I am not a particularly envious person. I celebrate all successes, and I genuinely believe that we all deserve to live our best lives. I believe that if you work hard and use your drive and ambition to propel you forward, then you will get to where it is you’re trying to go. But I am not naïve to the fact that there are some who get where they’re going out of sheer luck or because they just know the right people. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish I was the person who had that kind of luck or knew the right people because my hard work does not seem to be paying off.
I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was 6 years old and have been actively working at it since I was 10 years old. I started doing freelance work more than a decade ago and I have never once given up on the dream of being a full-time writer someday. Even had the audacity to think that at some point I would be able to get a job in someone’s writing room because writing for television has also been one of my goals. Now I’ll be honest and say that there are quite a few opportunities that I never even tried to shoot for because I had too many negative voices of people around me (on top of my own self-doubts) telling me that it could never happen, and I believed them.
That said, I’ve seen people write one book and find themselves on the Bestseller’s list. I’ve seen people write one script for a show and suddenly they’re the industry’s hottest new script writer. I don’t begrudge them their success at all, but I do wonder, if I’m working my ass off and I have the talent to back it up (because I have never once questioned my writing ability) then where is my success story at.
I understand putting in the work, but I have been working towards this dream for nearly my entire life, and I just feel like I should be so much further by now. I should be in the room where things are happening, and I can’t figure out why I’m not. I’ve got multiple degrees, I’ve studied my craft, I’ve written several manuscripts and poems, and stories, and articles, and if being a kind- and good-hearted person matters at all, I’d like to think I’m that too.
So why is it that some things come so much easier for some as opposed to others? I have my speculations as to what the answer to that are but truthfully, no one ever really knows why one person gets rewarded for all of their efforts and another person doesn’t. I do wonder at times if all of the ambition and drive I put into this calling that I have, this gift, what I truly feel is my purpose, is worth all of the rejection and heartache and sacrifice and loss.
I guess the simple answer is yes. I mean would I have been at this for more than three decades of my life (more if you actually count when I started working on the craft of writing itself) if I didn’t think that it would all be worth it in the end? I couldn’t have given so much of myself and dived as deep into this dream of being a crafter of words if I didn’t believe that it was worth giving it absolutely everything that I’ve got. I’m a writer. I was born to be a writer. If there was anything that I was put here on this earth to do, aside from being a mother to my amazing wonderfully gifted daughter with creative talents of her own, it was to impact people with my words.
So, do I feel the urge to give up sometimes? Yes! When I’m sitting in the waiting room of life, patiently waiting for my turn to be allowed in the room where things happen for people. The room where people get to see their dreams become a reality. The room where creatives like me get met with people who believe in their talent and ability enough to propel them forward on the ladder of success. When I keep having to peep inside the window, watching others get their turn and I wonder where is mine. Those are the moments I feel defeated. But the thing I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to give up. I want to be in the room where things happen and one day I will be, even if I’m the last person left standing in the waiting room.
Until Next Time… #BePatient #BeDiligent #BePersistent
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Jimmetta Carpenter
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Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine
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