I saw a post on Facebook that asked “What motivates YOU to work hard?” and it got me to thinking about the times when I lose my motivation. Initially the artistically correct response would be that my passion is what motivates me. In many ways this is true because honestly unless you start off with a lot of connections in the writing world and you could breeze past the whole submit/rejection portion of rising to the top in your field of fellow writers then who would really want to struggle along this particular path if they weren’t passionate about the art of putting words to paper.
However, if I dig deep into the crevices of my brain and my heart, my motivation for being a writer goes beyond that. Yes it is true that since I was 6 years old this is what I have wanted to do but the reasoning became different as the years went on. It was first a fun thing to tell stories and dream up these big, sometimes, unrealistic worlds. Then it evolved into being the only way that I could truly express how I was feeling because no one would ever listen to my words, but they never minded reading them. Then it became my escape, where I didn’t want to really tell my story as much as I wanted to tell the story that I wished I was living in. But once I had a child, it became the way that I could do all of that but still be the mom that my mother wasn’t for me.
My mother was cold and unfeeling, I can’t even remember hearing the words I Love You too much in my house growing up, and I’m not sure if her having to work so hard and so much (sometimes 2 jobs which felt more like I was being raised by my sister) was the reason why she felt she had to shut down emotionally from me and my sister but if that was a reason then I was going to make sure that I didn’t have that reason when it came to my child. I wanted to be home with my daughter, there when she got out of school, there when she needed anything, said I love you for no particular reason, there to tuck her in at night, and there to play when she wanted to just play. Writing allows me to do that, to be tuned in to my child the way that I couldn’t be if I were working the traditional job.
I tried that when she was younger, in an effort to get that stable, absolute income while still trying to make it as a writer. Not only did that take away from the time I could have been putting into my dream but it also drained me mentally and emotionally and I couldn’t show up for my child the way that she needed me too. Now I know there are millions of women who do it, and manage it well, and perhaps they are better suited to be that kind of parent but I just know that I’m not built that way.
Now I’ve been criticized so many times for not just jumping back into the “regular” work force and having that stable income there and been accused of not thinking about my child in that regard but I disagree. I think that monetary things and possessions cannot provide emotional stability for a child and yes if you can do the “regular” job thing and still provide emotional support and stability for your child then that’s great. I know that I can’t. I’ve tried and I saw myself starting to turn into my mother which was the last thing I wanted for my child.
Going this route is difficult, true, but it also will instill in my daughter another thing my mother didn’t instill in me. It will teach her to go after her dreams, no matter what they are, no matter how many people tell you that you’re never going to get there, no matter how many people are standing against you, go for them in spite of all of that. In the end she will have her dream and everyone who was against her will be wishing they could have come along for the ride. I want my daughter to believe in herself the way that I never did until I was well into my adulthood. I want her to know that when she waivers on what she dreams up for her life that I will be there to remind her not to give up. That my giving up will help remind her not to give up.
I want everything for my daughter that I didn’t have growing up and none of that comes with having the largest bank accounts. Don’t get me wrong, of course there are things I want my daughter to have that money is definitely necessary for in order to give her that, but I want her to know that the important things in life cannot be bought. Things like love, self-esteem, confidence, work-ethic, belief in oneself and their dreams, and the tenacity to go after those dreams. Those are things that money can’t give or provide for you. Think about motivates your hustle today. Take that motivation and use it to fuel your drive.
Jimmetta Carpenter
My Write 2 Be is…
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