Tag: Doubt

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Is There a Point Where Fear No Longer Exists?

May 29, 2014 jcladyluv

As I sit here thinking about all of the things that I know I should have been able to get accomplished by now but haven’t I start to wonder if I have enough time to really turn things around. To be honest (in which I always am here) it always seems like the very things that I advise other people against and the things I most try to motivate other creative types like myself towards is the thing I can’t seem to get away from. I try to profess to others that they can’t let the fear of anything keep them from having everything that they’ve ever wanted. Yet I know with an absolute certainty that it is what has been holding me back thus far and what, even with me managing to improve upon it vastly over the last several years, still hinders me now.

I am always amazed at the fact that I can adamantly promote and sell someone else’s work or their products but can never seem to do that same thing for my own works and what I do. I mean yes of course I do some but never has hardcore as I am able to promote others. I had to stop and think why is that? It’s because I’m fearful. Afraid that people won’t like it, afraid that they will criticize every aspect of it, even afraid that they will like it and then suddenly I would have to live up to that higher standard all of the time which is a lot of pressure.

There are so many books of mine that should have been written by now, one’s that I’ve started and just conveniently coaxed myself out of completing. There are plays that I should written by now, songs that should’ve been written and produced by now, magazines that should have been created years ago, that just haven’t gotten done. It makes me ask myself “What the hell am I doing here”. Not what am I doing with my life or my purpose, because I am clear on that, but rather why the hell am I holding my own self back. There is going to be enough people out in this world who will want to see to it that I fail, and who will cross their fingers in hopes that I never accomplish any of the things that I am here to achieve but why the hell am I standing on their side and not my own. It is a tough realization to come to.

With the passing of Maya Angelou yesterday it made me take another look at all of the things that she managed to achieve in her 86 years on this earth and all of the lives that she has touched and it reminded me of that drive that I had when I first started writing. Like I said yesterday, it was her influence, her words, her story, that helped me begin to put that passion I had for writing in drive and out of neutral. Oddly enough I think her passing away might once again help to get me that drive back. Don’t get me wrong, I never lost my passion for writing, never even lost the drive per say, but I was losing the confidence and the faith in myself that I once had.

You know how sometimes you want something for yourself so badly and the desire to become what you feel you are destined to be burns inside so much that you begin to find reasons why it will never happen, why what you want is impossible. Well nothing is impossible and I have got to stop finding reasons why I can’t have what I know is meant for me. Fear can be a really dangerous thing and it can be a really tricky thing to get past but what it all boils down to for me is am I going to let the fear of not reaching my goals actually be the very thing that keeps me from them. What is it that fear is keeping you from achieving and more importantly, are you going to keep letting it keep you from your dreams?

Jimmetta Carpenter

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What’s Wrong With Seeing the Glass as Half Full?

April 30, 2014 jcladyluv

I have been called unrealistic at times. I have been called the consummate optimist. I go through things just like anyone else. I have my own personal struggles and things that seem to be working against me. I won’t lie and say that my faith doesn’t get shaken when the whole world seems to be caving in on me and yes on occasion I have fallen into depression because things got too hard for me to really deal with. However, overall, I am a person who sees that glass half full rather then choose to see the glass half empty.

But when there are people in your life who are hell bent on seeing the despair in every single situation what do you do about that? Of course the short and easy answer would be to cut them out of your lives or keep the contact with that person limited. But it’s not so easy when that person is in your family or worse, if that person is your parent. I will never understand how people in your own family can seemingly work against everything that you are trying to accomplish and I have seen people whose families are a true piece of work. A friend of mine once told me some words of advice they received from their pastor that your kin is not always your kind.

Often times the biggest obstacles that we have when we are trying to reach our goals are the very people that we are surrounded by and when it is your family it is not always so easy to separate yourself from them. I believe that in order to be successful you are eventually going to have to remove any toxic people from your life that are not for you and what you are trying to do but the process of removal is extremely difficult when it is family, particularly your parent.

My struggles are not few and they’re not even far between but I choose to see them (most days anyway) as building blocks and stepping stones towards the brightest future that’s possible for me, brighter than even I could ever imagine. Anyone who would rather see my struggles as the beginning of a downward spiral that I am not going to be able to come back from, well they can just keep their distance from me. I don’t need that kind of negative thinking to corrupt me. I battle with my own negative thoughts that pop in my mind from time to time and I don’t need to add anyone else’s.

Where is the harm in me seeing the bright side of things? Why is it that because I don’t view every setback as a complete and total failure that I am suddenly not in touch with reality. One way or the other you have to go after your dreams, even when everything seems like it’s all going down the drain. Even if that means that you can’t include the people closest to you in on that journey. If they are not for you then they are against you. There is no in between. So if you are a glass half full type of person, you are not alone. Take care and stay optimistic!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

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Reminding Myself of Whose Plan This Is

April 16, 2014 jcladyluv

The last couple of weeks have been a struggle and a true test of my will to stick to my purpose and hang in there for the long haul. I had a wonderful opportunity lined up through a friend and to make a long story short the opportunity fell through and it would have been a huge stepping stone towards greater things. My first thoughts were to just give up. I wanted to quit because it just seems that lately nothing is going the way that it is supposed to and everything is completely falling apart. It seems like the walls are caving in all around me to the point where I won’t be able to climb out from underneath the rubble.

I sat and wondered why would God give me this purpose, afford me the ability to obtain the tools to carry out this purpose, and then keep removing every opportunity that could bring me closer to achieving that purpose. I don’t want to make it seem as though I would ever question God and his plan or the way that his plans come to fruition but when you are trying to do everything that you think is right but nothing seems to be working (at least not as well as you would like it to) you start to wonder a little.

I keep coming across quotes and inspirational messages that seem to be screaming at me the answers to my questions, in particular “you may not like where you are but you wouldn’t be there if God didn’t have a purpose for it” and of course my favorite “without tests there are no testimonies”. These sayings keep being brought to my attention in this period of struggle and I am reminded that my plans and Gods plans are not necessarily the same. Even if they were the same as far as the destination, he may have a completely different route planned on how I get to that end result.

What God is doing, I may not even begin to understand it until it all starts to fall into place but the toughest part is having the patience (which I strongly lack) and the faith to wait out God’s plan and not get so frustrated that I give up altogether. Now I’ve never been a quitter so I don’t think that I am going to start now but I sure would not mind seeing some sort of light (even a peek) at the end of the tunnel. However, I understand that as long as God knows where the light is at the end of that tunnel and is guiding me towards it then it doesn’t matter the path that he uses to get me there. I just have to trust that he will get me there.

I won’t lie and say that I completely understand the methods. I won’t even lie and say that I don’t wish that they could be a lot less stressful on me. While I don’t like to be in a position of struggle I understand that for some people, the struggle is a part of the journey in order for them to be a blueprint to others. So today, and every day, embrace your struggles and be proud of the tribulations that you have endured and will endure because you never know who your story is going to be a blueprint for. Stay strong and hang in there, the struggle will be worth it.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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If I Put My All Into It Will it Really Be Enough?

March 5, 2014 jcladyluv

I’m having one of those weeks (yes I know the week isn’t over yet) where it feels like nothing I do will be enough. I’m not a very patient person and it’s something I’m working on. When I don’t see the results I want at a decent pace I get anxious about the whole process. It’s not just in my writing and my finances, but also in the area of romance (or lack thereof). This blog is not about my romantic woes so I won’t branch off too much into that except to say I feel like I could be described as the perfect person for someone and they still (somehow) wouldn’t even see me standing right in front of them.

But this blog isn’t about that though. It sort of spills over into other aspects because that love thing can be the emotion that makes you feel alive and ready to jump for joy, or ready to just go hide under the covers somewhere and wake up when someone notices all of the right things that you are doing. I know that there is always more that I can be doing (talking about writing now) but it seems like no matter how many hours of sleep I don’t get that it will never be enough. Of course that doesn’t mean that I am going to give up or slack off (okay well there’s a slight chance for slacking off here) but just wish I could see some progress. I know it’s being made and the baby steps are nice but some gigantic leaps would be a little nicer. Some major dents in my journey would be gratifying to see.

I couldn’t watch the Oscars the other night but Lupita Nyong’o’s words were posted everywhere throughout social media. “No matter where you are from your dreams are valid”. Those words and my friend Ms. L’s blog post about her acceptance speech that she will give when she gets her Oscar one day (probably sooner than even she thinks) made me think about the awards and achievements that I will one day receive (Oscar included) and what I would say and who I would speak my words to. However, at this particular moment, where I feel a little disheartened, a little discouraged, perhaps even a little less optimistic than usual about my dreams becoming a reality, all I can really think about is when am I going to start to see that light for the tunnel that’s headed that way.

