When Life Gives You Teachable Moments…

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” 

~Author Unknown 

In being a mother there are always those moments where you just sit back and let your child learn their hard lessons on their own, usually the hard way.  However, there are other times when you see your child going through some of the same things that you may have went through when you were around their age, and you want to just stop them and advise them with your experience as their guide.  The lessons don’t always sink in, but you still want to take that moment and make it a teachable one.  

While it may not make sense to them at that moment, much like you did when you got older, they will see the value in that lesson when they least expect it.  Every now and then, you will even teach yourself those same lessons all over again while trying to impart wisdom on them.  

Recently I have been trying to help my daughter deal with the issue of being teased and picked on and bullied at school by her classmates.  It’s been painful to see her go from loving to go to school and learn new things to hating the fact that she has to go because of those very kids in her class.  I try my best to help her try and find ways to deal with the situation but so far, nothing has really stuck.  

I even try to use my experience of having gone through the exact same things when I was in elementary school and having to learn the ways to deal with it the hard way and it seems to help her for about a week (if that) but then she started acting out in class (which is completely unlike her) in response to her classmates bothering her.  When she tries to blame whatever they did to antagonize her for the reason why she chose to act out in class, I make sure to let her know that no one else is responsible for her actions but her.  

I remind her that she is supposed to know what’s right and wrong and that no matter what someone else does to her, she knows the appropriate ways to respond and that acting out is not one of them.  She cries that she doesn’t understand why they are mean to her and because I don’t know why, I just tell her that she can’t control how people feel or what they do, but she can control how she reacts to them.  

I reminded her of how much she loves school, and loves to learn new things and that she shouldn’t allow the children in her class to have that much power over her.  As I was telling her this I began to remind myself of the very same thing with certain negative people in my life.  

I spent a lot of time in my youth worried about what everyone was going to say about me.  I worried whether people were going to like me and I went out of my way doing things (not extremely terrible things) that were out of character for me because I wanted certain people to like me.  It worked a lot of the times but then I never really knew if it was me who they liked or just the person I was pretending to be for them.  

Even though I don’t bother pretending for anyone anymore, there are certain people, one in particular, that I still find myself wanting their approval.  But having to try and teach my daughter to not allow other people to dictate what she does or who she is, I realize that that lesson is not just for her, it’s one that I am still not finished learning.  

A person’s negativity only has power over you if you allow it to and you should never, no matter who that person is, allow someone to have that much control over what you do or how you feel.  No matter if that person is the closest of friends or even a family member you can not allow that person’s actions or words dictate yours.   

We are all responsible for our own actions and choices, and yes, our inaction as well.  If we allow someone’s hurtful words or behavior to keep us down and keep us from doing something that we know in our heart is right then we can not place the blame on them.  No one can have that kind of power over you unless you give them that power.  

What we do or don’t do; the dreams we carry out or don’t carry out; are our own responsibilities and no one else’s.  It may be wrong for someone to purposely try and tear us down but we are the only ones that can allow them to succeed.           

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

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Seeing the Blessing in the Responsibilities that God Gives Us

I spent a lot of time when I was little planning out my life and what I was going to do and be.  I even had time frames for certain things such as when I was going to become a New York Times staff writer and when I was going to get married and have children.  But I wasn’t always so optimistic about how my life would turn out.  

I grew up in an abusive home with a mother who was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive and there were honestly days when I just didn’t want to wake up the next morning.  I will even admit that I tried to make it so I wouldn’t wake up multiple times and would get angry with God when it didn’t work.  I wondered why I was still here to go through the nightmare that I had to endure on a daily basis.  

Now that I am at the stage I am at in my life, which admittedly is not where I had hoped to be at this age, I can see exactly why it never worked.  God gave me a responsibility and a purpose.  The purpose was to influence and empower people with my words and the responsibility was my beautiful and wonderfully intelligent daughter who I just know is here to change the world in big ways that I can’t even begin to see yet.  

I was watching an episode of Tyler Perry’s House of Payne last week and it was something said that really struck a chord with me.  The father was telling his son (who after being shot and almost killed wished that he had just died) that God sometimes gives us responsibilities just to keep you moving.  He gives you those responsibilities along with the strength you need to achieve, and the provisions you need to conquer your problems.  But you have to keep moving and keep fighting.  

All of these responsibilities that I am stressing and worrying over and sometimes falling apart about were given to me specifically because God clearly saw something in me and believed that I could handle them.  Now, looking at things from that perspective, I feel even more special because God must see more strength in me then I can see in myself.  If God is going to put faith in me like that then how can I keep questioning him and not put faith in him and trust in his plan and his path that he has laid out for me.  

I am writing this today because I felt compelled to.  I felt as if there might be someone else out there (besides me) who continues to have questions about why certain burdens were bestowed upon them.  It is all for a reason and there is a blessing in every burden, even if you don’t see it yet.  I hope that anyone out there going through a rough time right now will trust in God and his reasoning.  Until tomorrow…Keep moving forward and keep fighting through it. 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress