Tag: Fear

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You Have What You Need For the Season You Are In

January 28, 2014 jcladyluv

I have a lot of expectations for myself, a lot of big dreams that take putting in a lot of work. Unfortunately, a lot of the reason that I end up giving up on some of them is because I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to do it perfectly and of course if it’s not done right then it just shouldn’t be done at all. The problem with that logic is that nothing ends up ever getting done because perfection just doesn’t exist. Sadly, knowing something logically does not stop you from continuing the same bad habit.

Sometimes you feel like you just don’t have everything you need to accomplish what it is that you want to get accomplished, in order for it to be done just right. Truth is that God gives us everything that we need for the moment that we are in and if we don’t have it, it’s because we don’t need it yet. He would never give us the purpose that he gives us, the passion that he gives us, if he were not going to give us the proper tools and skillset to make those things a reality.

I talked with a friend yesterday and she asked me when I was going to start using the YouTube channel that I have and putting it out there that I can sing as well as write. Someone else asked me about recording my poetry and putting it on there as well. I came up with quite a few excuses, I’m scared of the camera, I’m afraid that people won’t like it, I don’t think anyone would even look at it, and so on, and so on.

The pressure to be accepted, or to even want to be accepted, is oftentimes overwhelming but then I had to look at it from the other side of things. What if someone did like it, what if people did look at it, what if me being less afraid could help someone else out there see that they don’t have to be afraid to do it and should just go for it. What if something I am not doing could help someone else with the same fears?

So this year I am going to put my YouTube channel to good use and promote my other talents, and I’m also going to publish that ebook for Writer’s who Self-Sabotage themselves (When Fear is Knocking) along with self-publishing my next Novel (When Love Calls) and finishing my next two novels (Through the Looking Glass, and The Weight of HER). I am not going to focus on what I don’t have, but rather focus on what God gave me for the season that I am in right now.

2014 is the year to stop striving for perfection and just strive for completion. So are you going to take whatever leap of faith you are afraid of taking this year and just get it done? It doesn’t have to be perfect, but no one will ever be able to see it if it is not at least complete!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

If I Knew Then What I Know Now

January 16, 2014 jcladyluv

I have been seeing a lot of Facebook posts and news stories about people making notes to their younger selves, asking what they would warn their younger selves about if they could. It got me to thinking about what I would say to the younger version of me if I could somehow warn her or prepare her for the journey she will have to endure to get where it is she wants to go. I would definitely clue her in on the difficulty that she would have along the way.

If I could go back and talk to my younger self I think that I would start by telling her that her childhood and how her mother treated her did not have to be a defining factor for how her life would end up. I would tell her that while she didn’t get the love and support from her mother that she deserved and longed for, that she was still worthy of being loved and deserving of being supported in all her endeavors. I would tell her that her mother was wrong about her never having anyone that would love her or care deeply about her and that she was wrong about her not having a good future.

I think I would make sure to tell her that if no one else ever told her that she was beautiful that she needed to look in that mirror every day and let herself know that she was because in the end her opinion and God’s were the only two that mattered. I probably would tell her that she was a unique and special person and unlike any other and that she needed to carry the knowledge of that with her throughout her journey because there will be people who will make her feel like her uniqueness is somehow wrong.

I would tell my younger self to not waste so much time planning everything out and trying to force everything to go by a specific routine because the best things in her life are going to be unplanned. I would tell her that her plans for her life are nothing compared to the plans that God has for her so don’t get too upset when what she planned didn’t pan out. I would tell her that her journey is going to be full of hurdles and obstacles along the way that even though these obstacles seem like signs for you to give up, they’re just the opposite. I would let her know the that the harder the struggle the more rewarding the payoff will be.

I would open her eyes to the reality that the things that she wants out of life are not just going to happen just like that and that life is going to throw more curveballs than she believes she can handle. Then I would tell her how strong she is to have already survived the childhood that she has been through and that that is only the beginning of her story. I will get it through to her that she cannot live in her past pain because if she does she will never experience the joy she has yet to come.

When I was younger I was so in fantasy land about how my life was supposed to turn out. I thought that if I just set a plan in motion that everything would work out EXACTLY the way that I said they would. I made no room in my plans for error and mistakes. I made no allowances for curveballs and mountains that would be placed directly in my path. I gave no thought to the fact that my plans were not as big as God’s plans for me and the fact that God’s plans, whatever they are, were always going to prevail. So I guess the most important thing I would have to say I would tell my younger self is to enjoy life, enjoy the journey, embrace the struggle, and to just let go and LET GOD!

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

I Hear No Differently

January 15, 2014 jcladyluv

I get so tired of hearing no. For some people, when they hear No they hear a challenge and it stirs within them motivation. That’s what you should hear when people tell you No. But that’s not what I hear.

I hear rejection over and over again. I hear me putting myself out there and putting my heart all in it for nothing. I hear you’re never going to be as good as them so why bother trying. I hear you’re never going to be good enough for anyone. I hear you’re not worthy and you have no value. It wasn’t always that way. I used to get fired up by a no and it instilled a desire to prove people wrong.

However, somewhere along the way it weakened me and certain people’s negative words and opinions of me started to seem like they may have had some merit to them. The negatives began to outweigh the positives and I bought into it. I keep hearing other people’s success stories and how they heard nothing but no’s until finally that one yes happened that impacted their lives forever. I read those stories and I think “where the hell is my yes?”

I’ll admit that the better part of last year I literally just gave up (whew, there I said it). The no’s just bogged me down and sent me into a state of depression and I just didn’t feel like fighting for my dream anymore. I started to fabricate in my mind that the no’s were a sign telling me that this just wasn’t meant for me and maybe I’m not a talented enough writer to really make it. I just wasn’t motivated anymore.

The negatives became more believable than the positives because there were just not enough positives to go on. I kept waiting for something to happen, perhaps a yes would just fall into my lap because I felt like I could no longer just keep putting in my all only to get back nothing. Luckily for me, my love and passion for writing and for seeing all of my dreams come to fruition never died. It remained just as strong as it had ever been, it just got pushed down by all of the negative stuff that I was letting cloud my head.

As I stated in my previous post I have recently come to some realizations about myself and in reevaluating a lot of things, truths that weren’t clear and obvious to me before, I see that the yeses weren’t coming because I never truly believed they would. If I wasn’t going to believe in me how could I expect anyone else to?

Self-evaluation can be really good for you and in my case it kind of woke me up to all of the opportunities that I was missing out on because I didn’t really believe I was good enough to receive them. I was sabotaging myself with my own self-doubt. I’m not saying that I won’t still have my days where the doubt creeps in there. But now that I can see clearer what I was doing to my own dreams I am more aware of what needs to be done to get the yeses that I know I deserve to hear.

Of course there will be more no’s along with way but I have to keep in mind that if I hear a no it’s because God has something better and that it wasn’t for me to begin with. Are your own doubts and fears getting the better of you too? Just keep in mind that every door is not meant for you to open.

Jimmetta Carpenter

My Write 2 Be is…

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

What Do You Expect When You Are Already Planning to Fail?

July 3, 2013 jcladyluv

“You can not expect victory and plan for defeat”

~Joel Osteen

I saw the above quote and in many ways I felt like it tied so well into what I wrote about yesterday. Something that living in the past causes us to do as well is to play things so safe that we end up planning for the worst that could happen instead of trusting in the best that God has for us.

As I read the quote I realized that when I am making back up plans and when I am cautioning myself for the other shoe to drop I am essentially expecting to be defeated and in turn planning for that defeat. I can’t believe that I never saw it that way. I just always thought I was just preparing for all of the possible scenarios, or for the inevitable pitfalls that can often times happen when we least expect it. Instead I have been discounting my future victory by having the attitude of one that has already been defeated. Yet another way that I have been sabotaging myself without even realizing that was what I was doing.

Why do we have so many back up plans when we claim that we know what it is we want out of our lives? When we already know the purpose that God has put us here for, why would we keep making plans for a different route then the one that he has already mapped out? God didn’t give us our gift so that we can serve his purpose only for us to question the direction that he wants us to take. Had he wanted us to go in the opposite direction he would have steered us that way to begin with.

As I realize the things that I am doing to work against myself and my own goals I make the very best attempts to get back on track and to keep walking in the right direction. I am still a work in progress on trying to conquer the many fears that I have and trying to maintain that unshakable faith in the direction that I am being steered in. When you feel like you are getting off track, don’t plan for what you can do once you’ve been defeated. Instead, plan for how you can get back on track to the purpose that you are destined for. I think that all we can do on our journey is to trust in the direction that God has us walking on enough to plan for our victories instead of preparing for our defeats.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

Write 2 Be Magazine is now out so please go check it out at http://write2bemagazine.com/. Also please go and join the magazine on twitter https://twitter.com/write2bemag, join the email listing for the magazine or submit a request for an author interview at Write2bemagazine@yahoo.com, and also like the Write 2 Be Magazine fan page https://www.facebook.com/Write2BeMagazine. Please help support my endeavor and my new journey and help me spread the word about Write 2 Be and its meaning.

