Stuck In the Place That Is Nowhere

Stuck in nowhere 3

I’m staring at my list of projects that I am supposed to get done over the course of this year and wondering what is wrong with me. It seemed like I had finally come out my fog of depression and gotten my motivation back at the end of last year and I had made a plan for this year and literally created steps on how I ca go about carrying out those plans. So I am completely both surprised and disappointed in myself that here we are about to go into the third month of this year and I still can not get my shit together.

I don’t feel depressed anymore (seriously I don’t). I started back working out at the beginning of January and with that I am starting to feel good about myself again and feel my confidence coming back and I’m feeling my energy coming back as well. So why can’t I seem to get motivated when it comes to sitting my ass down and tackle these projects? It certainly isn’t that I don’t want to get these things accomplished. It isn’t even lack of ideas because I have an overwhelming amount of those.

I feel these bursts of creativity and motivation to sit down and get working on these projects and then something will come up, my daughter will need me for something, projects for other people that need to be done (what pays the bills), there will be housework that needs to get done, and sadly sometimes I’m just tired (from working out) and in need of sleep. I can’t pull the all-nighters that I used to do anymore, I just don’t have the energy and there is not enough coffee in the word that can keep me up ALL night.

As I type this now I am trying to keep myself from falling asleep because I am really tired from my workout this morning, and of course later I have homework to do with my daughter, housework to be done, dinner to be cooked, and of course there is mother daughter time to be had and then it will be time to go to bed because I have to get a decent nights sleep in order to have a good workout in the morning. I want to stay up until 2 and 3 in the morning working on this stuff but it just never works out like that because I literally collapse in my bed.

I feel like I am still acting as if I am in a depressed state but I know that I don’t feel depressed anymore (at least not in this moment). I guess I’m really just trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I’m not one of those people who have no idea what it is they want out of their life and I have ambitions, and I have purpose. I saw a quote from Steve Harvey’s Facebook page “If you’re going somewhere, why don’t you stop playing, commit yourself and get there?” and it made me think of all of this and of course I had to write it out here and voice to all of you.

I need to get it together because I have way too much to do and I have wasted far too much time already just thinking of where I’m headed instead of putting the action into getting there. I feel like in this moment I am not doing my best for my career and I hate that and I don’t feel like I’m doing it on purpose but in the same sense I don’t know that I am doing enough to get over this rut I seem to be perpetually stuck in.

You guys are my sounding board and I thank you for that because honestly sometimes talking it out here allows me to work through it. Thank you for reading and thank you in advance for any words of encouragement you have for me. I hope your projects are coming along and I have faith that I will get this together.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Are There Really No Days Off?

Days off 2

So I’ve been wondering lately if I have been putting in enough work on this dream of mine. I mean I have things planned and enough ideas to fill up several notebooks but is planning enough if you don’t throw every single second you have into it. I was under the impression that there are moments where I should be allowed for little breaks, moments of free time, moments of me time, in which I focus on taking care of me. After all I have realized that in taking care of myself a lot better I am able to open myself up more creatively.

I was listening to The Steve Harvey Morning Show today and he was speaking about how those who want to truly be successful can make sure that they get to where they want to be and one of the main points that he stressed was that there are no days off when you are striving to be successful. There is, or shouldn’t be, any time for anything that doesn’t have to do with furthering your goal and your purpose. Now I normally can agree with most of what Steve Harvey says, after all, look where he is and how much he has accomplished, he would know right. But I suppose every situation is different for everyone.

I don’t know that I agree with not having moments to step back and get some clarity, or to step away and take a slight break, have some time that is not all about the dream, because I would imagine it would be good for your mind if that wasn’t all that consumed it. Then again, I could be wrong because I have not yet reached my goals and I don’t believe that I am even close and maybe that is because of my “days off”. Maybe my “days off” somehow suggest I don’t want it bad enough.

I have to ponder this one for a while because while I am certainly willing to dedicate 90%, maybe 95% of my focus to this dream of mine because I definitely want it. It’s all I think about sometimes, being successful that is. However I don’t know if I’m prepared to say that I want to give up this newfound me time that I am just now learning how to take. I can’t say that I regret the time that I carve out to spend time with my daughter. I can’t even say that the very minimal time that I make for a few close friends is a mistake either.

I think that you need to step away sometimes and enjoy the life you are trying to provide for because that allows you to see what it’s all for. I think days off are necessary. After all, the dream isn’t going anywhere while you are taking some time for yourself or loved ones. It will be right where it always was when you get back to it. Just because I believe in a day off, or two, doesn’t make my dream any less important. Sometime I like to step away from it so I can get an even clearer view of what I want.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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You Have To Be Willing To Get Out Of Your Own Way

Getting Out of Your Own Way

In the midst of our journey’s to get to wherever it is that our destination is leading us there are many things that we do to create our own obstacles. It’s not intentional of course because no one purposefully sets out to not achieve their goals. Nevertheless our own actions, or majority of the time our inactions, cause things to get off track.

I know that personally I have allowed, for far too long, for my fear of everything not being perfect and fear of someone else not liking what I have written, to keep me from even trying to get the goals I set done. Then I look back and wonder to myself why wasn’t I able to get a particular thing published in this or that publication, or why wasn’t I able to get this book or that book out there for people to buy. The reality is that it didn’t get published in a publication because I was too afraid that it wouldn’t be perfect enough and it would get rejected to send it in, or I was too afraid that people wouldn’t like it to get it published. I stood in my own way.

I was talking to my best friend and he said something the other day that I have now added among my quotes on my bulletin board. He said “if you get out your own way what’s really there to stop you”. We weren’t talking about anything writing related but it applies all the same. I keep putting up these road blocks that no one else has put up but me. No one ever does anything perfectly, let alone writing, so why do I keep feeling like I have to.

No one ever gets to where they are going without ever hearing no and truthfully I have already heard no more times than I care to count so why do I care if I hear it again. Everyone isn’t going to say yes and logically I already know this. I get inside my own head a lot, some might say too much, and it’s a part of what makes me a good writer but it’s also what hinders me when it comes to following through with all of these larger than life ideas that I have, and I have plenty.

I suppose if I don’t ever get out of my own way I will never see those ideas come to fruition and I would hate for that to happen because I do think that I have a lot to offer the world and I would hate to leave this earth not having fulfilled my purpose. So that’s what this year is all about for me, moving out of my own way and letting God do his work on me and my life and listen to his plan for my life.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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The Creativity Is Not So Lost Anymore

Creativity was lost now found

So over the weekend I started to get such a flood of ideas going through my mind. New ideas, old ideas in a renewed form, even ideas that made me realize that they should be let go. It was almost like every hour or so I would think of a novel that I was previously working on and just stopped and I would remember how excited I was about that idea when it first came to me and the excitement came rushing back. Or I would get this new idea for a novel or for the television series idea that I am conjuring up, and that would excite me.

I feel like the creativity that I thought I was slowly losing is rapidly coming back or maybe it was just a little lost because I was starting to feel a little lost. I truly think this has a lot to do with my going back to the gym at the beginning of this year and my remaining consistent with that and also with my promise that I would do something, at least one thing, each month that is solely for me and me alone. I feel like my confidence is coming back, my energy is coming back, and I’m taking care of me and I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t feel good to do that.

Now all I want to do is create more time to write and work on these wonderful ideas that I have. I have been under-producing for way too long and I am just ready to get back at it and get these ideas out of my head and onto paper. I haven’t felt this rush of creativity in quite a long time and it feels really good. I only hope that I don’t get so bogged down by all of the ideas that I get discouraged by the time that it is going to take to put towards actually seeing them through.

