Tag: Change

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The Training Ground That is Adversity

May 13, 2024 jcladyluv

If adversity is a training ground for eventual success, then I have been in intense preparation for years and once I reach whatever success actually is I am going to be the most prepared a person could ever be. At least that is how it feels when it seems like there is an obstacle or stumbling block around every corner. I’m coming up on a year since the bottom was essentially ripped out from underneath my life and I lost my home and more than 20 years’ worth of memories. To say that I am not looking forward to May 19^th would be an understatement. I’ve had a lot of times in my life where I have felt like a failure but never more than that day when I literally lost everything. Or at least it felt as if I lost everything.

However, looking back, I see clearly that I didn’t lose everything, at least not the things that truly count anyway. I lost material possessions sure, but the things that I have always held within, strength, tenacity, courage, passion for my writing (which okay, it slowed a lot because, you know, trauma), and my faith; those things never went anywhere. While sure some days my faith has definitely been tested, and I’ve had days where I look to God and ask why He thinks I can handle this level of adversity because I don’t believe I’m THAT strong, it is mostly still intact.

I know that everything you go through in life is supposed to teach you something and we should never be at a point where we stop learning. If I had to guess what this period in my life was meant to teach me (which one could argue I’m still resisting the lesson lol), it would be that change is inevitable and that you can’t fight against it because it is ultimately for your betterment. If you have been following along with my journey and this blog for years then you know, I HATE CHANGE. I’m a very routine person and I am very averse to things around me changing, even if I know the change is good. I like to know what to expect, and I like things to be the way I believe they will work best for me. No variation, no room for even a slight difference in what I’ve grown accustomed to. The problem is (and logically I’m aware of this) that life doesn’t work best when things stay the same all the time.

Not to say routine isn’t good but you should allow for changes because change can be good too. Instinctively I know this. Some of the best things I’ve had happen in my life have been due to drastic changes and yet still, I don’t like for things to change. I’ve heard people often say that when you’re not making the changes that God wants you to make so that you can fulfill the purpose, he has for you then He will find a way (or the Universe will) to make you have to move in the direction you need to go. I’m starting to feel like what happened to me last year was a way to make the changes in my life happen whether I wanted them to or not.

There are specific things that have already shifted, most likely for the better, that I had been resistant to changing until the situation that happened changed things for me. Would certain realizations have happened if this situation hadn’t forced things to change? Probably not. Simple changes that needed to be made, that I had been refusing to make on my own (I won’t get into all of it because the list is long lol), some beliefs that I had been holding onto about myself that simply weren’t true. I kept resisting certain changes that were necessary and the Universe found the most dramatic way to tell me that you may not like change but you’re going to have no choice now. I feel like the Universe was a little overly dramatic here, but the message has been received.

I am trying to grow more, in many ways. I am trying to not see change as the enemy and adapt to it more. Mostly because now I simply have no choice as there are changes happening all the time now that I can’t avoid. I am trying to understand that while having a routine is certainly not a bad thing, neither is changing things on a whim. I am trying to see the good things that change can bring and embrace them instead of ward them off and rebelling against them.

I was reminded yesterday of a quote from a young lady who auditioned for America’s Got Talent. Her name was Jane, but she went by the name Nightbirde and she was there going for her dreams even though she was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer that only gave her a 2% chance to live. She said that you can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy. These words brought me to tears the first time I heard her say them and even more so yesterday when I was reminded of them.

Times are hard right now for me. Even though I am in what some people will see as a more stable situation because I’m not still in a hotel room waiting for a knock at the door. Things are still hard right now and there are some days where better just seems so far off. But I don’t want to wait for that far off better day in order to find things that make me happy. I can’t wait for a better that may be further away than I care to admit because that’s a long time to not be happy. So, I’m taking in stride this training ground that is my adversity and I’m just going to find some small thing that makes me happy each day to get through each battle as they come. I want you to know that while the battles may keep coming your way, the choice in how you face them is yours. Choose to be happy now, especially when life is hard. Just remember, hard times don’t last always. Remember to take care of yourselves.