The Things that I Continue to Sabotage Myself With

June 28, 2013 jcladyluv

“Self-sabotage is like a game of mental tug-of-war. It is the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind where the subconscious mind always eventually wins.”

~Bo Bennett

There is something inside me that keeps allowing me to sabotage myself. You know how you can realize the self-sabotaging behavior that you are committing as you are doing it. You understand that it’s not good for you to criticize everything that it is that you do, or to compare what you do to someone else that you may think is doing things better. You comprehend that there is a better way of doing things, a more effective way of accomplishing what you want but yet you can’t seem to catch yourself before you tear your own efforts apart.

For some people it is really hard to get out of your own head and to think and live with your heart. There’s a lot of risk in doing that, in just going for it and taking a leap of faith in yourself, but it is worth it when you do. It’s so easy to have a leap of faith in what others can do but we can’t seem to put all that faith into ourselves.

I keep feeling convinced that I finally have it, the unlimited faith in myself and my abilities to do whatever it is without question. But then I get that nagging voice in my head that won’t shut up and it tells me all of these negative things that I somehow start to believe, if only for a moment. They hold me up from making progress, and they hold me back from my destination. So I thought I would share with you what I keep struggling with and what still, despite my efforts for them not to, keeps allowing me to sabotage myself.

1) I’m still riddled with fear, both of the possibility that I will fail and also of the pressure of actually succeeding

2) I sometimes still don’t believe that I am good enough

3) I still can’t seem to put myself first without feeling extreme guilt about it

4) I don’t believe the good things that people have to say about me

5) I keep letting what I don’t have get in the way of what it is that I want to achieve

6) I am terrified of change and not knowing what is next

7) I say No way more than I allow myself to say Yes

I realize that being confident in yourself and in your own abilities to make things happen is not a practice that is just inherited and that you are born with. It is something that you have to work hard at. It is a practice that you have to maintain and treat as a routine occurrence in your everyday life. Particularly for those who may not have a positive support system, or may not have ever had very much of one, it is a struggle to believe that you deserve the best.

When you have so many obstacles that stop you along the way that you lose count, you can tend to get jaded in your thought process and in your effectiveness within your work. It’s not something that most people have not experienced and it is probably a problem that isn’t going away any time soon.

I am working on an ebook (details on how you can get a copy coming soon) on how we as writers, artists, or creative types in general can start to get out of our own way and stop sabotaging our own dreams and our own business endeavors with this self-doubt that we create in our own heads. We have to stop being so in our heads and start living from our hearts. We have to stop second guessing everything and changing our own minds or basing our level of success on what someone else’s is. Life is so short and tomorrow is not promised to us so we have to get out of our own way and start making the best of our life now, not some day in the not so distant (or distant depending on who you are) future, but right in the moment that you are in.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

I’ve Never Fully Been Ready to Jump

May 30, 2013May 30, 2013 jcladyluv

I am one of those people who can prepare something to death. I mean I make a list, and then I check over it, I double check and sometimes even triple check. When it comes to writing a novel or an article, I outline, and then I research. I often end up with massive amounts of research in which only about half of it gets used and the rest gets tossed to the side and becomes a reminder of how much time I wasted over-preparing for something yet again.

I know that preparation is supposed to be a good thing and for most people it is but for those of us who can tend to use the preparation process as another stall tactic (procrastination) it can rob us of so much time that would be better spent just jumping into the project and getting started already. When am I going to learn that sometimes it really is better to just dive in (head first) and get it done. I spend so much time waiting for the right moment to come, for the right amount of money (or in most cases, any money), for the right person to partner with, for just the right amount of nerve to actually launch that business.

So much time I waste waiting and never actually doing any of the things I long to do. If I could go back and count how many accomplishments I could’ve been able to cross off my list had I not waited for some unknown right moment I would’ve already tackled most of that list by now and I would be much happier for it. If we could add up all of the countless hours that we have wasted on second guessing ourselves, and preparing everything to the point of exhaustion how many of our endeavors could we have already achieved?

You can never really prepare for everything, especially the curveballs that life throws you that you don’t even realize are coming. The best you can do is deal with things as they come and just go along for the ride. I think that is where I went wrong with this year’s plan. I over-plan and try to over-prepare everything, and worry so much about what money I don’t have to start this business that I have wanted to start for as long as I can remember. I am over-thinking everything, so much so that nothing is being done. I’ve got to just take a leap of faith and jump right in.