Writing is about balance, juggling the ideas, with the actual production, to the follow through as it pertains to publishing. This is a balance I have yet to figure out yet but I know that I don’t want to lose this surge of creativity that I feel right now, at this moment. It feels good!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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This Dream Is Everything To Me and I Cannot Fail

Chasing my dream 2

I realized when I woke up this morning that I am still not having the rate of production that I want so far this year. There’s something else I realized too. I cannot handle the thought of failing at this. Not failing in general with various tasks that may fall through or fall short of what I expected. Not failing simply in terms of getting thrown off course and sent in a different and unexpected direction. Not failing as in not completely fulfilling all of the larger than life goals that I have for myself.

I can handle all of that because I have learned (and read from many successful people) that failure is a part of succeeding, quite possibly a more vital part than people realize. What I absolutely cannot handle failing at is the overall goal of fulfilling the dream I have had since I was six years old of being a writer, and not that person who has a full time job and writes as my side gig (not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that AT ALL). I don’t want to have to go back to having to balance both the fulltime job and my writing dream because when I had to do it before it didn’t work for me at all, on any level.

My dream was to make a living as a writer and that I was going to influence this world, even if it’s only to a small sum of people, in a major way. I have too many people who doubt me, including my own mother, and most of my entire family, and I refuse to prove them right in any way. Now me succeeding and making my dreams come to fruition is definitely not about proving anyone else wrong (not solely) but we all know it’s a bonus when you can do something everyone said that you couldn’t.

I have my plans set and my projects that I am supposed to be completing for the year set and they seemed so achievable when I wrote them down. However, January is almost over and I don’t see where any breakthrough has happened yet. I know I have to be patient but did I ever mention that patience is not really my strong suit. I have been at this so long and the journey has been quite daunting and tiresome and when you have people in your ear questioning you on whether you should just go ahead and give up or admit that it’s just not going to happen quite the way I want it to, it can be really frustrating.

I won’t give up on this vision of mine, largely in part due to this nagging feeling in my gut that keeps telling me that I’m on the right path, even if it doesn’t always feel like it, and to not give in to what other people think is best for me. The other reason I won’t give up is because this is the purpose that God has given me in life and I won’t turn my back on that purpose. I’m strong enough to persevere and as for the patience, well I’m working on that part (lol) but I won’t back down from this dream.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Am I Winning or Losing?

Am I winning or am I losing

What separates the winners from the losers? I mean there are those that say that there are no losers in any given scenario but really, you’re either a person that wins or the person who takes the loss. It’s a cruel thing to say to anyone who does not end up with the win that they are in fact a loser but isn’t that what it really is? There is no middle ground between winning and losing in life unless you count the limbo phase where you’re not quite losing but you’re not winning either.

I saw this post on Facebook yesterday that had a side by side list that describes the winners and the losers (in terms of successful people). It says that winners say that while things may be difficult they are still possible while losers have it in their mind that even though it could be possible it’s still too difficult to try. Winners see what there is to gain and the possibilities by trying and losers only see the pain or the problems that could come from trying and possibly failing. Winners make things happen in spite of circumstances while losers just simply let things happen to them.

I can’t deny that as I was reading this list I was mentally checking off which column I fell under (winner of course, sigh of relief). I know that I have the mindset of a winner (most days) but I swear sometimes feel so off in the ratio of my perseverance in pursuit of my dreams to my actual rewards that have come from that pursuit. I sometimes feel like I can’t see the results of my efforts and it frustrates me to no end.

I know that all good things come in time and to those who wait and have faith and I have had that faith, well most days anyway, and I have waited for what feels like forever and I keep wondering if my time has somehow come when I wasn’t looking or paying attention. One thing I know for sure is that I will never give up on my dreams and my vision but I have my days when I wonder am I just wasting my time, have I missed my opportunity, or am I just not deserving enough. Crazy thoughts I know but I think we all have them from time to time.

I have learned that I have to get them out somehow, even if it is just to voice them here, because if I keep those thought in my head and let them stay there it will keep me from being my most productive self. And now that I have shared my random thoughts I have work to get back to. If you’re sometimes feeling like you’re losing in the fight for your dreams and that your time is never going to come then you have to realize that to be worried and in still in pursuit you are in all actuality winning the fight because you haven’t given up and that is certainly something to celebrate.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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My Balance Is Still Off

Finding Balance 1

This week is almost over and while I have accomplished some things on my to do list for this week (okay maybe only one thing really), I have not done nearly enough towards what needs to be done. When I think about the fact that January is almost over and my novel hasn’t even been touched yet this month I shake my head at myself. True enough I had some things I needed to get out of the way promotion wise before working on my novel but then when I think about it, is that just an excuse.

I said that this was going to be the year that I probably sleep a lot less to achieve my tasks but I’m torn between my drive to succeed in my writing and my drive to get healthier and get my weight loss journey back on track which includes getting more sleep so that my body can be in the best position possible in order to lose the weight that I need to lose and gain more self-confidence and self-acceptance. It’s hard when I put it out there in writing like that because it’s either my dreams and my vision or my health and prolonging my life.

It seems like it would be an easy choice but it’s really not. I do find that when I’m healthier (and that includes getting the proper, or close to proper, amount of sleep) I do produce more in my writing and my creativity is at its best. However, then I see the people that I admire and look to for knowledge and know-how producing massive amount of product and their projects coming one, after another and you see the number one thing they practice is working into the wee hours of the night and getting a very minimal amount of sleep.

That is not me comparing myself to others (not really) because I know that I am not them but that is me acknowledging that to put out more work requires more time and that more time means less of something, typically sleep. I am still working out the balance to get the ball rolling here but I have yet to feel like I’m getting off to a good start. I almost feel like I didn’t start preparing for this year soon enough at the end of the last one. But how much preparation can you do before you should actually begin doing instead of just planning to do.

Balance and focus seem to be a continuing issue and it has to be figured out and quickly if I want this year to go the way that I want it to go. I’m still learning and while I know that there should never really a point in life that you stop learning, I feel like I’m too old to still be trying to figure it out. And yet, I still press on!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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New Year, New Drive, No More Fear

New Year New Goals

Well it’s a New Year and I can’t say that I am not glad (ecstatic) to see 2014 go away. Last year was not my year and it was a pretty bad one, especially financially, and I think I was pretty much depressed for most of it. I had even let my health goals get totally off track and let the fear of the unknown take control. I can’t sit here and say that it’s someone else’s fault or that because someone else didn’t hold true to their word to me that this was the reason why things went wrong and just continued to spiral down a bad path.

Life is a bumpy road in which every test is going to be thrown at you that you could possibly imagine and your success is determined on how well, or how poorly, you respond to those setbacks. Last year I let all the setbacks get the better of me and I let them win. That’s not normally what I would do but it’s what I did. That is my fault and mine alone. I can’t say that I am any more prepared for this year than I was for the last one but I can say that I am prepared to not just lie down and get run over by every setback that comes my way.

I can say that no matter how many curveballs that I get thrown this year that I am going to throw them right back because I am not a quitter and I am certainly too close to all of my dreams to start being one now. I have set my goals for this year, put together a list of the projects that I plan (or hope) to finish and/or start this year, and even a list of the books I plan on reading this year. I also got me two planners, one as my editorial calendar for my blog, my magazine, and my Confessions blog about my weight loss journey, and the other calendar is for the projects that I will be working on. I hope this will help me get even more organized but better yet, to get more focused which will allow me to be more productive.

I am determined to make this year a much better one, not perfect, but better. I am still a believer that everything happens for a reason, if for no other reason than to teach you something, and last year taught me that I can be put through hell and then some and I still won’t break. Even in the first week of this new, and supposedly brighter, year the devil has already tested me with (you guessed it) some financial issues, and I was down about it but I am not going to let the devil win this year. I am not just going to lie down and let him win.

I am feeling more driven and more determined and I am going to do my best to make the best of any and all situations and I am not going to let them defeat me. I hope that your year is getting off to a great and productive start and that you all have a plan to put into action this year.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Success Is An Action Word

Success is an action word

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately, not only about what I want to get accomplished in the coming year of 2015, but also about all of the things that I ddin’t get accomplished in 2014. I know that you can not dweel too long on the past and mistakes that were made and I try not to but when I think of how many opportunities and time I let go by without achieving all that I had set out to this year I feel slightly disgusted with myself. It wasn’t even the fact that there was a lack of ideas or even motivation to get them done. It’s simply that there was much more procrastination and fear and not nearly enough action.

I am taking steps to try to put an end to the need to procrastinate and to put some extra motivation into my drive to get the things I want accomplished for my brand completed. I’m starting with taking some steps into getting myself a business/book coach. Someone who can help steer me in the right direction, to correct whatever it is that I am not doing right, and to give me that nudge that I definitely need and hold me accountable to what I say I am going to do. A coach will also help me with my issues in regards to focus because I tend to think of a million ideas at once and actually believe that I can multi-task and work on all of them at the same time but in reality that puts me in the position where I actually get little to nothing done.

I’m trying to map out my plans for the year 2015 and I don’t want to get overwhelmed with the actual process of mapping out my goals that I don’t actually even sit and write them down (which is the point I’m getting to now). I do this at the end of every year, sit down and list my goals and plans to attain those goals, and the task has never been so hard and so daunting, but as I think of how much time I have wasted not putting enough action into my plan for success it fills me with a sense of urgency to cram the last few years of unaccomplishments into one. I know that I don’t have to do that but I feel like time is something that none of us is sure just how much of it we have left to fulfill our dreams.

I have said it before and I am probably going to keep on saying it until it actually proves to be true but this year is going to be the year I get things on track and going in the direction it is meant to go in. Success is not just something you strive for with planning out what you want. With a plan there has to be action to follow, a lot of action, and you can not allow procrastination to settle in because it is hard to get rid of. So how are your plans for the coming year shaping up? Are you prepared for the amount of action it will take to achieve them?

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Perspective From the Middle Rung of the Ladder

Perspective from middle rung of ladder

I had a conversation the other day with an older woman, who I have befriended because both of our daughters participate in the same activity. She has taken a liking to me and I to her and I gain a lot of wisdom from her and she in many ways motivates me. I have been able to share my goals and vision for what my dreams are with her and I don’t share my dreams with just everyone.

Every time I feel that fear creep up inside me and I get discouraged and start to doubt myself Ms. Yvonne (that’s her name) always seems to be right there giving me that dose of motivation that I need to get going again. It got me to thinking, there are so many people that see this potential in me, this light as some people say, surrounding me, and that they know that I am going to do so many big things to change this world but I can’t seem to see what it is that they see.

Why is it that other people can see things in us that we either can’t see or refuse to see in ourselves. When I see the journey that I am on to achieve my goals I sometimes get so defeated at how much further I have to go on this journey instead of realizing and appreciating just how far I have come and without acknowledging and thanking God that I am not where I was.

I often feel as if I am still on that bottom rung of the ladder because I keep thinking of what I don’t have yet but if I look at how far I have come and just what I have come through then I can see that I am actually in the middle of that ladder. Perspective is everything and so many times my perspective is thrown off. It’s one of the main things I have to work on in myself and particularly as I go into this new year with new goals and new determination and drive to make these things happen, fear be damned.

Ms. Yvonne told me that even when I don’t feel like I can do it I have to convince myself that I can. If you tell yourself enough that you can, eventually you believe that you actually can and I’ve been telling myself for so long what I couldn’t do because I didn’t have everytihng I needed and things weren’t perfect. It’s time I start telling myself what I can do and open my eyes to the me that other people see.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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