Tag: Fear

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Trying to Be Perfect Does Not Always Amount to Perfection

October 5, 2012 jcladyluv

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that fear is something that I struggle with on a consistent basis. Being afraid of failing has been something that has kept me from doing a lot of things that I have wanted to do. Too often I have been afraid that I wasn’t good enough to make it, or good enough to even risk trying.

I guess it stems from my childhood being told by my mother on an almost daily basis that I was never going to be good enough. After a while of hearing the same thing repeatedly from someone who is supposed to shape how you think and feel about yourself, you start to believe that it’s true. It is that fear of not being good enough that has always made me feel that I couldn’t take certain risks if the preparation wasn’t perfect.

When it comes to query letters for articles, or pitching a novel to publishers or agents, or even sending out a resume to newspapers and magazines I want to work with or for, I have always held back if I didn’t feel that the package that I was sending off was perfect. A lot of times this resulted in me taking months just to send one thing off. Trying so hard to make everything perfect only really results in a lot of wasted time and lost opportunities.

It has taken until I was an adult with my own child for me to realize that those voices telling me that I wasn’t good enough were the voices that I needed to tune out. That the voice that I should have been paying attention to all along was the voice within that whispered that not only was I good enough but that I was going to be greater than even I expected.

In a sense I have failed at being perfect because I’m not ever going to be perfect, and certainly not everything I do or write is going to meet the standards of perfection. However, if I just continue being the best version of me that I can be, that is good enough. It’s good enough for me. It’s not always the loudest voices that deserve all the attention. Sure they’re loud and extremely difficult to ignore but often times the loudness is just a distraction from the whispers of what we should really be listening to.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

The Crutches That Keep Us From Healing

September 21, 2012September 21, 2012 jcladyluv

I broke my foot when I was 19 years old. I was attending MorganStateUniversity and it was during the winter when it had snowed and iced and as I was on my way to a class I slipped and fell and could not get up. I had to be taken to the hospital and once examined, I had my foot put in a cast and given crutches and told to use them everyday for the appropriate healing time or else my foot would not be able to heal itself properly.

For anyone who knows me, I am a hardheaded person who typically likes to formulate my own method of how things will wok better for me and needless to say I didn’t really use the crutches. I tried to use them but they never felt like they actually gave me the support that they were supposed to give and they became more of a hindrance than actually helping me. It would not be until years later that I realized that using those crutches properly as instructed would have saved me a lot of physical pain down the road.

To this day I have problems with my foot (especially when it rains) and I know that with any body part that gets broken you are going to have problems but I think because my foot didn’t heal properly, it gave me extra problems. We all have our own personal crutches in life. There are ones that we are supposed to use that we don’t, there are the one’s that we use when we don’t need them, and then there are the ones that we use far longer than necessary and then on top of it we don’t use them effectively enough so that when we no longer have the crutches we are ill prepared for the journey without them.

I have had a crutch for the last several years and it was one that was supposed to only be used to get me in a better position for what it is I really need to be doing. That crutch was supposed to allow me time to get myself ready for when I no longer had them anymore. I had been relying on that crutch for so long that not only had I not realized that I should have removed them a long time ago, but now because I didn’t use that crutch properly as they were supposed to be used, I am ill prepared for the journey without them. The crutch that was supposed to end up helping me has now become the thing that has hindered me the most and without it I feel as if my world is literally crashing in on me.

A week ago, I had so much school work with this Master’s program that seemed to be getting the better of me, and I was frustrated because not only did I not have the time to write (due to massive amounts of school work) but I also do not have the time to market and promote myself or query to bring the money in as a writer that I need to make. A week ago I also had a crutch that I knew would be there, until it wasn’t anymore.

So here I sit, with the crutches pulled out from under me abruptly, with no notice, and amazingly I am sitting here doing the research and working on querying, and thinking of the next project as well as how to complete the novel I am still working on so I can query that, and surprise of all surprises I can am still managing to get my homework done. I seemed to have suddenly made the time that I needed to have all along.

Now I’m not going to say that I am glad that the crutches were pulled out from underneath me without fair warning because I am not in a good place right now and at this moment I am not seeing how it is going to get any better as quickly as I need it to. I can say that without those crutches, I have suddenly jumped into action. I am getting things done even as I am typing this blog post that I thought I wasn’t able to make the time for.

I can see now that those crutches were not helping me like I thought after all. They were giving me an excuse not to take immediate action. They were feeding the fear that I already had about whether or not I can make this work. I thought that they were giving me a way to prepare when really they were keeping me from taking that giant leap of faith that I always thought I was taking.

Most crutches do help us heal from whatever it is that is broken. However, at some point we have to remember to remove those crutches when they are no longer needed because then all they are really doing is getting in the way. I took too long to remove mine, don’t wait until it’s too late to remove yours.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

It’s Either Fear Or Success, It Can’t Be Both

July 25, 2012 jcladyluv

Seek to understand whatever you’re afraid of. That was one of the messages in a video message that I got in my email as being a part of the Tyler Perry Mailing list. He had a huge fear of flying so he sought out to learn everything that he could about airplanes and eventually became a pilot and started flying his own planes. Not only did he conquer and overcome his fear, but he took fear and rose above that fear (or should I say flew above it).

So I was sitting here trying to figure out what I was most afraid of. You know, not the little things like being afraid of bugs, or heights (which is not really a little thing because I am greatly afraid of heights), but the things that will halt me in my tracks of wherever it is I’m trying to go. I can’t really do much at this present moment in my life about my fear of being on a stage and doing any type of public speaking (which I truly believed kept me from ever pursuing a singing or acting career). But there is a fear that I do still have time to do something about.

I don’t know if you would characterize it as a fear of failure or a fear of actually succeeding, but either way that you phrase it, it is a huge problem. On the one hand there’s the part of me that would be devastated at giving it my absolute best, a hundred percent, and falling flat on my face, and on the other hand there is the part of me that is afraid that if I do give it my absolute best and I do succeed, then what happens if I can’t keep it up. I know what you’re all thinking. Nothing is ever going to go completely smooth all the time so that even if I do succeed then there is bound to be some down moments but it is the down moments that have me stuck, or rather the fear of them.

I’ve started to take a look at a lot of the business people, and writers, and moguls that I admire and aspire to learn from and as any of you might have guessed, Tyler Perry is definitely at the top of that list for me. He has proven that you can come from not so humble beginnings, and suffer horrendous things in your life and that even when no one else believes in you that you believing in you can really be enough. I’m never disappointed when I get an email from Tyler Perry’s Mailing list because his message is always just what I needed to hear. I guess there’s no way I can really succeed if I’m too busy being afraid to. So it’s either I let the fear win out over the success, or I succeed in spite of the fear. I really can’t have it both ways.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Is the Fighter Still in There Somewhere?

June 13, 2012 jcladyluv

I was sitting here wondering what to write about tonight? Honestly right now all I feel is a sense of loss. No, no one in my family or close to me died but in some ways I am wondering if the best part of me did. I was just asking my best friend Ms. L. last night whether or not she remembered the times when she would call me and I would rush her off the phone telling her that ‘I have to call you back because I’m writing and I have to get this out’. She said that she remembered that very well. I asked her where did that person go and she simply responded, ‘she’ll be back’.

For as long as I could remember I have wanted to be a writer and have books upon books out on shelves and change the world with my words. But that wasn’t all that I had hoped for. I wanted to be immersed in creativity from singing and acting and even dancing. More importantly I wanted to be a symbol for why the arts and creativity is so necessary in this world.

I don’t know whether I just got so bogged down by the many people that were in my life telling me that I couldn’t do what I always felt I was meant to do. I don’t know if I just got tired of being rejected and not having the resources I needed to make my dreams a reality. I don’t know if there’s just some part of me that just got tired of fighting for those dreams.

As I sit here, still mentally thinking up ideas for my next story, I am still unable to finish the novel that I have been working on since the end of last year. While I know there are tons of query letters that I need to send out to agents for the second novel I have already done (which is with my editor), I can’t seem to craft the perfect one to send out. Although I have dozens of ideas for articles to write and even articles that I’ve already written that I need to write query letters for, I still find myself scared that the query letters won’t be perfect enough to get accepted.

So what happened to the fighter that I had in me ready to do whatever it took? What happened to the person who was prepared to stay up however long it took to get the work done? What happened to that person who, when she didn’t have what she needed, made up the resources where there weren’t any, just to fulfill her purpose? I know that she’s still in there somewhere. I just don’t know where the fight in me went.

What I do know is that the passion is still there. The desire is still there. I still wake up with stories in my head and new ideas for the stories I have yet to finish. I still mentally am working on my vision for my media and publishing company. I am still dreaming up ideas for the creativity camp that I want to create for kids so that they understand just how important the arts are to have in their lives. I know that my dreams haven’t changed and they haven’t faded away. I just need to dig that fighter in me back out.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Who’s Still Afraid of Rejection? Oh Yeah, That Would Be Me

June 1, 2012 jcladyluv

“Believe in yourself and in your own voice, because there will be times in this business when you will be the only one who does. Take heart from the knowledge that an author with a strong voice will often have trouble at the start of his or her career because strong, distinctive voices sometimes make editors nervous. But in the end, only the strong survive.”

~Jayne Ann Krentz

Yes, I said it. As much as I try to convince others not to be afraid to go after what they want for their dreams and to not always be afraid that someone is going to say no, I have not yet been able to take my own advice. But isn’t that how it always goes? You tell someone to go for it, don’t be afraid, go big or go home, and all of those other motivating and encouraging things you say to your friends, that you whole heartedly mean when you’re saying them, yet somehow you still can’t apply that rule of thumb to you and your life’s dreams.

I can’t seem to move out of my own damn way. I keep putting it on my to do lists that I have to get these query letters to these national magazines that I’ve been dying to see my writing in, or the query letters to this list of agents that I want to possibly represent me, and yet when I go to type up the letters, or even just a simple letter of introduction, I get so caught up in trying to make them perfect. I’ll get the letters done but then when I go over them it just doesn’t scream perfection and I get worried about a rejection that hasn’t happened, and one that can’t if I don’t ever send the damn letters anywhere.

I can’t figure out why I always do this to myself. I know I’m not perfect and while you hear people always talking about pitching the perfect pitch and not sending imperfect query letters out, I know that all of them couldn’t have gotten it right all the time. Their letters couldn’t have always got them a guaranteed acceptance from the publication or agent of their choice. So why is it that I can’t get the notion of perfection out of my head?

It’s seriously holding me back and the truth of the matter is that the most imperfect query letter is the one that never gets seen by anyone. Next week I am going to make it my mission to get up the courage with being okay that I’m not perfect and that my letters most likely won’t be perfect, but at least they will be sent out, and at least, if they do get rejected by everyone I send them to, they were still seen.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

There Can Be No Victory Without Having Something to Defeat

April 27, 2012 jcladyluv

“Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.”

~Malcolm S. Forbes

This morning I read Ms. L.’s latest blog post and it got me thinking about how we tend to only want to talk about positive things and spare others from the bad (or at least from so much of the bad). I myself sometimes feel as if when I post I tend to zero in on the problems and that the positive spin that I try to put on certain struggles I deal with and doubts and fears that I have are just not positive enough.

In reading Ms. L.’s post it dawned on me that we all love when we hear the feel-good stories but I’m not sure that we realize that the reason we love them so much is because of the struggle that they come from. We like to hear about the things that people overcome and how hard people have to fight to get where it is that they want to be in life and we applaud the victory on the other side of their struggles. It gives us a sense of hope for our own situations.

We can’t always put a positive spin on things that happen in our lives. Sometimes we just have to tell it like it is and hope that others can take something positive away from whatever it is that we are going through. There are always lessons to be learned from the experiences that we go through and sometimes the silver lining just doesn’t show up until after the storm clouds are gone.

However, we still have to fight our way through the storm clouds, and not only that, we have to share our fight. We have to use our struggles to equip others with the necessary tools that they may not even realize they already have so they can weather the storms too. There are silver linings to everything, but Ms. L. is right when she points out that those silver linings don’t really mean much without the clouds that you had to go through to get there.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

I Always Wonder If I Made the Right Choice in Choosing My Dream

April 24, 2012 jcladyluv

“Have the courage to follow your dreams. It’s the first step towards attaining your destiny.”

~Nikita Koloff

I was reading a post on a new blog I stumbled on earlier this morning (The Write Life) and it got me thinking about all of the energy and time and money (although not enough of it) and emotions that I have put into my writing and trying to become more successful and get my name out there. It made me wonder if it has all just been a waste of time and whether or not my time would be better spent working some 9 to 5 job sitting behind some desk typing memos, making copies, and running errands for some boss that I bitch and moan about to my friends as soon as I step foot in my door.

Perhaps I should have continued to work to build up someone else’s business and continue being frustrated at the lack of time it allowed me to spend with my daughter. I certainly would have more money to my name than I do now. I certainly wouldn’t be in a state of perpetual struggle wondering what happens if I don’t have a client, or what happens if I don’t sell my books. I wouldn’t be in a position where I have to rely on my ability to be fearless (which most days isn’t present) just to be able to put my name out there and get my work seen by the right people (or people who know the right people).

If I had only chosen some other profession that held a more stable foundation and didn’t provide so much uncertainty, then I might be able to take trips to wherever I want, or throw huge wonderful birthday parties for my daughter, or buy clothes for my daughter as soon as she needs them, or not always be a month behind in paying bills. I think about the fact that I would be a lot less stressed if I just had a steady stream of income and didn’t choose to go full force at trying to make this thing happen and decide that I wanted to be an at home (or work at home) mother for my daughter.

A lot of times (more times than I would care to admit) I have those questions run through my head. Always wondering if I’m a bad mom for choosing my dream over the comfort-ability that lies in always knowing for certain when the next pay check is coming. But after all of the doubts and fears are swept away, I think about all of the time that I have had with my daughter that I would’ve had to give up and the frustration that I would have continued to feel because I wasn’t able to fully give my writing the attention it needed or deserved when I was working for someone else, and I believe that I have made the right choice, at least the right one for me.

I know that there are plenty of writers out there who do have a regular9 to 5job in which writing coincides with and I applaud them. I admire the balance that they are able to have and still maintain their sanity. I just wasn’t one of those people who could do that.

Now no one may understand my choice that I made years ago to never go back to working for someone else (at least not in fields and professions that didn’t have anything to do with my passion for writing). They may see my struggling as proof that it is not the way for them to go about it. They may (and most likely do) think that I am crazy for not choosing the certainty of knowing when the money is coming in. They may be right.

However, when I see the happiness that my daughter feels knowing that I’m going to be the one taking her to school and picking her up and helping her with her homework, I know that I must have done something right. When I see how proud she is to know her mom is a writer and being able to encourage her to follow her dreams knowing that I followed mine, it makes me feel like its all worth it; all of the uncertainty and the struggle. There will always be days when I think that I am wasting my time, where I wonder if what I’m doing really makes a difference, but I just have to remember to take a step back and look at what I have already accomplished and know in my heart that I made the best decision, for the both of us.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

A Chance Meeting With a Message for Me About Rejection

April 13, 2012 jcladyluv

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.”

~Bo Bennett

I met someone at the Starbucks today as I sat down to the blank page of my computer screen wondering what I was going to write this post about today. She is a fellow author and I saw her come in with her box of books of her debut novel, Murder by Ice. She walked right up to the cashier at the counter and after ordering her coffee asked if she could sell her books here. I thought to myself ‘she’s not even afraid that they’ll say no, why aren’t I like that.’ She sat at the table where I was sitting as she waited for the cashier to talk to the manager and get a response back to her and we began talking.

