Tag: Write 2 Be blog

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So You Think You’re Special

June 12, 2012June 12, 2012 jcladyluv

There was a recent uproar when a high school English teacher, David McCullough Jr., gave a graduation commencement speech at Wellesley High School in Massachusetts telling the graduating seniors that they were not special. There have been many negative comments stating that a commencement speech is supposed to be uplifting and motivating for those high school seniors, sending them off into the world full of hope and optimism. I can see where they are coming from because when I was in high school I might have felt a little let down by being told that I wasn’t special. But the fact is that it’s the truth.

Mr. McCullough is only doing what a lot of us parents won’t dare to do for their child as they go off into the world ready to pursue their dreams. Prepare them for the cold hard truth that there are thousands of other people out there just like them. There are thousands of people that have just graduated high school, some with honors. There are thousands of people that have been accepted into top notch universities and are majoring in the very same thing that they are. There are thousands of people that want to change the world just like they do. There are thousands of people who are just as smart and as talented as they are. In other words, they are not special.

Now obviously Mr. McCullough didn’t really mean to discourage these kids into thinking that all that they had accomplished thus far meant absolutely nothing and that all the hard work they had put in until that point was all for nothing. He simply didn’t want to send them out into this big old world thinking that there weren’t thousands of other people just like them, who had accomplished the same things and worked just as hard.

Of course our children are special to us, and everything they do is special and remarkable, but if we don’t prepare them for the fact that when they go out into this world, what we see as being remarkable, the rest of world will see as simply average, then we are doing them a disservice. We are not giving them the proper tools to really make something of themselves. They need to know that the world can be their oyster but it will not just open itself up to them without them putting in the work to pry it open.

We keep sending them out into the world with this sense of entitlement, thinking that they are so special that they don’t have anyone else out there to compete with. We are allowing them to dilute themselves into thinking that they are the only one’s who can do whatever it is that they do. But they are not. We have to let them know that they will have to fight for their rightful place in a world full of people who are exactly like them. As David McCullough stated in his speech, “if everyone is special, then no one is.”

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Oh the Obstacles We Duck and Dodge While Investing In Our Future

June 6, 2012 jcladyluv

“If you make the investment up front, the return will come back later.”

~Bishop T.D. Jakes

As writers we go through many obstacles, if we’re lucky, before ever really hitting our stride in our career (and I say our, because I am speaking my future successes into existence even though it is not quite a reality yet). We go through tons of rejection, writer’s block, having doubters and negativity with anyone who doesn’t see the vision, and often times we are our own and biggest obstacle that stands in the way.

I was just talking to Ms. L. earlier and saying that I really wish that my journey to this success that I know I am destined for could be going a lot smoother and with a few less obstacles to stumble over. But then I quickly took that back because I remembered something I heard while listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes talk about living your life on purpose. He talked about making investments in your future, in your purpose, and how sometimes our mistakes and our struggles are our investments.

They are what make our successes all the more worthwhile. He said that sometimes “what you think is working against you is actually working for you” and that “it is the digression that causes the progression”. I suppose that is what is meant when people say what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger (although it never feels like that when you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through). Our struggles are in many ways our fuel and motivation to keep going and to keep dodging those obstacles as they come.

Bishop T.D. Jakes also said that when it comes to making investments into your future “you can never reap of a dividend where you don’t make an investment—you sow first and reap later; you can’t sow and reap at the same time.” I suppose that I have to be a little more patient as I make my investments and have a little bit more faith that everything will work out the way that it should.

I can’t honestly say that all of the obstacles along my journey have not had their purpose. It may not have felt like it at that particular point in time, but looking back on them now, they all, in so many ways, served their purpose. I think that all of the struggles that we go through are simply just preparation for when our success comes to fruition. Then we’ll be able to say to anyone who has something to throw at us to bring it on because there won’t be anything that they have to hit us with that we can’t handle.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

If You Don’t Dream Big You Might As Well Not Dream At All

June 5, 2012 jcladyluv

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.”

~Lawrence J. Peter

I was reading a blog post by one of the bloggers I subscribe to today (Chersti Nieveen) about daring to dream. She spoke about a conversation she had with one of her critique friends about allowing yourself to believe whatever you want for five minutes, and then accept the reality of the situation. Basically allow yourself to dream big, as big as you wish, for five minutes, and then focus on what your reality is.

At first I was a little confused because it seemed like if you thought about everything you wanted for yourself and then you jolted yourself back to a reality that makes those dreams seem impossible then it would feel like a big let down. However, after thinking about her post for a while I think I realized what it was that she was trying to advise to her readers.

If you allow yourself to imagine all that you dream to have for your life, all the things that people will tell you are just not possible, and then tune back into the reality of where things stand, it can give you some focus on what needs to be done to make those visions you had for those five minutes become a reality.

When I took five minutes to think about what I dream of (to be honest I probably would need a little more than five minutes) it included many things but the main things are to sustain a living solely from my writing, to publish more novels, to have my articles start to appear in national magazines and newspapers, and to start my online magazine (Write 2 Be Magazine). Allowing myself to dream of the those things as if they were already in existence gave me a clearer focus on how to better go about attaining those things.

Sometimes I forget that it is okay to let myself think about the big bold dreams that I have for myself. The one’s that for so long seem so impossible to ever reach. It’s not crazy to think that you could actually make those dreams come true. It’s not that far fetched is it? After all, how can you ever really go after what it is you want without really admitting to yourself all of what it is that you want. Knowing where you want to end up only enables you to focus on the path you need to take to get there.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Smiling Through the Not Knowing of It All

June 4, 2012 jcladyluv

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.”

~Author Unknown

You ever have those days where you sit and think about all of the things that are just not going the way that you expected them to. Where you are not where you thought you would be and you’re tired of trying so damn hard because it all seems like it just might be for nothing.

Today wasn’t a bad day for me necessarily but I had a conversation with someone who was talking about how much they doubted themselves at what they’re purpose was at one point in time and how they finally decided to move out of their own way and get hustling even if no one else believed in them.

It’s the way I used to be and the way I would love to be again but I just had that slight feeling of ‘what’s the point’ after having that conversation. I believe in me but to this very minute I still feel like I’m the only one that seems to believe that I am good enough at what I do to ever make a decent living at it. Ordinarily there is nothing wrong with being the only one who believes that you’re good at what you do, for a while that is.

The only thing is that with being a writer, there has to be someone else that believes you’re good enough eventually if you ever want to make a living at it. I don’t just mean the one person here and the one person there that comes around so sporadically that you can’t really call that a decent living, I mean the steady stream of people that are willing to take a chance on the belief that you have in yourself.

Well when I have one of those days, where I just want to throw in the towel on it all and simply give up I try to listen to music that motivates me and gets me back in the right frame of mind again. One of the best songs for me to listen to when I feel like giving up is Kirk Franklin’s ‘Smile’ because the lyrics of the course are just what I need to hear.

I Smile. Even though I hurt see I smile

I know God is working so I smile

Even though I’ve been here for a while, I smile.

Smile. It’s so hard to look up when you’ve been down.

Sure would hate to see you give up now.

You look so much better when you smile, so smile.

How can you not smile after hearing such lyrics? How can you want to give up after hearing those lyrics? How could you not feel motivated to do what God put in motion for you to be doing? After hearing that song everything seems to be put back in focus again. My purpose seems to be back front and center, where it should have always been.

The fact is that I would not just be letting myself down if I was to toss my dreams aside, but more importantly I would be letting God down as well. I just have to remember that just because I am down right now, just because I am not where I want to be right now, doesn’t mean that God isn’t still working on me and my life. I guess I keep forgetting that I am not the only one who believes in me and my gifts, because God believed in me first.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Who’s Still Afraid of Rejection? Oh Yeah, That Would Be Me

June 1, 2012 jcladyluv

“Believe in yourself and in your own voice, because there will be times in this business when you will be the only one who does. Take heart from the knowledge that an author with a strong voice will often have trouble at the start of his or her career because strong, distinctive voices sometimes make editors nervous. But in the end, only the strong survive.”

~Jayne Ann Krentz

Yes, I said it. As much as I try to convince others not to be afraid to go after what they want for their dreams and to not always be afraid that someone is going to say no, I have not yet been able to take my own advice. But isn’t that how it always goes? You tell someone to go for it, don’t be afraid, go big or go home, and all of those other motivating and encouraging things you say to your friends, that you whole heartedly mean when you’re saying them, yet somehow you still can’t apply that rule of thumb to you and your life’s dreams.

I can’t seem to move out of my own damn way. I keep putting it on my to do lists that I have to get these query letters to these national magazines that I’ve been dying to see my writing in, or the query letters to this list of agents that I want to possibly represent me, and yet when I go to type up the letters, or even just a simple letter of introduction, I get so caught up in trying to make them perfect. I’ll get the letters done but then when I go over them it just doesn’t scream perfection and I get worried about a rejection that hasn’t happened, and one that can’t if I don’t ever send the damn letters anywhere.

I can’t figure out why I always do this to myself. I know I’m not perfect and while you hear people always talking about pitching the perfect pitch and not sending imperfect query letters out, I know that all of them couldn’t have gotten it right all the time. Their letters couldn’t have always got them a guaranteed acceptance from the publication or agent of their choice. So why is it that I can’t get the notion of perfection out of my head?

It’s seriously holding me back and the truth of the matter is that the most imperfect query letter is the one that never gets seen by anyone. Next week I am going to make it my mission to get up the courage with being okay that I’m not perfect and that my letters most likely won’t be perfect, but at least they will be sent out, and at least, if they do get rejected by everyone I send them to, they were still seen.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

Approval Ratings

May 31, 2012May 31, 2012 jcladyluv

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

~Judy Garland

Today I got this feeling around me like I was being talked about. I almost felt like I was back in high school again, when people would talk about me and my insecurity level would rise. But then I realized something strange, well at least strange in comparison to how it was in high school. I just didn’t care.

I mean of course it feels horrible to have anyone talking about you in a negative way, especially when you did nothing to warrant that type of behavior. But oddly enough, my insecurity level didn’t creep in, and I didn’t feel defensive and I didn’t feel the need to say something to somehow defend myself. I just simply didn’t care. I almost felt honored to be on someone else’s mind so much, in any capacity, that they felt the need to converse about me.

For as long as I could remember, I have always been that person that has sought the approval of others. Mostly I wanted my mother’s approval (which I realize I am never going to get), but because I couldn’t have her approval, I desperately needed others to approve of me. It was when I was listening to a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes that I realized that I must have somehow, within my journey in this life, gotten to the point where I didn’t need the approval of anyone else. I don’t know how I missed it because that’s a pretty important moment.

He said that “the losing of those who don’t stand by you is the discovery of you” and that “people who don’t know who they are, are always needing validation to feel secure, but when you know who you are, you are safer within yourself, you don’t need everybody in your space to make you feel good about who you are.”

In many ways it feels very freeing when you just stop caring so much about what others think of you and what they have to say about you. My best friend Ms. L. once told me that if people are talking about you then that means you must be doing something right because it’s nothing but the devil trying to put more walls up to keep you from moving forward. I sure wish she was around when I was in high school because I sure could’ve used that bit of knowledge then.

I suppose the devil has been putting walls up in my path for a very long time then, and I have just been foolishly letting him. Now that I am in a place where I don’t need anyone else’s praise or approval I feel more secure within myself and with who I am. I am in no way perfect and I am probably going to make many more mistakes but I am happy with who I am. Even if no one else agrees with my path, it is the path that I have chosen and I am quite happy with it.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

The Life You Breathe Into the Words That You Speak

May 30, 2012 jcladyluv

“As it is written, “I have made you the father of many nations”—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist.”

~Romans 4:17

Words have a lot of power. Not just the words that we write down, but also the words that we speak. Not just to other people but the words that we tell ourselves. I was watching an interview between Dr. Wayne Dyer and Oprah Winfrey on her Super Soul Sunday show the other morning and he was speaking about the Art of manifestation and placing into our imagination who it is that we are and not stressing who it is that we are not.

That really hit me when he said that. No really, I was actually still asleep when the interview was on and I could hear the T.V. in my state of being still half sleep and half awake, but when I heard him say that it woke me up. I quickly sat up in my bed as I heard him talk about how people who constantly say I am depressed, I am sick, I am sad, I am broke, I am not good enough, are inadvertently breathing life into those words and those feelings. I thought to myself, I am one of those people.

Not because I ever wanted to be. Just because I think I spend way too much time professing the circumstances that I am stuck in instead of approaching it in the manner of claiming the end result. Something so simple as taking the phrase ‘I am broke’ out of your vocabulary, and claiming the prosperity that lies ahead of you and that is within your reach could change the journey for any one of us. Instead of reminding ourselves of what it is that we don’t have, or the not so positive feelings that we might be feeling, we have to lay claim to what it is that we want to be true.

It’s not that you should pretend that you are not depressed, rather that you can choose another thought to have. You can make the choice not to put into your imagination something that you don’t want to materialize. If I am feeling like I am just (as I felt all last week) not very much in the writing mood, and I breathe those words into life, then of course no writing is going to get done.

I am going to work very hard to start practicing those words of wisdom from Mr. Wayne Dyer in regards to manifesting what I want in my life by speaking it and making it so. I have to keep in mind that when God said that all things are possible through him, he didn’t mean some things and not others. He meant exactly what he said, ALL. I want to breathe life into much more positive ways of seeing things.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

The Trouble with (My) Time Management

May 29, 2012 jcladyluv

I have missed my blog in the last week that I have been absent from it and it was not my intention to not post anything for that length of time but I know that my problem is my many issues with managing my time. As I told you guys before I recently started my Masters program in Psychology so I have been trying to adjust my time to fit my school work in which makes it harder to find the time to write the way I want.

However, that is not a good enough reason for the lack of writing on my part lately because this is my dream and my passion and I know that if I want it bad enough (and I do) then I need to put in the work and the time to get it done without all of the excuses.

In a previous post I said that a writer must show up everyday, even when they do not necessarily feel the inspiration to write. Especially those writers that consider writing their business and career as well as their passion. I had intended to practice that but you know what they say about good intentions.

And just as I start to feel so guilty about not writing as consistently as I had planned to and I start using even my lack of writing as an excuse of why I feel too depressed to write, I start to think that I can’t be the only writer who has time management issues when it comes to trying to fit the whole world into the small window of 24 hours.

Well if any of my fellow writers out there have figured out the secret to managing their time and maintaining a decent level of productivity please clue me in on it because I am seriously losing the battle of managing my time over here.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmetta-Carpenter/1069480310

http://www.passionatewriterpublishing.com/thediary.htm

When Life Gives You Teachable Moments…

May 15, 2012 jcladyluv

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”

~Author Unknown

In being a mother there are always those moments where you just sit back and let your child learn their hard lessons on their own, usually the hard way. However, there are other times when you see your child going through some of the same things that you may have went through when you were around their age, and you want to just stop them and advise them with your experience as their guide. The lessons don’t always sink in, but you still want to take that moment and make it a teachable one.

While it may not make sense to them at that moment, much like you did when you got older, they will see the value in that lesson when they least expect it. Every now and then, you will even teach yourself those same lessons all over again while trying to impart wisdom on them.

Recently I have been trying to help my daughter deal with the issue of being teased and picked on and bullied at school by her classmates. It’s been painful to see her go from loving to go to school and learn new things to hating the fact that she has to go because of those very kids in her class. I try my best to help her try and find ways to deal with the situation but so far, nothing has really stuck.

I even try to use my experience of having gone through the exact same things when I was in elementary school and having to learn the ways to deal with it the hard way and it seems to help her for about a week (if that) but then she started acting out in class (which is completely unlike her) in response to her classmates bothering her. When she tries to blame whatever they did to antagonize her for the reason why she chose to act out in class, I make sure to let her know that no one else is responsible for her actions but her.

I remind her that she is supposed to know what’s right and wrong and that no matter what someone else does to her, she knows the appropriate ways to respond and that acting out is not one of them. She cries that she doesn’t understand why they are mean to her and because I don’t know why, I just tell her that she can’t control how people feel or what they do, but she can control how she reacts to them.

I reminded her of how much she loves school, and loves to learn new things and that she shouldn’t allow the children in her class to have that much power over her. As I was telling her this I began to remind myself of the very same thing with certain negative people in my life.

I spent a lot of time in my youth worried about what everyone was going to say about me. I worried whether people were going to like me and I went out of my way doing things (not extremely terrible things) that were out of character for me because I wanted certain people to like me. It worked a lot of the times but then I never really knew if it was me who they liked or just the person I was pretending to be for them.

Even though I don’t bother pretending for anyone anymore, there are certain people, one in particular, that I still find myself wanting their approval. But having to try and teach my daughter to not allow other people to dictate what she does or who she is, I realize that that lesson is not just for her, it’s one that I am still not finished learning.

A person’s negativity only has power over you if you allow it to and you should never, no matter who that person is, allow someone to have that much control over what you do or how you feel. No matter if that person is the closest of friends or even a family member you can not allow that person’s actions or words dictate yours.

We are all responsible for our own actions and choices, and yes, our inaction as well. If we allow someone’s hurtful words or behavior to keep us down and keep us from doing something that we know in our heart is right then we can not place the blame on them. No one can have that kind of power over you unless you give them that power.

What we do or don’t do; the dreams we carry out or don’t carry out; are our own responsibilities and no one else’s. It may be wrong for someone to purposely try and tear us down but we are the only ones that can allow them to succeed.

Jimmetta Carpenter

Writer/Editor

The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)

Writing as “Jaycee Durant”