Until Next Time… #BeDiligent #BeMindful #BeCourageous

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

https://jccarpenter.substack.com/

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Sometimes There’s Beauty in Being Broken

March 25, 2024 jcladyluv

“There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen

I saw this trailer for a television show that mentioned this Japanese phrase “Kintsugi” which translates to the belief that something broken is stronger and more beautiful because of its imperfections, the history attached to it, and its altered state. It was mentioned initially in the context of talking about the Japanese art form of using liquid gold to join broken pieces of pottery together. It was also used in talking about people and how they see imperfections, both in others and in themselves.

It got me to thinking about all the things we think of as our breaking points. Things that we see as the worst moments in our lives. That leave us feeling shattered into a million tiny pieces. We spend a lot of time trying to fix the things that are broken. To put back together the pieces of all the things that keep falling apart around us. Trying to make them as close to ‘perfect’ as they once were. We never seem to take stock in the beauty that presents itself after the breaking has been done.

What makes us, as human beings, truly beautiful is our uniqueness and the imperfect parts of ourselves. We as a society tend to think we want the perfect life, the perfect friend, the perfect partner, or even the perfect career, but is that what we really want? Would we work as hard at our relationships and friendships and the careers that we are so passionate about if it all remained so perfectly in tact and unbroken?

There’s no uniqueness in that. No excitement. There’s nothing extraordinary about things that are perfect. There’s a reason why we oftentimes seek out the unique and odd things. Why we’re so enticed by things that are rare. Why the imperfect moments in our lives stand out so much. Yeah, a part of it is because of how much those moments may break us down. But the other part of that is in the strength that we gather within ourselves to build things back up. Not just build to make us whole again but also to make us better.

Sometimes the things that were meant to break us turn into blessings that we never realized we needed. It never quite feels that way at the time but after reflection you start to realize that oftentimes the changes that we needed to make in our lives, both for ourselves and the people around us, wouldn’t have happened had our hand not been forced. There are even times that, had our walls not crumbled around us, we may not have even realized just how much we needed to change to begin with. In some instances, it is those walls that needed to come down to begin with in order to give us the best possible chance at true growth and development.

Broken does not mean worthless. Broken does not mean there is no longer any purpose. Broken does not mean things are not repairable. Broken just means a little bruised or a little damaged and aren’t we all in some way a little bit damaged? Things that have been broken still hold value. We, who have been broken, still hold value. So, the next time you break something, and you think that it’s just no longer any good, the next time you yourself feel like you’ve been broken beyond repair and are of no use, take a step back. Look at the pieces and how they fit now and treasure the new pattern that those pieces now make. Cherish the beauty that now presents itself, not the same as before, but now more unique than it ever was.

Until next time… #BeImperfect #BeUnique #BeResilient

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

https://jccarpenter.substack.com/

Is My Best Really Good Enough?

July 31, 2023 jcladyluv

I did not win Camp NaNo. Now to be honest I wasn’t as confident this time that I could complete the goal that I had set for this month-long writing challenge, but I held out hope. Right up until the last week I was still hoping that I could push myself harder to finish the task. I did the best I could, but it just wasn’t good enough. Why couldn’t I just buckle down and do what I know needed to be done?

Now one of my amazing friends would probably remind me to have grace with myself. They might even point out that given my current situation it was a win just to have tried and the logical side of me would agree with that. Right now, I’m thinking emotionally and I’m a bit upset with myself. I feel like my best simply wasn’t good enough. Although in terms of writing lately nothing feels like I’ve been doing a good enough job. It doesn’t help that the depression monster is visiting me.

I haven’t really written much of anything since, well since becoming essentially homeless and I am very angry with myself about it. I want to force myself to write but every time I sit down to do so all of the things that I’m stressed about flood my brain instead of words to fill the page. Now I know what you’re thinking. But you’ve been writing blog posts, for example this very post, and isn’t that writing. Yes and no. I consider this more me writing about what I’m feeling, updating you on what’s going on and where my head is at. The creative writing isn’t really flowing the way that I want it to. The way that it should be. That has got to change. I miss writing and I miss the continuity of a writing routine where I can say I wrote a certain number of words, or pages, or hours, in a day. I have to get back to that part of me.

Perhaps this next challenge that I am partaking in for the month of August will help with that. I’ll just say it’s writing something that I’ve never actually written before but have been longing to write. To find out what this challenge is stay tuned to my YouTube channel for the announcement tomorrow (August 1^st) because I’m really excited about it. I’m excited to get back to the creative side of writing and not just a little bit on one day and then maybe a little more a week or two later. I’m excited to write something new and I’m excited to write with some consistency and since this is challenge that I’m doing in a collaborative way I feel like that will encourage me all the more to just sit down and do it.

I hope that I can do it. I hope that I can get back to that creative part of writing that I love as much as breathing. If you have been feeling like you haven’t been doing enough in any particular area of your life, you’re not alone. Know that you are doing the best that you can, even when it doesn’t feel that way. Give yourself a bit of grace and then get right back at it and try again. You can do this and so can I. We’ve got this!

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeMindful #BeEmpowered

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

From the Ashes One Must Rise

July 10, 2023 jcladyluv

I find it a humorous kind of irony that being someone who is extremely resistant to change, I find myself in a current state of constant change. As someone who strives to create sustainable hard core routines (didn’t say I succeeded at doing this lol), I now find myself in a state of survival mode daily. While there is a sense of sameness developing, it is still not a guarantee that things will actually play out the way that I plan them to on any given day.

Someone said to me that I will be like the phoenix and rise from the ashes, to which I initially felt uncertain of their assured certainty. Then I saw the image above saying that essentially, only from the ashes of who we once were can we rise up to truly become who we were meant to be. Pretty poetic right? I thought so. I don’t know how much of a Phoenix I would be, but I like the thought of meeting the challenges I face head on and not crumbling into the pile of ash my life has seemingly become.

A phoenix symbolizes strength, transformation, and renewal and I definitely think that I have discovered my true strength going through this ordeal. I also think that it could be a good opportunity to transform, not just my mindset, but perhaps even my surroundings, as I am no longer tethered to any one set place. Now the renewal part is the aspect that I haven’t gotten to yet but I look forward to that day when I can feel renewed and settled again.

It’s true that we can’t always pick the battles that we face but we can choose how we recover from them. We will be worn and battered, possibly even bruised and broken, but if w crumble into the pile of ash, then what does any of it mean. We fight battles to become victorious and there is no victory in not getting back up, in not rising. Sure, we will struggle to stand back up again, and yeah, we will likely have scars to show for it, but what’s the alternative. So whenever you feel the urge to lay down and quit, think about the phoenix that you are, deep down on the inside, and rise! You are becoming exactly who you were meant to be.

Until next time… #BeEmpowered #BeStrong #BeVictorious

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Nowhere Else to Go From Here But Up

June 5, 2023 jcladyluv

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last blog post and to say that things in my world have changed drastically would be quite the understatement. While I don’t always feel the need to share every single facet of my life, I do pride myself on being as authentic and transparent about this writing journey, and life in general (because life itself even without such high ambitions is a journey) so since everything can’t always be sunshine and roses here goes total vulnerability. I am now homeless and currently writing this post as I am temporarily in a hotel room that I am sharing with my daughter who still lives at home with me (because she is in college but is doing her classes online from home).

On Friday, May 19^th, in the shadiest way ever, I was evicted from my home of nearly 23 years (would have been 23 in October). I say shady because while I’m not going to act like I was completely caught up in my rent, I had fallen a bit behind, however, I had an arrangement with my prior property manager (who I did not know had left the property until this eviction happened) because she knew that I had been a valued tenant for more than two decades and that I had applied for some assistance programs the state has to help those who are self-employed and had fallen behind (due to Covid) and that I am also applying for disability (which is still waiting to be processed). Well without any word to any of the residents, they replaced the old property manager with a new one who did not value my long-standing tenancy and did not honor the prior arrangement that I had and effectively gave me five minutes for me and my daughter to grab what we could and leave.

