservice if I did that.

Now of course this means that you have to know who you are and know exactly what will and will not work for you because there are some people who can do both simultaneously and make it work extremely well. Their focus is split but yet somehow still all there. I know that for myself that was never going to work out well for long. In actuality it didn’t work which is why I didn’t continue on that way.

Another thing Jim Carey said in his speech was that “You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” I suppose that in that way I have never been fearful. I knew that I would never be able to be happy staying in a position, doing a job that I loathed simply to make an attempt at doing what I love, all the while not being able to dedicate my entire focus to that dream. For me, it was more important to be happy and struggle to make my dreams happen than to live comfortably and be miserable and neglect my dream.

I know that it seems crazy to some, hell most days it seems crazy to me, but I can’t explain how freeing it is to be able to devote my full attention to that of making my dreams a reality and how much pride I take in teaching my daughter that the sacrifices she will eventually make for her dreams will be worth it in the long run. I want her to know that it is okay to dive head first into the life that she wants and that she shouldn’t spend one moment of it (unless she wants to of course) doing something that she can’t put her whole heart into.

I think I will remind myself of Jim Carey’s words the next time I start to question the decisions that I have made to move towards my career in writing. If I am in fact going to fail (which is only really a stepping stone to success anyway) then I might as well be failing at something that I love to do, that I am driven to do, that I can put my whole heart into. I would much rather spend my life working on achieving what matters most to me than spend it helping someone else achieve what matters most to them. I can’t build my own dream up if I am spending the majority of my time building up someone else’s.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

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Where There is Victory There Are Always Battle Scars

June 3, 2014 jcladyluv

I stay in my own head a lot. I talk myself out of a lot of things, out of opportunities. I tell myself that it won’t happen before even knowing whether it will or not. I convince myself that I’m not good enough or deserving enough. It’s an extremely terrible habit and one that developed from the negative words cast on me in my childhood, but it’s one that I am trying to break. I think that I do that so that if things don’t happen the way I wanted or expected them to I will be less devastated or disappointed by it. However, I have discovered that rejection is not any less painful or devastating just because you prepped your mind for it.

In all actuality, I have realized that that is just a defense mechanism that I need to get away from. It is my subconscious way of sabotaging myself that I didn’t even know I was doing until I started to really try and work on myself and building up that confidence that I seem to lack. I struggle to live up to the potential that I know I have because I so desperately need not to fail. When you feel like you have been failing most of your life (even if that’s not the reality) the last thing you want to continue to do is fail. However, when I put into perspective that not reaching a particular goal is not failure but rather a stepping stone on the way to succeeding then it almost makes failing seem like more of an accomplishment.

When I think of all of the success stories that inspire me, people who have gotten to the place where I am journeying to, I am reminded of all of their failures that were made on their way to finally succeeding. Without those failures they may have never actually achieved the things they set out to do and they most certainly would not appreciate all that it took to get to the point they are at now. I guess it is humbling to get to the top of a jagged road with a lot of bumps, bruises, potholes, and other obstacles thrown in your way rather than the straight road with no detours that you had in your head when you dreamt up those dreams.

I guess I have to stop asking myself do I really have what it takes to make this dream happen and give myself permission to let go of that idea of a straight road, permission to embrace all of the bruises and bumps and potholes as battle scars to be proud of for when I do reach the destination on my journey. I guess I have to give myself credit for how quickly I bounce back and recover from those moments of so-called failures and view them as accomplishing the goal of not staying down when I get knocked on my butt. It’s not the fall that will cripple a person’s drive to succeed, but rather it is how long it takes them to get back up and get back at the grind of making that dream happen.

The most important thing is that you get up and don’t just lay there waiting for someone else to help you back to your feet. Waiting on anyone else to help you with your dreams could result in you never getting back up to move towards them. Take those battle scars that you are accumulating and wear them proudly because when you look back on your journey those scars are going to be there to remind you of just how badly you want to succeed and of everything you went through to make it happen. Those reflections will ensure that you never take for granted the journey you took and that you appreciate even more the victory that has taken place.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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