Write 2 Be – Page 37

Are We Faking It to Our Own Detriment?

May 22, 2013 jcladyluv

There is this mantra that people have come to live by that is supposed to help motivate them to keep moving forward and not get hung up on what they haven’t achieved. “Fake it until you make it” is what people tell you to do when you are trying to achieve certain goals that you haven’t quite reached yet. So often I have been told that even if I don’t have it all together and I haven’t achieved all of the goals that I am striving towards that I should just essentially pretend that I have made it, that I have it all together, and that I am already a success even though I still have a long way to go.

It sounded like good advice and I completely understand what good intentions are meant by this mantra. I have even repeated this advice to others because I firmly believed that it was the right attitude to have. Now I’m not so sure. I mean I don’t think that you are ever supposed to lose sight of the goals and dreams that you are moving towards accomplishing but I am not so sure that faking it is the right way to really go about it.

I read a blog post last night about how the mantra of faking it could actually be the reason your message is falling on deaf ears (so to speak). It made me think, if I am trying to promote brand ME and I want people to connect to me, do I want people to get the me that I am pretending to be, that I think that they want, or do I want people to connect to the real me, the me that just doesn’t have it all together yet. If I am not being authentic, then what is the point of me trying to get my words out there and to connect with readers?

Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are, imperfections and all, but how can that be possible if we are all too busy pretending to be what it is we wish we were, what we think people want us to be. No real good comes of pretending to be someone other than yourself and it is just deceptive to think that we have to put on this false pretense. So I thought that I would real today (I try to be real most of the time but sometimes I hide behind my insecurities) and share things I don’t normally say out loud.

I am a writer, true enough, but I do not have it all together. I am not as successful as I sometimes try to pretend to be. Sometimes, frankly I am just winging it with this whole writing thing and I don’t have even half of the answers. I don’t write as much as I should. I don’t seem to have a knack for this social media thing so my name is not as well known as I had hoped it would be at this point in my life.

To be completely honest, some days I really have no idea what I am doing, I am just trying to be the best writer that I know how to be and I am trying to hold on to that passion that I have for writing. There are days when trying to focus on the business side of being a writer is so frustrating I start to think about never writing again. I question regularly, despite my saying that I know writing is my true purpose, if maybe writing has already served its purpose in my life and that maybe (and only in moments of temporary insanity do I really believe this) it is time to let it go.

I try not to admit those things even to myself so saying them here for everyone to see is hard for me but I feel better having done it. I feel like there has to be someone else out there that gets it and are just as tired as I am of pretending to be something that they are not and who understand where I am coming from. Isn’t it less pressure to just be yourself? As imperfect as you might be, even if you feel like everything is falling a part, be the best version of yourself that you can be. Let’s not fake it until we make it, let’s just make it by being real.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

Write 2 Be Magazine is now out so please go check it out at http://write2bemagazine.com/. Also please go and join the magazine on twitter https://twitter.com/write2bemag, join the email listing for the magazine or submit a request for an author interview at Write2bemagazine@yahoo.com, and also like the Write 2 Be Magazine fan page https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine. Please help support my endeavor and my new journey and help me spread the word about Write 2 Be and its meaning.

Holding On For the Breakthrough Moment

May 21, 2013 jcladyluv

Yesterday I had a day where it seemed like I just kept hitting the wall. Just when it looked like I was starting to get close to that light that lets me know things are going to be okay I felt like another boulder (not a rock) was dropped in my way. I felt like just giving up and I took a moment to cry a little (I’m not ashamed to admit that I cry when I get upset) because honestly I started to feel like things were hopeless.

But today was a new day and with the tragedy that has just taken place in Oklahoma with the devastation of the tornados it really puts things into perspective. I can’t take the gifts that I have been given for granted just because of a moment that seems like it can’t be fixed. I have to be grateful that I still have more moments to fix things. A moment of frustration is not going to keep me from tunneling through to that light on the other side of the wall that keeps blocking me from my dreams and my purpose.

I opened my latest Tyler Perry email today and there on the screen in front of me (right on time as usual) was a message to all of the frustrated dreamers. In essence, he was letting all of the dreamers out there who are hitting that wall know, to keep powering through until we breakthrough to the other side of that wall. That while we are tunneling through that wall, to be grateful for the things that we have to go through on the way, yes even those things that make us want to rip our hair out and scream, because it will be those things that make us stronger and more prepared for when we finally do have our breakthrough moment.

So often we make it all the way to that wall and then we give up right before the breakthrough (just like in the picture above) because we didn’t see it coming. Then we just end up missing our moment, our opportunity and all of the opportunities that were supposed to follow. We (yes me included) have to stop giving up so easily. Just because things seem hopeless at the moment, we can’t just stop pushing through because that light that we are looking for could literally be right around the corner when we decide it’s just too hard to keep going.

Tyler Perry included a prayer in his email for the frustrated dreamers “God, help me hold on, help me to get to what I dream of, help me to honor where I am today so that I can appreciate where I will be tomorrow. In Jesus’ name.” That prayer is something I know I am going to say (on top of my many other conversations with God) so that I can motivate myself to keep pushing through no matter what, until I get to the other side of that wall. I know I can make it and I’m not giving up, you shouldn’t either!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

Trying To Learn How To Take Care of Me Too

May 15, 2013 jcladyluv

I love how I strike up conversations with people that lead to thought provoking moments of revelation. It happens a lot with me but usually when I don’t even realize that it was something that I needed to hear. Today I was talking to a lady who I have had interaction with for a while now. I wouldn’t really call us friends but every now and then she imparts words of wisdom. It wasn’t any different today when she pointed out that I am one of those moms that hardly (I’m not going to say never because it wouldn’t be completely true) does anything solely for herself.

She had mentioned that when I get some extra money I should treat myself to something and I launched into my usual rationalization about how I couldn’t possibly buy something for me without at least first making sure my daughter has absolutely all that she needs (not everything she wants but needs) in the near future. She started telling me about how she used to be that way and that when her kids were grown they didn’t really remember any of the things that she gave up for herself or what she sacrificed but mostly what they remembered was the love that she gave them and the time that she spent with them. She pointed out that it wouldn’t hurt my daughter or make her feel any less loved to take care of me every once and a while.

I knew she was right but I couldn’t help feeling guilt at the slightest thought of buying something for me that didn’t somehow benefit my daughter as well. I am trying to figure out where this feeling of guilt comes from, as if I don’t deserve to have anything for myself if it means I have to deny something for her. It makes me think of what they say when you are on a plane (or what I’ve heard that they say because I have never been on a plane) when they warn you that if something should happen that parents are to put on their oxygen mask first. If you don’t put your mask on first you take the risk of something happening to you before you are able to help your child. It’s the same in life on a regular basis.

You have to take care of you because if you don’t then you won’t be able to effectively take care of your child. Taking care of you does not just extend to making sure that you are healthy and that you eat but also to making sure that you are happy and mentally in a place of peace. I don’t really remember what life is like without my child around me. Sometimes I miss being just me instead of just a mom. I guess from the beginning I have always tried to be the mother I didn’t have and I’ve always had to overcompensate in one area for certain things that my daughter might not have been receiving in another one.

It was a habit that I started when she was born, trying to be the very best mother I could be, alone, and I suppose at that time, I felt like I had to chose between me or her and of course it was always going to be her. However, as she has gotten older and as I have watched other mothers have that balance that I wasn’t sure how to get, I realize that it doesn’t have to be either me or her, that it can be both and that sometimes it is actually okay for me not to neglect me and that I don’t have to feel guilty about that. Now I am not going to say that the feeling of guilt when I do something that is just for me won’t still be there when I try to take steps towards taking better care of me, but that certainly doesn’t mean that I am not going to try. I hope that all of you out there are taking care of yourselves and if you’re not, now is as good a time as any to start.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

I Figured Out the Real Reason I Can’t Finish My Novel

May 14, 2013 jcladyluv

I was reading an article in the Writer’s Magazine about how hard it is when you are writing something that is personal and that closely mirrors your own experiences somehow, even if it was a piece of fiction that was loosely based on your own truth. It occurred to me after reading this article that this could definitely be the reason that I can not seem to finish my current novel that I am working on.

When I think about it, I haven’t lost the passion for my current novel, I haven’t become bored with the story, I haven’t become tired of the characters, in fact it is quite frustrating that I have so much passion for this unfinished novel and yet I can not seem to actually finish it. Now granted I have many things that legitimately take up my time like being a mother, being back in school and working on my master’s degree, working on writing articles and this blog as well as publishing my magazine. However, having other responsibilities has never stopped me before in finishing something.

Sitting and thinking about it, what is really holding up the process, I am now almost convinced that it has more so to do with my next novel that I am planning to write then the actual novel I am trying to finish. My next novel (not revealing the title just yet), while fictionally written, will not just be loosely based on my own personal life, but it will actually touch on a large part of my childhood and the tumultuous relationship that I have with my mother and the emotional baggage that I have when it comes to her. Even though I am fictionalizing the story quite a bit, the premise is going to touch on a lot of emotions that I am ambiguous about dealing with.

I feel like it is a novel that I need to write to work through some things and it is one that it took me a long time to even be ready to write and I have to wonder if this stalling tactic is somehow a sign that I am not as ready to write it as I thought I was. But when I think about it, I am ready but then I’m still not sure if I really am. My first novel, The Diary: Succession of Lies, took a lot out of me to write because it was extremely personal to me as well and it also took some time for me to get through writing it because I was writing through a painful time.

One would think that to write your pain out on the page it would be simple and that it would flow like a river of water. I think that there is this myth that writing the personal stories takes less time and that it is somehow easier to do. While this may in fact be true for some there are countless stories that I have read of other writers who struggled the most on the work that was more closely related to their personal experiences. Ironically, the personal stories, or the fiction stories that are based in truth, are usually the best ones. There is heart in those stories and they become more relatable to others because someone else may be experiencing the same things that you have already gone through.

I write for many reasons but in large part because I know I can’t be the only one experiencing some of the things that I have gone through. If I can touch even just one person then I have served a purpose with my words and that is all I really want to do. In fixing what is wrong you have to first understand what the problem truly is. Now that I have identified the problem in why I am stuck in this novel and held back from starting the next, I think I can do something to change. If you are stuck maybe it’s time that you stop to figure out the real reason that has you stalled.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

In Need of a Special Place to Write

May 10, 2013 jcladyluv

When I start to think of a special place to be able to write my mind starts to wonder off and think of the places that would be special to me that I can’t really get to right now. What a dream it would be to sit in a coffee shop or restaurant in New York somewhere (preferably Manhattan) or even on a park bench in Central Park. Or how wonderful it would be to sit in a café in ParisFrance or to sit somewhere inside the LouvreMuseum and soak up all of the artistic inspiration. I can even imagine sitting in some Italian villa by the water and taking in the scenery while I let my characters fill the pages with their stories. Unfortunately, that is not my present reality.

When I was younger I used to be able to write anywhere, no matter what my surroundings were. I was able to block out all of the outside noise and I would even be able to tune out all of the negativity that was taking place around me. For hours I would just write and write, and read, and then write again. It wasn’t so hard then to focus my thoughts and the story ideas that kept creeping their way into my mind. I didn’t need quiet for concentration (although too much quiet makes me unable to write as well), nor did I need a breathtaking atmosphere. All I needed was my pen and my notebook and the rest would pretty much take care of itself. I would really like to get back to that but I am not sure that it is a possibility.

When I am at home, sitting at my desk, there might eventually be some writing that gets done but only if I don’t think about the laundry that needs to be washed, or the dinner that needs to be cooked, or the homework that my daughter needs to finish up, or the homework that I need to finish, or the cleaning that needs to be done, or the groceries that I need to go buy, or the bills that are behind and need to be paid. After everything else that has to be done in the house I am usually too tired and drained to write. So where can I go to just sit and write and be productive in getting my work done.

I must admit that I get a lot of writing done sitting in a Starbucks (doesn’t really matter which one) but the problem with that is the aroma of all of the coffee that my budget doesn’t allow me to buy. It really is torture to sit in a coffee shop and not be able to drink any coffee. Some would say that there’s always the library but for some reason being surrounded by thousands and thousands of books doesn’t actually make me want to sit and write but rather go pick out books to read.

I need a place to write that allows me to only think about my characters and their story; a place where the words will just flow without a struggle and where I almost can’t stop the words from coming. For now I’ll just have to make what I have work for me instead of allowing it to work against me.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

When Being Tired Takes Over and You Are Just Too Tired to Write

May 9, 2013 jcladyluv

We all have those days where we’ve been running around, doing errands, taking care of other responsibilities, and we are just too tired to write. Of course almost every piece of writing advice says that you should write everyday, no matter what, even if it is just a paragraph or it’s only for fifteen minutes. In most cases I agree with that piece of advice and I try to adhere to that but there are just times when not only your body is tired but your mind is exhausted. In these cases you might find that you simply can not write (at least not anything that would make any kind of sense). This is when the guilt comes in.

You start to feel like if you were really a good writer then you would just suck it up and put some words on the page already. You start to think about those people who put out ten books in a year (at least I do) and beat yourself up because clearly they didn’t let their being tired stop their productivity. I know that I for one feel completely terrible when I don’t write and I feel even worse when the ideas are there in my head but they just won’t come into focus.

Over the years I have tried not to beat myself up so much when I can’t write. For some people, they can push through and power forward, even when their mind is stuck or when their thoughts are running wild with too many ideas. There are those who are really good at not letting that keep them from putting the words on the page anyway.

However, there are other types of people (like myself) that just can’t write that way. We can’t make ourselves write when we know what will be written is what we would consider garbage. We can’t write when our thoughts aren’t focused and we can’t get the words out when our minds are exhausted. It doesn’t make us any less of a writer nor does it make us any less passionate about what we want to do with our writing.

Sometimes we just need to rest. So often when people in general are tired they keep going until the point of pure exhaustion and if we don’t take those moments that are necessary to rest we will burn out. Sometimes the rest makes us produce better quality work and possibly even more passion for the project than we had before.

Sometimes when we travel on our journey we get so caught up in progressing forward that we forget to stop along the way and recharge. Without the energy to carry on we are no good to anyone, least of all ourselves. Rest and recharge if need be. The work will be there when your mind is fresh. Don’t feel guilty for taking a pit stop every once and a while.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

Sometimes It Is Risky to Be Yourself

May 8, 2013 jcladyluv

I can think of about a dozen people who I admire. People whose success I would love to have. People whose life seems so ideal and who I wish I could be like in one way or another. I think that we all have those days where there is someone who we wouldn’t mind trading places with, even for a day. However, we can only ever be ourselves and we have to learn to be the best person that we can be.

People always declare how you should be an original version of yourself and not a bad imitation of someone else. You’re supposed to achieve the level of success you want by remaining true to who you are and not copying anyone else. I definitely believe that a person should always be who they are but being original can be tricky.

There is always the risk that someone won’t be accepting of you or what you do and as a writer, while it is not important for everyone to like you or your writing you have to be accepted on some level to be successful. The thing is, I am me, I am who I am, love me or hate, take it or leave it, and I won’t apologize for it. However, sometimes there are days when I feel like being myself is either not good enough for people or that people just can’t handle who I really am.

I know you’re not supposed to care about who accepts you and who doesn’t but what if I do care? What if I want people to care about my words and my feelings and what I’m going through? What if I want people to listen to what I have to say and what my ideas are and not dismiss them as if they don’t matter? What if I want people to accept me, flaws and all, and stop wishing that I was something that I am not?

Writers are typically thought of as different, and weird, and isolated but that doesn’t mean we want to be. I am definitely not like a lot of other people and I have spent a large part of my adolescent years trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, never really being who I was. Sometimes it seems like in finally being who I am and not trying to be some version of somebody else I end up standing alone a lot of the time. I wonder whether or not I should have just kept being the copy everyone seemed to like better. Have you ever felt like being yourself just wasn’t good enough?

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

The Words We Say

May 2, 2013 jcladyluv

I was reading some responses to an email interview that I just did with a wonderful author (the interview will be in the next issue of Write 2 Be Magazine) and something she said in her response to one of the questions struck a chord with me. There is so much power in words that people don’t even realize exists.

There is an old saying that I remember because when I was younger people (people being bullied in particular) would constantly repeat it. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”. I don’t know who ever came up with that saying but it couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Words hurt. These days, words can kill, or literally lead to someone not wanting to be on this earth anymore and taking their own life. Words hold so much weight to them. They change lives and they sometimes help people through moments in their lives when they wouldn’t be able to cope otherwise.

I think that sometimes people take for granted how their words can be hurtful to someone or even how much their words can possibly help someone. I think the three words that people take for granted the most are “I Love You”. There are so many children today going through life changing moments in their lives and their going through without feeling like they are loved. There are people who almost never hear those words and the damage that is done by not hearing them.

So if you haven’t been using your words carefully, or wisely, there is no better time to start like the present. If there’s someone that you need to say something to, something you know that they need to hear, don’t take it for granted that you will always have a chance to. Your words can change someone’s life. Just remember that the next time you use your words, that they have power. Don’t underestimate that power.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

There Are Times When I Question, Am I Still Meant To Do This

May 1, 2013 jcladyluv

I was reading the latest blog post on one of the many that I follow and it was about the signs that let you know you were meant to be a writer. It’s funny because lately I’ve been wondering, since I have been a little stalled or slow moving on my latest novel and it doesn’t seem like I am moving as quickly as I would like to with it, does that mean I am not really a writer any more.

I mean sure there are obviously other forms of writing (article writing, blog writing, etc.) that I do and have become better at throughout the years but since novel writing was I initially wanted to become known for, sometimes I feel like I am not as much of a writer anymore. Okay true, those thoughts only last a good minute or so and then I realize that it’s crazy because of course I am a writer.

Well when I was reading the list on this blog post this morning with the signs that you are meant to be a writer I realized that over half of that list applied to me, in fact maybe all but one (there are 11) I could point out as identifying with. However, it made me think of a few more that weren’t on the list (not exactly anyway) that also apply as well.

1) I no longer watch movies and T.V. for pure entertainment but rather more so with the thought in mind of how I could write the script better or how I can write something equally as good.

2) I still read books the traditional way and write in longhand a lot of the time. I know that these old traditions have seemingly been tossed out and replaced with newer (supposedly better) technology but I haven’t given up those old ways of writing and reading.

3) My text messages turn out to be pages in which I go over before sending to check the grammar and spelling to make sure it is written well before sending it.

4) I still believe in writing my own words inside of a card for any special occasion and in fact can take up a whole entire side of a card writing it.

5) My idea of a good night is when I can finally sit down and instead of working on a paper for school or even an article, I can actually work on a novel in progress or ideas for one that has yet to be started.

6) I still wake up with story plots in my head in which I have to actually use the voice memo feature on my phone (which if you knew me you know how much I hate using this feature to record ideas) to get the idea out before I forget it (because my short term memory isn’t as good as it used to be).

7) I love stocking up on notebooks and pretty pens and any kind of really beautiful stationary and have a hard time even going in staples for fear of how much I might walk out with.

These are just a few of the additions that I would make to the list I read this morning in which about ten of the eleven things on it apply to me. It’s not that I need constant reminders of why writing is what I am meant to do but sometimes I start to wonder. You spend so much time working on a craft, and cultivating your career, and having pride in your work that it becomes doubtful when it seems as if none if it is working and like none of the hard work you do is propelling you forward.

I have to keep remembering, slow and steady sometimes is really the best way to do things. I have to have patience because writing makes me happy and it is just that important to me. What signs on this list or the list in the blog post I read can you apply to yourself? What signs do you think you would add that are not on this list?

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

What I Got From My Not So Successful Camp Experience

April 30, 2013 jcladyluv

Well this is the last day of CampNaNoWriMo and I wish that I could report that I have finished my novel which is what I set out to do. However, I did not manage to finish the novel. In fact I wasn’t even able to get nearly as much done as I thought I would be able to. Granted I did get some work done on it and I reignited the energy to actually finish it, it’s just that I had wanted to be able to move onto the next project soon and I simply can’t now until this one is finished.

Even though I didn’t make it through camp season with a successful outcome it was not completely without its usefulness. It got me started again when I had been stuck for quite some time. Sometimes when we attempt to do something and manage to fall short of our expected goals we have to keep ourselves from dwelling on what wasn’t accomplished. Instead, we have to focus on the accomplishments that were made and how much further we are in the process then we were before we accomplished those particular goals.

Sometimes it’s not about winning the race so much as it is about showing up and putting in every ounce of effort that we can muster up. So remember when you are pursuing your goals and you are giving it your all that your best is good enough even if you don’t get everything that you were going after. It’s not the winning that matters the most, it’s the fight that you put into the race.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

https://write-2-be.com/

http://unpleasantlyplump.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310