You can imagine that we weren’t able to grab much. You can also imagine that the very first things I grabbed were all writing related (like my laptop and the notebooks I was currently using). We managed to put a large amount of stuff in a storage unit but it certainly wasn’t everything and when we came back later everything that was left was gone. My desk, the vast majority of our clothes, everything. My neighbor who had been living beside me for the last 15 of those years and we always made sure to check in on each other, gave me enough to get a room for me and my daughter the first two nights and a church friend helped with the third night for that first weekend. A GoFundMe was started on Monday and while I haven’t reached my goal yet, a large amount was raised and that is how we are still able to stay in the same hotel room that we got that first night (at a discounted rate because the hotel manager took pity on me).

I won’t lie and say that this wasn’t a traumatizing event. Every time I think of something else I lost in all of that I get a little emotional and my daughter’s words to me were “did they have to be so joyful about throwing our stuff out” and that will stick with me too. I try to always stay positive and see the good in everything but it’s a little hard in this case. That said, everything does happen for a reason and even though I’m not completely sure what that reason is right now I’m sure it will reveal itself to me in time. Perhaps this needed to happen to push me to a level that makes me feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. They say sometimes the best things grow out of what you feel are the worst things that can happen to you and if that’s true then I must be due for some really good things down the line.

I have taken the last two weeks to stew and to settle into this new reality of mine, one that I hope doesn’t last for a long time, but I can’t pretend that this isn’t going to be a hard road to getting back on track. In saying that I also realize that the work doesn’t stop, and shouldn’t stop, just because life threw me a major curve ball. I still have books to put out (another poetry book is releasing on Friday June 9^th) and that I don’t still have dreams that must be accomplished one way or another. That’s the thing that each obstacle in life teaches me over and over again. I am a fighter, and I don’t quit. I will always get back up when I get knocked down and the thing about hitting rock bottom is that there is literally nowhere else to go but up! So no matter what obstacles you are facing, you’re not alone and the one thing that you can’t do is give up. Stay in the fight and keep striving for those dreams!

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeFearless #BeCourageous

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Movement is Never Optional

February 27, 2023 jcladyluv

If you have been following along with my blog for a considerable length of time, then you know that I am allergic to change. I say allergic jokingly but really, I am so averse to change that it nearly sends me into full blown anxiety attacks when my routines and things that I’ve grown accustomed to being a certain way have to change. Either an anxiety attack or emotional meltdowns. It’s not a good thing by any means and I know that regulating my emotions and dealing with inevitable change is something that I should have learned to be alright with by now but alas I have not gotten to that place yet. Not sure that I ever truly will.

This is the reason why change is one of the things I talk about so much on this blog (that and fear). The way that people have to work on being disciplined in any one area, or work on keeping things clean, or their issues with time management (shoot that’s another problem I have lol), is the same way that I have to consciously work on dealing with change. Simply put, my natural personality does not adjust well to change on its own, so I have to forcefully adjust myself to the things around me that need to change.

I don’t always realize when a situation needs to be altered, when there needs to be some movement forward in a certain area of my life. I often have to have things crash in around me before my brain says okay you’ve fought this point of change for a long time now, so it’s time to just adjust. This is the point where movement is no longer optional. The point where if I don’t actively and intentionally make the decision to move forward, life is going to move me regardless, but just not in the direction I wish to go. It will move me backward.

We never want to move backwards in life because then the journey is just made to take that much longer. I truly think that if I hadn’t been so resistant to changes and to moving overall, that I could possibly be much farther ahead on this road that I’m on by now. The fear of changing (there’s that fear I talked about earlier) paralyzes and causes me to stand still a lot more than I should. Now in some instances standing still can be a good thing, but usually it’s when you want to take in all that has progressed around you, not to keep from progressing period.