It’s not as if I’m in question as to the possibility of it happening, or the fact that I still want it to happen, it’s just a matter of when. I know that my patience is probably one of the main things that I need to work on when it comes to pursuing my dream but some days, days like today, I just start to wonder if all that I am doing is good enough. Is anything I am ever going to do going to be good enough. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel a lot more definitive and sure about things but for now my lack of knowing what the outcome will be is getting the best of me. Okay ranting over with for the day, time to get back to working at making all of this happen one way or another. Stay blessed and keep hustling!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

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What’s My Motivation?

February 24, 2014 jcladyluv

I saw a post on Facebook that asked “What motivates YOU to work hard?” and it got me to thinking about the times when I lose my motivation. Initially the artistically correct response would be that my passion is what motivates me. In many ways this is true because honestly unless you start off with a lot of connections in the writing world and you could breeze past the whole submit/rejection portion of rising to the top in your field of fellow writers then who would really want to struggle along this particular path if they weren’t passionate about the art of putting words to paper.

However, if I dig deep into the crevices of my brain and my heart, my motivation for being a writer goes beyond that. Yes it is true that since I was 6 years old this is what I have wanted to do but the reasoning became different as the years went on. It was first a fun thing to tell stories and dream up these big, sometimes, unrealistic worlds. Then it evolved into being the only way that I could truly express how I was feeling because no one would ever listen to my words, but they never minded reading them. Then it became my escape, where I didn’t want to really tell my story as much as I wanted to tell the story that I wished I was living in. But once I had a child, it became the way that I could do all of that but still be the mom that my mother wasn’t for me.

My mother was cold and unfeeling, I can’t even remember hearing the words I Love You too much in my house growing up, and I’m not sure if her having to work so hard and so much (sometimes 2 jobs which felt more like I was being raised by my sister) was the reason why she felt she had to shut down emotionally from me and my sister but if that was a reason then I was going to make sure that I didn’t have that reason when it came to my child. I wanted to be home with my daughter, there when she got out of school, there when she needed anything, said I love you for no particular reason, there to tuck her in at night, and there to play when she wanted to just play. Writing allows me to do that, to be tuned in to my child the way that I couldn’t be if I were working the traditional job.

I tried that when she was younger, in an effort to get that stable, absolute income while still trying to make it as a writer. Not only did that take away from the time I could have been putting into my dream but it also drained me mentally and emotionally and I couldn’t show up for my child the way that she needed me too. Now I know there are millions of women who do it, and manage it well, and perhaps they are better suited to be that kind of parent but I just know that I’m not built that way.

Now I’ve been criticized so many times for not just jumping back into the “regular” work force and having that stable income there and been accused of not thinking about my child in that regard but I disagree. I think that monetary things and possessions cannot provide emotional stability for a child and yes if you can do the “regular” job thing and still provide emotional support and stability for your child then that’s great. I know that I can’t. I’ve tried and I saw myself starting to turn into my mother which was the last thing I wanted for my child.

Going this route is difficult, true, but it also will instill in my daughter another thing my mother didn’t instill in me. It will teach her to go after her dreams, no matter what they are, no matter how many people tell you that you’re never going to get there, no matter how many people are standing against you, go for them in spite of all of that. In the end she will have her dream and everyone who was against her will be wishing they could have come along for the ride. I want my daughter to believe in herself the way that I never did until I was well into my adulthood. I want her to know that when she waivers on what she dreams up for her life that I will be there to remind her not to give up. That my giving up will help remind her not to give up.

I want everything for my daughter that I didn’t have growing up and none of that comes with having the largest bank accounts. Don’t get me wrong, of course there are things I want my daughter to have that money is definitely necessary for in order to give her that, but I want her to know that the important things in life cannot be bought. Things like love, self-esteem, confidence, work-ethic, belief in oneself and their dreams, and the tenacity to go after those dreams. Those are things that money can’t give or provide for you. Think about motivates your hustle today. Take that motivation and use it to fuel your drive.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

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I Could Pick Another Career….But I Like the One God Picked For Me

February 18, 2014February 18, 2014 jcladyluv

I will preface this post by stating with an absolute certainty that I love (love, love) being a writer. It is what I am most passionate about. It is what gets me through most of my bad days. It is when I feel like I am doing the most good, in general, throughout the world. And most importantly it is, what I feel, is the best legacy that I can leave behind for my daughter, and her children to come after.

Having said that, some days it is hard to be a writer when that is your only source of income and when the thought of doing anything else for a living makes you literally cringe. People seem to think two polar opposite things about the life of a writer. They either think that you are basically using a hobby as an excuse as to why you don’t have what they deem to be a “real” job or they think you have large sums of money in which you are not even close to having. Now if you have made it like J.K. Rowling, or Stephen King, or James Patterson, or Terry McMillan, then sure, you do have large sums of money at your disposal.

However, if you have not made it to that milestone in your writing career yet, then you are just scraping by like any other average working person, it’s just not doing the traditional job. That does not in any way diminish what you do or make it just a hobby that you are trying to get paid to do. There is a huge difference in doing writing as a hobby and doing it as a career. The struggle is different. Once you make writing a career, it is not just about the sheer love of putting a fictional story, or even your story, on a piece of paper for all to see. It then becomes a business in which you must then market yourself and your work. You have now become a business in which you are your brand.

The business side of writing is what I sometimes dread because I have not always been the best at “selling myself” so to speak. I can sale anyone else’s work and promote many others but for some reason when it comes to me it gets difficult. It’s something that I have to get used to and get better at gradually but gradually does not garner me any immediate income the way that I need it to.

Writing is definitely not a career choice for the weak, or faint of heart, or for those that are looking for an easy source of financial stability. I look unstable to those outside of the creative spectrum and I even feel that way most days but when I look at it in terms of whether my child is taken care of and if she has what she needs (plus a few things that she wants) and if the basic needs are being met, then I have to acknowledge that my modest way of living is working for now.

True I can’t do outlandish extravagant things and I can’t get every little thing that I desire but it makes it so much more worth it when I can obtain those things because I know that I worked hard for them. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I love writing and I wouldn’t choose any other career. There are ones that I would love to do in addition to writing like singing and counseling others but nothing I feel as passionate about as writing.

If writing is something that you love to do, then ignore all of the days that you feel like it’s just not worth it. Ignore the feelings of you not being good enough to do this successfully. Ignore all of the days where a regular job seems like the only option you really have to have everything that you want and desire. Ignore the days that you feel like you’re not truly meant to be a writer because you can’t seem to promote yourself well enough. Your days of struggling as a writer may seem like they are just beginning but in the end, if you work hard, if you fight hard for what you want out of your career, then it will all be worth it. Work hard and struggle harder.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

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Expecting What Is Deserved

February 10, 2014 jcladyluv

Today is going to be my day. This year is going to be my year. No really I mean it this time. I have said that with the passing of each New Year. That it was going to be my year. For the couple of years it had turned out not to be my year. While I sat back and wondered why the year didn’t turn out how I imagined it would I was completely missing the bigger picture. Now granted I know that last year wasn’t my year because I just threw in the towel but that’s no excuse either.

Watching Joel Osteen yesterday talk about expectancy and true, unwaivering faith in the things that God can bestow upon our lives it hit me. Every time I claimed that my day was going to be a good one and every year when I proclaimed it would be my year, I didn’t really believe what I was saying. I wanted to believe it was true but I was so full of despair and doubt that I only halfway believed it. But if you want God to give you what you expect out of life, what you deserve, and what he wants you to ask for, you can’t halfway believe in his power. You have to have complete and total faith that God has got you and that what he has for you is yours and yours alone.

So I say today is my day this morning and that this year is my year, totally believing in God’s power and having faith in his plan for me. However, I also say that with the knowledge that I can’t just expect that everything that is for me is going to just come to me with putting in the work to earn it.

I am working on a couple of projects, one being an ebook series that I will be releasing soon (really soon) and I can’t just expect outstanding results without putting in the work to get them. So today, for all of you out there who are still struggling with self-doubt and self-sabotage (ebook series on how to work past this coming soon) claim today to be your day, say it with conviction and complete faith. You have to start somewhere!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

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If I Knew Then What I Know Now

January 16, 2014 jcladyluv

I have been seeing a lot of Facebook posts and news stories about people making notes to their younger selves, asking what they would warn their younger selves about if they could. It got me to thinking about what I would say to the younger version of me if I could somehow warn her or prepare her for the journey she will have to endure to get where it is she wants to go. I would definitely clue her in on the difficulty that she would have along the way.

