When I saw this post on Facebook I had just been thinking about how much I am getting tired of falling down (metaphorically speaking) on this journey of mine. It gets frustrating when what you want is right there, you can almost reach it, it’s so close but the closer you move towards it, it only seems to move further away.
If you’re like most people, you begin to question the end goal, wondering if it’s what you’re really meant to have, if it’s even what you really want. Then you start to doubt if it was every what you really wanted to begin with (okay well I’ve never doubted wanted to be a writer, just whether I had the ability) or have you just been trying to convince yourself of that.
But the reality is that if you were handed everything that you wanted, on a silver platter, so to speak, and never had to work hard to get there, would you really be able to appreciate finally achieving it. There is something to be said for hard work and struggling to get ahead. Once you know what it’s like to fail, to fall down often (in my case continually), to have to keep pushing through all the pain and all of the people who are going to tell you no, you don’t take it for granted when you finally get that yes and when you finally get to that level that you are trying to get to.
I sometimes think that people who were born with all the options afforded to them and who don’t have to necessarily struggle to get what they want so much don’t really appreciate what it’s like not to have it. It’s hard when you keep getting knocked down. Honestly, sometimes you just want to lie there and not get back up because you just get tired. But of course staying down is never an option, at least it’s not the one that’s actually going to get you where you want to go.
So if you are like me, feeling like you might just want to lie there. That’s okay for a moment, but don’t stay down. Stand up and keep going because the struggle, yes even the part where you fall down, is worth it to get to what God has planned for you.
I saw a post on Facebook that had a quote that said “don’t look back, you’re not going that way”. It got me to thinking about the past and things I’ve been through, things other people have been through and how the past really does affect our lives.
It’s true that we can’t let our past hurts and tragedies alter our lives in such a way that it stunts the growth that needs to be made throughout. However, aren’t our past experiences a huge part of who we are, of what makes us stronger and more motivated, and what, all in all, equips us with lessons and oftentimes harsh realities that prepare us for the purpose that we are placed on this earth to fulfill. What we go through in our childhood, in our teenage years, in our early adulthood, they give us tools that we need to be able to deal with the long and at times tiring journey to our destination. Particularly if our past experiences are not so ideal.
There’s a saying that you can’t have a testimony without any tests, so maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to completely forget our pasts experiences. I will be the first to admit that I am an extremely emotional person and that I have allowed certain instances in my past to affect my present way too much, which inevitably affects my future. While I know that I can’t exactly forget everything that happened, I’m not even sure I can totally forgive (just yet), I do know that I need to let go a little.
I would say that I need to let go completely but those things are what makes me the person that I am and what will give me the strength to continue my journey into being who it is I am truly meant to be. Without the past I don’t know that I would be fully ready for the future that God has planned for me. So with that said, I tell you, that while you shouldn’t keep a firm grip on your past experiences, maybe you shouldn’t completely let them go because they are what is building you up to take on whatever is coming your way as you travel to your destination. Our pasts can only hinder us if we allow it to and if we allow ourselves to only remember the hurt and not the lessons that came from that hurt.
I saw the above quote and in many ways I felt like it tied so well into what I wrote about yesterday. Something that living in the past causes us to do as well is to play things so safe that we end up planning for the worst that could happen instead of trusting in the best that God has for us.
As I read the quote I realized that when I am making back up plans and when I am cautioning myself for the other shoe to drop I am essentially expecting to be defeated and in turn planning for that defeat. I can’t believe that I never saw it that way. I just always thought I was just preparing for all of the possible scenarios, or for the inevitable pitfalls that can often times happen when we least expect it. Instead I have been discounting my future victory by having the attitude of one that has already been defeated. Yet another way that I have been sabotaging myself without even realizing that was what I was doing.
Why do we have so many back up plans when we claim that we know what it is we want out of our lives? When we already know the purpose that God has put us here for, why would we keep making plans for a different route then the one that he has already mapped out? God didn’t give us our gift so that we can serve his purpose only for us to question the direction that he wants us to take. Had he wanted us to go in the opposite direction he would have steered us that way to begin with.
As I realize the things that I am doing to work against myself and my own goals I make the very best attempts to get back on track and to keep walking in the right direction. I am still a work in progress on trying to conquer the many fears that I have and trying to maintain that unshakable faith in the direction that I am being steered in. When you feel like you are getting off track, don’t plan for what you can do once you’ve been defeated. Instead, plan for how you can get back on track to the purpose that you are destined for. I think that all we can do on our journey is to trust in the direction that God has us walking on enough to plan for our victories instead of preparing for our defeats.
I try not to compare my journey to the journey of others and I try not to be envious of the opportunities that I see other people receive and then just throw away. I know that it is something that you are not supposed to do and it really doesn’t do any good because it doesn’t make your journey any more or less complicated than what it already is.
It gets hard when you see people in the media who seem to be throwing their wonderful opportunities that they have worked so hard to attain right down the drain. But then I remind myself that my path is mine for a reason. It is constructed however God decided to construct it and the obstacles that fall in my path are what God is using to prepare me for the next level of my journey that he already has mapped out.
I just have to keep fighting for my opportunities and removing my obstacles one at a time until I reach the destination that is in store for me. I really have to start remembering not to regret the mistakes or the bumps along the path because those will be the same mistakes and bumps that are going to catapult me to my highest destination possible. I suppose that I should stop wishing for another journey because then I may not like the results that come along with the change.
I’ve done it more times than I can count. Not only that but I never even gave a second thought as to what it is I was really doing. I’ve wished away all of the bad things that have ever happened to me at one point of my life or another and I’ve regretted so many past mistakes that were made and wonder what if I could go back and change things. It really is no way to live, always wanting a do-over and never wanting to make one single misstep. Knowing what I know now, after much growing and lots of learning, honestly if I could I may just go back and make even more mistakes in my life, on purpose.
I know that sounds crazy. However, if you really think about it, can you really say that all of your mistakes and blunders did not get you any kind of unexpected reward or bless you in some way that you didn’t even know that you needed it. The more mistakes that you make the more life lessons that you learn and there can never be enough lessons learned in life. But most importantly, if you have lived a perfect life, a life with not one mistake and not one regret, did you really live life at all. Can you really enjoy life taking such careful steps in it that you never step out of bounds?
When I think about the not so ideal childhood that I had and all of the things that I once would have liked to forget, they were some of the toughest things I have ever been through. While they weren’t pleasant and certainly not perfect, looking back, they made me stronger and I believe now that they were a part of the preparation that I needed in order to eventually fulfill my purpose. I don’t think that I would be the person that I am now without the struggles that I went through then or even the ones that I have recently experienced.
Our mistakes, the things we regret, the obstacles that we struggle to get through, they are what builds our character. They strengthen us for the greatness that we are destined to achieve. They help to prepare us for the journey that we are on to fulfill our purpose. They provide little blessings along the way that we would have never had otherwise. So stop regretting the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Don’t treat them as events that have held you back, treat them as the stepping stones that can propel you forward. With great risks comes even greater rewards.
I realize that I have slacked off a lot lately in my writing. Or at least that is what I think until I realize that I have kept up pretty well with this blog and other articles that I am writing for other blogs and publications. Let’s not forget that I am still in school finishing up a Master’s degree so that is not to be taken lightly. I am really hard on myself. I am my own worst critic but then again I think most of us are highly critical of ourselves. But when do we ever stop to take a step back to really look at the progress that we have made.
I was talking to Ms. L. last night and we were talking about our journey’s and I was telling her that while I know that most people don’t understand certain choices that I have made, and if I am being honest some days it doesn’t make sense to me either, but I feel like the path I am walking is the one that I am meant to walk. It may be unconventional (that would be putting it mildly) and it may not be the most common sense choice (to other people who don’t have to walk in my shoes) but I just know that it is the right one.
I told Ms. L. last night that when I do reach my destiny, when I achieve the purpose that God has for me, it will all make sense and then everyone will wonder why they ever questioned my choices. Truthfully they weren’t solely my mine. They were what I was being guided to do. Knowing who I am and that what God has for me is nothing but good, I have to trust the path that I am on.
I am working on not being so harsh on myself and on the lack of productiveness that I feel is taking place within my work right now. I just have to remind myself to take a step back every once and a while. Survey everything I’ve accomplished, everything that I have been through and the person that I have grown into. I have to acknowledge that everything may not be the way I want it to be right now and I may not be in the position that I feel I should be in right now but I am right where I should be and everything is just as it should be. It’s the way God has designed it to be.
When you think you’re not doing enough, that you haven’t moved an inch, take a step back and just look at where you were compared to where you are now. I guarantee you that, even if it is small, you will see a difference!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
~Jeremiah 29:11
I am not an optimistic person by nature. I have had quite a bit of bad happen in my life and typically when something good happens I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Being optimistic is something that I have to really work at and some days it is a lot harder then others. I wish that I was one of those glass half full type of people but for the most part I am not. It might have a lot to do with the fact that my mother always drilled it into my head that I was bad luck and that I attracted bad things in my life. I guess I’m just now realizing how much of her words actually seeped into my subconscious.
I know that “that which doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” and while I know from experience that this is true, I’m not going to lie and say that it isn’t difficult to have faith that the good (you can’t see) is just around the corner when you’re in the moment where everything seems to be going so terribly wrong. However, I have an abundance of faith in God and in the fact that there is a reason and a purpose for everything that he does within my life. There are those moments when not knowing what those reasons are gets frustrating but I know that God only has good intentions for me and that there is nothing that he would allow me to go through if he felt I couldn’t handle it (and he seems to think I am a lot stronger than I am).
This has (so far) been one of those weeks where I have to work harder to keep that faith that things will work out. I’ve had to keep reminding myself that God has to have his reasons for putting me through this test and take it as just that, a test. I wish I knew what God had in mind but I suppose that right, it is not for me to know, but just to trust that what is meant to be in my favor will work out.
I feel better just writing this post because while writing it I have gained some perspective. Maybe my pessimism will meet my optimism somewhere in the middle and balance itself out to understand that while things seem really bad at this moment, they could be worse. I know that there are good things in my future. I also know that I am not going to always be able to see everything good that God has mapped out for me. It is something that I have to just have faith in.
I know that it is hard not to worry, believe me I know. But we have to remember that it’s all in God’s hands anyway. It is going to work out whatever way he wants it to work out. Take care and be blessed!
There are some days when you just feel like you can’t climb out of the hole you’re in. When the walls start to close in more and more and it starts to feel like you just can’t breathe. I know that everything is not going to always go your way because that would be unrealistic to think that it’s supposed to work like that.
I know what people say about nothing worth having ever being easy. I also whole heartedly believe that when all is said and done God is not going to bring me to a place that he doesn’t feel I can’t pull myself out of (with his help of course). Having said all of that, it doesn’t make it any less stressful and challenging to actually have to go through all of the trials and tribulations that it takes to get to the destination that I am meant to get to in the end.
There are some days when I feel like I don’t have a support system and like I don’t have anyone in my corner and some days that feeling hurts more than others. I feel like I’m walking on this entire journey all by myself. Perhaps that’s how it’s supposed to be but it sure does feel lonely at times. I guess you have to know how to walk alone but it sure would be nice to have a walking buddy at any given point on the path. Then I have to remind myself (and keep reminding myself repeatedly) that I am not the only one walking this path because God is with me, leading the way.
There are those who don’t have to constantly remind themselves that they aren’t walking by themselves on the way to their destination because they don’t have so much worry and they don’t get afraid of being left to go it alone. Then there are those like me, who are terrified that I won’t pick the right door or the right path, and that I won’t make precisely the right decision. I get worried but it’s not because I don’t believe in the path that God has for me, but rather because I don’t want him to give up on me.
I get to the end of that rope and sometimes it just doesn’t seem like it’s long enough. I keep forgetting the things that most people never forget, that I am never walking this path by myself because there are always those second set of footprints in the sand. So if you are anything like me, afraid that you will somehow not be able to pull yourself up and like the rope you were handed just might not be long enough, just remind yourself today that you are not alone on your journey. God is always there leading the way, you just have to trust that he will never guide you in the wrong direction and he will always be on the other end of that rope to pull you back up.
Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely hate taking pictures. Not taking pictures from behind the camera lens but to actually be in front of the camera lens itself. So I’ve been on a weight loss journey for the last few years now and I committed to this journey no matter how long it took for me to get to a place of being healthy (and yes thinner too) and happy. I also knew that I couldn’t do this quickly and rapidly because I had tried that before and it didn’t stick and that I didn’t want to lose weight surgically (not knocking it for anyone who has had weight loss surgery—just not for me) but rather naturally and that meant it was going to have to be slow and steady.