I asked her how she gets up the nerve to do that. I promptly began to explain how hard it was for me to just get out and talk to people to get them to buy my book as I handed her the postcard for my novel, The Diary: Succession of Lies. I know funny right. I’m talking about how hard it is for me to promote myself and my book as I am whipping out the postcard for my book (I didn’t even realize what I was doing while I was doing it). She asked where my book was but it just so happened that I left the box of books at home and she immediately got on me. I explained that sometimes I just don’t feel like anyone’s going to buy it so I just don’t bring it with me.

We talked for over an hour about many different things and she asked me why I found it so easy to show my card about my book to her but can’t go out and do the same with other people. I told her that it was easy to do that with people who I knew were writers as well. Writers know the painstaking efforts we each go through, not just to write the book but to get it edited and published and selling. I told her that with other writers I feel less of a chance of getting rejected.

She said to me in essence that rejection comes with the territory of being a writer (which I am all too familiar with) but also that just because someone doesn’t buy my book right then and there that it is not necessarily rejection. Sometimes just their knowing about your book and the story it tells may make them think about it and go buy it later. However, if I never tell anyone then no one ever goes back to buy it later.

Rejection is just so scary and it, at times, makes you feel like you are not good enough. It can make you doubt yourself. I mean obviously I know that everyone is not going to always like what I write or publish it but it still stings a little (a lot actually). Well as it turns out this lady that I ran into, I already knew her. There we were talking like strangers and then realizing that I used to hang out with her daughter and that I already knew her. It was wonderful to run into her because I hadn’t seen her in so long (since I was still a teenager).

We both realized that there was a reason for both of us coming to this particular Starbucks on this particular day because I started not to go there today but in many ways something was drawing me there. Now I know that it was to run into this wonderfully, courageous, woman, who at the age of 50 (hope she wouldn’t mind me saying her age) has the nerve and fearlessness of getting out there and promoting herself and her book (her baby as she called it) and for me to be inspired by her actions.

In just the short time that I talked to her today she reminded me that rejection is nothing to be afraid of and that that fear could even make me better and work harder to accomplish what I want (and need) to get done. She said to me that we writers are pioneers of inspiration and reminded me that our stories and experiences are meant to be shared with others.

Even if everyone doesn’t get something out of your shared experiences, there’s always that one person that will. That one person will be inspired, or motivated, and take your words as lessons and advice for the steps that they take moving forward. You will be their chance meeting with a message that they never knew they were going to receive.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Visualizing You Are Already Where You Want To Be

April 4, 2012 jcladyluv

“Attract what you want by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.”

~Neville Goddard

I was watching Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS last night and his program, Wishes Fulfilled. I got a lot out of the three hour motivational program (and dvr’d it so that I can go back and get more out of it later). He said things that I in some ways already knew and realized but sometimes hearing them from someone else, from another perspective, changes the way you receive the information. When his program opens he has a statement on the projector screen for the viewing audience that states “If you would like to accomplish something, you must first expect it of yourself.” Makes sense right?

I know that if you succumb to the negativity that builds up around you, you are going to eventually project that same negativity into every facet of your life. This week is about me getting my fire back that I once had and somehow lost. It’s also about getting back to that person who didn’t always let the negativity surrounding her overtake her. It’s about getting rid of that mentality of being so fearful of everything that she never enjoys what good could be happening in the present moment.

I thought that I would be in a certain place at this point of my life and because I’m not there yet I’m doubting every decision I make, every decision I don’t make, every opportunity that I take, and especially the ones that I don’t take. People always say to go with your gut when making crucial life decisions, but lately I’ve realized that my gut instincts aren’t what they once were because of that damn fear. It’s keeping me from seeing myself in the state that I want to be in and I know that if I don’t begin to see myself in that place, I might never get to that place.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said that people who say that they will believe something when they see it have it all wrong. He said that you will only see it when you believe it, and he’s right. I mean after all, if you can’t believe in and see it for yourself then how is anyone else going to be able to see it?

So instead of continuing to wish that I was more of a success, and agonizing over why I’m not, I need to act as if I am at the level of success that I want to be at. I should imagine that I am already in that place where my company is not only up and running, but it’s going strong. I can see it now!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”