Tag: God

I Sometimes Struggle to Believe in the Potential God Sees in Me

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Seeing the Potential that God Sees 3

For the most part I am typically an optimistic person. I have plenty of setbacks that make me doubtful sometimes but I try to remain dedicated and stick to this path because I feel deep down that it is the right one that God wants me on to reach my destined purpose. However, that is not to say that I don’t have moments (a lot more of them than I care to admit) where I question whether I am letting God down.

I know that there are things that I should be doing that I don’t always manage to get done, things that would go a long way in the efforts to get to where I’m trying to go. I am guilty of wasting time that I don’t really have to waste. I am guilty of getting frustrated to the point of just wanting to give up and be just plain lazy. I am guilty of feeling so overwhelmed with all of the things that I want to do that I convince myself that it’s just too much and it can’t be done so why even bother trying. I tell myself a lot of things that eventually lead me to talking myself out of trying. I let the fear of not succeeding at what I want cause me to do the very thing that I don’t want to do which is give up.

I’m not in that mindset of giving up right now but I am starting to feel that sense of being overwhelmed with all of the things that it is that I want to do and all of the plans that I have to get accomplished and the fear that I may not achieve it. I have this list, this very long list, of life goals, of things that I want my company to achieve. I have a purpose for my Write 2 Be brand and in my mind I see it so clearly. I can even map out on paper (although not quite as concise as it forms in my brain) exactly the direction I want everything to go. I have even listed everything, all the steps, I need to go through to get it at least going in the direction I want it to go. Then the reality sets in.

The reality that my dreams may be just a little too big and that with all that needs to be done, I may be out of my depth here. The reality that I might have somehow set the bar for myself just a bit too high, and then the fear that I can’t reach my own bar that I set. The reality that with every second that I am sleep there is something that could be getting done. The reality that I cannot physically go on absolutely no sleep which is probably what it would take for me to achieve ALL that it is I am setting out to do. Then I start to feel that overwhelming sense of failure.

I start to feel like I am not only letting God down, but my daughter, and of course myself. I place a lot of stock in my potential but what happens if I don’t live up to that. What happens if I can’t live up to what God’s purpose for my life is? What if I am simply not good enough? These are the kinds of things that run through my mind, daily, and almost every minute of the day, and I am sure (at least I hope) that I am not the only one who has felt this way. I feel like I have to acknowledge those fears within myself or else they will never go away.

While I know that they will never go away completely, I have to believe that the sense or the urge to give up will fade away from the forefront of my mind. I have to believe that I will one of these days just wake up and look in the mirror and say “I get it God, I get what you see in me and I can do this because you said I could”. While I am not quite all the way there yet, I must say, I am miles away from how I used to feel about all of this. It’s a start and we all have to start somewhere. I hope that this week is as productive for you as I plan on it being for me and I hope that you will try to remember, as I will, that God’s purpose for you is nothing to be afraid of!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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What All Can Go Right

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What if everything goes right

I live in the land of worst case scenarios where I prepare for whatever there is that can possibly go wrong and for what I would need to do to fix things if they should go wrong. I don’t think that I am alone in doing this. I think that the world has grown so cynical that in planning for our futures in which we want to soar and fly, we brace ourselves for that harsh landing that quite frankly, often times never actually comes.

I mean sure we fall and we have bad breaks where things don’t quite go the way that we wanted them to. But in reality those are not actually the harsh landings that we are bracing ourselves for. I forget sometimes to prepare for the successes, to purposely plan for things to go right. I spend so much time being completely over prepared for the other shoe that’s definitely (in my mind anyway) going to drop, and for the rock bottom that I’m going to hit (and thankfully never truly have) someday soon if things don’t improve, and for everything that I have ever dreamed of achieving to float right by me as I watch someone else reach out and grab ahold of what was supposed to be my success. None of these things have ever happened. That’s not saying of course that they couldn’t still, but they haven’t.

I’ve been waiting all of this time for everything to go wrong instead of preparing and actually believing that everything could go right. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I haven’t had my share of the bad breaks and the things that come crashing down around me but what I neglect to realize oftentimes is that about eight times out of ten everything that seemingly went wrong turned out to work out in a better way than I had imagined and planned for them to. I spent so much time thinking of all the negatives and forgot that even in a negative outcome, something positive can come from that. I need to stop always thinking about the walls that may crumble and start thinking that even if they do, what beautiful new direction can come from the wreckage.

There are beautiful things that can come out of even the most painful and disheartening situations. We just have to be open to them and prepare for what is good instead of bracing ourselves for what is bad. When we brace ourselves we are closing ourselves off and tightening up. We don’t have our arms and hands open and free to receive all the good that is coming our way. So start realizing what it is to truly let go. Open up and surrender to ALL that life has in store for you, the good, the bad, and yes, especially the unplanned. Sometimes the best moments in life cannot be planned out beforehand. Let go and let God!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Boxes on a Shelf

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boxes on a shelf

I was watching a Joel Osteen Sermon this past Sunday and as always his message was something that I could really relate to and that resonated with me right at that moment. He spoke about having faith in yourself and in your abilities enough to ask God for what he already said was yours. You know we pray for the things we want out of life and finagle our way around obstacles in order to achieve them. But I think that perhaps if we were more sure about the fact that those opportunities that we want and that we see for our future are already in God’s plan and that they are already ours to grab ahold of we wouldn’t worry so much while we are praying about whether or not they are going to come to pass.

Joel used a metaphor that our opportunities are like moments that are all in boxes, lined up on shelves, in this massive warehouse in heaven, just waiting for the people whose names are on those boxes to actually ask for them. It made me wonder just how big my box of opportunities would be because I know that I am one of those people that while I am praying for my opportunities and wishing that they would come true, I am also crossing my fingers to cover all my bases.

Crossing your fingers is not a sign of true faith, and neither is worrying while you are praying. It’s so funny because I have no trouble believing in other people’s dreams and in the fact that their opportunities will come to fruition but when it comes to mine, it’s like I let all of those demons of doubt cloud what I know in my heart. I don’t want to get to the end of my journey and see my opportunities sitting in these boxes on some shelf just waiting, unclaimed, and unused.

There’s so many other things that I am unsure of in this life but my purpose, my desire to change this world for the better with my message and through writing and other media avenues, that’s not something that I am unsure of. So while you are seeking your opportunities and praying for the doors of opportunity to be opened for you are you crossing your fingers or are you surrendering in faith? It makes a difference on whether or not the right doors will be open or not.

You can’t receive all of the blessings and opportunity that God has planned for you with your fingers crossed because then you are not fully prepared to receive them. So try having absolute faith that what is meant for your life, the opportunities and changes that you have been waiting for, will come to you. And when you have that absolute faith, that unshakable belief, then ask for ALL of what it is that you want. Not some, not just enough to get by, not just one door and then you’ll worry about the next door when you get to it, ask for it ALL. Aren’t you worth EVERYTHING it is that you want?

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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We Are Called to Be Set Apart

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set apart

Most people spend most of their childhood and the better part of their adult lives trying to fit in. I know I certainly did. Sure people will always say I’m my own person and I am not trying to be like anyone else, and I don’t care if anyone else likes me or what I do, but when you think about it that’s not really 100% true.

When we’re younger we want to wear what the other kids are wearing, we sometimes start speaking like the “so-called” friends around us because God forbid we sound different and like our own person. When we get older and we first get to be on our own in college we sometimes study the career avenue that we think would make our parents proud and not ask us are we crazy. Even when we march to the beat of our own drum we are still often times trying to harmonize with others so that we don’t stand out and throw everyone else off beat.

Often times with us creative types we almost can’t help seeking the need to fit in with our peer group because we look to them to approve what we’ve written, or the dance we’ve composed, or the piece of music that we have written, or the photographs that we have shot. But what it all boils down to is the fact that our creativity and our sometimes social awkwardness, in addition to our somewhat abnormal way of viewing things is what makes us uniquely different from the ordinary and average person.

There are some people in the world who were meant to be average and the go with the flow type and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being ordinary. However, there are some of us (and I include myself in this category) that are simply destined to be different, and great, and to far exceed the limitations that society and sometimes the people around us would like to keep us within. Every person in the world is not extraordinary. Hard fact I know but it’s true.

So for those of us who know we are meant to be more than average and are being designed for extraordinary missions in this life, why do we keep trying to fit in with what society says we should be like? God called us to be set apart from the rest so why do we keep trying to squeeze into this bubble that we have no business being in.

Next time you get upset because something you wrote or created didn’t please the masses think about the fact that if you were meant to be like them then God would have created you to be just like them. He created you to be who you are and to complete your own mission that he has designated for you. Don’t be a carbon copy of someone who you weren’t meant to be!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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That Inner Voice Is Telling Me Something Different

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Inner voice

I stumbled upon a Joel Osteen sermon the other day and he talked about listening to that little voice or that little feeling inside us that is guiding us to what we should be doing. You know that voice. The voice that tells you when something isn’t right or the one that tells you when you should be leery of someone or a certain situation. Sometimes we ignore that voice because we think we’re just being paranoid or we just don’t want to listen to is. Well often times we don’t even realize that that little voice we hear or that feeling of uneasiness that we get that can’t be explained is God guiding us to where he wants us to go.

When I watched this message it came a day or two after a friend of mine advising me that I should basically go against what I know to be right for me so that I can be comfortable for the moment and not be in so much struggle. It came from a place of love (I hope) and not wanting to see me struggle but I keep getting this subtle feeling that that advice just isn’t what is best for me.

Yes it would make things much easier right now. It would give me some solid footing while I still tackled my end goal but in all honestly I think that comfortableness that I would then settle myself into would eventually distract me from my end game. I would get comfortable with being in that ease and that steadiness and then little by little my end goal would get further and further away. It wouldn’t disappear because it is my purpose in this world but it would become faint and a bit of a whisper.

I know myself and while I hate to struggle and would love to get to that place where I can see where all my efforts have gone to, where I can see the fruits of my labor, I need the discomfort to push me the end goal. If I were comfortable in some day to day my dreams would be pushed to the side. I know that they would because it has happened before. It was almost to the point where I never even worked on my dream because I was just trying to stay in that place of being comfortable. I can’t do that again. If I did I am almost positive that my dreams would die and I refuse to let that happen.

That little voice, that little feeling, is what is telling me that the answer to my problems is not to take the easy route, but to tough it out and persevere because the reward for my perseverance is coming. Too many times I have ignored that voice, and the consequences were great. I’m not going to ignore that voice this time. I’m toughing it out and I’m going all in. What has your inner voice been telling you? Are you listening?

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Divine Delays

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Divine Delays

There are a lot of things that have been holding me back from taking my writing career to that next level but the biggest thing has been fear. I hadn’t even realized until recently some of the things that I was failing to go after because I was scared that I wouldn’t get it or I wouldn’t accomplish it. It’s funny because without the opportunity falling through that I spoke of the other day I may not have been pushed to begin to do some of these things for the betterment of my writing career that I had been failing to achieve. The reason that I hadn’t achieved them wasn’t due to me being incapable but just me being fearful.

It’s hard to look at a crushing blow as something that may be able to help you in the long run but perhaps that is exactly what that missed opportunity was able to do for me. Perhaps missing out on that one thing helped me open my eyes to the other things that I have been failing to do because of that damaging thing called fear. So perhaps this was a divine delay from God. Not one to hinder me and break me down completely (although that could still be in his plan) but rather to open my eyes to what I was failing to allow myself to achieve.

I suppose that there are some delays in life that are necessary and have to take place in order for you to continue to progress and to grow. We get stagnant sometimes when things are working out well and when things always turn the corner at just the right times. I guess every now and then God has to give us a jolt and a mountain of struggle to remind us that the journey is not over yet and that while we are to enjoy every moment of achievement, we can’t let ourselves get comfortable in the moment we are in because in comfortableness there is no growth. When you get comfortable you don’t want to move, you want to revel in the stage that you are in.

Being uncomfortable makes us move forward, it makes us grow stronger. It makes us press on to our destination instead of standing still. While it is easier said than done to be thankful for the hardships I am in a sense blessed for these divine delays. In some ways they protected me and in others they made me move forward even when all I wanted to do was stand still. So if you are being delayed in your blessing take a good look at whether you are really being delayed or are you actually being propelled forward. Stay uncomfortable and keep moving!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Reminding Myself of Whose Plan This Is

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God's plan my plan 2

The last couple of weeks have been a struggle and a true test of my will to stick to my purpose and hang in there for the long haul. I had a wonderful opportunity lined up through a friend and to make a long story short the opportunity fell through and it would have been a huge stepping stone towards greater things. My first thoughts were to just give up. I wanted to quit because it just seems that lately nothing is going the way that it is supposed to and everything is completely falling apart. It seems like the walls are caving in all around me to the point where I won’t be able to climb out from underneath the rubble.

I sat and wondered why would God give me this purpose, afford me the ability to obtain the tools to carry out this purpose, and then keep removing every opportunity that could bring me closer to achieving that purpose. I don’t want to make it seem as though I would ever question God and his plan or the way that his plans come to fruition but when you are trying to do everything that you think is right but nothing seems to be working (at least not as well as you would like it to) you start to wonder a little.

I keep coming across quotes and inspirational messages that seem to be screaming at me the answers to my questions, in particular “you may not like where you are but you wouldn’t be there if God didn’t have a purpose for it” and of course my favorite “without tests there are no testimonies”. These sayings keep being brought to my attention in this period of struggle and I am reminded that my plans and Gods plans are not necessarily the same. Even if they were the same as far as the destination, he may have a completely different route planned on how I get to that end result.

What God is doing, I may not even begin to understand it until it all starts to fall into place but the toughest part is having the patience (which I strongly lack) and the faith to wait out God’s plan and not get so frustrated that I give up altogether. Now I’ve never been a quitter so I don’t think that I am going to start now but I sure would not mind seeing some sort of light (even a peek) at the end of the tunnel. However, I understand that as long as God knows where the light is at the end of that tunnel and is guiding me towards it then it doesn’t matter the path that he uses to get me there. I just have to trust that he will get me there.

I won’t lie and say that I completely understand the methods. I won’t even lie and say that I don’t wish that they could be a lot less stressful on me. While I don’t like to be in a position of struggle I understand that for some people, the struggle is a part of the journey in order for them to be a blueprint to others. So today, and every day, embrace your struggles and be proud of the tribulations that you have endured and will endure because you never know who your story is going to be a blueprint for. Stay strong and hang in there, the struggle will be worth it.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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I Was This Close To Just Giving Up

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Was going to give up 2

I want to give up. I want to just throw my hands up as I am knocked down by life yet again and admit that I’m just plain tired and that I don’t have any fight left in me anymore. I want to just succumb to being average and stop trying to fulfill this extraordinary shit that I thought was my damn purpose in this world. I want to just stop having faith in the future that I can’t see ahead of me because how do I even know that any of that shit is going to happen anyway, just because I believe that is what is meant for me. I want to just say my mother was right and I am never going to amount to anything. I want to just say the hell with everything because I just can’t keep trying anymore and keep continually being disappointed every time I think everything is about to turn the corner and it doesn’t.

But I was reminded by a friend yesterday (we’ll just call him Mr. J) that I can’t think that way. I can’t have a defeatist mind set. I have to just accept what has happened, or the changes that are occurring, especially the changes that aren’t good, determine the solution, and then fix the problem the best way that I can, the best way that I know how. He reminded me that you can’t just let life knock you down and then lay there and not get back up. If I were to do that, then the devil wins and he is smiling because he knows that he overpowered my will to serve out my purpose.

The devil has been extremely busy with me these past few weeks, hell months, and I’ve been told that when the devil is really busy with you, that not only means that you are doing something right but that you have a hell of a victory coming your way. If that is in fact true then my victory is going to be unbelievably sweet. It’s hard when you fall to not just want to stay down because getting back up is hard, particularly when you keep getting knocked back down before you can even catch your breath and get all the way back up.

I couldn’t have wrote this post yesterday because I felt completely defeated and everything in the first paragraph of this post was what I was feeling and what I was going to accept. However I reminded myself this morning that I am not average, nor am I meant to live anything but an extraordinary life. I am not a quitter, I am a fighter by nature and I could never look at myself in the mirror if I didn’t give this absolutely everything that I’ve got and nothing less. My mother is most certainly not right about me because I will amount to everything that God has predestined for me. And I may not have complete and total faith in mankind and the man-made obstacles that are going to fall in my path but I do have absolute faith in God and his power to remove those obstacles when he sees fit.

I would say that I picked a profession that lends nothing but struggle and rejection (at least in the beginning) to it but it was what I truly believe I was placed on this earth to do. It picked me, or should I say God picked it for me. I just had an opportunity that I felt would’ve been changed a lot of things for me, for the better, pretty much snatched away from me. It was made even worse by the fact that the friend who came to me with the project (admittedly because she knew it could possibly be a game changer for me) didn’t fight for me to stay on the project, as I felt she should have. Everyone wants to say that perhaps that was God’s way of saying that opportunity wasn’t meant for me and I’m still very far off from believing that this opportunity wasn’t meant for me but I will say that I am not going to let this new fall keep me down. It is their loss, not mine.

So if you too have been thinking about giving up this week, or this month, I am here to say I understand exactly how you feel. I also know that if you do, you will never forgive yourself and you will always be left with this feeling of what if. The wondering will end up crippling you because you will forever live in the past trying to guess what would’ve happened if you had just hung in there a little longer. Just don’t quit. Don’t give up. Keep fighting because it won’t always be this hard (I have to believe that) and on the day when everything starts to fall in place you will look back on this time period where you had the crazy notion to give up and be thankful that you didn’t. So just hang in there, the victory is coming!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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The Best Things Can Sometimes Come Out of a Bad Situation

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When you're down to nothing

I seem to find myself having to make the best out of a bad situation more often than I care to.  It always feels like just when I think I can cruise on down my path for a little while without any bumps and bruises, there goes another obstacle in my way and often times it feels like it’s a mountain just sitting there, knowing that I cannot move mountains out of my way.  I’m simply not that strong.  At least that’s what I convince myself at the time when I am staring down the very thing that is causing me to stop dead in my tracks.

I guess the truth is that I sometimes don’t know my own strength and that the strength that I need is not necessarily physical but rather spiritual and it comes from God.  I have realized throughout the years (and have been reminded whenever I forget by Ms. L.) that I am so much stronger than I think I am and that each time I make it through a struggle I am always, somehow, better off for it.  I suppose those that have never struggled through anything cannot fully appreciate the things that they are fortunate enough to ascertain in this life.

Nothing that you want, that is worth having, is ever going to come to you easily and if it does you better believe that there is some kind of string attached to it, visible or not.  I’m in a bad spot right not, it’s certainly not a spot I want to be in, but I can already see the lesson brewing out of it.  I guess the real failure in failing at anything is not learning from that failure and not fully capturing the lessons that there are to be built upon and shared.  Times are hard right now, but they could be so much worse, and when they get better I know how to avoid a repeat.  Trouble doesn’t last always and this too shall pass.  Stay blessed and be grateful!

Jimmetta Carpenter

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I Could Pick Another Career….But I Like the One God Picked For Me

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WhatIDo

I will preface this post by stating with an absolute certainty that I love (love, love) being a writer.  It is what I am most passionate about.  It is what gets me through most of my bad days.  It is when I feel like I am doing the most good, in general, throughout the world.  And most importantly it is, what I feel, is the best legacy that I can leave behind for my daughter, and her children to come after.

Having said that, some days it is hard to be a writer when that is your only source of income and when the thought of doing anything else for a living makes you literally cringe.  People seem to think two polar opposite things about the life of a writer.  They either think that you are basically using a hobby as an excuse as to why you don’t have what they deem to be a “real” job or they think you have large sums of money in which you are not even close to having.  Now if you have made it like J.K. Rowling, or Stephen King, or James Patterson, or Terry McMillan, then sure, you do have large sums of money at your disposal.

However, if you have not made it to that milestone in your writing career yet, then you are just scraping by like any other average working person, it’s just not doing the traditional job.  That does not in any way diminish what you do or make it just a hobby that you are trying to get paid to do.  There is a huge difference in doing writing as a hobby and doing it as a career.  The struggle is different.  Once you make writing a career, it is not just about the sheer love of putting a fictional story, or even your story, on a piece of paper for all to see.  It then becomes a business in which you must then market yourself and your work.  You have now become a business in which you are your brand.

The business side of writing is what I sometimes dread because I have not always been the best at “selling myself” so to speak.  I can sale anyone else’s work and promote many others but for some reason when it comes to me it gets difficult.  It’s something that I have to get used to and get better at gradually but gradually does not garner me any immediate income the way that I need it to.

Writing is definitely not a career choice for the weak, or faint of heart, or for those that are looking for an easy source of financial stability.  I look unstable to those outside of the creative spectrum and I even feel that way most days but when I look at it in terms of whether my child is taken care of and if she has what she needs (plus a few things that she wants) and if the basic needs are being met, then I have to acknowledge that my modest way of living is working for now.

True I can’t do outlandish extravagant things and I can’t get every little thing that I desire but it makes it so much more worth it when I can obtain those things because I know that I worked hard for them.  Like I said in the beginning of this post, I love writing and I wouldn’t choose any other career.  There are ones that I would love to do in addition to writing like singing and counseling others but nothing I feel as passionate about as writing.

If writing is something that you love to do, then ignore all of the days that you feel like it’s just not worth it.  Ignore the feelings of you not being good enough to do this successfully.  Ignore all of the days where a regular job seems like the only option you really have to have everything that you want and desire.  Ignore the days that you feel like you’re not truly meant to be a writer because you can’t seem to promote yourself well enough.  Your days of struggling as a writer may seem like they are just beginning but in the end, if you work hard, if you fight hard for what you want out of your career, then it will all be worth it.  Work hard and struggle harder.

Jimmetta Carpenter

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