I’ll admit that at certain periods throughout the process it has been slower than others and of course there’s moments where you reach a new stage and you plateau. However, I have managed to remain vigilant and have lost well over a hundred pounds but yet I still don’t like taking pictures. My best friend asked me once if I had any before pictures so that I had something to compare things to because I constantly have an issue of looking in the mirror and thinking that nothing has changed regardless of the fact that my clothes have gotten looser on me and my face is visibly different, but as I stated before I have never liked to take pictures with me in them.
So today when I went to the gym (knowing that I had taken a picture for the membership card when I first joined the gym) I asked if I could take a new picture for my membership card. When she took the picture and printed out the new card I took out my old one and looked at the side by side view (you can see it below-sorry it’s not a clearer picture) and the difference was, in my opinion, very noticeable. I was ecstatic and overjoyed and of course I went and showed everyone in the gym my before and after and one lady even pointed to the before picture and asked who it was. That motivated me even more.
Here’s my before and after… See the difference!
What does any of this have to do with my writing you might ask? Well you know they say a picture is worth a thousand words and in today’s case my before and after pictures made a lot of things clearer to me. That before picture was not a happy woman, perhaps a woman who faked it with some success, but definitely not happy. But the after picture was a happy person, a more confident person, a more secure person, and a healthier person. It in many ways mirrors my journey of writing that I spoke of with such frustration in yesterday’s post.
My writing career, years ago, around the time of that before picture, was existent (barely) but it wasn’t moving in any direction. It had gotten off the ground (maybe about a couple inches) but it hadn’t took off, it hadn’t even gotten midway, it was just stagnant hovering somewhere around the point of the wheels of a plane being an inch off the ground but not yet ready to take off. It has been a slow journey in that regard as well but unlike with my weight loss journey where I had succumb to the reality that slow and steady is better for me and in the end will garner more promising results, more lasting results, with writing I had wanted it to be a rush to take off. I hadn’t thought about the fact that if slow and steady can win the race in one area, why wouldn’t it be the right track in the other area as well.
My writing career is still definitely not where I want it to be but it is definitely beginning to take shape and it seems to be ready to take off. Just as with my before and after pictures in my road to a healthier and happier version of myself, I couldn’t see the progress before and it appeared as if nothing was really happening, my writing career has its before and after points as well. My writing career, my writing style, has changed and taken different shapes right along with me and looking at the body of my work over the years I can see the progress now. I can see the fruits of all of my hard work and I am just as overjoyed at that as I was to look at my before and after pictures from this morning.
Sometimes to see the bigger picture, you really do have to capture it in a picture. A picture doesn’t just show the physical changes in a person but sometimes you can see a whole story in the person you are looking at in that picture, the emotional changes, the mental changes, the career changes. So what would your before and after of you look like? What story would it tell to the world?
“Faith isn’t believing without proof – it’s trusting without reservation.”
~William Sloane Coffin
So I’ve been having one of those days where I’m wondering what all of this is for. What is the point of pursuing all of my dreams when the journey to get to them is so daunting and frustrating and exhausting and painful? When I still find myself having to worry where the next flow of income is going to come from and nothing is definite (which is what the beginning stages of a writing career looks like), it makes me wonder what I am really struggling for.
I am a chronic worrier and while I know that it is not good for my health to stress about things that are beyond my control I still somehow manage to do it. I keep thinking, this year it’s going to happen for me just the way that it’s supposed to, and then it doesn’t so I get geared up for the next year to be the year that my hard work begins to pay off. Yet still, not the rewards I had hoped to be reaping by now.
I get worried sometimes that this is all for nothing. The struggle, the sacrifices, the tears, the anxiety, the not knowing, all of the things that come with following your dreams and just throwing caution to the wind. I wonder if I made the right decision years ago and if maybe I was wrong about my ability to really make this work.
Yeah it’s been one of those days. I have those days sometimes, and some are worse than others. But then I remember that writing is something that I live for. It is my purpose in this world and it is my vehicle to express myself and to be able to change the world. Writing is something that I was born to do and it is the purpose that God gave me in this world. On the days when I am in a state of constant worry and when I am wondering what the point of it all is I will have to try harder to remember that the point is to serve my purpose no matter how hard the struggle or how long the journey.
Write 2 Be 