Tag: Faith

Struggling to Find the Light

February 26, 2025 jcladyluv

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.” ~ Denzel Washington

I’ve been feeling quite restless and uncertain lately. Okay, let’s be real, for nearly the last two years, since I lost my home, I’ve been living in a state of limbo and survival mode. It is not a good, or mentally healthy place to be. I’ve also been feeling homesick which I thought was crazy because typically you feel homesick when you’re away from your home and just want to get back to it (as in physically go home) so I’m of the mindset that since I no longer have a physical home of my own, how can I be homesick. When I read my devotional today it ironically talked about home and what that feeling of home truly is. It said that Home is where we discover security and where we belong; home is where we find ourselves and feel love; home defines who we are. That’s what the home I lost was for me. It was where I grew up essentially (I’m not talking about childhood home obviously because that was a nightmare).

I was about 20 years old when I moved into that place with my then boyfriend who I realized the hard way, was not good for me. I was in that home when I realized that I had to teach myself how to love me with all of my imperfections and quirks. I was in that home when I had my daughter and started my own little family of just the two of us and decided I would be the mother to her that I wished I would have had. I was in that home when I, for the first time ever in my life, felt safe and secure and yes, at peace. Then in an instant it was all gone. That safety and security, that growth, that love that I had found in myself, that belief and confidence that I had found within me. Like the snap of a finger, just like that, it was gone.

I have been feeling really homesick lately because now I am not in a place where I feel secure and safe. I am not in a place where I feel loved. I am not in a place where I feel free to be myself. I am not in a place where I feel at peace and it’s frustrating. I don’t like living in survival mode, and I don’t like that my mental health is in constant jeopardy because of having to live in said survival mode. I’m trying to stay positive that things are going to turn out good in the end. I am a spiritual person so I am trying to have faith and believe that whatever storm God takes me through He will pull me through to the other side and won’t leave me.

However, I am struggling to hold onto that positive outlook. I am struggling to believe that all of this can somehow be for my betterment. That said, even though I am struggling to hold on to that faith and that positivity, I am still in fact holding on (for dear life mind you). I think it’s just in my nature to believe that there is a reason for everything.

I heard an interview Tyler Perry did the other day where he was talking about how all things work together for our good and it’s all there to teach us something, so he doesn’t see his failures as that. He sees them as a tool to teach him the lessons he needs to learn for the next venture. He also said something else that I thought was interesting. He doesn’t view closed doors in the way that most people (including myself) view them. He sees a closed door as a wall of a maze and when that wall goes up, blocking us from something that we want (or thought we wanted), it’s just a guidepost to redirect the course we are on so that we follow the new path and keep going. I found that interesting. There are no closed doors, we’re just in a maze and when an obstacle is thrown at us, we just have to redirect and find a new way to get to where it is we’re going.

I like that idea so much better than the image of door slamming in my face so I’m going to use that metaphor. From now on when I start to feel like that light at the end of the tunnel is becoming a lot dimmer and I’m not seeing a way out, I’ll just think of it as a maze. I’m not losing the light. The light is just shifting and changing where it wants me to find it. Yeah, I like that way of looking at it much better.

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeConsistent #BeSteadfast

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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The Reality I’m Left With

November 25, 2024 jcladyluv

I’d like to think I’m someone who goes after all of my dreams, but the reality is that I’m not. I’ve had so many dreams that I never even tried to attain, all because I let the words of a woman who was supposed to be my biggest supporter in life halt me in my tracks. Growing up my mother used to tell me all of the things I would never be able to accomplish and somewhere along the way I started to believe her and it then became my own belief.

I can’t blame her completely because at a certain age one would think that I would have been able to tune her out, but I never did. Her words always lingered in the back of my mind and with every no, and every rejection that came my way, I started to think she must be right. That the dreams I had were pointless all along. I mean, you tend to think the people who are supposed to always believe in you and your abilities and tell you to shoot for the moon are your parents right? So, what they say must be true, right? I know I always make sure to tell my daughter that there isn’t anything she can’t do if she puts her mind to it. Because you aren’t supposed to run around crushing your child’s dreams. The world is already going to try and do that anyway.

The reality is I did not have that kind of parent who fostered and nurtured my creativity, and I don’t really know why that is. Only she can answer why she purposely tried to tear me down instead of build me up. I realize now, perhaps far too late for it to make a difference, that you should never let someone else’s opinions of you and what you can do alter what you know and believe for yourself. Even if it’s family. I could be so much more than I am right now if I had only let my own belief in me overshadow my mother’s disbelief in me.

The reality is that I am where I am in life because I lost faith, in myself and in the purpose that I believe God has for me in this world. Too many times I let what someone else said or thought I couldn’t do take away my power to even try. I am a big believer in the fact that once you have made yourself aware of where you need to improve things, that awareness will then provide you with the strength you need to take actions that will make things better. As much as I don’t like change, I know that one change I must make is to stop letting the hurtful words of others, family or not, linger in the back of my mind and dictate what I believe about myself.

I know me. I know who God created and what He created me for. I know that He did not bring me through everything that I have been through to just give up and because I know that there are people far older than I am who have pursued dreams that others also thought to be impossible, I know that what I want is not out of the realm of possibility. It doesn’t matter that one person tried their hardest to break me and break my spirit. I may bend but I will not break. I didn’t come this far to give up now.

For anyone who has let other people’s harmful words affect the way you feel about the visions you have for your life, it’s not too late to change that. Don’t give anyone else power over what you know your purpose is. They say that hurt people, hurt people, so maybe that is the excuse for those who have tried to diminish other’s ambitions, but you don’t have to let them succeed in their goal by believing a single thing they have to say. Misery loves company but you don’t have to be the company that misery is seeking to keep.

Until next time… #BeFearless #BeMindful #BeResilient

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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This Too Shall Pass…Or At Least That’s What I’m Told

June 3, 2024 jcladyluv

I was listening to a podcast earlier this morning and it was talking about adversities and about getting to that place in which, even in an anxious state, you can say okay, I’m here and it’s okay because this will not last. This place of endless obstacles and feeling like I’m being tested will not be a constant. This is only for right now and it is arguably preparing you for something far greater than you could have ever imagined. Notably, it won’t feel that way while you’re in that state but as the saying goes, this too shall pass.

What I struggle with is what to do while I am in the midst of those obstacles. What do I do with those feelings of hopelessness and despair. How do I get to that place where I can see the good of all that I’m going through and the inevitable betterment that it will provide me. The logical side of me knows that this is all happening to teach me something and to grow me into a better, stronger, more resilient person. But as I’ve said here before, I’m not always logical in my thinking. Particularly when I’m in a state of depression, I don’t think in the most rational terms, and everything seems like it’s going to get worse without ever getting better. I try to stay positive but some days it’s harder than others to see the purpose in all of this.

That being said, I am a person of faith, even in the instances where my faith starts to slide a little because I find myself wishing I could ask God why He thinks I’m strong enough to go through all of this. Even then, I still know that there is a reason that I am here, a reason for everything that I’ve been through. Maybe it’s to prepare me for greater things but maybe it’s just so I can be there for someone else getting ready to go through their own obstacle course in life so they can know they’re not alone and that they can get through it just like I will.

That’s the interesting thing that I’m realizing about adversity. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you necessarily, as much as it has to do with those you are meant to guide through their own dark tunnel. Now I don’t know if I’m the right guide for anyone honestly but if that’s the purpose God has for me, I will gladly take on that role. Now do I wish I had a little less adversity of my own to deal with? Sure. But do I think that whatever God is up there planning is far better than any plans that I have of my own? Absolutely! I guess I’ll just have to wait for this storm to pass to see clearly what God has in store once I make it through. For now, I’ll just keep pushing forward and walking towards the light at the end of this very long, winding, dark tunnel. If you’re going through your own dark tunnel, just know that you aren’t alone in your struggle.

Until next time… #BeDiligent #BeBrave #BeDetermined

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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The Training Ground That is Adversity

May 13, 2024 jcladyluv

If adversity is a training ground for eventual success, then I have been in intense preparation for years and once I reach whatever success actually is I am going to be the most prepared a person could ever be. At least that is how it feels when it seems like there is an obstacle or stumbling block around every corner. I’m coming up on a year since the bottom was essentially ripped out from underneath my life and I lost my home and more than 20 years’ worth of memories. To say that I am not looking forward to May 19^th would be an understatement. I’ve had a lot of times in my life where I have felt like a failure but never more than that day when I literally lost everything. Or at least it felt as if I lost everything.

However, looking back, I see clearly that I didn’t lose everything, at least not the things that truly count anyway. I lost material possessions sure, but the things that I have always held within, strength, tenacity, courage, passion for my writing (which okay, it slowed a lot because, you know, trauma), and my faith; those things never went anywhere. While sure some days my faith has definitely been tested, and I’ve had days where I look to God and ask why He thinks I can handle this level of adversity because I don’t believe I’m THAT strong, it is mostly still intact.

I know that everything you go through in life is supposed to teach you something and we should never be at a point where we stop learning. If I had to guess what this period in my life was meant to teach me (which one could argue I’m still resisting the lesson lol), it would be that change is inevitable and that you can’t fight against it because it is ultimately for your betterment. If you have been following along with my journey and this blog for years then you know, I HATE CHANGE. I’m a very routine person and I am very averse to things around me changing, even if I know the change is good. I like to know what to expect, and I like things to be the way I believe they will work best for me. No variation, no room for even a slight difference in what I’ve grown accustomed to. The problem is (and logically I’m aware of this) that life doesn’t work best when things stay the same all the time.

Not to say routine isn’t good but you should allow for changes because change can be good too. Instinctively I know this. Some of the best things I’ve had happen in my life have been due to drastic changes and yet still, I don’t like for things to change. I’ve heard people often say that when you’re not making the changes that God wants you to make so that you can fulfill the purpose, he has for you then He will find a way (or the Universe will) to make you have to move in the direction you need to go. I’m starting to feel like what happened to me last year was a way to make the changes in my life happen whether I wanted them to or not.

There are specific things that have already shifted, most likely for the better, that I had been resistant to changing until the situation that happened changed things for me. Would certain realizations have happened if this situation hadn’t forced things to change? Probably not. Simple changes that needed to be made, that I had been refusing to make on my own (I won’t get into all of it because the list is long lol), some beliefs that I had been holding onto about myself that simply weren’t true. I kept resisting certain changes that were necessary and the Universe found the most dramatic way to tell me that you may not like change but you’re going to have no choice now. I feel like the Universe was a little overly dramatic here, but the message has been received.

I am trying to grow more, in many ways. I am trying to not see change as the enemy and adapt to it more. Mostly because now I simply have no choice as there are changes happening all the time now that I can’t avoid. I am trying to understand that while having a routine is certainly not a bad thing, neither is changing things on a whim. I am trying to see the good things that change can bring and embrace them instead of ward them off and rebelling against them.

I was reminded yesterday of a quote from a young lady who auditioned for America’s Got Talent. Her name was Jane, but she went by the name Nightbirde and she was there going for her dreams even though she was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer that only gave her a 2% chance to live. She said that you can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy. These words brought me to tears the first time I heard her say them and even more so yesterday when I was reminded of them.

Times are hard right now for me. Even though I am in what some people will see as a more stable situation because I’m not still in a hotel room waiting for a knock at the door. Things are still hard right now and there are some days where better just seems so far off. But I don’t want to wait for that far off better day in order to find things that make me happy. I can’t wait for a better that may be further away than I care to admit because that’s a long time to not be happy. So, I’m taking in stride this training ground that is my adversity and I’m just going to find some small thing that makes me happy each day to get through each battle as they come. I want you to know that while the battles may keep coming your way, the choice in how you face them is yours. Choose to be happy now, especially when life is hard. Just remember, hard times don’t last always. Remember to take care of yourselves.

Until Next Time… #BeDiligent #BeMindful #BeCourageous

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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Here’s to the Month of Planning and the Next Chapter

December 1, 2023 jcladyluv

I can’t believe it’s December already! November was a very hard month, and with the year I’ve had, that’s saying something. Along with the current situation I’ve been in now since the end of May and the fact that it doesn’t seem like it will be getting better before the year is out, I have had to recover from an emergency surgery I certainly didn’t expect to need. I suppose what the circumstances around my surgery taught me was that whatever is meant to happen will happen regardless and sometimes it could be for the better in the end.

Now I don’t mean that having to have emergency surgery is ever a good thing. Of course not. But I was going to just ignore the abdominal pain that I was in. I was going to tough it out and keep pushing forward to try and deal with the life that was crumbling in around me the best I can despite that pain that had decided to pop up out of nowhere. If it weren’t for my daughter insisting that I go to the hospital I would have kept pushing and who knows what would have happened. The doctor certainly seemed to be convinced that had I waited even one more day there could have been dire consequences, and apparently, I had had a hernia for quite some time and just never knew it. The problem was there, just lying dormant, and only just then came to the surface.

I’ve never been very good at taking things easy and sitting down and just resting. I mean even on days that I designate as self-care days I still find myself planning things out that are writing (thus work) related and just doing things to keep busy despite the resting I’m supposed to be doing. The surgery (and perhaps in some way, the Universe) made me have to rest and have to simply be still. It drove me crazy to not be able to do the things that I was used to doing. To not be able to do things for myself and have to rely on other people (mainly my daughter) for help with basic things was frustrating to say the least. The first few weeks I couldn’t even drive which, if you know anything about me, is my peace and my escape when things feel crazy.

I can honestly look back now and say it was probably what I needed. To just have to sit, to rest, to think through things without multi-tasking, to not always be busy with something. To really, truly, just be STILL. I’ve heard that sometimes when you’re not listening to your body and what it’s telling you that the universe will find a way to make you listen. I can confirm, this is true. And guess what. While I was being still, well things didn’t necessarily get any better, situation wise, but they didn’t get any worse either.

Having said all of that, December is typically a planning month for me. It’s where I usually get excited about planning the coming year. It’s when I let my optimism take over and get really hopeful for the good things I think are to come. While my situation this past year has put a slight damper on that optimism, I am still who I am. Meaning I’m still going to make plans and I’m still going to strive for a better year to come.

I can’t say I’m filled with as much hope as I normally would be during this time of year, but I do have a lot of Faith that fills in where hope leaves off and I’m going to run with that Faith. I have Faith that since God hasn’t left my side yet, He’s definitely not going to leave me now. I have Faith that all that I lost this past year will be replaced and replenished with better and more abundant things than I could have even imagined for myself.

A childhood friend of mine told me that when I come out on the other side of this, I’m going to have one hell of a testimony and perhaps that is the reason for all of this happening. I have Faith that my story is only going to get better from here. That it will somehow be an inspiration for others to know that no matter what storms you go through in life, there will be a rainbow on the other side of that storm. This is just another chapter and I’m going to look forward to seeing what the next chapter holds for me. Here’s to next year, and the next chapter, being amazing for us all!

Until next time… #BeOptimistic #BeHopeful #BeMindful

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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When Your Pride Gets Too Heavy to Carry

August 14, 2023 jcladyluv

Pride is a funny thing. They tell you to take pride in yourself for so many things but then when you do have pride people tell you the opposite. They say don’t be so prideful that you end up worse off than if you had just swallowed your pride to begin with. If there is anything that this situation I have been going through since the end of May has taught me is that pride really does have to go out the window sometimes because, what’s that other saying I love so much? Oh yeah, closed mouths don’t get fed.

I mean there is truth to that. No one knows you’re struggling or in need if you don’t say anything. Even in the midst of your struggle, people can be misled to think that things are improving and that you may not need as much help anymore if you stay quiet because you’re too scared or worse, too proud to say you still need the help. I have had to ask people for help that I swore I would never ask, because I didn’t want them to know how bad things were and I didn’t want them to think less of me because I needed the help in the first place.

It may sound silly, but I think that’s the hardest thing about all of this for me. I have to swallow my pride and break down and ask for help and it kills me. It makes me feel inferior and less than. It makes me feel worthless and like I’m useless to everyone around me, especially my daughter. Sure, the logical part of me knows that nothing could be further from the truth, but this is a very emotional time for me right now and logic doesn’t always win out. Needless to say, last week was extremely tough for me and I smiled and tried to act like I was okay because I guess I just wanted to pretend that I actually was okay.

But I am not okay. I miss having a home. I miss having my own space. I miss being able to cook my own meals. I miss my desk, even the crappy bed I had that was falling apart. I miss having a place to call home. I miss the peace that I had within my home. I miss my library of books that I probably will never get back because I am getting ready to lose everything that I was able to salvage and put in storage because I can’t keep the storage unit up AND still keep the room my daughter and I have been staying in. I miss the routine that both my daughter and I had, in our own respective spaces in the home that I had for nearly 23 years. I miss the security that having a place of your own provides. I just miss what was.

I’m trying to stay hopeful that I can not only get it all back somehow but gain back more than what I lost but it’s getting harder to hold onto that hope. This is the place that I come to get everything I’m feeling out because holding onto things is how we can make the problems worse. I hope I can get back to a place where I am okay again but today is not that day. Thank you for letting me express myself.

Until next time… #BeMindful #BePatient #BeinFaith

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Jimmetta Carpenter

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Never Be Afraid to Take Up Space

July 17, 2023 jcladyluv

I started thinking last night about how tired I have been feeling. Not just in the physical sense of the word but also mentally and emotionally. I mean in terms of how long I’ve been fighting to make all the things in my life, all the dreams I’ve had for my life, all of the passion I feel towards writing happen and still nothing. Now I’m not saying I haven’t accomplished anything and I certainly never had any expectations of being some overnight success but I will say that I had expected to meet some sustainable level of contentment by the time I was in my 40’s. My level of success doesn’t necessarily equate to fame and fortune (not that those two things wouldn’t also be nice), just simply being able to keep myself afloat and perhaps be able to be in a position to help others. Neither of which have happened clearly as I am currently living out of a hotel room, and even that is in jeopardy from day to day. Some days I just want to give up the fight.

On those days that I just want to throw in the towel and give up I always seem to come across something that motivates me to keep on going. Be it a verse in the bible or an inspirational talk from someone I admire, or sometimes both, something always sparks that drive to just keep hanging in there and go forward, don’t look back. I watched a short speech from actress Sheryl Lee Ralph last night (here’s the link in case you wish to be inspired as well) and she talked about all of the no’s she’s heard in her career and the power that believing in yourself holds. She pondered on what would have happened if she had stopped and given up with every no she heard or every door that closed in her face. She certainly wouldn’t have been in the position to have won her first ever Emmy in her 60’s and become the second African American woman to become an EGOT (Whoopi Goldberg being the first).

She talked about how powerful just the simple act of believing in herself truly was. She had made a promise a long time ago in her career, after hearing a very loud and absurd no from a producer, to always give herself permission to take up space in whatever room she entered, whatever creative field she wanted to dip her toe in. She would not give up on herself no matter what. The truth is if you don’t believe in you then why would anyone else. It’s not that I have never believed in myself. Quite frankly most of the time I think that I am the only person that believes in me but there are days where even that is in question, and I start to wonder do I belong in this field. Are the decks stacked against me for a reason? The doors keep closing, so maybe I just should stop knocking.

Then I start to shift and think maybe the real problem is that I haven’t given myself permission to take up the space that I need to take up. I’ve been trying to fit in whatever space someone would allow me to be in and is that what truly believing in yourself looks like? Maybe I shouldn’t be knocking on the doors, but rather knocking them down (metaphorically of course lol) instead? Maybe my problem to begin with was aiming to just be content instead of seeking the abundant life that God has told me I’m entitled to (John 10:10). Rather than setting the bar too high perhaps I haven’t been setting the bar high enough. There’s no such thing as believing in yourself too much or having too much faith. After all, faith can make broken wings fly and soar, and enable you to take up all of the space in the world that you need. I’m ready to take up some space, are you?

Until next time… #BeConfident #BeBold #BeFearless

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

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From the Ashes One Must Rise

July 10, 2023 jcladyluv

I find it a humorous kind of irony that being someone who is extremely resistant to change, I find myself in a current state of constant change. As someone who strives to create sustainable hard core routines (didn’t say I succeeded at doing this lol), I now find myself in a state of survival mode daily. While there is a sense of sameness developing, it is still not a guarantee that things will actually play out the way that I plan them to on any given day.

Someone said to me that I will be like the phoenix and rise from the ashes, to which I initially felt uncertain of their assured certainty. Then I saw the image above saying that essentially, only from the ashes of who we once were can we rise up to truly become who we were meant to be. Pretty poetic right? I thought so. I don’t know how much of a Phoenix I would be, but I like the thought of meeting the challenges I face head on and not crumbling into the pile of ash my life has seemingly become.

A phoenix symbolizes strength, transformation, and renewal and I definitely think that I have discovered my true strength going through this ordeal. I also think that it could be a good opportunity to transform, not just my mindset, but perhaps even my surroundings, as I am no longer tethered to any one set place. Now the renewal part is the aspect that I haven’t gotten to yet but I look forward to that day when I can feel renewed and settled again.

It’s true that we can’t always pick the battles that we face but we can choose how we recover from them. We will be worn and battered, possibly even bruised and broken, but if w crumble into the pile of ash, then what does any of it mean. We fight battles to become victorious and there is no victory in not getting back up, in not rising. Sure, we will struggle to stand back up again, and yeah, we will likely have scars to show for it, but what’s the alternative. So whenever you feel the urge to lay down and quit, think about the phoenix that you are, deep down on the inside, and rise! You are becoming exactly who you were meant to be.

Until next time… #BeEmpowered #BeStrong #BeVictorious

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

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The Struggle Has Never Been More Real

June 26, 2023 jcladyluv

Excuse me while I get a little real for a moment. It’s been a rough month to say the least. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t struggling, not just financially, or physically, but mentally. As I feel the depression setting in I try to deny it’s presence but it’s pretty hard to hide what everyone else can see so clearly. Last week I said in one of my videos that I felt like I was in a tunnel and I just couldn’t see the light at the end of it right now. That was the moment I stopped denying that I was, in fact, depressed.

Logically I know that with everything I have gone through in the last month I have every right to be depressed but the irrational part of me is just like, no depression this is not the time for you to appear. I have too much to fix and to straighten out to get depressed right now. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in this position before and I never thought I would be. I feel like such a failure and like I’ve let anyone who has ever seen potential in me down, at the top of that list is myself and my daughter.

I wanted to post something happy and optimistic today and I know there’s still some positivity deep down inside me but right now I just need to get this out and essentially scream into the void, so to speak, how I’m really feeling. The positive me will return by my next post, I’m sure, but real life is full of ups and downs and I always promised to be my most authentic self in the spaces that I hold so this is me, telling you all, how I’m really doing right now. I am not okay.

Until next time… #BeVulnerable #BeBrave #BeMindful

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Jimmetta Carpenter

CEO/Writer/Editor

Write 2 Be Media/Write 2 Be Magazine