A lot of the time when I think about the word movement I only think about physical movement, as in exercise. Because I suffer from chronic pain and am in some level of pain almost every single day (some days are level 1 or 2 and others are level 10 pain) I have this thing where I look for days where movement can be optional. However, I never really thought about movement in general terms for life. I didn’t think about the fact that for career success, for getting goals accomplished, for just attaining your dreams, you have no choice but to move. If you don’t, your dreams and your passions in life become stagnant. They stand still.

And that stillness doesn’t just affect you. It affects every life you and your dreams were meant to touch. So, the next time you think about just standing still and giving up, or even if you’re someone who, like me, is averse to change, just remember that if you don’t move forward, it doesn’t protect you in any way. It just keeps you stuck, in the same place, doing the same things, never growing, and never changing. So don’t hold yourself back simply by being afraid to just move.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BeCourageous #BeBold

Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Accept the Unexpected

February 6, 2023 jcladyluv

“Life becomes more peaceful when you switch from expect to accept” ~ Thomas Gomes

I saw this quote this morning as I scrolled through Facebook, and it came on the heels of a rough start to my Monday. Not a seriously terrible rough start by normal standards of what a rough start would be. Just a rough start for my anxiety riddled, OCD brain who needs to have things go a certain way nearly every day for me to be able to function properly. I am a routine person, as I think I have discussed here before, and I am the type of person that if even one part of my day-to-day routine is altered, I freak out and I’m completely thrown off. I actually (crazily enough) expect things to go the way that I need them to go each and every day.

You would think that with all of the things that have thrown me off track in my life that I would be used to not having things go the way that I expect them to go but sadly I am not. I still take way too long to adjust myself to whatever changes have been tossed my way and the length of time I take to accept these changes and course corrections only makes me less productive and ultimately makes it so I accomplish less than what I had originally planned to get done.

In a normal situation, what I was thrown off by this morning (I won’t even get into what it was because honestly it would be far too silly to anyone who doesn’t understand my quirks lol) should not have affected me as much as it did. I should not have spent the better part of the first half of the day just struggling to cope with the changes and the fact that what I expected was no longer. I perhaps would have been much more at peace if I had just quickly accepted that this part of my routine was going to have to change now and that was just going to be that. It’s how I should have reacted and when I saw this quote it clicked for me. I’m wasting time I don’t have trying to control something I just can’t control anymore.

I think that’s what it was really all about and honestly what my quirks about having a consistent, unchanging routine ultimately stem from. There are so many things in life that we won’t be able to control. Things that happen to us and things that happen for us that we just have no real say in. So, it’s hard to find those few things you can control (at least for a little while anyway) and that you allow yourself to get used to being able to expect, and have them change on you, on a dime, out of nowhere.

Expectations are a funny thing. We’re not supposed to ever just expect for certain things to work out in any particular way, yet we are taught to have a schedule or routine to make sure that we are staying on track with our goals and aspirations. Aren’t routines and schedules in fact expectations? When you set up your day in a way that works best for you to be productive it is, in fact, based off of expecting for things to go accordingly. Maybe the trick is to learn to accept that unexpected things will happen, even if they throw you off balance for a little bit. Thank you, guys, for letting me vent and comment if you understand what it feels like to be thrown off and struggle to adjust to the things you don’t expect.

Until next time… #BePatient BeMindful #BeResilient

Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

Troubles Don’t Last Always

August 15, 2022 jcladyluv

I try not to get too overly hopeful anymore about how a year is going to go for me. I swear every time I move a couple of steps forward in my goals, life comes along and says ‘nope, not so fast, need to knock you back a few steps more, you’re not quite ready yet’ and then I get discouraged. Not discouraged enough to ever give up on my dreams and goals because come on, if I haven’t given up on them at this point why would I suddenly give up now. It just gets extremely frustrating when I feel like I just might be getting somewhere, that for once I might be getting to a place where I can just not have to worry so much. That place where I can be comfortable (not in the complacent kind of way) and just not have to stress over every single little thing for fear that the walls around me will come tumbling down. It just sometimes feels like I can get close enough to touch the dream but never quite close enough to actually have it.

Keep in mind when I say the dream, I don’t mean being rich and famous or overly wealthy (not that I would deny myself that opportunity if it should so happen), just to make a living from my creative abilities and not have to worry if I’m going to have a roof over my head from one month to another. I mean to be able to have my daughter tell me she needs something and to not have to weigh helping her with what she wants or needs against providing food and shelter for the both of us, or even just myself. I just want to be able to survive and thrive a little with my art and then if there was a bonus that I would add to that, I would say to be able to reach out and help other people who are also struggling without hesitation.

I know that being a creative is not an easy thing and I’ve never thought that it was supposed to be, but I just never anticipated constantly getting knocked back every time I manage to get somewhere, and I mean every single time. Having said all of that, and being the spiritual person that I am, I am reminded from several church sermons and biblical scriptures that troubles do not lasts always. That whatever struggles I have gone through, or that I will inevitably go through, that God will always bring me through anything, and it may not be in the way that I think, but it will always be in the way He feels is best for me to be able to grow.

I am so highly resistant to change that I sometimes think that the knocks that life keeps giving me is its way of telling me that I need to stop being so afraid of change and to stop shying away from risks and opportunities that could make me grow. Could that be the lesson here? That troubles don’t last always but they do always persist until you learn the lesson that you were meant to get from the journey. Perhaps that is the piece of the puzzle that I am missing. Being brave enough to go for anything without thinking of what could go wrong.

Whatever your struggles are in your journey to get to the dreams and goals you are trying to reach don’t let the times that life will knock you down discourage you. You have to get back up and keep pushing through. There is light on that other side, even if it only looks like you can see tiny cracks of it right now. Let those tiny cracks of light be enough for the moment. Imagine how much more there is to see if you just stay vigilant and keep moving forward. I won’t lie and say that you won’t get discouraged ever again. That’s a part of life, a part of the journey. But just keep in mind that troubles don’t last always and that you can only get what you’re striving for if you keep going.

Until next time… #BeVigilant #BePersistent #BeFearless

Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPU35EkFSbuxgekCp4LfI5g

The Circle You Choose

July 25, 2022 jcladyluv

I think sometimes it can be overlooked how important it is to have a core set of friends who understand you and your passions. Not only that but understand and accept you as a person. They don’t ask you to be anyone you’re not while still allowing you the room to make changes at your own pace. They don’t judge the things you do that they may not understand. They respect what you’re passionate about and respect the time you need to dedicate to that passion. Most importantly they are friend enough to tell you when you’re not doing what it is you’re supposed to be doing and that you need to get yourself (s**t) together.

I joined a writing community virtually a little more than two years ago (a little bit before the Pandemic hit) and as luck or fate would have it, it turned out to be one of the best things I could’ve ever done. I met friends there who get me, they understand me, they accept me, they are my tribe. I underestimated how much I needed that. Even us introverts need a tribe and people who will support you and encourage you no matter what.

Even though I’m a person who would rather be alone more often than not, I have always had a good amount of friends (not too many and not a dismal number either) but I can’t always say that they understood me or accepted me fully without trying to change me at their rate of change. I can’t even say that they always respected what I’m passionate about (writing) or the time that I need in order to fulfill that passion. I’m sure that they thought they were being the friends that I needed them to be because I never lead them to believe otherwise. Given that they were far more social than I am I’m pretty sure I wasn’t what they needed either.

I think this is why every friendship isn’t meant to last forever and people do move on and they grow apart. But when you do find those people that get you, your tribe so to speak, you absolutely should hold onto them. And don’t just receive the love they pour into you, make sure that you are pouring love back into them as well. Writing can be such as solitary career choice, but it doesn’t always have to be. Find your tribe and when you do make sure that you love on them and hold them close.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BeReceptive #BeEmpowering

Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine