Tag: Fear

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Even an Icon Like Oprah Can Have Fear

April 2, 2012 jcladyluv

“The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.”

~Oprah Winfrey

This morning Oprah was on the CBS This Morning show and she was promoting her network, OWN. She talked about a lot of different things but one thing that struck me was when she admitted that if she knew then (when starting the network) what she knows now she probably wouldn’t have done it (or at least not at the time that she did it). She acknowledged that when she launched her network she was not ready. In fact that was one of the lessons that she took away from her process of starting the network, that you shouldn’t launch something just because you already gave a date to everyone else if you are not ready to.

That was both shocking and admirable to me and just made me want to model my business sense (that I am still trying to mold) after the road she has already paved for the women coming after her even more. She spoke of the critics in the press who have criticized her brave but somewhat dismal start to her cable network, and one headline, “Oprah not quite standing on her OWN”, that she tries not to let dictate whether she is in fact succeeding or failing at her new endeavor. In her words, “it’s just press”. She said that because you fail at something (which her network is in no way failing) doesn’t mean that you are a failure.

It made me start to think about that good old fear of failure that I can’t seem to shake for the life of me. Why am I so afraid to fail? It’s not as if my failing at any given thing would mean that it’s the end of the road for me and my dreams. In my heart I know this but my head (or perhaps that little devilish angel sitting on my shoulder) keeps telling me that if I fail even one more time at something then that’s it, I’m just destined to be a failure. If only I could shake that demon trying to creep its way into my subconscious every time I think I’m going to get somewhere. But maybe that’s just it. Maybe it creeps in because I am getting somewhere.

My best friend, Ms. L. always says that when everything starts to begin to go wrong that she knows she must be doing something right. She says that it just means that the devil is working overtime to stop the progress she is making. And look at Ms. L., she just launched her magazine, PIEhole (of which I have an article in) and it’s taken off better than I think even she expected it to (although I knew it would). Although she never acknowledged being afraid as often as she probably was, she never let that fear stop her.

Hell, if Oprah can have the courage to admit that she was afraid of something (because it seems that she just does this stuff so fearlessly) but that she pressed on anyway, then why couldn’t that be my story down the line as well? I know that I would never want to be doing anything else and I truly feel as though God instilled in me this specific purpose and I owe it to him, if not myself, to see that purpose through. As Oprah also said in her interview, “There’s never going to be a time to quit. I will die in the midst of doing what I love to do and that is using my voice and using my life to try to inspire other people to live the best of theirs.”

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Proceed Without Caution

March 27, 2012 jcladyluv

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”

~Diane Ackerman

So I am on a mission this week to re-ignite my fire and drive to become more productive in my writing career and I came across this article by Sage Cohen on ways to harness your fear and make that fear fuel your writing. There was a specific tip about focusing on the process instead of the results and it struck a chord with me. I am always focused on the end result of any and everything. I have always been a planner (at least in my adult post-motherhood days) I suppose I am overly cautious that way. I have this need to know how things are going to turn out primarily because I just can’t stand the not knowing.

The reality of any situation and of life really, is that there is absolutely no way of knowing how anything is going to turn out. There’s no predetermined outcome for things (well there is but only God knows what they are), it’s just a game of wait and see. I don’t exactly know when I became so obsessed with being cautious about everything because I never used to be that way, at least not with my writing. My writing was always the one thing where I just wrote and whatever came of it when I was done was what became of it. I wrote and believed that whatever I wanted to make happen with it would become a reality as long as I put in the work.

Over the years it seemed like I put in more and more work with my writing and nothing grand (the way I dreamt it up in my mind) was happening and I just started to doubt a little bit more and believed that caution was the way to go. The problem with that is that caution and creativity don’t really mix well together. I somehow forgot how to just enjoy the process and deal with the results of that process when they needed to be dealt with. Now of course results do indeed matter, but not at the expense of the sheer joy of working your way through the process.

Writing is an extremely rewarding, healing, and invigorating process. However, by constantly agonizing over what the results are going to be when I am done, I have somehow stopped enjoying the actual process of it. Maybe that means I need to take a step back and just fall in love with the process again, minus all of the cautionary measures. Old habits are hard to break but I am certainly going to try to get back to that place where I didn’t worry so much about what was on the other side of the bridge I was crossing, just so long as I made it there.

Caution can be good sometimes on your way to any destination in life but too much apprehension for anything can hinder you from enjoying the journey you are taking to get there. I think I just have to accept that I can’t know the end to every story, especially when I am not the author of it. What God has planned for me is what he has planned and the only part that I can control is the lessons I take away from the process. I think God has been trying to tell me to enjoy the journey and let him worry about where I end up. It’s about time that I start to listen!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Am I Letting the Devil Steal What is Rightfully Mine?

March 22, 2012March 22, 2012 jcladyluv

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

-1 Peter 5:8

I had one of those deep thought provoking conversations today at the gym with the guy that’s training me. It always seems like we have those conversation exactly when my mind is filling itself with a bunch of doubt and lack of motivation. As the conversation went on and I shared more of my doubts (fears really) he asked me a very important question that stumped me for a minute but was one that I think all of us self-doubters need to ask ourselves. He asked me ‘Why are you letting Satan steal what’s yours?’

He went on to say that with all of the gifts that I possess and the purpose that I was placed here on this earth to do I am in line for so many great successes and abundant rewards, but every time I let that doubt settle in my mind I am allowing Satan to steal what’s mine, little by little. I had never thought about my many bouts of doubt that way. He’s right. I never realized that that was what I was doing. I never knew that I was giving the Devil that much authority over the journey of my life, and inevitably, over the destination that I arrive at.

I feel like I do follow the guidance of God on my path but it didn’t dawn on me that those obstacles and bumps on the road that I keep hitting were the Devil capitalizing on my own self-doubt. I don’t always doubt myself but on the days that I do I seem to be continuously leaving a crack in the door for Satan to work his way in there and steal my successes and my rewards, leaving me feeling more doubtful than ever. I get what the Devil is trying to do now and I don’t plan on leaving that door open anymore, not even a tiny crack.

I know what I’m worth and I know what my words are worth. I know that God has given me a purpose to fulfill and I can not continue to doubt what he has told me I should be doing. If he didn’t feel that I was up to the task, he wouldn’t have constructed the task solely for me. It is nothing but the Devil that has me doubting myself and I admit that he was been really busy with me lately. Well the Devil can continue to be busy, but just not with me, not anymore.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Stepping Out on Faith and Sowing Seeds into Your Own Success

March 20, 2012March 20, 2012 jcladyluv

²² Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. ²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. ²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. ²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” ²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” ²⁹ “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” ³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” ³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

–Matthew 14: 22-33

I have so much trouble with investing in myself, in particular, in the business that I am trying to build up. It seems every time that I actually take the initiative and have the faith to go ahead and make an investment towards getting my business firmly off the ground, I turn around and face the almost immediate needs of my daughter. Now of course children need things all the time and I always make sure she’s taken care of first. However, it seems like just when I’m at a point where she appears to have everything she needs for the time being and I feel I can actually put money into myself (my writing career) then a sudden need arises and I start to feel guilty that I’ve just put this money into me and not into her where it clearly needed to go.

Now Ms. L. lectured me about feeling guilty last night and reminded me that taking care of me first sometimes is the best way to take care of her all the time but it doesn’t always feel that way. When I was in the gym this morning the guys were having a specific conversation that seemed to be perfect for the guilt (or possible lack of faith) that I was feeling. Oddly enough, I almost did not go to the gym this morning because it was raining and I had planned on using the rain as my excuse to stay home. But God had other plans and made sure that I went anyway.

They were talking about the story from the bible of when Jesus walked on water and he walked out to the boat with his disciples in it and Peter told Jesus that if it was in fact him to call him over to him, and he went and Peter was walking to Jesus on water. He was doing fine until he felt a gust of wind and a burst of fear and lost sight of Jesus and his faith in him and he began to sink into the water, drowing. He cried out for Jesus to save him and Jesus reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” If Peter had felt the wind and still had faith and kept his eyes on Jesus he would have been fine. If he had just kept his faith and had not doubted, not even for a second, he would not have felt the fear of drowning.

I feel that story not only applies to what I am dealing with, but also anyone out there who is struggling with their faith in what it is they are trying to do, what they may be called to do. If I were to stop taking my focus off of God and his plans for me, if I were to stop letting every little gusts of wind throw me off and make me afraid, I could only imagine how far I might be in my journey by now. I could imagine the voice of God in my head as he talks to me saying something to the effect of ‘If you would just have faith in what I have planned for you and follow through without getting afraid then you could be halfway there by now’. If he did say that, he would one hundred percent right.

I don’t always have a good track record of trusting in the unknown and the things that have no guarantees. It’s not that I don’t have faith in God and his plan for me, it’s that my nature to worry about all of the what ifs has a tendency to take me off the faith driven path (just a bit). It’s something that I struggle with and am constantly working on, not taking my eyes off of God and his plans for me, learning not to worry about all of the what ifs that pop into my head and knowing that God has never let me down yet and wouldn’t start now. I struggle with not having the comfort of knowing what’s waiting for me on the other side. The truth is that I have to realize that it’s not always for me to know, but for me to trust in the guidance of God and know that he would never steer me wrong.

Oftentimes we tend to get caught up in the worrying of it all that we forget to just let go and have some faith. Whatever is going to happen, whatever God is going to do, will be one anyway, whether it’s what we expected or not. We can’t be so riddled with doubt in ourselves and in his plans that we never even step out of the boat. We’ve got to have faith and know that God would not lead us on the water only to let us drown.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

My Up and Down Marriage to Writing

March 15, 2012March 15, 2012 jcladyluv

“Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.”

~Beverley Nichols

Ms. L. and I always joke about writing and our laptops being our husbands. It seems like more of a reality as time goes on and as I pour more of myself into it. If I were truly married to my writing, then I think that our marriage might be in trouble and standing on very shaky ground right now. Marriage of any kind needs love constantly poured into it, attention consistently given to it, passion infused all through it, and it needs to be nurtured through all of its years of commitment and union.

As I think about my writing in those terms, I realize that I haven’t been a good wife to it lately. At times I have neglected my writing and have been completely lazy when it comes to my talent. I haven’t spent enough time with my craft and I have let way too many other personal dilemmas stand in the way of me taking my writing career to the next level (or stage of our relationship). I haven’t nurtured my gift for expressing myself through my words as I know that I can and at times I have appeared to have completely given up on the relationship altogether. But I haven’t given up.

My writing may be the only constant relationship I have had since I developed a love for it at the age of ten. It has been by my side and it has never abandoned me (at least not for extremely large amounts of time), nor has it judged me. It has allowed me to use it as my vessel to the rest of the world and lately I have taken advantage that it will always be around for me. I have not showed it just how much I truly treasure it and how passionate I still feel about it and I am sorry for that.

I know that if I don’t stop neglecting my writing and my purpose altogether, then it will soon leave me. It gives me warnings every time I come down with writer’s block but I’m sure that it feels that it hasn’t gotten through to me. I know that there are times when it just weeps at the fact that I appear to have abandoned it for the fear (the invisible third party in our relationship) that I will never do it justice. Well writing, I want you to know that you have gotten through to me. I am ready to recommit myself to you from this day forward.

I am turning my back on the fear that has interfered with us and plagued us for quite some time now. I have finally realized that if I don’t give you the love and time that you need, you can’t give me the fulfillment that I need in return. I know that I have to nurture you and take time to enhance our relationship so that it only gets better and more purposeful as the years go on.

I plan to spend as many seconds and minutes of the day with you that I can on a daily basis no matter how impossible it may seem to make it happen. I thank you for hanging in there and giving me continuous chances to get our relationship back on the right track. From now until forever I will make sure to honor you and be true to you so that we can prosper in this life together.

I love Writing and I’m just thankful that Writing still loves me right back.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Conquering Fear Doesn’t Happen Overnight

February 8, 2012 jcladyluv

It is typical for someone to give good advice to others without ever really taking that same advice themselves. I’ve written a lot about not letting fear, whether it is fear of failure or fear of success, stop you from going after your dreams. I stand by that advice but sometimes I just can’t seem to take it myself. It isn’t that I don’t want to let the fear go, it just seems that I can’t. I get moments where I feel fearless and ready to conquer the world. Then something happens to set me back and I get afraid. I find myself afraid that I won’t succeed, then afraid that I will.

I spent a lot of time last night assessing exactly what it is that I seem to be doing wrong, or rather what is wrong with me. Why it is that I keep missing opportunities simply by not going after them in the first place. I look at my best friend Ms. L and watch her hustle her ass off to climb further and further up that ladder. She’s doing what she loves to do and she is going into it all fearlessly. Now Ms. L and I are both in pursuit of the same thing, success doing what it is we love to do. We have different avenues of the media industry that we want to conquer but we are both passionate about creativity and writing and making a living at it. I just can’t seem to mirror that same fierceness she has to hustle.

I sat in my bed last night trying to figure out why. Was it that I didn’t want it as bad anymore? Is it that I just feel that I am not cut out to be my own businesswoman after all? Can it just be that I am not hungry enough for it? No, none of those things apply to me. Then I realized that I’m still afraid. I thought it had gone away. I thought I had talked myself through the phase of being too afraid but somewhere along the way it crept back in. I’m afraid of succeeding but mostly I’m afraid of failing at everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

What I also realized in my moment of self analysis last night was that if I don’t try and give it my all then my fear will come true anyway. I fail without even trying to succeed. Not trying will be failing. I wish I could say that the fear is gone now. I wish that I could say that once it passes this time that it will never creep back in. But I can say that I know that fear is not going to help me get what I want and what I’m destined to have; success. For anyone out there experiencing a serious case of fear, you are not alone. We will overcome it and climb our way up that ladder. It just might take us a little bit longer than others. Until tomorrow…Remember that Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Where There’s A No There’s a Yes Right Around The Corner

January 18, 2012 jcladyluv

Rejection is a part of the process of becoming a successful writer. I mean unless you have a lot of connections and you know all of the people you need to know to be placed right where you want to be in your career then you are pretty much starting at the bottom of the barrel. That means that you will more than likely be rejected more times than you would care to count. Now if you have nerves of steel and can stare adversity in the eye with a straight face then you will have no problem forging ahead right out of the pile of rejection letters that you are likely to receive before you become that top selling author you desire to be.

However, if you are anything like me, where being rejected makes you rethink every decision you ever made and has you constantly second guessing yourself, then this business (writing) is going to take some getting used to and quite frankly a lot more of a backbone. I’m not talking about having the talent for writing, that’s only about 20% of being a successful writer. It’s the other 80% that takes diligence and determination to really make it as a writer. Now I’ve always been afraid of the rejection, and with writing it’s so much of it, but I know that I can’t give up on my dream.

I was watching an up and coming author who was on the Anderson show yesterday (Amanda Hocking) and she spoke of how she had been rejected at least a thousand times before she went the route of self publishing in which she sold over a million copies on her own and then was eventually picked up by a major publishing house. At first I was taken aback by the amount of rejection she endured but then I was just in awe of how she powered through it and moved her own career forward and look where she is now, on a nationally broadcasted talk show talking about her books.

So from now on I am not going to be discouraged by my rejection letters (I have a small stack growing on my desk) and I am not going to doubt myself every time someone decides to pass on an article. I am not going to stop at one rejection, but rather power through and press on until someone gives me the yes that I know I deserve to hear. Of course when I get my media company up and running I may not even need someone’s yes, I’ll just create my own. Until tomorrow…Don’t let rejection stop you when there’s a yes right around the corner!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

From the Outside Looking In

January 13, 2012 jcladyluv

It is funny how the people closest to you can see things in you and possibilities for you that you never even had in mind for yourself. We plan things for our life and never count on the unexpected opportunities that pop up along the way. You know those things that you never thought you would be good at but that somehow fit right into you niche that you are carving out for yourself.

Ms. L has foreseen something for me that somehow fits right into my other plans for my Media Company and that might actually help elevate things to the next level but it is something that I never even thought about doing before. I must admit (she’s going to say I told you so later) that her foresight could be quite lucrative if it is as successful as she thinks it could be. But I am just afraid that because it’s something I could never see myself doing, that other people will look at me with that judgmental look and the lingering questions in their mind of ‘how can she possibly be successful at this’. Why not, it’s the same question I have for myself.

But I promised her that I would give it some thought (and I don’t want to say what it is until I’m sure that I would actually do it) and that I would stop putting that wall up for myself and telling myself that I can’t do something before I even try. Sometimes Ms. L sees things in the bigger picture that I never even saw and it’s amazing what the opinion from someone on the outside looking in can mean to your projected future. I think I like Ms. L’s view of my projected future. Until tomorrow…What do you project for your future?

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

My New Year’s Wish for All of You

December 31, 2011 jcladyluv

I just wanted to take some time out to wish all of you a Happy New Year. I will be embracing the year 2012 with the faith that this will be a good year for me and that it will bring new adventures and experiences for me. Last year I went into 2011 saying that it was going to be a good year for me, but in the back of my mind there was always doubt there and I didn’t really believe that it would be. This year I am going to have faith and confidence that it will. I wanted to encourage everyone to embark on this upcoming year embracing the idea of change and being fearless. I pray that all of you will go into the New Year with confidence and faith that whatever you are wanting for yourselves this year will happen. Until tomorrow…Have a Safe and Blessed New Year’s Eve!

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”