Tag: support

Let the Leaves Fall Away While the Roots Sustain You

jcladyluv

 

Losing a relationship with someone, especially a close friendship can be hard. If you’re anything like me, someone who believes in working hard at the close connections you have and that those bonds take work, then it’s extremely hard. However, sometimes instead of trying so hard to hold onto those particular relationships, we have to see them for what they are. Some people were meant to be in your life for a moment in time. Some are meant to be there for a season, sometimes many seasons of your life. Then there are those that are like the roots, and they are there for a lifetime.

You don’t get many of those root people and what you may not see is that the time you spend trying to hold onto the person that was meant to only be seasonal, you could be damaging the relationship you have with the roots. I have been blessed to have a lot of really amazing people enter my life and the thing about me is that I am a person who has a hard time truly letting people in so when I do, I tend to hold on pretty tightly. I don’t call too many people friend, not lightly, so when I use that word, it means I feel a deep connection with you. Which is why it is hard when that friend that I now see was just a seasonal friend, essentially decides that I’m no longer good enough to be their friend.

Now hear me when I say I know that I am a good enough person to be anyone’s friend and that just because I am going through a very hard time right now does not make me less than worthy. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when someone tries to make you feel exactly that way because suddenly your life got too hard for them. Their loss, not mine. It just made me see even more in depth who my real friends are and who they are not. Real friends help you see the light that you are.

On those dark days they help you get to the other side of that dark tunnel and allow you to see there are people who care about you and not what you have (or in my case what I don’t have). Real friends are there to lift you up emotionally when you need it and know when to take a step back when you need that too. Real, true friends help you see things outside of your comfort zone and they see what sometimes others are too busy or just too selfish to see. They see the potential in you that oftentimes your own family doesn’t even see.

I have been fortunate enough to have some real friends by my side through this dark time and I am so happy that they have been there for me. That they haven’t abandoned me. That they, on the days when it’s really hard to, they help me see the good in myself, and even point out the good that’s happened around me in spite of all of the bad. They have helped keep me focused on the things I can accomplish instead of dwelling on what I can’t get done. They have reminded me that I am not my situation. I am much more than that. I’m very thankful for them. I hope everyone has real friends like them. Having a tribe supporting you can sometimes make a world of difference in how you choose to respond to the things that are happening around you.

Let the leaves (false friends) fall away from you and accept that their time in your life is now up. Take stock of those roots that decided to plant themselves around you and gave you the nourishment that you needed to grow and flourish. We can’t do everything alone in this life and in the worst times that you will face, it will be those roots that will keep you grounded and push you forward when you feel you can’t move on your own.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BeResilient #BeEncouraged

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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Cutting the Ties of Negativity That Keep Me Bound

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“One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged.  Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.”

~Lucille Ball 

It is important when being a writer, in business for yourself, that you have adequate support around you.  People reassuring you that you will be successful and that actually believe the encouragement that they are giving you.  People that you can bounce ideas off of and they get how your mind works and don’t automatically assume that you are crazy.  People that don’t tear you down every chance that they get.  

I think that I have built up a good circle of people who believe in my vision and what my purpose is.  It may be a very small circle but it is there.  The problem that I continue to come up against is the people, or person in particular, who continues to tear me down with every open shot they get. 

Now I know that I am supposed to cut any negative form of energy that enters into my circle and threatens my belief in myself but family is a little harder to get rid of.  Every time I get to a place where I feel confident in what I am doing and I begin to stop doubting myself (at least not on an everyday basis) this person says such negative, nasty, unsupportive things.  Sometimes they just say things that are downright hateful.  

I asked someone once how you are supposed to extract that negative energy from your life and your circle when they are family and you have to deal with them on a regular basis.  This person told me that just because that person is your family doesn’t mean that they necessarily deserve to be treated the way people normally would treat their family.  He said that if they are not living up to the title and are not giving me that emotional support that family is supposed to give one another then they are family in title only but not in their actions.  

I never thought of it that way and even though I try to keep this in mind, every time I have to deal with this person (which is often because my daughter is very close to them) the negativity is just there and sometimes it seeps in my subconscious whether I want it to or not.  Last night the negativity seeped in for a little while but for a writer there is typically a battle to keep out the voices of doubt, whether it is your voice or the voice of others.  

I didn’t necessarily win the time and productivity battle today but every day won’t be perfect and you have to just take the good with the bad.  Tomorrow will be a better day, one where I will avoid all said persons projecting negativity my way.  

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

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The Support Around You

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Ms. L wrote a blog post the other night about hustling hard for what you want out of life.  I will say that she has got to be the best hustler I know.  When she sets her mind to something and decides that it’s going to happen, she makes it happen, one way or another.  She is a perfect example of the type of friend and person in general that you want surrounding you when you are on a mission to greatness.  They say that birds of a feather flock together and when I was in high school I never understood what that really meant, nor how true that statement was.  

My mother used to hear about certain people that I associated with in high school doing something they didn’t have any business doing, and she would just automatically assume that I was doing the same things (which I wasn’t).  She said that if you surround yourself with certain types of people then that’s the type of person people will think you are.  At the time I thought that it was her being highly judgmental and unfair.  I felt that if you liked someone or at least a lot of their attributes then there shouldn’t be a problem being their friend even if the two of you were total opposites on everything.  I learned as I grew into an adult that my mother (I cringe as I say this) was right.  

You don’t want the people in your circle to be exactly like you (that would just be boring) but you do want them to be people who understand you and your goals and ambitions and who are as ambitious about whatever they want as you are.  You want people surrounding you that are like-minded and that are going to push you when you need a push.  You need people who have their own sense of direction and motivate you to find and follow yours.  

A writer in particular needs a good source of support and motivation in the people that they associate with.  While I have other good supportive people in my circle that motivate me in various ways (as I hopefully motivate them), none of them I admire quite as much as Ms. L.  Her post the other night about hustling harder (and our conversation that came afterwards) gave me great encouragement and motivation.  

I am probably not the best hustler in terms of going after everything I want with extreme vigor but because I am not, it is good to have someone in my corner, in my circle, who is.  Someone who can be a model example of the kind of hustling I should be doing.  Surrounding yourself with the right people, as a writer, is vitally important and should be something that you should definitely reevaluate if you haven’t before.  I thank Ms. L for being the kind of friend and fellow writer that I can take a multitude of notes from and for not being stingy with your secrets along your pathway to success.  I hope all of you out there have someone in your circle that pushes you to be your very best.  Until tomorrow…If you haven’t already, make sure you have your support team in place!  

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://writetobe.wordpress.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

www.lulu.com/ladybugpress