If I could go back and talk to my younger self I think that I would start by telling her that her childhood and how her mother treated her did not have to be a defining factor for how her life would end up. I would tell her that while she didn’t get the love and support from her mother that she deserved and longed for, that she was still worthy of being loved and deserving of being supported in all her endeavors. I would tell her that her mother was wrong about her never having anyone that would love her or care deeply about her and that she was wrong about her not having a good future.

I think I would make sure to tell her that if no one else ever told her that she was beautiful that she needed to look in that mirror every day and let herself know that she was because in the end her opinion and God’s were the only two that mattered. I probably would tell her that she was a unique and special person and unlike any other and that she needed to carry the knowledge of that with her throughout her journey because there will be people who will make her feel like her uniqueness is somehow wrong.

I would tell my younger self to not waste so much time planning everything out and trying to force everything to go by a specific routine because the best things in her life are going to be unplanned. I would tell her that her plans for her life are nothing compared to the plans that God has for her so don’t get too upset when what she planned didn’t pan out. I would tell her that her journey is going to be full of hurdles and obstacles along the way that even though these obstacles seem like signs for you to give up, they’re just the opposite. I would let her know the that the harder the struggle the more rewarding the payoff will be.

I would open her eyes to the reality that the things that she wants out of life are not just going to happen just like that and that life is going to throw more curveballs than she believes she can handle. Then I would tell her how strong she is to have already survived the childhood that she has been through and that that is only the beginning of her story. I will get it through to her that she cannot live in her past pain because if she does she will never experience the joy she has yet to come.

When I was younger I was so in fantasy land about how my life was supposed to turn out. I thought that if I just set a plan in motion that everything would work out EXACTLY the way that I said they would. I made no room in my plans for error and mistakes. I made no allowances for curveballs and mountains that would be placed directly in my path. I gave no thought to the fact that my plans were not as big as God’s plans for me and the fact that God’s plans, whatever they are, were always going to prevail. So I guess the most important thing I would have to say I would tell my younger self is to enjoy life, enjoy the journey, embrace the struggle, and to just let go and LET GOD!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

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I Hear No Differently

January 15, 2014 jcladyluv

I get so tired of hearing no. For some people, when they hear No they hear a challenge and it stirs within them motivation. That’s what you should hear when people tell you No. But that’s not what I hear.

I hear rejection over and over again. I hear me putting myself out there and putting my heart all in it for nothing. I hear you’re never going to be as good as them so why bother trying. I hear you’re never going to be good enough for anyone. I hear you’re not worthy and you have no value. It wasn’t always that way. I used to get fired up by a no and it instilled a desire to prove people wrong.

However, somewhere along the way it weakened me and certain people’s negative words and opinions of me started to seem like they may have had some merit to them. The negatives began to outweigh the positives and I bought into it. I keep hearing other people’s success stories and how they heard nothing but no’s until finally that one yes happened that impacted their lives forever. I read those stories and I think “where the hell is my yes?”

I’ll admit that the better part of last year I literally just gave up (whew, there I said it). The no’s just bogged me down and sent me into a state of depression and I just didn’t feel like fighting for my dream anymore. I started to fabricate in my mind that the no’s were a sign telling me that this just wasn’t meant for me and maybe I’m not a talented enough writer to really make it. I just wasn’t motivated anymore.

The negatives became more believable than the positives because there were just not enough positives to go on. I kept waiting for something to happen, perhaps a yes would just fall into my lap because I felt like I could no longer just keep putting in my all only to get back nothing. Luckily for me, my love and passion for writing and for seeing all of my dreams come to fruition never died. It remained just as strong as it had ever been, it just got pushed down by all of the negative stuff that I was letting cloud my head.

As I stated in my previous post I have recently come to some realizations about myself and in reevaluating a lot of things, truths that weren’t clear and obvious to me before, I see that the yeses weren’t coming because I never truly believed they would. If I wasn’t going to believe in me how could I expect anyone else to?

Self-evaluation can be really good for you and in my case it kind of woke me up to all of the opportunities that I was missing out on because I didn’t really believe I was good enough to receive them. I was sabotaging myself with my own self-doubt. I’m not saying that I won’t still have my days where the doubt creeps in there. But now that I can see clearer what I was doing to my own dreams I am more aware of what needs to be done to get the yeses that I know I deserve to hear.

Of course there will be more no’s along with way but I have to keep in mind that if I hear a no it’s because God has something better and that it wasn’t for me to begin with. Are your own doubts and fears getting the better of you too? Just keep in mind that every door is not meant for you to open.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

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