No one is every really 100% ready to begin the journey that will lead them into their destiny because the things that are most worth having are never really easy to attain. So if you are one of those people who over-prepares and stands on the edge of the curb waiting for all of the possible obstacles that could block your path before you actually cross the road leading to your destiny, stop waiting. If you stood by to let every obstacle pass you by before taking the chance to walk that road you may find yourself standing on that curb for a very long time. You may not be 100% ready, but what the hell, jump anyway!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

Nobody Likes to Feel the Sting of Rejection

May 29, 2013 jcladyluv

I don’t think that there is a single person (at least not one that I’ve know) who likes to be rejected. It is not something that you look forward to and most people would avoid all instances that would mean that there was a guarantee that they will be rejected. As a writer, it is almost inevitable (unless you are extremely lucky) that you will be rejected in your career at some point, whether it be with the submission of an article, a blog post, a short story, a novel to a publisher, or even by an agent that you want to represent you. As a writer you have to be prepared to be rejected, so much so that you should probably just prepare a box for the stacks of rejection letters that you are bound to receive.

Being as though it is almost June and six months into the year that I thought was really going to be a turnaround year for me I’ve been looking over all of my lists of things I was supposed to accomplish this year. I was supposed to live a more fearless life this year and I was supposed to have a more productive year. Looking at my list and just how little I am able to check off, I would say that I have not lived up to my own expectations for the year thus far.

A big part of my list was to submit my next novel to agents and publishers and also to start submitting more articles to local newspapers. A huge part of the reason that I have yet to submit my work is because I fear the rejection letters that I will be sent. I know that you are not supposed to assume that your work will be rejected but it is really hard not to prepare for the worst instead of hoping for the best. The thought of someone saying my work isn’t good enough is like someone telling me that I am not good enough and that is what hold me back.

I was reading the Writer’s Digest magazine and in the back of every issue they highlight a rejection letter to a famous author (when they weren’t so famous) and you get to see that even the authors that are seen as the greatest authors of all have been rejected. I have read many of these letters but the one that shocked me the most to read was the one I read for Charles Dickens “Great Expectations”. In it the editor essentially called his work boring and too descriptive, on top of telling Charles Dickens that he was seemingly a pervert and that this novel was only good for burning in a fireplace.

I felt like it was so harsh and by far the worst one I have seen but it also made me think, “well it had to be worth something in this editor’s eyes because this letter was so personal for it to be a rejection letter.” You could tell by reading it that this was not a book that (as bored as she said she was with it) the editor just read for a little bit and got midway through and then tossed it in the rejection pile. Details mentioned in the rejection letter suggested that they apparently thought enough of it to read it all the way through. It was exactly the kind of rejection letter that I had always said I never wanted but now I’m not so sure.

In reality I should be looking at rejection letters as a statement of what it would say about me. It would say that I put myself out there, as difficult as it is to be vulnerable, I would have been brave and fearless about my work. In some cases rejection letters (when personalized instead of generic) means that someone thought enough of your work to actually write the rejection letter with their own personal touches. If even the greatest authors have been rejected, what would make me any different? I have to get past that fear because it is only holding me back even further.

The sting of rejection is what you have to come to grips with when you are willing to take risks. Otherwise, all that means is that you never took the risk. Sure that means that you won’t have to worry about feeling rejected, but you also won’t run the risk of actually being accepted either.

Everything is a risk in life, not just the bad but the good as well. You can never really enjoy the good that is due to come your way unless you are willing to accept the possibility of things turning out bad. So the next time I feel that fear of rejection when I want to submit my work, I am also going to put into perspective the good that I might be inviting my way as well.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

5 Ways to Beat the Fear You Fight Everyday as a Writer

April 24, 2013April 24, 2013 jcladyluv

I used to think (when I was a much younger writer) that all of the really great writers wrote fearlessly. I used to believe that all of the work that the great novelists produced was flawless and perfect from their start until the finished product when it landed on the bookshelves. It never would have dawned on me that writers like Steven King, Terry McMillan, James Patterson, or Sue Grafton just produced excellent first drafts and that they felt no fear at all on whether or not they would be able to get their work published.

Of course now I realize that even the greatest writers were once amateurs or first time novelists once upon a time and that someone had told them no too. It’s easy to think that you are the only one that is afraid of doing what you love but the fact is that you are not. Fear strikes us all, true enough in different ways, but we are all hit with it from time to time, some more than others.

I seem to be one of those people that is paralyzed by it more so than others but I am working on that. I thought of some strategies that I have learned over the years and a couple that I am still trying to put into practice that help me to work on facing those fears instead of burying my head in the sand.

Face the Fear You Feel Head On— The usual response to something that you are afraid of is to run from it as fast and as far away as you can. You can’t to rely on the comfort zone that you have set up for yourself, that place where you know every answer is going to be yes and everyone is going to like whatever it is you do. Where’s the fun in that, or the challenge for that matter. Comfort may be good for a short period of time but it becomes mundane and frankly boring. Do the things that scare you because they are the things that will bring the most rewards.
Let the Rejection That You Fear Fuel Your Drive— Okay it is a given (unless you are the world’s most perfect writer) that you will indeed receive rejection letters in your career. Instead of shying away from doing things that will get you a rejection letter, do them anyway and celebrate the fact that someone actually took the time to write you that rejection letter because while what you’ve submitted may not have been right for them at the time they saw something in your work that resulted in them sending you a letter. When you think about it, they could have just tossed your work and not sent you anything. For every one rejection letter you get, send out ten more query letters. Let those rejection letters do more than just pile up on the corner of your desk.
Know That If You Weren’t Afraid, It Wouldn’t Be Worth It— If you weren’t passionate about your work and it didn’t mean so much to you then you wouldn’t be so afraid of failing at it. Things that mean something to us, things that we know we are good at and that we are supposed to be doing, they’re scary. God forbid you fail at the one thing that you feel deep in your soul you are supposed to be doing with your life. What then? The thing is that you can’t let that fear paralyze you into just not moving forward. Take that fear as a sign that you are, in fact, walking the right path.
Reflect and Refresh—When you are feeling like your work isn’t good enough, take out all of your old work. Look at all of the things you’ve written over the years and how much your writing has grown. Every now and then I do this and I find myself saying “wow, I wrote that” or even “I’ve gotten so much better”. Sometimes when you reflect on your works of the past you have no choice but to acknowledge how much you’ve grown in your work and it motivates you. It propels you forward with that knowledge of knowing your potential to produce greatness.
Just Sit Down and Do It—Fear, or writer’s block as it is most often referred to (okay sometimes it really is writer’s block but not most of the time) has a knack for stopping you from producing anything. Sooner or later you get so scared that you will be rejected that you end up just not writing. This is not going to help you. Fear or no fear, just sit down in that chair, open up that computer, and start writing. Even if you think that it’s bad writing, it’s still writing nonetheless. Write anyway!

Maybe one or more of these ideas will help you tackle that fear that keeps holding you back. I know that it is something that I am still working on to this day but I really think that these strategies will be a step in the right direction. If you have any strategies for overcoming your fears as a writer please share them with me. It never hurts to have enough ammunition to battle the fear with!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

Sometimes I Question the Journey

April 9, 2013 jcladyluv

“Faith isn’t believing without proof – it’s trusting without reservation.”

~William Sloane Coffin

So I’ve been having one of those days where I’m wondering what all of this is for. What is the point of pursuing all of my dreams when the journey to get to them is so daunting and frustrating and exhausting and painful? When I still find myself having to worry where the next flow of income is going to come from and nothing is definite (which is what the beginning stages of a writing career looks like), it makes me wonder what I am really struggling for.

I am a chronic worrier and while I know that it is not good for my health to stress about things that are beyond my control I still somehow manage to do it. I keep thinking, this year it’s going to happen for me just the way that it’s supposed to, and then it doesn’t so I get geared up for the next year to be the year that my hard work begins to pay off. Yet still, not the rewards I had hoped to be reaping by now.

I get worried sometimes that this is all for nothing. The struggle, the sacrifices, the tears, the anxiety, the not knowing, all of the things that come with following your dreams and just throwing caution to the wind. I wonder if I made the right decision years ago and if maybe I was wrong about my ability to really make this work.

Yeah it’s been one of those days. I have those days sometimes, and some are worse than others. But then I remember that writing is something that I live for. It is my purpose in this world and it is my vehicle to express myself and to be able to change the world. Writing is something that I was born to do and it is the purpose that God gave me in this world. On the days when I am in a state of constant worry and when I am wondering what the point of it all is I will have to try harder to remember that the point is to serve my purpose no matter how hard the struggle or how long the journey.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”