When Life Gives You Teachable Moments…

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” 

~Author Unknown 

In being a mother there are always those moments where you just sit back and let your child learn their hard lessons on their own, usually the hard way.  However, there are other times when you see your child going through some of the same things that you may have went through when you were around their age, and you want to just stop them and advise them with your experience as their guide.  The lessons don’t always sink in, but you still want to take that moment and make it a teachable one.  

While it may not make sense to them at that moment, much like you did when you got older, they will see the value in that lesson when they least expect it.  Every now and then, you will even teach yourself those same lessons all over again while trying to impart wisdom on them.  

Recently I have been trying to help my daughter deal with the issue of being teased and picked on and bullied at school by her classmates.  It’s been painful to see her go from loving to go to school and learn new things to hating the fact that she has to go because of those very kids in her class.  I try my best to help her try and find ways to deal with the situation but so far, nothing has really stuck.  

I even try to use my experience of having gone through the exact same things when I was in elementary school and having to learn the ways to deal with it the hard way and it seems to help her for about a week (if that) but then she started acting out in class (which is completely unlike her) in response to her classmates bothering her.  When she tries to blame whatever they did to antagonize her for the reason why she chose to act out in class, I make sure to let her know that no one else is responsible for her actions but her.  

I remind her that she is supposed to know what’s right and wrong and that no matter what someone else does to her, she knows the appropriate ways to respond and that acting out is not one of them.  She cries that she doesn’t understand why they are mean to her and because I don’t know why, I just tell her that she can’t control how people feel or what they do, but she can control how she reacts to them.  

I reminded her of how much she loves school, and loves to learn new things and that she shouldn’t allow the children in her class to have that much power over her.  As I was telling her this I began to remind myself of the very same thing with certain negative people in my life.  

I spent a lot of time in my youth worried about what everyone was going to say about me.  I worried whether people were going to like me and I went out of my way doing things (not extremely terrible things) that were out of character for me because I wanted certain people to like me.  It worked a lot of the times but then I never really knew if it was me who they liked or just the person I was pretending to be for them.  

Even though I don’t bother pretending for anyone anymore, there are certain people, one in particular, that I still find myself wanting their approval.  But having to try and teach my daughter to not allow other people to dictate what she does or who she is, I realize that that lesson is not just for her, it’s one that I am still not finished learning.  

A person’s negativity only has power over you if you allow it to and you should never, no matter who that person is, allow someone to have that much control over what you do or how you feel.  No matter if that person is the closest of friends or even a family member you can not allow that person’s actions or words dictate yours.   

We are all responsible for our own actions and choices, and yes, our inaction as well.  If we allow someone’s hurtful words or behavior to keep us down and keep us from doing something that we know in our heart is right then we can not place the blame on them.  No one can have that kind of power over you unless you give them that power.  

What we do or don’t do; the dreams we carry out or don’t carry out; are our own responsibilities and no one else’s.  It may be wrong for someone to purposely try and tear us down but we are the only ones that can allow them to succeed.           

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress

Advertisements

Complaining Never Solves Anything

“Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.” 

~Proverb 

The other day my daughter was having a particularly moody day and she seemed to be complaining about everything.  I was really tired of hearing her complain but she gets it honestly because I am also a big time complainer and whiner (still working on getting better at that).  So I decided to convey to her what I had learned over the years of my life and am still in the process of learning as I struggle to curtail my need to complain on a regular basis.  I told her that if she stops complaining and whining about the things that she has no control over, she could actually start to realize and appreciate the benefits of what it is she’s complaining about.  Essentially if she changes her attitude about things she may find that she actually enjoys them or at the very least can learn from them.  

I only wish that I had realized that a long time ago.  Even now, while I don’t complain about things nearly as much as I used to, I still have a problem with feeling the need to complain my way through a hard time.  At the end of the situation the only thing that I really managed to do was waste a lot of time that I can’t ever get back.  I took so much extra time that I didn’t have to work my way through whatever problem it was that didn’t need to be thrown away and it didn’t erase the problem, it only made it take longer to get through.  

Being a mom teaches you so many lessons that sometimes never really sink in until you are having those teachable moments with your own children.  More than likely your parents tried to have those same teachable moments with you and they just didn’t stick.  Attitude has a lot to do with how situations are managed and how you deal with them.  If you can change your attitude, you can ultimately change your situation.    

I have discovered that complaining about any given problem only gives that problem power over your life and over your circumstances.  So in order to take that power away from the problem, you’ve got to stop complaining about it and in a sense dwelling over it.  Once you do stop and change your attitude about the situation you will find that you can get through the problem in a more positive and productive way that won’t waste a whole lot of time that you don’t have.  My daughter said that she understood what I was trying to say (but she’s 8 so I believe it went in one ear and out the other) but even if she didn’t get it while I was saying it, I hope that it will sink in eventually.  Until tomorrow…Don’t complain your way through your struggles, smile your way through it and it will be over before you know it.  

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress